How to help young DD cope with a "loud" coach?

[Coacharella]

When a parent comes on the floor, coaches go into defensive mode. And....that woud not be conducive to a positive conversation. I'd just pull my child if I felt that strongly, and send a polite email explaining why.... or a phone call. No need to get nasty in the viewing room and tell all the parents...I mean if the issue is intimidation by the coach here, it sounds as if you'd be fighting against intimidation by intimidating. No reason for that.

To the OP, I strongly encourage you to check out the other gyms and just let this old gym go, quietly, and calmly. After all, we're trying to be positive role models for the kids

 

[Mack_the_Ripper]

Just to answer your rope-climb question, spotting on rope would be pretty abnormal. I don't even know how you would do it...just stand at the bottom in case the girl falls? This would be a big waste of a coach's time since rope climbs (especially if they're doing more than one) are time-consuming, and I've never seen anyone, 6 years old or 16 years old, fall from the rope. I suspect it was a freak accident.

I, too, thought this was going to be about a coach who speaks loudly. I had an ice skating coach who was reaaally loud, so you always felt like she was shouting at you, even when she was just giving you advice. That's just how she was...but your situation is completely different. Good luck!

 

[Gymnasticgrandkids]

Glad you are trying out different gyms...this gym does not deserve your money or your gymnast (especially if she is not disrupting anything and trying to do what is being taught and it sounds like she is)...as far as worrying about being in Level 3...hey you can actually go from L2 to L4 so why not recreational class to L3 or L4 when she is actually ready...There is no excuse for a coach to "yell" at a child. If the child is not performing a skill correctly, maybe it's the coaches teaching ability, not the gymnast...and if it is a lazy gymnast, they only need to send the child out of class once or twice to control that, so again, there is NO reason to be yelling. I'm sure you will be telling us soon that your gymmie is at a new gym, happy and learning without the "putdowns"....

 

[Deleted member D3987]

i understand your sentiment gymjoy. but, 2 wrongs don't make a right. we still have to set good examples for the kids. things don't have to be crazy. someone has to take the high road if good examples are going to be displayed.

i agree with you that an appointment should me made and kept...or else i'm outta there...and i'm going to let them know that!

 

[mamaoftwo]

Sorry

Sorry for the confusion on the thread title - I was trying to be a bit more polite.

Thanks for the info on the ropes. It was a highly discussed topic by parents for a bit and it's nice to have an alternate perspective as we're all new to the team experience.

And the "loudness" is not necessarily the biggest issue. The issue is a lack of positive reinforcement - it is all negative, and THAT is what is loud. They never hear "nice try" or "good improvement", they hear what is wrong constantly. Now, I understand that corrections go along with the sport - it's just not happening in a way which I am comfortable with, particularly with such young girls that are relatively new to the sport. I mean, DD is very close to getting a beautiful BHC. She has it now, but bends her elbows as she reaches the top of the bar. Coach growled in frustration, scrunched her face and yelled at DD that she "just needs to get it, JUST STOP BENDING YOUR ARMS!" This seems more out of frustration than being an actual correction. I get it that she's passionate, but that seems a little over the top.

This is especially hurtful as it relates to my DD, as she beats herself up WITHOUT help from coach in that regard. She's a bit on the serious side when it comes to gym.

One gym took a look at her today, but they weren't sure where to put her. They don't want her in rec, but she isn't quite where their 3's are yet (they will compete in fall). I have to take her back next week to meet with a different coach to get her input. She saw what we see - what she can do is done very well... DD is a perfectionist - but some skills just plain haven't been introduced quite yet. She said "I just wanted to start showing your DD this stuff to she what she could do with it!!". Apparently there's some "other" team coach they want to check her out at the gym. My husband actually took her, so the info I am getting is second-hand from a male. So, not so detailed. Will call them tomorrow to set up that appointment.

DD's former rec coach just took a position at this particular gym (along with her DD) and she was actually there while DD was. It was helpful for the coaches there to get her coaching perspective on my DD, as well as some validation of where DD has been. It was also great to hear positive things about the gym, particularly in regard to my specific concerns - it's the reason this coach pulled her daughter and quit her own job! She'd been there over 10 years! Wow!

So, still waiting to know for sure where's she going, but I think she WILL be going somewhere! Even if it's to ballet class (mostly joking).
Thanks again. Your support here is absolutely amazing!

 

[gymmommy72]

Glad you are looking at other gyms. We went through the same type of thing in December. It wasn't that our dd coach couldn't coach, it was the way she went about it...yelling, negative comments, and nothing was good enough. Our dd had been there for 2 1/2 years and finally it was more than she wanted to handle anymore...after we looked into other gyms and made a switch, dd is LOVING it again and is really wanting to do her best...

Never second guess your move, just make sure you really look at the gyms before you start her in another gym. If she's a fast learner, she'll make it to pre-team or Lvl 3...just get her to loving it again...the rest will fall into place. Good luck and keep us informed on how dd is doing.

Oh, have you quit your other gym?? Be sure to be the "bigger" person, but be honest, the coach needs to know that her technique at coaching just wasn't a "good fit" for your dd...be polite but honest...no matter what she might be made but if you take the high road and all...you've set a good example.

Good luck

 

[lilgymmie7]

Well coming from a loud coach....I'm always loud. I just, coach that way. When I'm happy, when I'm sad, I'm just always a-yellin'. But I'm confident that my kids are okay with it up to now. I don't think I'm being intimidating. I'm just a loud coach. It's not MEAN yelling, it's helpful yelling. I tell them that though. I'm not bein' loud and yellin' for fun, I want you to listen to me, so you can get better at gymnastics!!! .. Yet they're young as well. I expect a lot from them though. You have to in competitive gymnastics...simple as that.

As for the coaches not wanting to talk to parents, my number one guess would be that "crazy" parents have ruined their expectations of all parents for generations to come. LOL, a bit of an exxageration but...somethin' like that. Some clubs even have rules where parents have to set up meetings if they want to talk to the coaches or the clubs make them pay to talk to the coaches.

Coacharella, it is very good to get a coaches perspective. As a parent, I can attest to "Loud" coaches not always being mean coaches. DD's new coach is also a bit loud. However, his loudness is always positive. He can be heard making jokes clear across the gym or calling a gymnast to him for whatever reason. He does get very serious with the girls however, but I have never seen him go the negative route. I don't stay to watch practice much, but DD has only positives to say about all of the coaches. She has actually stated that HC reminds her of her "Papa" , my father.
I got such a kick watching him joke around with DD and her teammate at the state meet. He sensed the girls were nervous and he 'played around' with them in order to ease the tension. It really worked!
Now as a teacher, I have to say that I may have had my share of crazy, and worked- up- for -nothing parents. HOWEVER, I always work in light of keeping that irrational circumstance as an isolated situation. I never assume that ALL parents will act this way. Some people may generalize certain situations. We need to comport ourselves as adults every time and especially when children are involved. We can not choose the 'high road' when a parent approaches us because in the end the child will be the one to lose the most. And might I add, I didn't get the sense that you were condoning such negative behavior.
OH, and PAY to meet with a coach??? Sorry, but that would most definitely be a red flag for me. Unless the coaches worked as volunteers, they do not need to be paid extra to meet with parents. I teach and simply get paid for the 6 hours that I am on the clock. On a nightly basis I spend an additional 3+ hrs grading papers, sending parents emails, and/or calling parents. I do not get paid extra for any of that. I work in the public school setting. DD attends an awesome gym with 300+ tuition/mo. I would/could not pay extra to meet with her coaches. That is absurd. That right there is sending the message that coaches' time is far more valuable than mine and my gymnast's time. How could that even be remotely correct/adequate? Crazy is more like it!

 

[gymdog]

I've never heard of having to pay to speak with someone. I find that fairly strange. I try to make myself available before and after classes and practices. If you listen often almost every complaint is something that can be solved by showing people you have a personal relationship with them and their child, and I find parents are much more likely to respect what I say when it comes to move up time when I always greet their children by name, walk the children to the parents at the end, and tell each child good job and something they did that day in front of the parents when they get ready to leave. There are always going to be some difficult people but I feel this works well in general in cutting down on people who feel you don't understand where their child needs to be. For team parents I greet them all and stick around 5 minutes at the end in case someone has a question. If it is longer I'll just tell them to email me.

 

[Coacharella]

Not all parents are like that, but at one gym in the area, it was getting so bad, that the coaches made the rule about having to set up a meeting if they wanted to talk to the coach, and they'd get charged per hour. Also what I didn't mention was they could talk a coach after class, and if they could not solve issue within 15 minutes, then they'd have to set up the meeting and pay for the meeting. LOL, they didn't have to pay just to talk to them for 2 minutes or a quick issue.. I suppose I should have said that off the bat. But after this policy was put in place, parents seemed to ...get better.

 

[Deleted member D3987]

makes perfect sense to me! ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^