Parents My DD afraid of coaches

[Torimom12]

My DD is scared to talk to her coaches! My DD said she landed wrong the other night at practice and was afraid to talk to her coaches because she didn't want to "get in trouble". She also said she didn't want to cry because she would have gotten in trouble for that too! So now, she's babying her ankle, not doing routines or skills that well and suffering all because she is AFRAID. What can I do? I try to encourage her to talk to them and I don't want to get involved because she needs to be the one to tell them. Right??

 

[bogwoppit]

My DD is scared to talk to her coaches! My DD said she landed wrong the other night at practice and was afraid to talk to her coaches because she didn't want to "get in trouble". She also said she didn't want to cry because she would have gotten in trouble for that too! So now, she's babying her ankle, not doing routines or skills that well and suffering all because she is AFRAID. What can I do? I try to encourage her to talk to them and I don't want to get involved because she needs to be the one to tell them. Right??

Did you ask her to clarify what happens when she "gets in trouble"? It could either be she is very sensitive or it could be that the coach over reacts and you child has a right to feel afraid.

 

[calli]

How old is your dd? I would definitely talk to the coaches on my daughter's behalf, especially if she would rather favor her ankle then do a full practice. I think it is absolutely worth a conversation with the coaches! Good Luck!!

 

[M2Abi]

I would talk to the coaches, or if I wanted to encourage dd to do it herself, I would go with her to talk to them.

 

[MILgymFAM]

How old is she? My DD was too afraid to talk to her coach most of the time too, and at her age (14) it was indicative of a bigger problem. I did force her to speak to her coaches, but came to understand her reasoning for being afraid. For a little one, I would be willing to talk to the coach or at least be with her when she talks to the coach. Not being able to communicate is a problem that you do not want to allow to fester.

 

[suebee]

I think that knowing how old she is and her general personality would help. Is she usually like this with teachers at school and friends' parents too? Or just related to the coaches and gymnastics?

My dd is 7 and is like this with everyone. At school, she couldn't find one of her belongings once that the teacher keeps and passes out to the kids when they need them. The teacher accidentally gave her another kid's, which dd knew, because they had the other kid's name on it. They also did not fit her because they belonged to another kid. But dd did not want to talk to her teacher about it. She just insisted that she would rather not use the item at all, rather than have to talk to the teacher. Dd is also afraid of getting in trouble even though I cannot think of a time she's ever gotten in trouble anywhere other than home. Teachers and coaches usually adore her because she is quiet and a good listener.

So it wouldn't phase me if my dd wouldn't talk to the coach, because that's how she is. With my dd, I usually try to accompany her when she talks to the adult (doesn't work for school situations) or I email the teacher or coach and let them know about the situation and ask them to ask her about it, to encourage her to at least talk to them, even if she can't initiate the conversation.

 

[Torimom12]

Thanks for all the responses!
My DD just turned 10 and she is a sensitive kid. It has been brought to our attention that she has a hard time controlling her emotions at the gym....she doesn't like to make mistakes and definitely doesn't like to get in trouble.

I discussed with her that she needs to talk with her coaches because they need to know what is going on. She couldn't explain what "getting in trouble" meant but I can only assume it's nothing horrific. She says that they get mad and will tell her to cut out the crying. Ugh! I get thAt they don't need to deal with crying, I don't like it myself, but sometimes a little sensitivity would be nice.

 

[SurpriseGymMom]

Well, as a coach, I can guarantee that they have noticed her babying her ankle. I would definitely encourage her to speak. It's a huge part of being an athlete, to communicate with the coach and take care of your body. At 10, I would absolutely expect a child to do that on their own but perhaps also be privately informed by the parent just in case (especially if it's something with a treatment plan etc).

I'd be interested to find out what "getting in trouble" means. If, as you say, she has established a pattern of crying in gym then I could see where that may be a little frustrating to a coach. This is a tough sport. There's a time and place for crying and emotional outbursts and the gym floor generally isn't one of them. By no means do I want "my" kids to be little hard robots, lol, but we do teach them from a very early age that crying isn't appropriate at gym and when it happens they are to go compose themselves and return in a more coachable state. I am more than happy to give a quick hug or quick pep talk but it hugely depends on who is crying and why, if that makes sense. Little Susie who cries over the drop of a hat will likely get very little to no attention over it other than a "go to the dressing room, have a drink and compose yourself" whereas little Sally who never sheds a tear would get a little more attention to find out why, KWIM?
Coaches can be sensitive and caring, but do realize that part of our job is to prepare them mentally for this very, very tough sport. That doesn't include being abusive or stone cold, of course, but I would venture to say that most competitive coaches would not be super tolerant of excessive crying unless there's a bad fall or bone break involved..!

I assume since you say she's doing routines that she is a competitive gymnast..? My answer would be different if she was a beginning rec gymnast.

Long answer short: I would highly encourage her to speak to her coach. A simple "coach, I landed wrong the other day and my ankle really hurts. I have iced it and rested it at home, what can I do here to help heal it?" goes a long way. Let's the coach know she is being proactive and not whiny, and taking ownership of HER gymnastics. Now, if the coach flies off the handle at something like that, perhaps this isn't the gym for you (or anyone...). . HTH, and hope her ankle feels better soon!

 

[mariposa]

Teaching our kids to speak up with injuries is very important. At 10, she might still need a little help. I'd definitely clarify with her what she meant by being afraid to tell them. I've tried hard to teach my daughter that she only gets one body and she needs to listen to it. Also, she needs to tell coaches when she hurts because they aren't in her body and don't know what is going on unless she tells them.

 

[Rose7777]

My daughter is tentative about speaking up at the gym, as well as at school. She was really upset about something a coach said a few weeks ago, but nervous to talk to him about it. Our compromise was that I would email the coaches to give them a head's up and let them she was going to talk to them, but that she would then have the conversation herself. It worked out very well- the coach went into the conversation knowing what her fear was, he was able to clarify what he said, and the issue was resolved. She was very proud of herself for speaking up, and her coaches were glad that she was able to handle it herself.

 

[CameraShy]

My DD is also very quiet and doesn't like to approach her coaches because it makes her nervous. She's just 8 now, but I can see that continuing for a little while. If it was something that was hurting or bothering her, I would send a text to the coach just to make them aware and then they can ask her about it to start the conversation. That way she is still communicating what's wrong without relying on Mom to take care of everything but isn't having to initiate it because it makes her nervous.

 

[MiniSky85]

My DD is shy and doesn't like talking to grownups. DD hurt her foot at the end of bar practice one evening. She didn't tell any coaches what happened. Later in the night the bruise and swelling and tears showed up. She was having "trouble" with her bar coach and she was scared of him. We had a meeting with the HC and BC about the incident. My DD did get in trouble for not telling the coach about the injury, they could have iced it earlier and maybe it wouldn't have looked so bad. It all worked out. Gymnasts have to trust their coaches and not be afraid of them. A few weeks later DD was attempting her flyaway, caught her foot on the bar and went flying. Her bar coach caught her in mid air. Trust.