WAG Please help.....need coaches and experienced higher level gym parents to advise on this:(

[Deleted member 14190]

No, not always. And particularly not if it's a situation where it has been addressed in just this manner countless times with lip service during the "meeting" but no change. But I agree with you that it's impossible to make a call based on internet information. And there are some stories that are just so outrageous you couldn't make this stuff up if you tried. Maybe not in your gym, but in other ones...

I have heard some pretty outrageous stories from my kids over the years . Sometimes they hear what they want to hear.

 

[slimgymz]

Well , give us a feel for what else has happened.[/

It's a very small upper level optional team and we are all experiencing the same things to the point our girls are not happy anymore. I mean, they made it to Nationals-this should be a time of celebrating. Instead, they are told they "choked" and "never finish strong" at a meet, among other things said I won't mention here. The glass seems like it's always half-empty.

 

[Deleted member 14190]

(remember you asked for opinions, so this is mine). You are right this should be a time for celebration, not causing a bunch of drama with the parents. How about everyone zip up until after Nationals then you can look for another gym if that is what you want or raise all the hell you want. But currently your plan to "straighten him out", is only going to send a ripple in the program.... With that said... i am out.

 

[Deleted member D3987]

Hello and thank you in advance for reading and advising

Background: My daughter has been a level 10 gymnast since she was young and has qualified to nationals every year, except one. At regionals she and her teammate qualified to nationals again. DD's older sister also qualified as an alternate after coming back from an injury. My DD consistently scores 37 plus AA's every meet.

Situation: Jr DD scores above 9 for first place: Her one coach (she has 2) tells her he is disappointed in her performance (especially on vault) and both her teammates performances (above). He proceeds to vent his frustration about my daughters and teammate to another level 9 gymnast at practice yesterday who is competing tomorrow at regionals (more stress for this poor kid to perform perfectly) Gym owner, to my knowledge, has no clue he is doing this, but knows his personality. However, this coach has been talking down to our girls since he came to our gym a few years ago. We as parents always thought it was just a dry sense of humor and that he was kidding with them. The comments he made this weekend were ridiculous and uncalled for in my opinion. He uttered not one word of "good job" etc. or any form of positive reassurance/affirmation of a meet well executed by them. In fact, after vault (last event), he tells DD's teammate that she just screwed up her chances of qualifying before he even checked the score/standings. After the dust settled, it turns out she could have fallen 3 times on beam and still qualified. He was totally unaware of their placement.

Yes, he has tons of coaching experience and he is great at teaching technique and getting the girls where they need to be athletically and for colleges to be aware of their talent, but he also is very manipulative and plays mental mind games with these "kids" (ages 12 to 16) and this weekend it has finally come to a boiling point with my daughter-and the parents. We the parents know we have not been advocating properly, but feel like we are in a "Catch 22" with these coaches. Our daughters beg us not to say anything to them, because the girls tell us the coaches will be miserable and mean and take it out on them at practice. We, as parents are at a loss and quite heartbroken that all their hard work seems to account for nothing and the fun is totally sucked out of this sport for them. We feel like we are perpetuating this viscous cycle by not advocating for them and enabling the coaches to mentally/emotionally abuse our girls, but know if we do try to fix this, the girls will bear the brunt of it. The situation has gotten so bad, the gymnasts are entertaining the idea of exploring other gyms. I am concerned that if we approach the gym owner, this will make everything worse for the girls especially now that colleges are looking at them and I don't want to ruin any chances of them obtaining a scholarship, but more importantly, I don't want them to pay the price of mental abuse for doing their best and achieving great things. Pushing them to do well is one thing, but this is just nuts, right???

This morning, I gave my daughters permission to talk back to him and defend themselves if he should say anything demeaning to them again and if he has a problem with it to come talk to me and I will straighten him out. The problem here is that he will turn this around and say she is being disrespectful by talking back to him (another one of his mind games-this happens when they answer regular questions he asks/so bizarre and it drives me crazy!) My girls are never disrespectful to authoritative figures and up until this point have maintained composure with great mental strength, imho, dealing with his continual negative comments to them. They are not 5 year olds and have a voice in this 2 way street-there is give and take in this coach/gymnast relationship that he clearly does not acknowledge.

FYI: There are no other gyms we would feel comfortable sending our daughters to, and where there is good coaching, it is hours away and just not a viable solution.

Any words of advice would be greatly appreciated at this time. Thanks for letting me vent.

Gratefully,

Edited To remove identifying information.

YIKES!

 

[slimgymz]

(remember you asked for opinions, so this is mine). You are right this should be a time for celebration, not causing a bunch of drama with the parents. How about everyone zip up until after Nationals then you can look for another gym if that is what you want or raise all the hell you want. But currently your plan to "straighten him out", is only going to send a ripple in the program.... With that said... i am out.

Why so defensive coachp? Yes, I asked for opinions, but do you let people demean your own children and get away with it? Do you not protect them? You sound like you lay blame on the victims here. Are you accusing me of causing drama with parents? They have come to me with their concerns over the years. I have been silent up until now. The program has been rippled, albeit behind the scenes, for some time now. The only thing we agree on here is waiting until after Nationals to remedy this, if it can be remedied at all.

 

[slimgymz]

I have been in your shoes and I understand your frustration. I also have more than one very talented child in the upper levels of this sport. I also felt there were no other options nearby for my kids, until I started seriously looking by necessity. You see, all of a sudden, one day, my strong and confident daughter decided after a very successful L10 season that she was done with the sport. She literally went from being able to tolerate the nonsense and mistreatment, the ridicule and snide remarks.... to being ready to quit forever...all in a matter of a few weeks time...all without warning! She always told me how the comments and treatment bothered her, but I never really understood how deeply they affected her! I pulled her immediately from the toxic environment that she was in, and began to look for other options. I told her that under no circumstance did she ever deserve to be treated that way, and that I was proving it with my actions! Happily, she (and her siblings) came out of it on the other side, and what we considered at first to be a "lesser option" turned out to be the best thing that ever happened for her AND her gymnastics. If your children are talented and hard working, which it sounds like they are, they will thrive in a positive environment. Don't be afraid to go look for one!

Thank you for your support "justanothergymmom". I never thought I'd be in this situation.