In the clouds

[hill's_girl]

Hi all! Just joined and I couldn't be happier that I found this board!!

I have a question for you all; my DD just had her first compition and she did really well (took 1st in beam, bars and floor, 3rd for vault, and #1 all around) and she's been pretty excited about it, as she should be lol. My problem is that I know that she isn't going to do that well in every compition that she has and, because she's a really competitive kid, how do we lessen the blow when it happens? Is there something that we should be saying to her now to prepare her for losses in her life?

 

[bogwoppit]

Welcome to the Chalkbucket.

To try to help her see things from a different light you could focus on some goal making. Goals that are not affected by judges, scoring or medals and placements. These can be simple things like not falling off beam, sticking landings, smiling at the judges, being the best team mate etc. With goals like those she will learn to get some satisfaction from meets regardless of how well she does on paper.

It is important for kids to learn to be good losers, as well as winners. To learn to praise when others beat them, to learn to smile and cheer even when things are going wrong, to learn to be gracious when you win, congratulate the others that you find next to you on the podium.

Nothing is uglier than sore losers, and gloating winners is there?

 

[gymgal]

Remind her that all competitions are different. She may face more advanced girls or harder judges. Remind her before each competition that is important to both win and "lose" graciously. and emphasize that the only thing she can control in a competition is how well she performs so that is where her goals should be - tighter body, straighter lines, pointed toes, higher cast, etc - not on scores and places.

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[MaryA]

Yes, what Bog says. I am a proud mom when my daughter does well in competition, but I am equally proud when I see her congratulating a teammate who does well or comforting one who does not, and I make sure she knows it. Being a good gymnast is a short-lived thing, even for the best of the best. Being a good person is forever. These are some of the lessons your daughter can learn from gym. Make sure she knows that being a good sport, listening to her coach, trying hard, and having fun are the most important things she needs to do at any given meet. Medals and trophies are just gravy.

 

[ruhstorferfamily]

My daughter is is in gymnastics but I swam for the J.O's and I can say this (and I'm sure it can apply).... Your daughter will balance winning/losing on her own... she never really loses after all if she does better than the last time she did the sport and each person starts some where and works from there. Personally if your daughter continues to compete she will find that it becomes her thing... hard to explain but as I swam I knew no matter what place I came in,this was my time, this was my thing, and it took me to whole new world when I entered the pool I was untouchable regardless of where my time ended at the end of the meet. I think the same applies here you become so in love, that the rest is just minor, winning feels good and it becomes a bonus if you will. All this will come to your daughter with age, all you can do is when she steps off the floor/beam or whatever is say hey you gave it your best and if the sport is something she really loves she will only be disappointed for a second because her love for the sport will over turn all the rest. I hope that made some sort of sense, emotions can be hard to describe. lol

 

[hill's_girl]

Wow! All really great advice and super fast too!

I"ll be sure to talk to her. Thankfully she's not a gloater, but she is really hard on herself, so hard that it's hard to watch sometimes. Unfortunately the days where everyone gets a trophy or medal are gone

 

[Deleted member D3987]

gymnastics= fall down 7 times...get up 8. everything flows from there grasshopper.

 

[lhmom]

We basically remind DD that every meet is different (judges, etc) and that the only thing she can control is her own performance. If she's happy with what she put out there, that's what counts. It seems to have worked so far and I've been proud of the fact that she's quick to congratulate teammates and other gymnasts who place ahead of her. Good luck to your daughter!

 

[hill's_girl]

gymnastics= fall down 7 times...get up 8. everything flows from there grasshopper.

Awesome saying!

 

[Esoteric]

My little one is relatively new to competition, and I agree that yours will figure it out on her own. The coaches at our gym do frown upon "bad sportsmanship," and if anyone is behaving unsportsmanlike at a meet, they are excluded from the next one, which I appreciate. The girls come to have an incredible bond with their teammates and become very supportive for successes and empathetic of defeats- with good coaching, this response transfers toward other teams, as well.

My dd, too, is very hard on herself- not due to podium placements, but performance. She had a particularly successful bar season, but at one meet was surpassed from a gymnast for a different local gym. My dd made it a point to take notice of her at the next meet and at every meet after that she sought her out before march in to wish her luck. At the state meet they were hugging one another and the two teams sat next to one another during awards cheering each other- and the other teams- with each announcement.

 

[Jen H.]

gymnastics= fall down 7 times...get up 8. everything flows from there grasshopper.

Can I steal this from you??!!! LOVE it!!!

 

[cher062]

Welcome to the wonderful world of gymnastics and the chalk bucket. Congrats to you DD.

Well learning how to deal with disapointment is all part of this sport and life. As parents we all want to minimize the hurt feelings our kids may have but honestly I don't think there is anything you can do before the fact other than to make sure she is a good sport and congratulate her team mates for thier hard work even if they don't win. Then when its her turn hopefully her teammates will be there to congrat her.

Also we keep DD's scores in an index card notebook. it is index cards on a spiral binder. WE list the meet and the scores she received then from one meet to the next make a big deal about that one tenth improvement rather than where she placed. This way she is focused more on her improvement rather than the ribbons.

Learning how to deal with those feelings of "I can't be the top every time I'm so sad" is all part of growing up. She needs to feel those feelings and you just need to be there to give her the hugs and cuddles she will need to get through it.

 

[C's MOM]

Welcome to the Chalkbucket.

To try to help her see things from a different light you could focus on some goal making. Goals that are not affected by judges, scoring or medals and placements. These can be simple things like not falling off beam, sticking landings, smiling at the judges, being the best team mate etc. With goals like those she will learn to get some satisfaction from meets regardless of how well she does on paper.

It is important for kids to learn to be good losers, as well as winners. To learn to praise when others beat them, to learn to smile and cheer even when things are going wrong, to learn to be gracious when you win, congratulate the others that you find next to you on the podium.

Nothing is uglier than sore losers, and gloating winners is there?

This is very well said. Teaching your DD that winning really isn't everything but that her effort is what she should value is a life long lesson that needs to be learned. Being a gracious competitor is what all kids need to learn. It's great when you win, but it's even better when you can extend a hand and say, "That was a job well done!" to all competitors. Your DD will be sure to learn this when she sees a great role model in you.

 

[mumoftwogymnasts]

DS's coach has each team member set individual goals before each meet. The goal can not be about winning or places, but rather things such as sticking a dismount, trying to achieve a certain score, straight legs, pointed toes etc. He talks to each boy to make sure their goals are achieveable for them, not so hard as to be unattainable, but not so easy that there is nothing to strive for.
DS in very focused on meeting his goals rather than placings or winning.

We also chat at home about trying to do the "best you can do on the day" and winning and losing graciously. Some of my proudest moments have been when everyother member of DS or DD's team is on the podium and they are not, but they are smiling and cheering... I always make sure I tell my kids how proud I was of that moment.