Parents Irritated/slightly amused/astonished DRAMA ALERT

[justanothergymmom]

This type of situation is one of the reasons why team parents at my daughters' gym (no matter how young their child is) are only allowed to watch practice once a month. This way no one knows what anyone else's kid is working on and parents can't make their kid's practice a gripe session.

 

[NGL780309]

This type of situation is one of the reasons why team parents at my daughters' gym (no matter how young their child is) are only allowed to watch practice once a month. This way no one knows what anyone else's kid is working on and parents can't make their kid's practice a gripe session.

I can see the value in that, but I personally wouldn't support a gym that had that policy.

 

[lilgymmie7]

I can see the value in that, but I personally wouldn't support a gym that had that policy.

DD's gym has a no watch policy and it is a beautiful thing! All of the pettiness is really cut to a minimum. The coaches are better able to redirect the girls and in my opinion I like the element of "surprise" when DD gets a new skill. Her excitement is what I pay the big bucks for really!!

 

[ek2]

They were speaking about my DD specifically and criticizing her skills and they did it in the lobby for anyone there to hear. The coach called me about it because she knew I wasn't there and figured I was going to hear about it when I brought DD today. Now an entire team meeting has been called about the whole "incident". So this was not a private meeting these parents had with the coaches.

I have never heard of a coach calling a parent to "warn" them that the other parents might be getting mad. Most coaches, I think, try to keep themselves out of the middle. So, I think for your dd's coach to make that call to you seems kind of curious... just because it would further alienate you from the group a situation which does not seem like a great "team" atmosphere IMO.

 

[NGL780309]

I have never heard of a coach calling a parent to "warn" them that the other parents might be getting mad. Most coaches, I think, try to keep themselves out of the middle. So, I think for your dd's coach to make that call to you seems kind of curious... just because it would further alienate you from the group a situation which does not seem like a great "team" atmosphere IMO.

This is a handful of parents (4) causing problems out of around 30 sets of parents so I don't feel alienated from the group at all. Most of the parents are really great and supportive. I guess the coach felt like they were not just questioning where their DD was being placed, by trying to tear down other kids in the process and that will not be tolerated. She actually told me to grow a tough skin. I told her I'd already seen it all in gymnastics and would just let it roll off my back. I felt like she was feeling embarrassed that these parents had acted this way and was really almost apologizing for them to me. We are very new to the gym and she was afraid this was going to turn me off. She said this is not typical of their team parents as a whole and that I really should just not worry about it. I appreciated the concern.

 

[sportzmomov3]

NGL, they call it "competitive" gymnastics for a reason LOL! Welcome to the wonderful world of crazy gym parents! There are always parents who are so blinded by their own "ambitions" for their offspring that they lose sight of reality. Comes with every club, every level, every sport. No drama is the best drama in my book. Those who have the need to put you/your child down are merely insecure. And you are right - success in the compulsory levels means little when it comes to optionals - we've seen it in our journey. My DD was a horrible compulsory gymnast - even she will tell you so. We laugh about it now. While her teammates showed pretty form and received higher scores, she powered her way thru and just kept at it and she's a beautiful and successful gymnast, regardless of scores and placements. She loves the sport and works hard and it shows. I have nothing to do with her success other than being her chauffeur, videographer, and cheerleader, and as far as I am concerned, that's what every parent's role should be. Hopefully venting helped you (until the next time!) Hang in there, it's going to be an interesting ride!

 

[gymmommy72]

Wow...after reading all the comments. Just makes me think about old gym and new gym. I think there are "crazy, competitive" parents at all gyms. Our old coach had my daughter repeat level 4 b/c she wasn't moving any 7 years old up to 5. I just went with the flow. However when one girl wasn't getting her skill and my dd did better...she went to the coach and demanded that got fixed. Yes, the coach over worked her dd and it was fixed. I agree...it's just GYMNASTS! Some parents can get over involved. Don't worry about them b/c they are looking at little girls and tearing apart other girls to make them feel good about themselves...pity them (those mom that is). I have learned if my dd is happy nothing else matters...no score in the world can make her happy...just positive coaching and a good environment.

Keep your chin up and enjoy your dd success....smile at those moms it will drive them crazy The gym we left is a LOT like what you described..parent wise and a few rotten apples can spoil the whole bunch...sad isn't it!

Hope it gets better for you...don't worry about them!! Good luck

 

[MaryA]

Wow Wow and double wow...I'm sorry your going through this but have to point out by posting this and repeating what the coach said about your daughters potential and pointing out you "pegged" the parents from the start you are SMACK dab in the middle of it and contributing to the problem.

I disagree. If she was talking about this to other moms at the gym, creating a rift between different "factions" of gym parents, then I would say she was contributing to the problem. I think that CB should be a place where she can safely (and hopefully anamously) vent about what's going on without feeling like she's stooping to their level.

 

[MdGymMom01]

Unfortunately, you will find crazy parents in every sport and in every activity. I've seen crazy competitive cheer parents, gym parents, dance parents, martial arts parents...they are everywhere. I think every parent needs to grow a little tough skin now and then because there will be people that speak without thinking, and people that are just way too involved and competitive with their kids activities. And when it comes to our kids, we as parents get very defensive and do take things personally--it's only natural. I guess my signature sums it up the best and can apply to anything--not just gymnastics.

 

[Panda-girl's Mom]

It is ashame that you have to deal with this but I also think it is strange that the coach mentioned it. I think a lot of the competivness comes from how the program is run. At my daughters gym I have been lucky not to experience this there are kids who move up and ones who repeat but it does not seem like a big deal. We also have closeded team practices and scores are never posted or made a big deal unless it is like somebody qualifyed to regionals or if one level places as a team. I am amazed that those parents even have the time to worry about it aren't most of us running around doing stuff while our kids are in a 2 to 4 hour practice or going to work to pay for it all. It kind of makes you jealous that somebody would even have the time to watch practice determine what skills other peoples children have. Crazy!

 

[Bobby]

...I guess the coach felt like they were not just questioning where their DD was being placed, by trying to tear down other kids in the process and that will not be tolerated. She actually told me to grow a tough skin. ...I felt like she was feeling embarrassed that these parents had acted this way and was really almost apologizing for them to me. We are very new to the gym and she was afraid this was going to turn me off. ...

You're thinking generous thoughts but it doesn't ring true for me. She wasn't worried enough that it occurred to her NOT to go running straight to you to tell you who said what in case it hurt your feelings like most sensitive people would.
It's outrageous that any parent would be critical of any child the way that's described.
But as for the coach ... By all means call a meeting and law down the law about being respectful of all the gymnasts. But for me, the coach's behaviour seems more devisive than conciliatory.

 

[MaryA]

But for me, the coach's behaviour seems more devisive than conciliatory.

I agree! Unprofessional!

 

[NGL780309]

You're thinking generous thoughts but it doesn't ring true for me. She wasn't worried enough that it occurred to her NOT to go running straight to you to tell you who said what in case it hurt your feelings like most sensitive people would.
It's outrageous that any parent would be critical of any child the way that's described.
But as for the coach ... By all means call a meeting and law down the law about being respectful of all the gymnasts. But for me, the coach's behaviour seems more devisive than conciliatory.

Well for me being a part of the conversation, it was a very professional conversation and I didn't find it out of line at all. I agree that it would have been out of line if the parent had come to the coach in private and had this conversation, but that wasn't the case. The other little girl being questioned was present as was her mother. I personally would rather have heard it from the coach than have been there and witnessed this with my child present. I appreciated knowing rather than hearing secondhand from a bunch of parents who might then exaggerate the story and make it into a bigger issue than it was. Parents have a way of making things worse as they spread it around. After she called me I had a another parent call me. It was nice to be able say that already knew about it and didn't want to discuss it further.

 

[MaryA]

Yes, I suppose if it was something you were going to hear about one way or the other, than probably it was best to hear it from the coach. We have a coach with a big mouth... talking to parents about the progress (or lack thereof) of OTHER people's kids, etc. So I guess I'm hyper-sensative about that kind of thing.

 

[NGL780309]

Yes, I suppose if it was something you were going to hear about one way or the other, than probably it was best to hear it from the coach. We have a coach with a big mouth... talking to parents about the progress (or lack thereof) of OTHER people's kids, etc. So I guess I'm hyper-sensative about that kind of thing.

I haven't been at this gym long enough to know if that kind of thing goes on, but I would not like that at all. Even if they were saying something nice I wouldn't see a reason to discuss that with any parent other than the parent of the child.

 

[Deleted member D3987]

jealously and envy are biblical. it's too bad that they exist. and in gymnastics no less.

 

[bornagaingymmom]

The funniest part is that there is glass and their kids can't hear them, so who are they clapping for? Themselves? For attention? To make sure that the rest of us noticed that their kids just did something wonderful?

]
You just said everything I have been feeling since my daughter started gymnastics! My dd started in a class for fun then the coaches moved her up to the advanced class(she was ten, she is now twelve) then asked her to try out for team. Like you I dont think my dd is the best I have seen better even at out own gym, girls who have been there since birth . Anyway, she tried out for team and the coaches put her right into level 5 she won state championship all-around and bars champion . Boy was I surprised! She scored out of level 6 after one meet and is now on level 7 doing well. Let me tell you, some of those parents can be pretty brutal!!! After a meet they will not even look at my daughter, they r just little girls for goodness sake! The hardest part is when they are nice to your face but after a meet if my daughter scores higher(some are not even in the same age group) they will not even look at me! I always try to tell all the girls on the team "great job" and make sure my dd is not getting jealous or anything, to me her character development and testimony as a Christian is more important. There have been times I wish we had not even gone to that first class. But really this is about how people are declining in our society, people are becoming truly unloving and only care about themselves. I feel bad for their daughters really, because what happens if they decide they do not want to do gymnastics anymore? We actually have parents who have already decided what colleges their dd's are going to and hoping for a scholarship and talking about recruiters and the girls are only 9 and 10 years old! It is like Tu-tus and tiara's! I am so glad someone else feels exactly the way I do, you said it all!! I also have a 16 year old dd who is one Mason Dixon, which is a rec league gymnastics program and it is awsome, very laid back and non-competitive. The girls go to meets with USAG judges but we have tons of fun and the girls love it! Take care and God bless!

 

[NGL780309]

]
You just said everything I have been feeling since my daughter started gymnastics! My dd started in a class for fun then the coaches moved her up to the advanced class(she was ten, she is now twelve) then asked her to try out for team. Like you I dont think my dd is the best I have seen better even at out own gym, girls who have been there since birth . Anyway, she tried out for team and the coaches put her right into level 5 she won state championship all-around and bars champion . Boy was I surprised! She scored out of level 6 after one meet and is now on level 7 doing well. Let me tell you, some of those parents can be pretty brutal!!! After a meet they will not even look at my daughter, they r just little girls for goodness sake! The hardest part is when they are nice to your face but after a meet if my daughter scores higher(some are not even in the same age group) they will not even look at me! I always try to tell all the girls on the team "great job" and make sure my dd is not getting jealous or anything, to me her character development and testimony as a Christian is more important. There have been times I wish we had not even gone to that first class. But really this is about how people are declining in our society, people are becoming truly unloving and only care about themselves. I feel bad for their daughters really, because what happens if they decide they do not want to do gymnastics anymore? We actually have parents who have already decided what colleges their dd's are going to and hoping for a scholarship and talking about recruiters and the girls are only 9 and 10 years old! It is like Tu-tus and tiara's! I am so glad someone else feels exactly the way I do, you said it all!! I also have a 16 year old dd who is one Mason Dixon, which is a rec league gymnastics program and it is awsome, very laid back and non-competitive. The girls go to meets with USAG judges but we have tons of fun and the girls love it! Take care and God bless!

I posted an update that was then lost when things were down. I felt somewhat better to know that my Dd wasn't the only one being targeted. Then a week later I felt worse because people were continuing to question and inquire why my DD was where she was. I got over that and then again last night I overheard 2 parents talking about. The shut-up once they realized I was within earshot. I've gone out of my way to be very friendly and that's all I can do.

Anyway, thanks for your post. It made me feel so much better. I don't get the super competitveness. I also felt better because one of DD's friends just moved over from another gym, but she's on different days. We didn't have a chance to really talk until this weekend. The first thing she told me was how she had really experienced some jealousy from the other parents. Her DD is very, very good so I can see how the parents would be upset about some new kid coming in and doing well. It's good to know that not everyone thinks this kind of attitude is normal.

 

[MdGymMom01]

I don't get the hatred and super-competitiveness either. There is enough room in this world for everyone being successful. There is a name for people like you just described. They are called H.A.T.E.R.S. which stands for Having Anger Towards Everyone Reaching Success.

 

[NGL780309]

jealously and envy are biblical. it's too bad that they exist. and in gymnastics no less.

It's no surprise that jealousy and envy are present. I get jealous and envious too! I'm envious that one of DD's friends just has the best form ever on everything she does. I've even told her mom in a nice way how envious I am. Then she said she was jealous because my DD picks up skills very, very quickly. Her DD takes a long time to get skills and it's usually right before the meet, but when she does they look beautiful. My DD takes the opposite route. We had a good laugh about it and it was friendly.

Jealousy and envy are expected. It's how you act on those feelings. I don't resent the children or the other parents or feel any ugliness. I don't say mean things or question the coaches. I just laugh about my envy or keep it to myself.