Parents Someone please help me cushion the emotional fall

[Muffinsmom]

DD is 6, in her first season. She trains with an open TOPs class once a week, team twice per week and was invited to a closed TOPs class once per week. The closed TOPs class is tested monthly...if you pass you live another month, if you don't well, you're out. To be honest, I thought there was a mistake when she was invited. Don't get me wrong...she's very strong and flexible and shows early promise on team, but in the TOPs class she's bottom of the totem pole. All but one of the other girls have already been on team a year and are further along than Muffin. Anyway, there are 9 skills to be tested THIS SATURDAY. She's got 5 of them down, but it will most likely take an act of God for her to nail all 4 of her missing skills on the same day. I personally wouldn't mind taking the stress level down a notch by eliminating this TOPs class but my DD is obsessed with passing. She cries HARD in frustration, asks why she isn't good enough, says she wants everyone to know she belongs there, practices around the clock, basically thinks the world revolves around Saturday TOPs. My heart just aches when I think of how she'll feel if she doesn't pass. I don't know anyone who works harder than this child, even adults. I'm just trying to be prepared...any advice on what to say to soothe my baby and help her through it if she just doesn't pass? Ugghhh I cry just thinking about it.

 

[htimcj]

That is so hard. But you might be surprised and she'll do just fine or the "passing" score isn't 100%.

 

[Popcorn]

What an amazing young lady you have, already with such a work ethic!!

She may surprise you and be more resilient than you expect. Or, she may need you to teach her about perspective. Either way, that's a tough set-up (live another month? Yikes) and I hope she (and you!) make it through Saturday!

 

[Muffinsmom]

I do tend to underestimate her. She does need 100%. I really really really really hope she pulls it off!

 

[Popcorn]

I hope she does too!! Can she try again next month if needed? Or is it once you're off the island, you can't return?

 

[Muffinsmom]

She can test again at the end of this month, but she has to pass whatever this months test will be and she can't come to the TOPs class in the meantime. I don't know that I would push her to try. She has two more days of practice time, so we'll see how it goes!

I hope she does too!! Can she try again next month if needed? Or is it once you're off the island, you can't return?

 

[skschlag]

Good luck to her! What skills does she need? ? Is she close? Maybe she will pull it out. If not, you will be there for her. Just let her vent any way she needs to. But, let's be optimistic!!!

 

[Muffinsmom]

Good luck to her! What skills does she need? ? Is she close? Maybe she will pull it out. If not, you will be there for her. Just let her vent any way she needs to. But, let's be optimistic!!!

The skills she's not quite got:
5 half leg lifts with perfect form (as of today she's got this)
Straddle split on fingertips for 8 seconds (she CAN but it's rare and total agony)
Press handstand (she just got her first one 2 wks ago and makes it all the way up about half the time)
4 pulls up the rope with no legs and held in V to the side (she occasionally gets 3, never 4)

Soo she's really close on 3 of the 4, but the rope is brutal for her. She and I are both doing everything we can to get her there in time...I'm basically dropping everything to help her and we are both dialed in to her diet.

Thank you all for your support! Maybe if we all believe!!

 

[Committed]

[QUOTE="Muffinsmom, post: 359990, member: 17817"

Soo she's really close on 3 of the 4, but the rope is brutal for her. She and I are both doing everything we can to get her there in time...I'm basically dropping everything to help her and we are both dialed in to her diet.

Thank you all for your support! Maybe if we all believe!![/QUOTE]

I was totally with you until the "I dropped everything......dialed into her diet" part.

I think you may just let it be. I get that she's totally invested, but your help may not be what she needs. If she's out for a month, that sucks, but it's not the end of the world.
This sounds too serious..... especially now that you're changing her food?

Good luck to her! I'm sorry she's so stressed out. Hopefully whatever happens is the best for her.

 

[gymmomtotwo]

Wow. I would highly question a team that kicks kids in and out of Tops on a monthly basis. I think that is way too much pressure for a little gal. An invite to the TOPs group is a school year commitment at our gym,and if you are ready at the end of the year you can test. If not, then it is reevaluated whether you are best served by the program or should just continue on with the regular JO program. Often the kids who struggle decide on their own during the year to stick with JO on their own, but they are given the chance. What you describe seems to border on cruel.

 

[Seeker]

She can test again at the end of this month, but she has to pass whatever this months test will be and she can't come to the TOPs class in the meantime. I don't know that I would push her to try. She has two more days of practice time, so we'll see how it goes!

This seems unreasonably harsh and stressful for young kids just starting out. The goal is to develop them over time, not in a month. From a basic philosophy standpoint, this gives me much pause. That being said, I do hope she makes it. Fingers crossed.

 

[OzZee]

Wow what a harsh gym policy. These are little kids! That sort of pressure is wrong imo.

Good luck to her as she really wants it but it sounds like a lot of excessive stress every month.
She may surprise you and manage it under the pressure of testing day.

 

[Muffinsmom]

Ugghhhh you're all right. I'm happy she's asked to change her diet...it's ridiculously bad. But everything else I agree with. And then I feel guilty for thinking I wouldn't mind if she failed. But for whatever reason, she's got it in her head she has to pass. This is miserable.

 

[gymmom8772]

This seems incredibly cut throat and harsh IMO for a gym to kick such young girls out of their tops program on a monthly basis. Talk about a lot of pressure on these girls! There are so many ebbs and flows in the process of this sport, it seems shortsighted to me that they would do this. How long have they had a TOPS program in this gym?
I understand the pressure your daughter is putting on herself. It seems to be a common trait amongst gymnasts to do that. Just tell her to do her best but you are proud no matter the outcome. Even when things don't always workout the way she plans it is a great learning lesson. Dealing with disappointment stinks but it also teaches them to be more resilient in this sport I've learned. She sounds like a very hard working, focused little girl and that will get her far no matter what happens this next month.

 

[gymdog]

This just seems like the program is not right for 6 year olds...they cannot even test or depending on birthday might have their first test this summer. so why would they be so harsh on 5 and 6 year olds, even if they were eligible to test this summer if they missed the first year or weren't ready there would still be other years. It doesn't seem right to invite them and then stress them out.

I'm honestly wondering if you should look at another gyms program because this one seems to be causing your daughter so much stress...just doesn't seem right, if I recall she was just invited a very short time ago, to expect a new 6 year old to have everything seems a bit harsh.

 

[munchkin3]

What will be, will be.......get some ice cream, and smell the roses.

 

[wallinbl]

When our kids fail, we have great opportunities as parents. Handling failure is part of life, and the ability to do it well is one of the (many) things that can determine whether a person is happy or not over the long term. I pray you have compassion and wisdom needed if the situation arises with this.

 

[profmom]

I concur with the general sense that your gym's policy is ridiculous. That being said, remember that your DD is very young. Little ones get upset when they "fail," but they work through these kinds of disappointments very quickly if you can give them a little space to process on their own. Over the course of her gymnastics career, my DD has failed to move up a level when most of her friends did twice and missed making states one year -- one of only two people on her entire team to do so. But hey, she's failed her way all the way into optionals, and I couldn't be prouder of her work ethic and ability to stay the course when things get tough.

If your DD doesn't make it, expect some sadness for a day or so and then expect her to move right on. Ice cream helps, even for teenagers.

 

[Jenny]

When our kids fail, we have great opportunities as parents. Handling failure is part of life, and the ability to do it well is one of the (many) things that can determine whether a person is happy or not over the long term. I pray you have compassion and wisdom needed if the situation arises with this.

This is so true. See it as a valuable learning op for you both. I think it is a little like watching your kid compete. Much harder and more nerve wracking to be the parent watching than the kid doing. Same for failure. Harder to watch your itty bitty fail and hurt than it probably feels for her. She might be outwardly emotionally more dramatic about it at the time but it will fade quick and she will pick up and carry on.

 

[Ex member]

This is so true. See it as a valuable learning op for you both. I think it is a little like watching your kid compete. Much harder and more nerve wracking to be the parent watching than the kid doing. Same for failure.

That is so true, my youngest had her first comp last month - just a tumble and trampette comp, I was more worried how she felt if she didn't get a medal, which she didn't, it didn't even phase her one bit, in fact she came last on trampette and near enough last on table. My dd really didn't even seem to care. I am glad she is had the experience of "failing" and that she handled it without any issues, from there it is only one way to go and that is up.