Parents Moms Who Critique Other Kids: A Short Vent

[GymDad9.9]

You've obviously never met my husband, who lets every little thing that comes into his head come out of his mouth? I've admitted before how awful he can be, to the point that it's best to keep him separate from gymnastics as much as possible. Men aren't immune.

I was being facetious and felt somewhat shut out of the conversation

I will say though, most of the Dads I know in gymnastics do not engage in this at the gym.

 

[wallinbl]

Ever notice some of the Queen Bees are also on their best behavior when the coaches are around?

And on Wednesdays they wear pink?

 

[KipNurse]

And on Wednesdays they wear pink?

That...
Is hilarious.

 

[Mommyo2az]

This happens all the time at DDs gym. I stopped going in for this reason, and you know what? I still hear about it! CGMs wil text me about my kids rough practice or some other kids bad day or new skill, UGH! [emoji35]

 

[Taxidriver]

Good thing Dads don't get involved in this kind of talk

Haha, the dads at our gym are among the worst!
One dad once told me that he didn't see my daughter as a threat to his dd as she was clearly way more advanced! He also after practice one day told me how surprised he was that my dd could do a particular skill better than his dd as his dd was normally best. But he spends far more time *****ing about another girl who does much more rival his dd ability.
But I just think what a sad life he has, also I feel very sorry for his dd as I know she gets an earful after practice pointing out what he did t think was good enough!

Forgot to say though that's most parents are very positive and it's only the minority who aren't.

 

[Texasmomof3]

I saw a lot more of this when dd was a compulsory. Of course, that was also at a different gym. So I don't know if the longer we (collectively) are in the sport the more we chill, or if it was the climate at one gym versus another.

But there are also those fake concerned questions: back in level 3, when they were all learning their kip, a mom suggested that dd might get her kip faster if we changed her diet, because she was obviously "bottom heavy" and that was probably preventing her from getting over the bar. My dd was the oldest on level 3 team, as she started gymnastics late and was 11 years old at the time. She was the only on in pre-puberty, and she was completely healthy and normal sized. Even if she was overweight, that would not have excused the comment, but it felt extra manipulative because dd has never been an overweight child.

 

[Gymmommy71]

I never realized it was insulting to comment on a child getting taller or growing up . I'll admit I've said this a couple times about various kids - usually to the parent w/ the kid right there. Hopefully they didn't take it as fighting words or a backhanded insult. Others have said it to me - and I didn't even realize I should take offense - hmmmm.

The stuff about others private lesson intentions I've heard a lot. I've learned that 9 times out of 10 when a parent starts being low key nasty about others privates, the next thing you know is you'll see the complaining parents kid doing them too - and often twice a often to one up the parent.

Someone taking about another kid having ugly gymnastics or bad practices has really got serious issues. They are probably jealous because of some other good quality that kid has that their own kid lacks.

 

[duyetanh]

Well, let me ask this then -- does it ever go in the other direction? It's not unheard of in my kids' gym to hear parents converse about how far Jan has come or how much cleaner Julio's skills are. We often tend to notice and focus too much on the negative while ignoring the positive. When I'm in the gym, I do hear parents talking positively about kids, especially kids who've struggled.

At my kid's gym, it does...but it is definitely not as common. Sadly.

 

[duyetanh]

I saw a lot more of this when dd was a compulsory. Of course, that was also at a different gym. So I don't know if the longer we (collectively) are in the sport the more we chill, or if it was the climate at one gym versus another.

But there are also those fake concerned questions: back in level 3, when they were all learning their kip, a mom suggested that dd might get her kip faster if we changed her diet, because she was obviously "bottom heavy" and that was probably preventing her from getting over the bar. My dd was the oldest on level 3 team, as she started gymnastics late and was 11 years old at the time. She was the only on in pre-puberty, and she was completely healthy and normal sized. Even if she was overweight, that would not have excused the comment, but it felt extra manipulative because dd has never been an overweight child.

That is just the sh*ttiest comment I have ever heard. Unbelievable.

 

[RTT2]

One girl has a grandmother who often comes to watch practices and has made a number of unkind comments about my daughter that she backtracks on right after she says them. I usually just stare at her incredulously then try to ignore her. I assume her mouth exerts a magnetic pull on her foot.

 

[wallinbl]

One girl has a grandmother who often comes to watch practices and has made a number of unkind comments about my daughter that she backtracks on right after she says them. I usually just stare at her incredulously then try to ignore her. I assume her mouth exerts a magnetic pull on her foot.

Don't we all have a family member we wish would express themselves less frequently?

 

[duyetanh]

Don't we all have a family member we wish would express themselves less frequently?

bahaha why yes...my grandpa....wish his hearing aids would work so he would realize just how dang loud he is....

 

[CuriousCate]

@Gymmommy71 I have also done that and never realized it was a bad thing! Esp bc the girls with my DD are aged 7-9 so the concept of growing seems positive to me! Wonder how many folks I've offended with that one!

With regards to the child having a rough time, I think many of our team parents who do not get to watch much actually rely on the parents who stay to text us if our kid is having a rough go of it, so we can get back sooner or proceed with caution, etc. I've gotten a few texts like that in the past few months about my child crying with leg lifts or looking dejected and I really believe that it was all in good faith and with the best intentions...not to make me feel bad that my kid was struggling. Many of us even ask the parents who stay to communicate that sort of stuff to us. I think that if observed by another parent, I would want them to tell me and want them to give my kid a hug or pat on the shoulder during water break...

Now using the word 'ugly' or commenting on a child not getting a skill, that's some horse**** that I'm sure happens at our gym but that I'm glad I have not witnessed!

 

[l.c.o]

Happens often. Sometimes it's more subtle (the fake concern) to outright nasty. I particularly loved it when one gym mom informed me of the coaches plan for my DD one season. Turned out she was right?

Sometimes I also think coaches maybe over share about kids to people who aren't their parents (one coach will sometimes complain about certain girls when they're out of earshot... to other kids in the training group). Anyway, this doesn't help.

At DD's last gym one day at pickup - apparently I was too quiet entering, as I overheard far more than I would have ever wished about my DD. I loudly cleared my throat when I'd heard enough. At least I got to see the look in their faces when they realized I'd overheard?

 

[josie55]

I don't hear a lot of the nasty stuff that is being described, but I do have a perspective on the height thing. I think that what people likely don't realize is that when you have a kid who is taller than the average gymnast, you hear it ALL the time, and it does start to get old. I think it's just people making small talk, and it's something to say in those idle, waiting around minutes. "Wow! I feel like Suzy has grown three inches since last week! Did she have a growth spurt?" and I don't think it's meant in a nasty way, but because it's gymnastics it feels like a bit of a criticism. Chances are, each person just says it once and they don't realize that ten other people have said the same thing that week. I imagine it's similar to how parents of smaller kids feel about the comments you likely hear from your non-gymnastics friends. It's not meant as an insult, but it gets old and annoying after a while.

I really like this blog post, and think that it could be adopted for gymnastics: https://www.littlethings.com/how-to-help-daughter-have-body-confidence/ It's titled "What to say to your daughter about her body" and the short answer is: Don’t talk to your daughter about her body, except to teach her how it works. Perhaps it could be adopted to gym parents: "What to say to other parents about their daughter's body" and the short answer can be: nothing.

I'm sure I've done it myself, and now that I've written this I will make a concerted effort to follow my own advice

 

[StringBean'sMom]

I don't hear a lot of the nasty stuff that is being described, but I do have a perspective on the height thing. I think that what people likely don't realize is that when you have a kid who is taller than the average gymnast, you hear it ALL the time, and it does start to get old.

Oh yes...as you can probably tell by my screen name, I can relate to this one! She hears it everywhere but definitely more in the gym context since tall leggy gymnasts aren't typically the norm. I usually just comment how the long legs make for beautiful lines...

 

[3rd_time_around]

I saw a lot more of this when dd was a compulsory. Of course, that was also at a different gym. So I don't know if the longer we (collectively) are in the sport the more we chill, or if it was the climate at one gym versus another.

But there are also those fake concerned questions: back in level 3, when they were all learning their kip, a mom suggested that dd might get her kip faster if we changed her diet, because she was obviously "bottom heavy" and that was probably preventing her from getting over the bar. My dd was the oldest on level 3 team, as she started gymnastics late and was 11 years old at the time. She was the only on in pre-puberty, and she was completely healthy and normal sized. Even if she was overweight, that would not have excused the comment, but it felt extra manipulative because dd has never been an overweight child.

Unbelievable! Wow.

Of course, kips are like 90% timing and technique, so she obviously had no clue what she was talking about.

 

[AgingHippie]

We have one particular mom that does this all the time. She is also the mom that counts turns and sends me helpful texts when DD is struggling.

When she's talking about other kids I just start pointing out all their really strong traits or if she is picking on one particular skill just say she'll get it and when she does it will be amazing.

Kill them with kindness!

 

[lale]

There was a mom at our former gym that had strong opinions about who should and shouldn't move up and wasn't very discreet with those opinions. She also made a point to tell me one practice that she was very surprised at my dd's scores one meet because my dd spent so much time goofing off and socializing in practice. I was so flabbergasted that she had the nerve to say that to my face I couldn't say anything in return. I just walked away. That same mom made many comments about my dd's form issues and even felt the need to say something after a meet to my daughter to her face about it! I just made it a point to be very nice to her daughter (she was a sweet girl) and tried not to get bogged down in her jealousy and pettiness. Needless to say, we avoided her like the plague at meets.

 

[gymjunkie]

If your gym has a bunch of mean girl moms in the lobby, be forewarned that your daughter may be working out with a bunch of mean girls. They will learn that behavior and bring it to practice. We had that experience with my daughter at her first gym & it was destructive enough to my daughter that I changed jobs over it. At our current gym (much larger gym with over 150 girls on team), there is none of that in the lobby (quite the opposite) and none of it on the gym floor.