Parents New fears - BWO on beam, cast to handstand

[twinmomma]

So DD's former L3 group is uptraining and learning both L4 routines and trying out L5 skills (our compulsory season is in the fall). It's been a frustrating endeavor watching her, because she's up until now been the top of her group and one of the quickest to get new skills. Her kip is coming along, but she can get at least a few every practice, and even managed an unassisted kip and squat on yesterday.

What is odd is that she's all of a sudden afraid of things that seem like her formerly fearless self wouldn't be. They've been working on cast to handstand drills and she's definitely frightened by that and that honestly doesn't worry me as much as the BWO on beam fear. Her cartwheel on beam isn't consistent yet, and I notice she hesitates going into it. She almost won't even attempt a BWO. She goes to lean back but won't arch her back and just stops. It's fear, clearly, but if her coach spots her she will try it. It's frustrating to see so many girls on her team just bust out the BWO's while she stands on the low beam frozen. Is there anything I can do to help her get past it?

Edited to add: she isn't a super flexible gymnast - but she's strong, so it appears tumbling on the floor doesn't scare her, and really neither is vault. I wonder if the knowledge of her flexibility is causing her to balk?

 

[Deleted member D3987]

leave it alone and let her coaches work her thru what they know how to do. and btw, apprehension of those 2 skills is perfectly normal.

 

[rosettasmom]

My dd was exactly the same when those skills started. One day, she just went for it and hasn't looked back!

 

[sce]

She'll get there, it takes time. It's great that they are working these skills so long before they need them.

 

[wgymmom]

They're doing some great uptraining. If she's just now testing the waters on those skills, I wouldn't worry one bit. By the time she needs the skills, she'll be less afraid.

 

[Deleted member 18037]

Yes to wgymmom

 

[Deleted member 14190]

leave it alone and let her coaches work her thru what they know how to do. and btw, apprehension of those 2 skills is perfectly normal.

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And I will add,,, If you are watching workouts get out. Your presence will only make the issues worse, IMHO. I mean that in the nicest way.

 

[Quadqueen]

What everyone else said. She doesn't need those skills for a long time - no need to worry at this point. Let her get through getting her L4 skills solid first!

 

[twinmomma]

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And I will add,,, If you are watching workouts get out. Your presence will only make the issues worse, IMHO. I mean that in the nicest way.

While I don't watch full practices, I am there usually the last hour because DD wants me to see her successes, but also because it's a logistics issue for us. I can't drive home after work and then come back to get her, so I go straight to gym (she gets dropped off). Generally I'm talking to another mom or playing on my phone or reading.

 

[Deleted member 14190]

While I don't watch full practices, I am there usually the last hour because DD wants me to see her successes, but also because it's a logistics issue for us. I can't drive home after work and then come back to get her, so I go straight to gym (she gets dropped off). Generally I'm talking to another mom or playing on my phone or reading.

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"Is there anything I can do to help her get past it?" It is my 2 cents that you remove yourself from the gym. In my experience a direct tie exists between parental watching and balking / fear issues when they just come "all of a sudden". It's not "odd" it's a reaction to added stress and pressure, even if unintentional.

 

[twinmomma]

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"Is there anything I can do to help her get past it?" It is my 2 cents that you remove yourself from the gym. In my experience a direct tie exists between parental watching and balking / fear issues when they just come "all of a sudden". It's not "odd" it's a reaction to added stress and pressure, even if unintentional.

Thanks for the insight, but I know my kid. Her coaches know her. All I wanted was advice as a parent as to how to help her when she expresses her fear to me. I see it, and she talks about it. Just like with my son, when he has things he's fearful of in baseball (faster pitches from bigger kids) I allow them the freedom to talk about their fears, and when I see them, I want to help them. I appreciate your opinion, but your go to is ALWAYS that the parent shouldn't be around, and I don't always agree that should be the default. It's certainly not the default in other sports.

 

[Deleted member 14190]

Thanks for the insight, but I know my kid. Her coaches know her. All I wanted was advice as a parent as to how to help her when she expresses her fear to me. I see it, and she talks about it. Just like with my son, when he has things he's fearful of in baseball (faster pitches from bigger kids) I allow them the freedom to talk about their fears, and when I see them, I want to help them. I appreciate your opinion, but your go to is ALWAYS that the parent shouldn't be around, and I don't always agree that should be the default. It's certainly not the default in other sports.

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Other sports do not involve the same degree of fear..... Not even close. And yes, parents should stay out and yes it causes anxiety which triggers vestibular issues. Sorry it's just a fact in my and many others experience. That is why its the first question I ask. It's irrelevant if you agree or not the cause and effect remains. If parental viewing helped gymnasts, I would not allow my parents to ever leave the viewing area....

 

[LizzieLac]

From experience...I learned that for my DD it is best to talk less about any fear or struggle or worry. More talk only got her more upset and more focused on what was wrong. I made a rule that if she wanted to talk about something "bad" in her workouts progress, she had to also give me a couple of good things. I wanted her to give herself credit for progress but as a gymnast they don't - they focus on what they did wrong or can't get.

This went for fears and for struggling skills. I also came to the conclusion that I probably did watch too much. She never said I caused anxiety, but it was like being the 3rd wheel on a date!

 

[munchkin3]

Dd lost hers for 6 months. I didn't even mention it. The coach was not worried at all. Coach did not spot on anything either so she spent a couple of months only doing it on the low beam.
No pressure....
Lo and behold, last week she was on a skill tear, she got 5 skills in one day.......yes the BWO on high beam snuck it's way back.....

 

[Natasha]

So DD's former L3 group is uptraining and learning both L4 routines and trying out L5 skills (our compulsory season is in the fall). It's been a frustrating endeavor watching her, because she's up until now been the top of her group and one of the quickest to get new skills. Her kip is coming along, but she can get at least a few every practice, and even managed an unassisted kip and squat on yesterday.

What is odd is that she's all of a sudden afraid of things that seem like her formerly fearless self wouldn't be. They've been working on cast to handstand drills and she's definitely frightened by that and that honestly doesn't worry me as much as the BWO on beam fear. Her cartwheel on beam isn't consistent yet, and I notice she hesitates going into it. She almost won't even attempt a BWO. She goes to lean back but won't arch her back and just stops. It's fear, clearly, but if her coach spots her she will try it. It's frustrating to see so many girls on her team just bust out the BWO's while she stands on the low beam frozen. Is there anything I can do to help her get past it?

Edited to add: she isn't a super flexible gymnast - but she's strong, so it appears tumbling on the floor doesn't scare her, and really neither is vault. I wonder if the knowledge of her flexibility is causing her to balk?

While I disagree that every fear issue is tied to parents watching, based on your own account, it is clearly adding frustration for you as it inevitably leads you to compare your daughter to her teammates. Fear is completely normal and part of the process when trying out new skills. Let your daughter know (only when she brings it up) that it is normal to be afraid of trying some of these bigger skills, but that her coaches have experience helping many girls work through that and you are confident that she will work through it too. Remind her that she doesn't need those skills yet, and most importantly let her know that you are not the least bit worried about it. Do NOT ask how any of the up training skills are going (Believe me she will tell you when she gets it). Do not watch as it is just going to increase your own anxiety to see your daughter go from "the top of the group" to "frozen." Accept that everyone is going to get through each skill at their own pace and there is nothing as a parent that you can do to speed that up…however you can actually slow it down by adding increased stress.

 

[Clover]

Fear is completely normal and part of the process when trying out new skills

Thanks, Gymtigermom for pointing this out. I think this is a very important point and not emphasized enough. Sometimes these kids think there is something wrong when they experience fear for the first time, and that just adds more stress to the situation.

To OP- sometimes kids get skills quickly, sometimes it takes a while. This varies from child to child, season to season, and sometimes week to week. I agree with others. Don't worry about it, and don't talk about it unless she brings it up.

 

[Judybird]

While I disagree that every fear issue is tied to parents watching, based on your own account, it is clearly adding frustration for you as it inevitably leads you to compare your daughter to her teammates.

I find that I frequently fall into the trap of comparing my DD to others on her team. I really hope that I have successfully hidden this tendency from her by not verbalizing it. But it does lead to lots of unnecessary stress on my part which my DD picks up on as general edginess. When a kid feels their parent is nervous then they become nervous. We always talk about gymnasts setting goals. My goal as a parent is to stop with the comparisons.

 

[Deleted member 18037]

My daughter is a top performer in her group. And there have some skills that have just taken longer for her. Took her forver to get that blasted mill circle but one she did she rocked it and was one the highest scorers on the bar.

She was next to last to get her kip, actually last I guess because the one girl who didn't is out of the gym and onto other things. Never brought it up unless she did, and then it was yeah your getting closer, don't worry it will come. You don't need it this season any way. While she was last to get it, she is getting it solidly and her form is better and she is much more consistent then some of the girls who got it more quickly. It's her skill, not mine, it happens when it happens. Although I do let the coach know if it's something they think that a private lesson will help, we'll talk.

I pretty much let the coaches coach, I try to spend as little time possible watching and use my time to do other things, date with my husband, catch up on stuff so when, she is not at the gym we have more quality time together.

The reality is kids pick up on what we are feeling. Really watch a toddler/young child when they fall, and look to a parent for what do. The parent who goes oops you, fell, time to get back up. Likely the kid shakes it off and goes on his/her merry way.
The parent who swoops in going oh no are you hurt, let me see the boo boo, ends up with the kid hysterical.

If she is sensing your frustration that she get it quick or you go with her on that, she will rush. Rushing which then adds to the fear because she isn't ready. Not being ready causes sloppy, which hurts confidence and you cycle back to fear.

You need to figure out a away to get your "baggage" about this neatly stowed. You can then support her better. It is about her after all.

 

[Deleted member 18037]

On the practical side. When she does bring it up.

As others have said remind her it's normal to find a new challenge intimidating. Let her know some of your past challenges that she can clearly see you over.

Remind her of other skills she now does really well and without a thought. Remind her of a time where they were hard work and took time to get. Even show her old videos so she can see her growth.

And remind her that her coaches don't want her to get hurt. I tell my daughter, it's bad for business but she gets my sense of humor . They are not going to let kids do stuff they aren't ready for and they will help her get ready.

As far as actual gymnastic stuff, I ask her coaches out of ear shot if I should be doing something and what. Sometimes they no, she doing Ok. Sometimes they will suggest some conditioning moves to do at home to build strength. Sometimes when it is really a matter of fine tuning we do a private.

Just some of the things I do with my girl.

 

[Deleted member 14190]

Can I hit the like button 10 more times on the above post!