Parents Switching gyms when child doesn't want to

[curlymomof3]

A little background might be helpful. Last year we had an optional team and the coach left and took all her girls with her. She left to go to a more competitive gym that had more equipment (i.e. foam pits) suited for the higher levels. There were rumors that the team program would be eliminated completely, but the compulsory levels remain. If fact, Dd's coach told her and her teammates the other day during practice that the owner wanted to get rid of team when another coach left (it has been a rollercoaster ride) but he convinced her to keep it. This was news to me!! I had even told the owner that I was concerned about them not having an optional team but she assured me that Dd had a ways to go before she got to that point. I don't think they thought that she would be flying through the levels like she is. We do have one girl training level 7 right now (to compete next year optionals) but I seriously wonder if she will stick around. The coaches say that they can spot up to Level 9, but without the owner's backing I doubt the gym will ever get to that level again.

Switching gyms is not something I take lightly. Thanks so much for all the advice~ it has really helped me think about how to approach this with Dd and the gym!

 

[Gymmonkeymomma]

Truly, this is the way I felt too... Until I tried to carry it out. DD was 10

My older DD whom I allowed (wrongly) to dictate our decision, was also 10 at the time. Luckily, DD2 at 10 was far more reasonable!

 

[Gymmonkeymomma]

A. The coaches say that they can spot up to Level 9, but without the owner's backing I doubt the gym will ever get to that level again.

Someone correct me if I'm wrong, but being able "to spot a Level 9" and knowing how to coach SKILLS for Level 9 are not exactly the same????

 

[gymboymom]

I can see both sides. It is so hard to move a child when you can not be certain the new place will be better for them. But as my 13 year old said yesterday. You should have moved me to a better dance studio when I was younger. She tried now, but it was too late, too much of a gap. And due to a move my 7 year old ds moved to a more competite gym and it has been really rough. If we did it locally he would be begging to go back to his old gym.

 

[curlymomof3]

Someone correct me if I'm wrong, but being able "to spot a Level 9" and knowing how to coach SKILLS for Level 9 are not exactly the same????

Exactly how I feel!! I think they were trying to convince me that it is the same, but I don't want Dd to be the guinea pig!

 

[GymBee97]

I agree don't wait until summer once the competitive season is over then its time to move on because they start right after states to train for the next season. You might as well start at the begining with the new gym. Unless of course there is some special banquet or team activity you want her not to miss with her current team.

You will see the move is going to be the best thing for her gymnastics and she will adapt very quickly.

 

[GymBee97]

I'm kind of worried about how the level changes will affect Dd at the new gym. Her current coaches are planning on her competing new Level 5 in the fall. Moving her might set her back a level (depending on how they handle move-ups). She is not currently competing; we will not be walking out on the team if we left right now. Our state does State Competitions in both Fall and Spring and the gym Dd is currently at competed last fall. The girls at the other gym are competing at Spring states. Guess I should talk to the coaches at the other gym and see if they will take her mid-season.

Don't worry if she has to move back a level its only gymnastics - its not a race and its ok to repeat a level I don't know of any gymnast at some point that didn't repeat a level or two over the years they have trained. Consintrate more on the quality of the program rather than the level your DD will be at. If its a good program she will do well and advance and be safe too.

 

[gymmomtotwo]

With your added information, I see you really have no choice. From your description, the management is not committed to having a team, lost coaches because they wouldn't do what needed to be done in terms of investing in equipment to have a good team, and has no plans to do so going forward. Without a drastic change, your daughter has no chance of becoming a good gymnast. I'd have to agree with the others. Explain it as best you can to her, and then do it. The gym you are at is a sinking ship, her career there will be over in a year there anyway.

 

[bookworm]

She's 9? Move now as you say her season is over ...I moved my daughter "against her wishes" at 8 yo (I know some are aghast at this but there are a lot of decisions I make on her behalf) and she thrived at her new gym and made friends, her gymnastics improved 1000% and she said it was the best thing we ever did...She is now in college and doesn't hold it against me

 

[GymBee97]

Bookworm that is what being a parent means. Our children are just that children and don't have the education, information or life experience to make every decision that concerns them. Yes we listen to them but in the end its our job as a parent with more experience and can see the big picture of what is best for our children. it also teaches our children the way of the real world too. How often does one's boss come to you to have a discussion on where you should work becaues you might feel sad. We are parents and its our job to help our kids make good decisions based on what is best, not ones based on "oh my friends are there I'll be sad". to say If you want to continue Gymnastics you need to .....(whatever). So you can choose this or that (choices you as a parent know are best) if you want your child to have some type of say. My husband and I make decisions about the family and the children every day that the children don't have any say in what so ever. Its ok for a parent to say if you want to do "A" you can but it will have to be at place B or C.

 

[Gymmonkeymomma]

IBut as my 13 year old said yesterday. You should have moved me to a better dance studio when I was younger. She tried now, but it was too late, too much of a gap.

When we finally moved DD2, even if DD1 had wanted to switch, at 14, it was "late" for her. Her skills at her level at that point (2 yrs at Level 8, 1 year at JOGA) would not have been at all competitive with the 14 year olds at new gym who were already L9/10. She would have been completely frustrated, and that's if new gym would have even accepted her at all!

 

[Sparky]

Really, what I was "aghast" at was the

"whew...don't forget who the parent is and who pays the bills and who runs the insane asylum. tell her to shut up, get in the car you have practice or your making memories and friends in gymnastics ends today."

It's a bit more complicated than "tell her to shut up, get in the car" - of course we are the parents - but they are not just children, they are human beings, too.

 

[Deleted member D3987]

i usually post with a sense of humor so that people don't take too many of these things seriously. and then there are other times when i am dead serious.

so then i'll try it this way...listen my child...i understand your feelings are troubled and that your self esteem is being negatively impacted because you love the gym where you are at...and that i know you go to gymnastics because your friends go there also...and that you like the coaches...but your father and i must make the decision to switch you because we are concerned for your safety...

oh, never mind. that's not me. so, shut up, get in the car you're going to practice. it's short, sweet and to the point. only had to say it a couple times to my 3 grown children. they got the message as to who made the decisions. and my 3 grown children did not grow up to be serial killers. lol.

humor prevents cancer. i know... and my kids would laugh at me because they knew me and my sense of humor. and then they would get in the car and ask if they could listen to their music. all forgotten. because they are little human beings. and they loved, and still do, my sense of humor. i don't recall them ever telling me that i was "out there". but i concede they may have thought it.lol.

 

[Krystan]

Totally agree the parents need to make this decision. Age is a factor too. At age 8, the parent has much more knowledge about what is at stake and what kind of training she will need to do well (and pays the bills). If the gymnast were 14, I might feel totally different. A 14 year old can better understand what each gym has to offer and what she is giving up by staying or going. Not that it should be completely her decision, but the 14 year old should have a lot more say than an 8 year old. An 8 year old who is a really great gymnast is still an 8 year old.

To the OP, sounds like you've made your decision and are doing what's best for your family! I'd go sooner rather than later. Good luck and let us know how it goes!

 

[iwannacoach]

.

so then i'll try it this way...listen my child...i understand your feelings are troubled and that your self esteem is being negatively impacted because you love the gym where you are at...and that i know you go to gymnastics because your friends go there also...and that you like the coaches...but your father and i must make the decision to switch you because we are concerned for your safety...

oh, never mind. that's not me.

Whew!!! For a moment there I was afraid an alien invasion was imminent......and dunno was the first to be taken to "THE MOTHER SHIP" for re-programming, you know, into a softy to reduce the resistance to the second phase of world domination (cue the echo).



It was that.....OR.....quite simply, hell had frozen over!

 

[mimi]

We switched gyms a fews months ago. It wasn't what my daughter wanted to hear, but I basically told her that for safety and progression reasons, the gym that she was currently at was not going to work out anymore. After talking about it, she agreed and actually seemed a little relieved that we were addressing the issues. She is now at a new gym and says she can't imagine still being at the old gym.

Life goes on, and it really wasn't such a big deal. We get together regularly with friends from the old gym and there are no hard feelings because they are true friends. Now dd has the best of both worlds--a gym that is a better fit, and some good friends too. They eventually get to the point in gymnastics where it isn't about the friends and the socialization anymore, it is about the gymnastics.

Sometimes as parents, we have to make hard decisions for our kids. I really didn't even feel that bad about it while it was happening because I knew it was the right thing for her...

 

[GymBee97]

Totally agree the parents need to make this decision. Age is a factor too. At age 8, the parent has much more knowledge about what is at stake and what kind of training she will need to do well (and pays the bills). If the gymnast were 14, I might feel totally different. A 14 year old can better understand what each gym has to offer and what she is giving up by staying or going. Not that it should be completely her decision, but the 14 year old should have a lot more say than an 8 year old. An 8 year old who is a really great gymnast is still an 8 year old.

To the OP, sounds like you've made your decision and are doing what's best for your family! I'd go sooner rather than later. Good luck and let us know how it goes!

LOL are you kidding there is nothing more hormonal, emotional and not knowing what is best than a Teen. My DD is 16 and I would have no problem making decisions for her even if she doesn't like it. These EXTRA activites are not a right and the person paying the bills is the only person that really gets to decide where the money is spent and where these children will train. When my kids pay their own bill they can make those decisions.

 

[curlymomof3]

Just an update. I told Dd today that she is going to a couple of trial classes for the new gym next week. She is heartbroken over the idea of switching; says she will try it but won't switch. Worried no one will like her, feels like she is abandoning her friends and they will be sad, scared of a new gym. This is so hard!!

On top of all this, Dd tonight was "achy all over" and "couldn't walk" before practice at her regular gym so I kept her home, thinking she might be coming down with something. She was fine 2 hours later. Her current coach is pretty tough with conditioning and I think she's getting burned out. Trying to convince her that a gym switch would be a good thing (although I'm sure it will be just as hard at the new gym). Sigh- why is being a parent so hard??

 

[iwannacoach]

I'll grant you it's hard to nudge your child in a direction she's opposed to, but the long term consequences of her staying where she is, could take a much larger toll on both of you. I'll humbly offer up a few pro's along with a few con's........

She may end up being the best gymnast in the gym if she stays, and that can be a problem. Sure for a while she'll feel pretty good about it.....for a while, but will eventually realize she is or was simply the biggest fish in a very small bowl.

Staying will validate her loyalty to her friends, but who should she be most loyal to......friends that come through a mutual association, who will fade if she changes gyms, or loyal to herself? The reality described leads me to believe she'll languish gymnastically at the first gym, but have a chance to flourish once she's adjusted to a new gym. So while wanting to be loyal to her current crew is admirable, she shouldn't discard any chance to have a deeper gymnastics experience.

Since she's at an age where she can only see what's in front of her (present gym and friends), she has no idea the limits she's putting on her future in the sport. If she's demonstrated an ability to learn skills more easily than the average, and has dreams of competing comfortably and beyond at the optional levels' she's contradicting herself with her position.

That's where you have to step in with the insight she lacks, and recognize that her lack of insight is part of the basis for her feelings, and the decision she'll make if you let her. So make this one for her based upon everything she's said, done, or dreamed over the past year.....up until the switch was proposed.

As a fellow parent I know that it's hard to to be a director in your child's life, and much more comfortable to be a supportive mentor. As a parent and a coach, my intuition and experience screams that this is not a situation where you can sit back, watch and hope for the best, and be ready to frame the life lesson knowing that it'll all work out in a "Very Brady" way.

Your daughter may be better off with a "friend centric" gymnastics experience......who knows, maybe the last thing she wants is to be successful as an optional gymnast. Well, I suppose you know.......and that should be all you look at in making the decision she's ill prepared to make. So decide on either gymnastics with a chance of maintaining old friends while making new once, or keep the same friends that she enjoys in a gymnastics setting that seems to have dead-ended.

 

[GymBee97]

Just an update. I told Dd today that she is going to a couple of trial classes for the new gym next week. She is heartbroken over the idea of switching; says she will try it but won't switch. Worried no one will like her, feels like she is abandoning her friends and they will be sad, scared of a new gym. This is so hard!!

On top of all this, Dd tonight was "achy all over" and "couldn't walk" before practice at her regular gym so I kept her home, thinking she might be coming down with something. She was fine 2 hours later. Her current coach is pretty tough with conditioning and I think she's getting burned out. Trying to convince her that a gym switch would be a good thing (although I'm sure it will be just as hard at the new gym). Sigh- why is being a parent so hard??

Every kid that gets moved feels just like your DD. It's not easy to move to something you don't know to somewhere where you don't have friends and start again but I don't know any kid that has moved that hated it in the end. Most found it to be the best thing that ever happened, had a new set of friends within a month and was happy. Your DD's complaint about moving is really her way of making you feel bad for moving her . the "achy all over" could be nerves. she may be stressed about going to current gym while looking for a new one. Does the current gym know you are looking or is it a secret until things are set up?

Just know you are doing the best thing for her gymnastics and for her. Kids will push your buttons to make you feel bad when you are doing things they don't want or like its all part of the Parent/Kid interaction.