Parents Switching gyms when child doesn't want to

[curlymomof3]

The current gym has no idea and I want to keep it that way until we are ready to switch (based on what I've read on CB). Dd knows not to say anything about visiting another gym.

She was achy before I told her about the switch. I basically did the Dunno thing and told her to get in the car because I had to drive carpool. I was hoping she would feel better by the time we got to the gym. Carpool is another issue. Out of courtesy, I told the mom I carpool with that I am looking elsewhere and she says "I'm stressing her out"; she is content with the current gym and has no desire to switch (I don't expect her to).

 

[mimi]

Don't let the other mom sway your feelings. I'm sure the last thing that you want to do is inconvenience someone, but she will figure something out, and frankly, it is not for you to worry about. We switched from a gym that is 5 minutes from my house to a gym that is 30 minutes away. It was a lifestyle change, and if it wasn't worth it, we wouldn't be doing it. Is difficult as it is to do that drive, the progress that I have seen out of my child in less than a year makes me happy to do it. I really felt as if I had no other choice. The gym that we left had little to no optional program, the head coaching turnover was becoming a problem, and finally, the final straw, was that the safety became questionable.

If your daughter has talent in gymnastics, which it sounds like she certainly does, and you feel as if she could thrive as an optional, it sounds like you need to make that switch, based on the information that you gave. She needs other higher level gymnasts to look up to/strive for, and she needs coaches that are comfortable and experienced with optional gymnastics.

 

[Mo's Mom]

I'm so glad you posted this! We are in the same position. However, my dds current gym owner/head coach does not take "abandonment" well. My dd has said that she would rather quit gymnastics completely than break her coach's heart and make her (coach) not like dd. This is behavior that she's seen from coach - ignoring former team members at meets, bad talking, etc - and cannot bear to have it happen to her. Ours is a very small gymnastics community, so there is no way to avoid the awkward contact. But our dd is the top at our current gym (at level 5), so she has no teammates at meets, no pit in gym, and coaches who try their best, but have no experience with optionals. Dd has visited several gyms to watch practice, so we're keeping her in the decision process. She knows she's moving, just a matter of where and when. States are in 2 weeks. Unfortunately we have to pay for the whole month to have coaches accompany her to states. Then we need to figure out how to handle the split. Plus we need to find the best place for both dds (currently levels 3 & 5) and balance other activities for them & remaining kids!

 

[ginnymac]

I can't understand why coaches give athletes a hard time about leaving, especially when an athlete has "topped" out in the levels supported at the gym.

Soooo unprofessional and sad. A child should not feel like they are "abandoning" a coach/gym that can no longer meet the needs of the athlete.

 

[GymBee97]

Carpool is another issue. Out of courtesy, I told the mom I carpool with that I am looking elsewhere and she says "I'm stressing her out"; she is content with the current gym and has no desire to switch (I don't expect her to).

If one mom knows the whole gym will know very soon. I'm not saying she would blab but that stuff comes out when someone else knows so be prepared.

 

[iwannacoach]

I'm so glad you posted this! We are in the same position. However, my dds current gym owner/head coach does not take "abandonment" well. My dd has said that she would rather quit gymnastics completely than break her coach's heart and make her (coach) not like dd. This is behavior that she's seen from coach - ignoring former team members at meets, bad talking, etc - and cannot bear to have it happen to her.

Geez, I'd be tempted to switch on principle alone. That kind of behavior is understandable if thecoach is young and just doesn't know how to approach kids that have switched, but bad talking is just plain inexcusable. If the coach/owner doesn't like having kids switch they ought to run a better program, or chalk it up to a healthy way of water seeking it's own level.

 

[bookworm]

I'm so glad you posted this! We are in the same position. However, my dds current gym owner/head coach does not take "abandonment" well. My dd has said that she would rather quit gymnastics completely than break her coach's heart and make her (coach) not like dd. This is behavior that she's seen from coach - ignoring former team members at meets, bad talking, etc - and cannot bear to have it happen to her. Ours is a very small gymnastics community, so there is no way to avoid the awkward contact. But our dd is the top at our current gym (at level 5), so she has no teammates at meets, no pit in gym, and coaches who try their best, but have no experience with optionals. Dd has visited several gyms to watch practice, so we're keeping her in the decision process. She knows she's moving, just a matter of where and when. States are in 2 weeks. Unfortunately we have to pay for the whole month to have coaches accompany her to states. Then we need to figure out how to handle the split. Plus we need to find the best place for both dds (currently levels 3 & 5) and balance other activities for them & remaining kids!

When I read all the back and forth about switching gyms I just shake my head in amazement when I read something like this...your HC does not take "abandonment" well but his top girl is a level 5 with no pits or teammates or optionals in the gym!! What does he expect?

I have a really hard time with coaches/gym owners feeling like when a parent basically picks a rec gym for their kid at say age 4 , and they decide they want to do competitive gymnastics, that it means they have to die there, or people will be offended! As iwannacoach says, "if coach/owner doesn't like having kids switch, run a better program"...

 

[MeetDirector]

mo's mom -

I sent you a PM. Maybe I can help.

 

[curlymomof3]

If one mom knows the whole gym will know very soon. I'm not saying she would blab but that stuff comes out when someone else knows so be prepared.

GymBee you were right!! I told the mom I carpool with not to tell her daughter about our trial. She didn't want to lie to her about why Dd wasn't going to practice so she told her and she then told her coach. So now I'm dealing with all the drama of why we tried another gym. The trial went well, but they really don't have a place for Dd right now as they are in the middle of competitive season. The coach advised us to come back after season is over in May. So frustrating!

 

[flippin out]

If I were you, I'd call the gym that you tried out at (if you've decided to go there that is) and tell them what has happened with the other mom blabbing and ask if they would make an exception and accept her on team now instead of waiting until may. It would be better for all involved if the switch were done now instead of months from now. I can't imagine that current gym wants to keep training a kid that they know will switch soon ---from their perspective that just leaves a lot if time for your dd to talk about how she's looking forward to switching and will them no good. And from your dd's point if view, things will be very awkward in current gym and I can't see that as a positive thing for her.

 

[flippin out]

Btw, we went through this exact situation (a trusted mom blabbing on us before we could go in handle a graceful exit..and it was only days between making decision and going in to notify gym of departure). My dd was 8 at the time and we switched because we saw no future for team at that gym. Turns out we were right, within 1-2yrs of her leaving that gym no longer had a competitive team. I say trust your gut! It worked for us. Fast forward a few years and Dd is a thriving level 9 at the gym we switched to. Never regretted our decision.

Call that gym and let them know what's happened, they should understand the situation and allow a switch now

 

[LoriLou]

I just went through this with DS (9yo) and his swim team. He loved the team he was on, but it just wasn't going to work for long course swimming over the summer. They had a pretty small pool to train in. I basically told him that he could choose himself. I listed the pros and cons of both and he (surprisingly) chose the new pool! He was given the option of doing Summer League swimming at his old pool (that is just local small meets and not affiliated with USAS) or he could switch and do long course at the new pool (and maintain his USAS status).

Maybe try that method. If your DD realizes that her current gym tops out at a certain level and is going to limit her advancement, she may be singing a different tune. Good luck!

 

[LoriLou]

Ach!! Just read the update! That sucks. I would see if the new gym will at least let her train with team and hold off competing until next season. The previous posters are right. This is going to be awkward for all involved.

 

[bookworm]

Given that the cat is out of the bag, I would call the gym you are headed to and ask to do what Lorilou suggested..train with the team and hold off competing til next year. If you still can't do that , you might be even better off enrolling her in a rec or tumbling class at the new gym and transitioning her over to their team when it's allowed. If you even get a hint that her current coaches/gym are being nasty about her being there, I would pull her immediately , gym or no gym....and I'd also politely decline to continue the carpool with Miss Blabbermouth...

 

[Gymmonkeymomma]

GymBee you were right!! I told the mom I carpool with not to tell her daughter about our trial. She didn't want to lie to her about why Dd wasn't going to practice so she told her and she then told her coach. So now I'm dealing with all the drama of why we tried another gym.

And the behavior of the gym and it's "drama" is precisely why you should leave now!! You and your DD should not have to deal with this type of fallout.

I would call the other gym explaining the situation and hope they will agree to accept her now rather than waitng a couple more months!