WAG Just need to chat about letting go...

[kayjaybe]

It is SO hard and I'm struggling with this so much right now. Background:
For the past 3 years Dd competed old L5, old L6, then new L5 again due to not having BWO-BHS on beam and giant on bars. She is trying to get to L7 this year again and our gym requires those 2 skills.

After huge fear issues on beam, she finally got her flight. Whew.

She's been having privates on bars and is doing great. She can cast to full handstand and almost gets around on the giant. (she throws her butt out or something, which I think is causing problems). Anyway, she is SO close. And I was so happy for her because I know she doesn't want to repeat this level AGAIN.

Everything I've seen on bars has been with a coach spotting. Not helping --- she can cast to HS herself and usually gets around the bar and then does her flyaway. Not perfect, but should be good enough to move up and then perfect as the season progresses.

Last night I saw her for the first time w/o the coach standing right there on the spotting block. He was off to the side on the floor. Well, it was a mess. cast to just above horizontal and I don't know what to call what she did to get around the bar. She tucked way up and got around, but it was not even close to any sort of skill. My heart sank. There is no way she is moving up with it looking like that. It appears to be a fear thing.

In my head, I know this is HER journey and she will get it when she is ready. And if she decides to NOT be ready and drop the sport (this is not her first fear issue), I will fully support her in that decision. But I'm just crying inside for her. She wants this so badly and is trying so hard. And according to the HC, she has the skill, ability & strength. It is just that damn fear monster again.

I don't bug her about it and just support her and focus on the good things I see in the few minutes I get to watch her.

Anyway, I'm not sure what I'm looking for other than to just type this out and get it off my chest. Thanks for reading, if you actually read this beast!

 

[OzZee]

Oh no fingers crossed for your dd that something clicks and she gets over the fears and it all falls into place.

 

[UnoMas]

I have a daughter in a similar situation and it is very, very hard to remove yourself from it because so much of your time, money, and energy goes toward it. But in the end it is all about them and they are the ones that have to do it. We can only provide them the very best opportunities to do so. Let's take deep breaths together and I wish your DD the best!

 

[kayjaybe]

Thanks, madigym. I know she & I aren't alone and this is very common. It is just so hard because I thought she was over her hurdle when she conquored the beam....only to be smacked with this giant fear.

And I'm a talker, so it is SO hard not to talk this to death with her (or talk about it at all!) and just shut up!!! (Thus my lengthy post.)

 

[still hanging]

Sometimes you just need to vent. We want our kids to succeed doing what they love and there is nothing wrong with that! Sounds like L6 would be a great place t for her while she works on her 7 skills. That way she is out of compulsory and gets to be an optional gymnast, yet with lower requirements.

Found this recently: God found some of the strongest women and made them Gymnastics Moms!

 

[Iwannabemargo]

this is why we are here - we feel your frustration cause we have it too. Chin up, deep breath and move forward, xxx

 

[Proud mom]

My dd struggles with fear too. It's difficult to remove yourself. I try not to watch and only talk about it if she brings it up. It's heartbreaking because I know she wants to move past it and she tries so hard. I wish the best to you and your dd!

 

[kayjaybe]

We would both LOVE the option of L6, but our gym is refusing to compete that level. It is either L5 or L7, but they are allowing mid-season move-ups, thank goodness.

 

[SurpriseGymMom]

That would be so hard!! I feel for you, and her. I hope something "clicks" and she gets to compete 7 this season!!!

 

[kayjaybe]

Just talking it out here is SO helpful to me. Lets me get my "crazy" out completely away from her.

Thanks so much for listening and reading that LONG post!

 

[munchkin3]

This is the place to vent your CGMness......i find it a valuable place for venting and keeping things in perspective, and shielding it from DD.
She WILL get it in her own time. The pressures are so immense for these kids with these HUGE skills that are so scary! Give her brain time to adapt, and process the skills, fear, and eventually she will develop the confidence to do it. This is why gymnastics is so valuble! They are already learning some important life skills that will last her whole life.
Just hug her, and kiss her and tell her you know she will get them in time. She will get to level 7, and that maybe she can't control exactly the timeframe, she WILL make it......patience is truly a virtue.
I have explained to my kids, as they get older, their brains literally are re-configuring and that skills can easily get mis-placed. They will turn up soon!!!

PS if I didn't have CB, I would be the biggest CGM in my gym for sure!!!

 

[Deleted member 14190]

Give it a bit longer. It's very common for kids with fear issues to have a tough time the first couple of times they go it alone. I am sure the coach will go back and forth a few times to give her ample time to get over it. We go through this every year with one kid or another. Last year we had 17 level 7 and about 5 sounded exactly like this. Takes time and the positive is "she went alone". Head up and believe.

 

[kayjaybe]

Coachp - that you SO much for that perspective. Yes - I need to focus on that --- she actual did try it alone...several times, in fact. Then the coach got up and spotted her for a couple.

Since this is the first time I've ever seen her try it alone, that IS a step in the right direction and I need to keep my mind on that.

I love this site. Thanks for all the thoughts & input from everyone!

 

[hearts_and_stars]

This is definitely the place to come and vent...

How old is your DD? If she is young, this may be influencing her fear issues. The good news is that she has lots of time to overcome them and each little victory builds upon the previous one until fear is only a fleeting thought.

As for giants, that is definitely the boogeyman....it seems to me (and I don't have tons of experience with this, but is my observation of DD and her teammates) some girls get giants very, very quickly (like almost overnight) and some girls really struggle with them and can take what seems like forever. DD and one of her teammates got them seemingly overnight, while a few of the other girls I find myself wondering how this particular skill is their roadblock. It will come with time (and when DD's mind and body are united in pushing through the skill).

 

[kayjaybe]

She's 12, so not young in the gymnastics world for this level. Perhaps if she were younger her fear might be less!

 

[2littlegymmiesmom]

We are dealing with fear issues as well with my 7 year old and it seems like it's stalling her progress at the moment. It's SO hard to just sit back and watch them struggle. I too am having such a hard time with knowing when is the right time to say anything and what do I say. As a mom I just want to hug her and hold her and make it all better for her. As a Gymnastics Mom I know that she has to work through it and get past it on her own. It's finding the balance between the two that I struggle with!! We have been told the same thing by the coach, she has the power and the skills but she is just lacking the confidence in herself. I want so badly to help her and it tears my heart out when she cries but like others have said it's her journey and she will get past it in time and on her own terms. We had a minor breakthrough today and I felt like doing a backflip myself I was so thrilled (not that I could)!! Lol. I keep trying to remind myself baby steps, baby steps and that I want her to be having fun and smiling in the gym and not upset and crying because of pressure and that I don't need to add to that pressure. It's hard but I'm getting better and hearing others having similar struggles really helps.

Good luck to your DD getting over her fears. It definitely sounds like progress if she's attempting them without spot! That's a step in the right direction!

 

[munchkin3]

My 14 chucked his first Tsuk today....he looked like a cat with his claws out, terrified flying through the air.
But he did it. Good for him.

 

[Amusibus]

That's a GREAT visual!!!

 

[LizzieLac]

I can totally related, but for my DD that skill has been the BHS on beam. It was some fear, some technique, some bandaids... In the end it has taken her a full year to get that skill. All of the frustration it caused started to effect beam more generally, eventually losing her BWO-BWO which she had for months and months. We would talk and suggest mental toughness work like Doc Ali, she took a couple of privates at a gym while we were on vacation. There were tears. All I can say is that my "focus" on it did not help her at all (probably just added to her emotions over it).

Anyway, she has it now, but it still needs some form perfecting and consistency. She got her BWO-BWO back and as part of her uptraining she has started working on the BWO-BHS series. She will likely have to start the season at 6 (and we hope move to 7 after a couple of meets because of this one skill). The rest of her skills are level 7 and almost has some level 8.

The hardest thing has been for me to remove myself and what I want for her and to just support her. I stopped talking about skills almost altogether and just ask her to tell me 2 good things she did in practice each night. I think this helped her too - so she focuses on her successes and gives herself credit for the progress she makes. But still it is tough to think that it is one skill between her and level 7. I guess this kind of thing is not unusual...

 

[htimcj]

It is so hard to watch our kids struggle. We want to help fix it but this is definitely an area that we can't do a whole lot. Lots of encouragements and hugs. It will come and she has done it or at least tried it herself once. That is a step forward.