Parents Opinions on offering incentives?

[Ali'sMom]

Just to be clear I would never "bribe" my daughter -to me a bribe would be a reward for doing something like going to practice or doing 10 chin ups or something. My only hope was to help her see that she is capable of doing some things that she doesn't always fully believe that she's capable of -and so I gave a (very small) incentive for this. Kids who are competing have the scores to work for -my daughter doesn't yet -so this is why a small prize seemed like a good idea. For those of you who responded that drudge work is a necessary part of life that everyone needs to learn about and that the incentive needs to be internal not external, yes, this is true and goes without saying!

We've been known to truly bribe DD (souvenir, or even cash) to go on roller coasters knowing FULL WELL that she will love them

And I'm totally on board with offering an incentive for a skill that just give her that little extra "oomph" to go for it!

 

[Judybird]

When adults work hard, they get a raise or a bonus.
When CEOs work hard, they get stock!

It is for this exact reason that I pay my kids for grades. We do $10 for A's and $5 for B's at each report card. I would never pay for gym skills though. However, a small treat to reward hard work always makes sense to me.

 

[auswi]

It is for this exact reason that I pay my kids for grades. We do $10 for A's and $5 for B's at each report card. I would never pay for gym skills though. However, a small treat to reward hard work always makes sense to me.

Different strokes for different folks we are the exact opposite in our family.

Because often a less academic kid will be working harder then the more academic child so if a report is not up to scratch we'll just have a chat about it - has seldom happened- and work with the child to help them find a solution.

So far older siblings are qualified adults LOL

 

[skschlag]

Different strokes for different folks we are the exact opposite in our family.

Because often a less academic kid will be working harder then the more academic child so if a report is not up to scratch we'll just have a chat about it - has seldom happened- and work with the child to help them find a solution.

So far older siblings are qualified adults LOL

This would be my 2 kids to a tee! One would be making quite a bit of money with minimal effort while the other would get less for working really hard.

 

[3gymgirlsmom]

I use incentives , like the other day my 6 yr old wanted to walk to a frozen yogurt place , I told her If she got her back hand spring we could.
I try to make the incentives more about celebrating but have gotten the kids a leo and once a hamster ( we were going to get it anyway )
However I use the incentives for the skills they struggle so much more on and seem to need a boost and it also helps get there mind to something fun to look forward to when they have tha trouble.

 

[KieQ]

Back when my son was little and his "currency" was cash, I told him I'd give him $10 to first time he went to the top of the rope. That night he climbed to the top and waved at me. I turned to the coach and said, "You see him there?" That was the end of Excuses for not making it because the coach had proof he could. My son never asked to make a deal with me again. lol.

S Any thoughts on offering incentives?

 

[mariposa]

No incentives or bribes here. I don't believe in them in general life situations either. She's fortunate she's able to do this sport and that's the reward. I do random rewards out of the blue, but never tied to a score or skill.

 

[GYM0M]

Don't offer incentives for gym, anymore. I did when she was little and clung to my side and didn't want to go on the floor without me, I think. It was more like if she went to big girl class without a fuss, she could sleep with me that night. (She was only 3, but still sleeps with me from time to time at 9!). Now, i offer her (& my other kids) an allowance for keeping their rooms clean, putting their clean laundry away. Stuff like that, but no incentives to get a skill in gym. If I notice that she has worked particularly hard one week, I will take her for a snocone or something!

 

[Deleted member 18037]

If I notice that she has worked particularly hard one week, I will take her for a snocone or something!

Ah but that is a reward not an incentive

We do, do rewards/treats.

And I do pay for exceptional grades but they have to exceptional as in all As.

Same with chores, no pay for doing the usual, room tidy, helping with dinner and table, putting clothes away. She can earn for going over and above. A hard yard project, major house cleaning.

 

[mariposa]

If I had been paid for As, I would have been getting paid for nothing. School and tests were easy for me. Wouldn't have taught me anything really. Which is why, if we didn't homeschool, I wouldn't pay for grades, as I know that I saw friends struggle for their As and sometimes for their Bs and Cs, yet know I didn't struggle for mine, and that seems unfair. Much like I see rewarding 9s or 9.5s, I know my kid works hard for her scores, whatever they are. I've seen kids that cheat on conditioning and don't work hard outscore my kid many times, so I am not going to put worth into a number,especially a subjective one.

 

[Seeker]

Lots of good conversations here...just want to point out that the difference between offering a 6 or 7 yr old incentive or encouragement is a very different scenario than doing the same for an older child/upper optionals gymnast that has been in the sport for a long time. Offering an ice cream cone for a 6 year old that finally masters climbing the rope is not the same as offering your kid an iPhone if they score XX. All about perspective and supporting your kid in different ways as they get older and move thru the levels.

As the parent of a 2nd year optional gymnasts, I can say that the motivation is most definitely all hers, but that doesn't mean we can't and shouldn't celebrate her accomplishments (whatever they are, not medals and placements). I'm just not going to offer her a car or anything!

 

[Deleted member 18037]

Offering an ice cream cone for a 6 year old that finally masters climbing the rope is not the same as offering your kid an iPhone if they score XX. All about perspective and supporting your kid in different ways as they get older and move thru the levels.

Again I think the difference is incentive (a promise if something happens) vs a reward (good job you worked hard to get that kip, lets go have a treat). I tend not to even reward the thing (ie kip) but the effort she put into it.

But then I have been to reward effort without a specific result. She had a hard week, worked hard. How about a DD Coolata

 

[mobeans]

I am one of those who just never offers rewards! I want my DD to know that gym is her thing and if she wants to get first or a certain score or a new skill she has to do the conditioning and the practice. She knows this and does it. She swept states last year and after hearing other kids being offered their promised iPad, etc she asked what she would get? I told her a pat on the back for a job well done.

I don't have a problem at all with others rewarding if that is what keeps them going. DD would get out of hand with it though,
Due to her personality! I just want to make sure DD knows that the motivation has to come from within if she wants to succeed. Those who work the hardest will be rewarded in the long run.

 

[Geoffrey Taucer]

My thoughts as a coach:

I don't want kids working to earn an external reward. In an ideal world, they wouldn't even be motivated by a desire to impress their parents, or to impress me (though in the real world this is to some extent inevitable).

The primary reward for working hard at gymnastics is that they get better at gymnastics. The anticipation of external rewards leads to overjustification effect.

Now, I have no objections to doing something special after the fact, but this should be more a celebration of an accomplishment, not a reward the athlete strives to earn. To put that more concretely, I wouldn't want parents to tell a kid on the way to a meet "if you get first all-around, we'll get ice cream on the way home;" however, I would have no problem if after a meet, a parent said "great meet! Let's stop for ice cream on the way home to celebrate" (though even this should be used sparingly).

 

[twinmomma]

No pay/incentives for gym skills OR for grades. Ever. Will we celebrate a good report card? Absolutely. Will we celebrate a great meet or a new skill? Sure! But promising something if they get a skill or a grade? Absolutely not.

Look, some kids work like hell to get a skill or get that A in math and it just doesn't happen. Maybe it's not their subject or they're having a vestibular issue or they've hit their physical limit. I just can't have my children's "worth" tied up in whether they hit a home run or get a press handstand or get an A on a test. My job is to love them, to guide them, and to teach them that the achievement of the skill or the A IS the reward. The sense of accomplishment that creates. Paying them for it just teaches them that the thing isn't worth doing unless there's a tangible reward, and I believe that's what ails the work ethic of the younger generations.

 

[dani4]

I don't do bribes or incentives for anything... I do sometimes say "you will get dessert when the living room is clear of all toys" but that's different in my mind- I am bribing them to do something that is not intrinsically fun for them, but gymnastics *should* be intrinsically fun or they shouldn't do it. I know that my older daughter in particular has issues with motivation and would try harder if she had more external motivators (climb the rope and you'll get ice cream) but I don't want to kill what little internal motivation she has. Also as others have said I want her to fully own her gymnastics.

I don't get a pay raise every time I do a great job. Over time, if I do a great job consistently I probably will get a promotion. But so will my kids- they will get promoted to the next class/level. No amount of ice cream or my little ponies will sustain their interest enough to get them there- they are going to have to find it themselves.

Also I've started training in a new sport and for me the motivation is to get better and go faster and be able to compete and not come in last... if my kids don't feel the same way, and they don't care how they do, then why should I buy them something to make them do better? Why do I care more about how they do than they do? If they don't care, then fine, they won't do. Eventually they will figure it out or they won't. I do think that external motivators will make it harder for them to figure it out.

 

[MAcastsalot]

Why do I care more about how they do than they do? If they don't care, then fine, they won't do. Eventually they will figure it out or they won't. I do think that external motivators will make it harder for them to figure it out.

This sums it up perfectly. I would personally prefer to have dd face those consequences now and start figuring it out when the stakes are low.

 

[Deleted member 18037]

Had a good chuckle in the car last night. The kids were obviously talking about regionals at gym. And on the way home Little asked if she makes regionals can we go out for ice cream.

So I told her no. She has 3 meets left if you include regionals.

I said, "I expect you to do your best at every meet. Even the one this weekend, that is not states or regionals. But because I said no are you going to plan on not doing good at states".
She said, "No"
And I said, "What if you are trying your best, and slip on the floor like you did at your first meet this season and you don't qualify?"
She thought about this.

So I continued, "I think ice cream is a fine idea though because the weather is getting nicer and we haven't been in a while, so I think it would be good to just celebrate the end of meet season and summer coming and more free time on the weekends. So whenever your last meet is, no matter how you do, I think we should get some ice cream."

 

[gymhorsemom]

Yes, I see what those of you who don't do any incentives are saying about motivation coming from them not us. But aren't there times when we know better than they do? For example my DD REALLY wants to move to team -she cares about this a lot more than I do. Because she wants it I want to help her get it. So rather than me (or coach) saying "hit all your bar skills today in practice and you'll have a better shot at making team" for me it sometimes makes sense to give her a little challenge that will seems to her like a fun little game but will get the same results. I personally feel that these challenges de-emphasize the pressure of getting a skill(s) by a certain date in order to compete a certain level -which unfortunately is the reality of this sport.

 

[Deleted member 18037]

So gymhorsemom.

What happens when there is more at stake and you can no longer afford the incentive?

What happens if it comes down to its not about the sport and internal drive but what stuff is in for me.

Not saying right or wrong. But how much are you willing to pay.

For me and my recent example. I don't care if my girl goes to regional or not. Sure it would be cool. And if she doesn't I save oh about 500 bucks.

No I won't offer a carrot for it. JMO that is not helping.

Telling her to practice her floor might be helping. Paying for a private or 2 might be helping. Sending her an extra day beyond the time she is currently going might be helping. Getting her "stuff" to "motivate" is not helping. That is her negotiating and holding me hostage to her "goals" yet they are supposed to be about her.

Lots of times I know better then she does, I prefer natural consequences to prevail. She has a meet tomorrow. Personally I think she didn't practice her floor enough and has slacked off a bit. We will both know tomorrow. Her last three meets her floor has been no less then 9.5. Seeing the tail end of practice yesterday, over a month since her last meet. Ummm not good.

I suggest tonight she might want to do some dry runs to work on timing. Tomorrow will tell the tale. And on Monday if it is not so good, she will get it.

Now this is JMO, your mileage and child may vary.