WAG Should I "keep it real"?

[cbone]

*WARNING*- I am going to be petty in this post. Be patient with my venting and arrogance, because it leads to a question that I would really appreciate some honest feedback on.

When my daughter switched from our first gym (which my mom picked when she decided to give my daughter a month of gymnastics classes as a Christmas gift) to our current gym, something happened. My wife was sitting watching practice and a mother looked at my wife and said, "I don't think your daughter has the skills to be on this team." This really ticked me off, but I kept my mouth shut because we were new to the gym and I didn't want to make waves. I'm also the type that believes in success being the best way to get even and I believed then (and still believe now) that my daughter would pass this woman's daughter based on a combination of excellent work ethic and natural talent.

Fast forward almost two years. The daughter of the mother who made the comment was a Level 4 teammate of my daughter's this year. Both had good seasons and I found a way to tolerate the mother in question (I really like her husband). I got a little (a LOT) of satisfaction seeing my daughter get all of her old 5/new 4 skills before the other girl. In fact, the other girl is still struggling with her kip. The super petty part of me wanted to go up to the mother and say, "I don't think your daughter has the skills to be on the new Level 4 team.", but the decent person in me knows that is definitely the wrong answer. The point is that I still have some hard feelings.

This mother has just become the President of our booster club. Last year, my wife and I really worked hard for the booster club, taking on additional jobs for both meets the booster club ran. We did extra fundraising and really tried to go the extra mile to "be on the team". One of the things I'm big on is honesty within any team I'm involved with. I think it's an integral part of working together with people. So here's my question:

Should I speak with this mom to clear the air so that I can feel like I can work well with her? Should I let it go and back off of my involvement in the gym? How would YOU deal with the issue?

 

[gymmomof1]

Imho I suggest you forgive AND forget. I can't see any good coming from clearing the air since I doubt she would get that she did anything wrong. As frustrating as those people are know that you can vent with us and not have to keep it inside but you won't change them. Maybe smother her with kindness lol. Important thing is your dd is doing well and is happy doing what she loves to do.

 

[gymmiemom]

^^^^I agree. Let it go and move on. Nothing good will come from bringing it up. I wouldn't lesson your involvement with the gym either. She won't always be booster president, and the more people who see you are a team player and willing to go the extra mile, the more people who might follow your example.

I am glad your DD is doing so well Take comfort in the fact that even though you don't say anything, that mom is very well aware of how your two DDs are doing.

 

[cbifoja]

I think you let it go and work hard because she doesn't benefit from the booster club, your daughter does. To hamstring the booster club is to hamstring your daughter. Don't bring it up because you saying that line would be petty no matter how satisfying it would be. Be bigger than that. I'm sure she is aware that your daughter has passed hers and probably already has some negative feelings she is dealing with on her own. No need to rub salt in her wounds.

 

[my4buffaloes]

Hmm, does she still make snide remarks like that or are you just remembering a 1 time thing? If she still makes remarks, bring it up next time she says something. If it was a 1 time thing - I bet she doesn't even remember saying that. Your dd has proved herself and you cannot change the way this woman thinks. I would be the grown up here and continue to do work for the boosters. I am sure you can limit your interaction with this woman somehow.

 

[cbone]

I KNEW that this would be the consensus. I guess I want to be mad still. She attacked my baby! But I know that you're all right, too. Time to cowboy up and be the bigger person. I just hate that being the bigger person means that the smaller person gets a free shot...

Thank you all for responding.

 

[cbone]

m4b, there are always snide comments toward someone. Whether it's making comments about people who couldn't afford to pay competition fees and left the team to saying that certain kids probably need to get some privates because they aren't competition ready. There's this air of superiority that is maddening. The irony is that they've done 3-4 privates a month to try to get the kip.

Sorry, I'm just complaining now.

 

[Gymmommy71]

Yeah, don't say anything and stay just as involved as always. People get so wrapped up in these competitive activities that they sometimes don't realize that what they are saying is even hurtful - she might have been kidding or sarcastic for all that you know, and most times it is insecurity that leads them to say such things when they are being literal.

 

[armbmom]

More than likely, you are not the only one who has heard those types of things from this mom. Eventually, she will let her true colors shine and then you won't look like the bad guy. With her high profile position now, it should bring out the kind of person she is. Sit back, and get some popcorn. I too, have had an interaction similar to this with another mother and sure enough, over time, her true colors presented themselves, and she looks like the whiner, complainer and pain in the neck she truly is and the other parents just ignore her and feel bad for the daughter.

 

[Gymmommy71]

m4b, there are always snide comments toward someone. Whether it's making comments about people who couldn't afford to pay competition fees and left the team to saying that certain kids probably need to get some privates because they aren't competition ready. There's this air of superiority that is maddening. The irony is that they've done 3-4 privates a month to try to get the kip.

Sorry, I'm just complaining now.

Haha - yeah, the dredded kip can really take some kids forever. That mom is probably so stressed out over it too cause she made the mistake of putting others down when her DD was one of the best. The morale of the story is to never be arrogant about your child's gymnastics - you never know when your kid is going to be "the one" to struggle on the next big gateway skill - no matter how talented a kid may seem, no one is immune to skill issues, and this goes for all levels. I've seen arrogance backfire, a lot, it's like gymnastics karma .

 

[cbone]

Gymmommy71, that's not what I want to hear on a post where I give a warning that I'm about to be arrogant!

 

[reillysmom2]

Cbone, I know exactly how you feel! When your baby is attacked, you want to just claw their eyeballs out (at least this is how I feel! LOL) But its been my experience that when someone says something like this to you, they usually can see the talent in your child and are feeling insecure in their own child's abilities....so what do they do, they try to make you doubt your child's also. It's crappy and immature, but look at it this way...obviously your child is pretty great or she wouldn't feel so threatened! I would just keep repeating that to myself and try not to say anything to her unless she really gets out of hand. I have a feeling she's not the type to be able to have an adult conversation about it since most people wouldn't be so rude to say the original comment to you in the first place. And she's probably pretty aware her kid is struggling now, too, so maybe she'll keep her trap shut.

 

[Gymmommy71]

Gymmommy71, that's not what I want to hear on a post where I give a warning that I'm about to be arrogant!

Haha...sorry, let me qualify it with that anonymous internet posts don't count ... It's only identifiable in person arrogance that will backfire .

 

[my4buffaloes]

I think we all have those people that we want our children to beat - whether we say it out loud or not. One thing that would get to her is if you countered with a positive every time she said something negative. Or you could call her on her negativity or comment about her dd's lack of a kip, etc. But I would not bring up the original comment because she likely won't remember. Stick with current facts I guess. I have a hard time biting my tongue sometimes too!

 

[gymgal]

let's be blunt... And no offense intended. it has been 2 years. Seriously, it's time to move on. Your dd has proven herself to be a worthy member of the team. This woman has proven to be a menace to the team. Why are you letting this still bother you. Put it beyond you and don't think about it again. Next year, run for president...

One more thing... why hasn't her bashing been brought up to the hc? It has been going on for 2 years. Maybe more? This type of attitude kills the team atmosphere.

 

[happychaos]

Trust me cbone, that mother KNOWS your DD has passed hers, and you don't have to say a thing. Take your satisfaction in that. There was a mom like this at my DD's old gym. I could literally sense her seething when my DD got her kip before her DD. You know that woman's comment was mean-spirited, you don't need to be mean back. Hopefully she has a bit more perspective now.

 

[flippin out]

2 yrs ago? Not to slight the matter, but seriously......she probably does not even remember saying anything and to bring it up now would just make you look petty and a bit ridiculous for dredging up something from 2yrs ago. I'm with gymgal, move on and forget it. We all have to learn to play with others and find a way to work those who have offended us (even if they don't remember the offense).

 

[bookworm]

I agree with everyone who says it's been 2 years , and it's time to move on..notice I didn't say "forget"? Success is truly your best revenge...

But I have a question, if she's always making snide remarks about everyone, how the heck did she get elected?

 

[cbone]

bookworm, no one else ran.

To those of you who point out that it's been two years- you're right. If someone told me I'm an a-hole, I'd forget about it by tomorrow. Someone on this board sent me a PM early on to tell me what a jerk I am. I honestly couldn't tell you who it was today. It was a water off a duck's back kind of deal. If someone says something unkind about my kids, however, I remember EXACTLY who it was. It's probably a flaw, but it's who I am. I am 100% Papa Bear.

That said, I think I'll heed the good advice here and suck it up.

 

[Muddlethru]

Same thing happened to me when my daughter started gymnastics. My daughter was moved up to preteam instantly and her daughter had been taking rec gymnastics for 2 years and was in preteam already for over 9 months. Her daughter was practicing with the team once a week and my daughter was still not asked to practice with the team. Having just been introduced to gymnastics, I was thrilled and eager to make friends. Well this mother had her nose up in the air. Her daughter was actually the best in the group. I was very impressed and complimented her daughter. But the mother could not be bothered with compliments from me, a newbie who knew nothing. When summer came along and she heard my daughter might be making team, it was clear this did not please her because she felt her daughter was more advanced than my daughter and doubted my daughter had the ro bhs required to go to L4. Well after the L4 season, my daughter was moved up and her daughter was not. The mother struggled to get her daughter to be moved up. She tried everything. But by mid season, they did not still move her up because the coaches said "she did not have the skills"(hmmmm, sounds familiar). Right now, her daughter is in L7 and may repeat L7 and my daughter is L9 training L10. And my daughter is only a week older.

Like you cbone, I held a grudge. And over the next two years, I could not get myself to fully warm up to her. But I never considered confronting her because those were her thoughts. But having been around her for almost 4 years, I got to know her a little better. She truly is not a bad person. She is fun and actually a nice person, but ultra competitive. I'd have no problems being friends with her. I've enjoyed our conversations a lot. Sometimes, some people get too obsessed with gymnastics, especially in the early stages, because they feel their daughter is the next Olympian. I'd just let it go. If you confront her, she may not even remember the incident and/or deny it. Then you'll be like the crazy gym dad.