Parents Sweet 16

[Momof2]

How about something personalized. You can look up the website - things remembered. They might have something that says sweet 16 on it like a picture frame that she can put a photo from her cruise in it.

 

[profmom]

Oh, you should accept the cruise offer but demand to go along as a chaperone! (JUST KIDDING.)

I think this is a great time to play the gymnastics card. Hand across forehead, express deepest and most sincere regrets, but sadly, the rigors of the competition season are such that . . . sigh . . . you fear it is impossible for your driven, committed child to miss her highly professional and excessive (elbow to ribs = obscenely expensive) gymnastics training.

As a gift, I suggest in all seriousness, some ugly art.

 

[Muddlethru]

Hang on. You've never met this child and you're entertaining the idea of yours going away for a week-long cruise with this bunch of strangers? Mind blown.

Don't jump into conclusions or be too quick to judge. I said I've never met the girl or her family. My daughter slept over at her house a couple of times but my husband took my daughter. The mother came out and introduced herself when my husband dropped my daughter off and another friend for the first time. We meet parents before we allow our children to sleepover at anyone's house. I only specified that I did not know the girl and she was not in the close circle of friends my daughter has brought home because I felt that information (perhaps said recklessly) may be important in determining the gift. If the birthday girl was the daughter of a close, good family friend or one of her best friends, it would be a different story. I would know how much to spend and what to do. I would not have started this thread.

We are meeting the parents next week to discuss the cruise. I live in a somewhat small town were people know each other or have friends that know each other or have heard of each other. My mind is blown by how quickly people like to think the worse of their fellowmen and judge one's ability to be a good parent. There were several posters above who had similar views but their posts were no near as insulting. And as such it was not offensive.

The cruise is in February, three months away. There is plenty of time to be acquainted. My daughter just told me about this invitation this afternoon. And so many things/questions came to mind. As a parent, and I consider myself a great parent, I did not need opinions or suggestions on the moral, ethical, or how this situation is to be handled or addressed. I know what to do in those departments. I don't think I even said she was going because that has not been decided yet. My husband does not know about it yet. He is out of town. But I thought this forum would be as good as any to get some gift suggestions. It is one thing that came to mind I thought I might be able to get a head start should we decide to let her go.

Btw, last summer we let our son go to Italy for 3 weeks with a good friend of his, who we've know for years but really did not know the parents except for waves to each other when I would give their son a ride home. We sat down just a month before they left. And yes, we entrusted our son to these strangers for three weeks. Strangers do turn out to be great people.

 

[Muddlethru]

Oh, after profmom's post, which I like your suggestion of me tagging along, it might have appeared it was my 13 year old gymnast who was asked to go to the cruise. That is a nobrainer. She would not have been allowed to go. It is my 16 year old, soon to be 17, who was invited. I put the info on my 13 year old in parenthesis thinking it would be clear that was a side unrelated comment. But after rereading my original post, it certainly did seem like it was my 13 year old. Sorry for the confusion.

 

[Muddlethru]

Yikes! I have a daughter turning 16 next week and I have never heard of anything like this before ... and I am actually feeling quite relieved! All she asked for was a laser tag party and a Pandora bracelet. Sounds like quite the bargain now!

I agree with the others that suggested something handmade.

I did not give my daughter a big sweet 16. She had a nice intimate dinner with ten of her closest friends. She actually did not want one and even if she did, I personally don't think turning 16 deserves all these "hoopla". Eighteen maybe, but not really. But I think it is more of a turning point; they get to vote, enlist in the army, etc.

 

[MaryA]

Oh my, I can't imagine NOT letting my child go on an all-expenses paid cruise were one offered. Try living that one down! You'd be 100 years old, on your death bed, and she'd STILL be saying, "remember that cruise you wouldn't let me go on?" That said, I would be worried about supervision. Perhaps MORE for the 17-year-old than the 13-year-old!

Yes, I think it must be a regional thing, because I have never heard of such a thing. I let my kids have a "big" party for 13 and the next "big" party will be at 16. But by "big" I mean they had a pool party with a handful of friends at a local indoor pool. I do think "sweet 16" is considered a milestone birthday, maybe because of being able to get your driver's license. For my 16th birthday, I had a hay ride. With BOYS!

 

[gymbeam]

my oldest is 9. perhaps my response would be different if i had experience parenting a teen? but, i don't. so it still seems waaay out of my comfort zone.

 

[NoDramaMama]

I like the idea of something personalized from your dd. I think that would last a lot longer than cash.

BTW - I was a very mature 16 year old and I was allowed quite a bit of freedom. I would let my dd go if she showed the same amount of maturity that I did when I was 16. If they can drive a car at 16 and be responsible enough for that, then I think they should be responsible enough to know right from wrong on a cruise with their friends and the friends family.

 

[raenndrops]

No clue what you should get, but I wanna go back and have a sweet 16 ... who wants to pay for the cruise - if you pay 110% of your costs... and I get at least 10 volunteers, you're invited

 

[Flossyduck]

Sometimes I hate living in this country and sometimes I look up and thank my lucky stars!

Sweet 16 is not a 'thing' here at all. You can't drive at 16, you can't vote at 16. When my son turned 16 he had six friends camp over in the garden and I thought that was a big deal! We make more of a fuss about 18, but even so...wow, not on the same scale.

What an amazing offer for your dd though.

And I think you are right not to give money in this case. Personally I'm not so sure about the photo thing either, it may seem a little narcissistic to present a picture of yourself to someone for their birthday, but maybe that's just me and thinking if they are not that close it would be odd... How about a really nice diary/journal, or a book of lists. For his 18th I have my nephew a map of the world, some pins and a travel journal. Or maybe a locket?

 

[profmom]

Ah, 16 year old friend invited to go on the cruise with peer is different from 13 year old heading out for a week in the thick of comp season!

Do you have any idea at all what the star of the hour likes? Do you have any really good independent bookstores in your town or art galleries? If you give a kid hundreds of dollars, it will never be remembered, but if you introduce her to an author or artist she will love, it could be a lifelong gift.

 

[COz]

Have them make their own ugly art!

See if you can find a day/half-day workshop in jewelry making or pottery. Something the two of them can do together whilst gossiping and talking about boys. Places that sell beads or other jewelry supplies will often run classes on demand in making earrings or necklaces etc.

By the way, what exactly IS a VIP at a birthday party? Do they have ordinary guests and then some are special, like a wedding party? Do they have to do anything?

Oh, and just for the record, I've never heard of anything like that here in Australia. Wow! What are weddings like in your area?!!

 

[bogwoppit]

We do not really do big things for any birthdays here. I am thankful as I already think birthdays can get a bit overblown and the consumerism goes crazy.

Happy that I never had to deal with it. My youngest turns 16 in April, she will probably have some close friends for a sleepover and a movie. No gifts will be given, kids will bring junk food and hang out.

As to the the cruise, cruises make me nervous and I travel a lot. But it is for a 16 year old and she can be told about safety in numbers etc. I am sure it will be amazing.

I took a 16 year old from Macedonia with us on a three week trip around Italy. My dd met her on the internet when they were 13. Never met her or her parents before, in fact still have not met her parents. She flew in to Rome where we picked her up at the airport. We had a blast. In this modern age meeting people is a whole new world.

 

[mimi]

I agree that I would lean toward something personalized, or maybe a nice but reasonably priced piece of jewelry, perhaps with her birthstone?We have gift stores around here that can personalize just about anything that you bring in to them. Find out what some of her interests are, and then go from there. Do you know any of the other girls who are going? Maybe you can ask their parents what they are planning on getting.

I have never heard of VIP status at birthday parties, and we live in what I would consider to be a very "affected" area of the country. But then again my oldest is 12. Maybe I will hear about more of this kind of stuff as she gets older. I hope not though. I always worry about what kind of message this type of extravagance sends to my children. I find the attitude of entitlement in our area among some of the children quite alarming.

 

[Muddlethru]

VIPs I think is exactly what one poster indicated above, a bridesmaid type of thing. The birthday girl wears her counterpart of a wedding dress and the VIPs are her select closest friends. They help with the planning and get a candle during the party and sit at the head table. NI guess many have this trlook up the history of Sweet 16s but there really isn't much. In my state, at 16 they just get a lerner's permit not a driver's license. In my country, 18, the debutant's ball has a long history, kind of like a bat mitzvah. It is a coming of age and the debutant is introduced to society. In the "olden days" this introduction to society was also involved with finding and/or meeting a mate. Pretty outdated in this day and age so it is not practiced a lot. But some people still do.

I like your suggestion Flossyduck or at least something along those lines, something memorable. Although they may not be best friends (at least in my eyes), they could be in the future. Also liked the birthstone or personalized jewelry.

And thank you for your last post gymbeam. That I can understand, relate and respect. I probably should have not been too defensive in my last long post. But I think there are a million ways to express opposing views without sounding condesending or derogatory. I do appreciate the opposing views though. It makes me think but it depends how it is presented.

 

[profmom]

Sweet sixteens aren't much of a thing around here, but some of the bar/bat mitzvah parties within a 2 hour radius are several thousand dollar affairs. The parents spend FAR more on them than DH and I spent on our wedding. Well, I guess that's a pretty pathetic standard, as we were starving grad students at the time . . .

I think it can be hard to figure out what to do when your child is invited to something like this and you don't have any sense of what the norms are! You just figure that if the parents are blowing that kind of money, it must be a REALLY big deal to them and to the kid in question. At least for Jews, one can always find a not outrageously priced but unique kiddush cup or a set of candlesticks!

 

[Momof2]

Personally I'm not so sure about the photo thing either, it may seem a little narcissistic to present a picture of yourself to someone for their birthday.

This is not what I meant by the picture. I said have a picture frame personalized with something saying sweet 16 and the friend of her daughter could put her own picture in it from the cruise. It would be strange if she put a picture of her daughter in the frame lol.

 

[Momof2]

I meant to quote the 1st paragraph from flossyduck. Clearly I don't know what I am doing lol.

 

[Gymsanity]

'Anyone had a similar experience'
Yeah, in my dreams!

Definitely won't be telling my kids about this. For their 16th birthdays they got a 'Happy Birthday', here are the keys to your 'new' $1,500.00 car, and will you please drive to the store and get us some milk! They thought I should get Father of the Year, and I want to keep it that way!!

Seriously (actually I was) there will be lots of beautiful and memorable things that they will see and do. I would get everyone a disposable camera and photo album so they can all scrapbook the trip together.

PS. I have a very busy schedule, but I believe I can fit those dates in to chaperone.

 

[bogwoppit]

'

Definitely won't be telling my kids about this. For their 16th birthdays they got a 'Happy Birthday', here are the keys to your 'new' $1,500.00 car, and will you please drive to the store and get us some milk!

Your kids got cars???? Holy cow, please do not tell my kids. Mine get to drive mine if they are lucky.