Parents Opinions on offering incentives?

[gymhorsemom]

Thanks for all of the responses. Just to update -my incentive did work and she did both things at practice today. In our situation my DD has struggled a lot with building strength, and has worked very hard to improve in this area. But due to her lack of strength she will end up on pre team about 2.5 years and in the sport about 3.5 years (the whole time wanting to work towards competition) before ever competing. Poor thing patiently watches as her younger sister brings home (meaningless) soccer trophies and ice skating ribbons. She's even commented that she wishes that team track gave ribbons for gaining skills or moving up levels the way the rec track does. So I think this is partially why I feel compelled to give her some sort of reward for her hard work. But I can totally see the argument that the motivation has to come from them.

 

[beachgirl]

I recently got a free teacher year pass to Sea World that included 3 1 day companion passes. We have a trip there planned in June. The catch for the free passes is that you have to go in person before May 22 and validate them. Sea World is a 5 hour round trip from my house and trying to get there will be difficult, but to save almost $500 is worth it. My daughter made one kip CHS in January and hasn't made any since. I told her 3 weeks ago that if she made the kip CHS that day that I would take her out of school and we could go to Sea World that day. She didn't know that I needed to go anyways to get the free tickets. Well, of course she made several that day and we have the date planned for Sea World. This all sounds great, but I'm really mad because no kip CHS has been made since that day. Never again will promise something. I'm getting the free tickets, but feel totally cheated. If she can do it for a trip to Sea World, she should be able to do it everyday.

 

[gymdog]

I have a tough time with this one because if you're in the sport for the long haul ( years and years) , it's going to cost you. At our original gym, there was a family who had 3 girls competing and got " $10 for every 9" they got and the kids were pretty good and the parents were always ( within earshot of all) remarking how every meet usually cost them " at least 100 bucks...I wish they weren't so good? blah blah"....and it brought a really weird and uncomfortable vibe to meets and such. Kids would ask their parents to do the same etc....

My view on it was it's a judged sport and getting 9s sometimes isn't in the cards even if the kid has worked her tail off and done a nice routine so I never got into rewarding for performance...my feel is it is their sport and they have to own it and want to do well regardless of any parental rewards....this isn't to say we haven't celebrated their accomplishments but it has not been under a structured reward system. Having been in this sport for so many years (15+), rewarding skills/scores/results etc isn't something I would ever advise anyone to do...not because it is "bad" but because I just don't think it's necessary.

Right I mean...sure CEOs get bonuses but this is not a job. Getting to go to gymnastics which costs your parents thousands each year is kind of the reward itself? My parents are totally into bribery but never had to bribe for gymnastics and I find it weird. When I was a little kid I loved to go to gymnastics so much. If I was sick and stayed home from school my first question to my mom was whether I could still go to gymnastics. Then when I got older it was a little more like a job but that far in you keep going for other reasons. Bribery's not gonna make a difference at that point. Also $10 for a 9, maybe you could afford that in 1985 but in 2015 you're going to go broke with that scheme. Can't recommend...

 

[Natasha]

No use of rewards or bribes here. I'm fine with the coaches offering rewards, but if I start, then it says that I am invested in her performance. She does get a reward for working hard….she gets to keep doing gymnastics. She gets a reward for new skills…she gets to go to the next level. I remember back in her early days, several teammates were getting rewards for getting their kip and my dd asked me what she would get. My response? "You will get to do L5" She is now L9. Next week she is actually getting a huge reward for all of her hard work…she gets to go to regionals at the beach and we will have an extra day for fun. However, this wasn't set up as a bribe, it is simply a natural reward….

 

[Natasha]

I recently got a free teacher year pass to Sea World that included 3 1 day companion passes. We have a trip there planned in June. The catch for the free passes is that you have to go in person before May 22 and validate them. Sea World is a 5 hour round trip from my house and trying to get there will be difficult, but to save almost $500 is worth it. My daughter made one kip CHS in January and hasn't made any since. I told her 3 weeks ago that if she made the kip CHS that day that I would take her out of school and we could go to Sea World that day. She didn't know that I needed to go anyways to get the free tickets. Well, of course she made several that day and we have the date planned for Sea World. This all sounds great, but I'm really mad because no kip CHS has been made since that day. Never again will promise something. I'm getting the free tickets, but feel totally cheated. If she can do it for a trip to Sea World, she should be able to do it everyday.

Perfect example of intrinsic vs extrinsic motivation...

 

[OzZee]

I also think that kids just come to expect things too and then what do you offer?
I remember my youngest's first comp. Her sister was at the opp end of the day so we spent the middle of the day at a local shops. Dd got something (can't remember think it was a t-shirt), and somehow equated that with the competition. Didn't realise that till next one when she asked what she was getting!!
Ummm!! The entry fee into the comp and me driving you here!
We don't even do meals/ice cream unless completely necessary as I feel the comp itself costs enough (and lol ours aren't as expensive as the U.S., the kids also don't all get medals etc)

 

[raenndrops]

The only time I ever offered an incentive was at dd's state meet for platinum. I told her if she won an event or AA, she could go to regionals, which required an expensive plane ride to MS. I never dreamed it would be reachable. But she did it and we went.

That doesn't really count... that is something she has EARNED by qualifying for Regionals.

 

[raenndrops]

I also think that kids just come to expect things too and then what do you offer?
I remember my youngest's first comp. Her sister was at the opp end of the day so we spent the middle of the day at a local shops. Dd got something (can't remember think it was a t-shirt), and somehow equated that with the competition. Didn't realise that till next one when she asked what she was getting!!
Ummm!! The entry fee into the comp and me driving you here!
We don't even do meals/ice cream unless completely necessary as I feel the comp itself costs enough (and lol ours aren't as expensive as the U.S., the kids also don't all get medals etc)

We have to get food on the way home from a meet anyways... with my job with team, I am there for all sessions. I CANT eat much at a meet, so I eat on the way home... and that is when we grab dinner. Larger sizes of shakes is not a big deal (honestly, I plan for Large Shakes and they tell me what they want... if they didn't meet their goals, they often only ask for a small shake and if they did meet the goals, they ask for a medium - I'm not complaining. Now, if they CRUSHED their goals- all of them, they may ask for a large shake. I "give in" and might even throw in a large fry, lol).

 

[lovegymnastics22]

I told my DD before her first meet no matter what happened, I was so very proud of her and when she was done we'd clap real hard and cheer and then go for ice cream. And we did that after every single meet. It was our way of saying that whatever happened at the meet we loved her and were proud of her just for putting herself out there. I think I even got that idea from this list. Even if I'd give her a treat to celebrate her getting a new skill (which I haven't.. just hugs), I wouldn't do it for a score. For me it is just about making sure that she knows I don't care about the scores or placement but that she works hard and just does the best she can.

FWIW-- I do sympathize about the lack of ribbons etc. At our gym the girls get to ring the bell when they get a new skill and also share with the whole compulsory team at the line-up at the end of practice. At another gym they got treats for particularly hard work on a day. Maybe you could suggest something like that?

 

[duyetanh]

I give hugs and woo hoos!!! Best reward ever imho...
It has to be hers. If I started giving incentives for a sport,something she is choosing to do....well then it starts becoming mine.
The HC at our gym gives the girls free tramp time if someone hits a new trick. That is motivation enough. She did tell my kid that when she got her kip back she herself would do one...my kid did and she did.

 

[duyetanh]

Our gym does have that ring the bell thing, and then the whole gym stops and everyone yells, "What did you do?" and then the gymnast announces their accomplishment. My child has never had the desire to ring the bell. She would rather run and tell me what she did after practice.

 

[gymhorsemom]

Thanks for the great responses. I just wanted to add that while yes, getting to do gymnastics is a privilege for my DD and she realizes this, at age 7 she doesn't always understand why certain things are important, like climbing the ropes. She struggles with strength and much prefers anything with tumbling or beam to bar or strength work. She's been pretty good with conditioning as she's started to see the results of it (she's become much stronger) but sometimes I think needs a little push in this category. I think incentives for a good score at a meet or that sort of thing would be different as the score should be reward enough.

 

[Deleted member 18037]

she doesn't always understand why certain things are important, like climbing the ropes. She struggles with strength and much prefers anything with tumbling or beam to bar or strength work.

This is not personal and the drudge work is mostly what life is about. The routine. I think that is the point of why incentives don't work.

I really do not enjoy cleaning my house. But I do enjoy a clean house. I don't clean my bathroom because I get rewarded for it, all I get is to enjoy the clean bathroom.

I think there is a generation of folks who just don't get that life has a lot of routine that just doesn't get rewarded.

The constant lament of my daughter, but I don't want to do xyz. Yes, I understand you don't want to. Lots in life we don't want to do. But we have to. Now go do xyz please.

Conditioning is not as fun as a backhandspring. But it makes one stronger and less likely to be injured. It falls into the I get its not your fave, and you would rather not category, now go do it please. Followed by a hug.

 

[cbifoja]

I learned last year about not tying incentives into results. DD has always wanted a 9.0 on all events at the same meet and a 37AA. Last year (2014) was her first year of optionals and I was excited for her and loved her enthusiasm and determination of meeting those goals. She has wanted a particular pet for several years and I told her that if she got either of her goals, I would get her the new pet.

HUGE MISTAKE!!!!!!!

She stressed out all season long and it totally took the joy out of the season. I felt compelled to stick to the original deal since it had been made but watching her tear herself up after each meet made me regret ever doing it and I won't ever do it again. She never made either of those goals last season so I was spared the "joy" of having a new pet but I learned a big lesson.

Ironically, she hit one of those goals this past season and was so proud of herself. She didn't ask for a reward (other than a small, silly treat she often receives) and took pride in just reaching the goal.

 

[gracyomalley]

I let DD buy raffle tickets the first time she got a 9+ - and she won a stupid blanket and never asked for that again. The kids get to go out with friends for dinner/lunch after most meets - whether they do well or struggle. Last summer, when DD thought I was evil for making her change gyms (until her old HC did exactly what I had said she would and skipped town...) I did offer her the incentive of being allowed to quit once she was L8 comp. ready....and when she does a new (redoes an old but "lost" skill more likely now) I tell her "great - that must have felt good".....my oldest placed well at regionals last night - and got a peanut butter cup and the right to eat at McDonalds.

I'm not mean- its just that in the end the incentives don't matter to the kids as they progress...its too hard to learn a Piked Tsuk if you don't really want to - no matter what bribe you are offered. DD old coach was very incentive driven...and actually it worked well with the younger kids (incentives were tiny candies, or more likely big kudos from her - oh, and they got a free leo when they got their kip consistenly), but it also meant that when she moved to a new gym and the kudos were "nice giants - I knew you could do them that well, now you can work on your pirouette with the other L8s" she felt lost...there is an age when we all have to move from external reward to internal motivation - and sports help kids get there sooner if done right...a 7 year old getting a special treat after a kip is fine, but an 11/12 year old needs to be doing all this for themselves so we have to parent with that in mind.

 

[mommyof1]

Getting to go to gymnastics which costs your parents thousands each year is kind of the reward itself?

Bingo! My child is fully aware that her reward for going to gymnastics practice and doing her best is .... the privilege of going to gymnastics practice. We don't ask for any specific results, but if she doesn't go to every practice and work hard, we are not going to keep paying for it and spending all of our time driving her there. The same goes for her other activities. We don't reward for grades, either. A good report card is its own reward.

Although I will admit to being guilty of promising ice cream celebrations ahead of time for certain accomplishments, and I am pretty certain that when she gets her kip there will be cupcakes involved.

 

[Ali'sMom]

We do the "store-bought leo" when moving up a level (I typically do ebay).

Two weeks ago she was moved up to score-out of L5 next week.
Then if she gets her L6 skils over the summer, she will be L6 in fall (XG, otherwise)

So I said "How about we wait until August to buy it, for the new school year?" She agreed. Until an hour later she said "Wait a minute, if I'm L5 now, and i'll be L6 or xcel in fall, isn't that TWO leos?"

I tried to sidestep around... On one hand, one meet does not a level make... but on the other hand, she is indeed competing L5 this weekend instead of L4.

So, yes, we will be getting a new leo in the next few weeks. Then when she knows her level in fall, she will be getting another new one...

Don't think it qualifies as a bribe, but definitely a reward

 

[TxGymMom1]

If my DD scores a 9.5 or above on all events at a meet, she gets a new leo.
I really need to rethink this and put a, "for a maximum of three new leo's per season," or something similar

 

[auswi]

In certain situations for all kids extrinsic motivation is an invaluable tool until they develop intrinsic motivation.

Our Dd has never needed extrinsic motivation for her sport- but we are very big on letting her know before she competes that we are very proud of her working hard and the effort she puts in and have a tradition of a frozen yoghurt afterwards which is absolutely not result dependant.

But for keeping her room tidy.... Yep - she never has to do it but if she chooses not to tidy she doesn't have to collect her pocket money (not a huge sum) either I suspect without the extrinsic motivation her room would be shambolic!

I know for some of her younger siblings who struggled with sport participation initially a treat afterwards really helped- but this quickly stretched out as their confidence grew. ( And by a treat it was something small like an ice block in summer.)

 

[gymhorsemom]

Just to be clear I would never "bribe" my daughter -to me a bribe would be a reward for doing something like going to practice or doing 10 chin ups or something. My only hope was to help her see that she is capable of doing some things that she doesn't always fully believe that she's capable of -and so I gave a (very small) incentive for this. Kids who are competing have the scores to work for -my daughter doesn't yet -so this is why a small prize seemed like a good idea. For those of you who responded that drudge work is a necessary part of life that everyone needs to learn about and that the incentive needs to be internal not external, yes, this is true and goes without saying!