UGH!!! this is long a huge VENT and my DD is upset

[cher062]

I want to thank you for your honest assessment of this difficult situation. This is exactly what I feel is going on too, sadly. I believe you have hit the nail on the head. It is always a difficult situation when a gymnast has fears on some events, but is also very strong & talented on others. It's a difficult & stressful situation for all involved. Her coaches have given up on her progressing in the JO program. They don't want to deal with her fear issues. It's time to leave this gym, before they do any further damage to her psyche. The WORST thing for a gymnast with fear issues, is a coach who doesn't believe the child CAN over come them. If the coaches don't believe it, how is your DD suppose too??? You need to find her a gym with coaches that will be VERY supportive & encouraging to help her work thru her fears, whether she repeats L7 or does Prep-op. ((((Hugs)))) & good luck!

Thanks. Yes both her father and I feel the same regardless of L7 or PrepOp we need to do what ever at another gym and at a gym that doesn't make the parents and gymnasts feel like PrepOp would be a step down if DD wanted to go that way.

 

[cher062]

Are there any gyms near you that do not separate out the prep op girls from the other optionals? If you can find a program like that it might be a good solution, still allowing your daughter to train longer hours, in a challenging group, but compete in a division where she can be comfortable with all the skills, and work through the fear in her own time.

I think the number of hours they have offered your daughter in prep op is ridiculous. If she has struggled with fear and bar skills with 16 or 20 hours a week, how will she be MORE successful with LESS hours?

I personally wouldn't be too concerned if a new gym offered her level 7 or prep op, IF the prep op program worked out a comparable number of hours and was interested in and committed to helping dd progress. She may want to go in with a list of skills she would like to work on and see if those would be something the new gym felt they could accommodate in either program.

You could also ask the current gym if they would be willing to have her work out with the level 7's but compete as a prep op.

I dont know if there are gyms near me that don't seperate the program but as we look around I will definitly look and see what is offered. The ones I do know about do keep them seperate and usually less hours.

The current gym would never allow her to work with the 7's but compete as a PrepOp. And to be honest I don't think I want DD to be coached by a staff that already thinks her being there is a hinderance to the team. just sends the wrong vibes to my DD and me.

Thanks

 

[bpatient]

We really are looking to go for one more year with a club then hopefully she can make a High School team when she goes to High School. My son who is a boys team coach says my DD is as good as any of the girls at the high school . . . and he can't see why she wouldn't make a high school team.

How many hours do the high school gymnasts work out during the season--and do they, like other high school athletes, not work out at all for much of the year? It seems that your daughter may already be poised to achieve her goal of competing in high school gymnastics even if she dramatically reduces her training time from the (rather extreme) USAG level to something that's appropriate for junior high and high school sports.

Although you seem uninterested in having your daughter move to the program, I'm glad that my daughter's gym recently started a P.R.E.P. Optional program, since it will allow girls who would otherwise leave the sport they love due to the ubiquitous fear issues, time constraints, or competing interests to continue to enjoy gymnastics and to keep fit--and it might the best option for her some time in the future. Previously, girls who left the team here or at my daughter's previous gym either quit cold turkey or perhaps continued to train for an hour a week during an "adult" class for a few months or occasionally in open gym. I'd actually be quite pleased if my child throttled back a bit and followed the path suggested by your daughter's coaches.

 

[coachmolly]

How many hours do the high school gymnasts work out during the season--and do they, like other high school athletes, not work out at all for much of the year? It seems that your daughter may already be poised to achieve her goal of competing in high school gymnastics even if she dramatically reduces her training time from the (rather extreme) USAG level to something that's appropriate for junior high and high school sports.

Although you seem uninterested in having your daughter move to the program, I'm glad that my daughter's gym recently started a P.R.E.P. Optional program, since it will allow girls who would otherwise leave the sport they love due to the ubiquitous fear issues, time constraints, or competing interests to continue to enjoy gymnastics and to keep fit--and it might the best option for her some time in the future. Previously, girls who left the team here or at my daughter's previous gym either quit cold turkey or perhaps continued to train for an hour a week during an "adult" class for a few months or occasionally in open gym. I'd actually be quite pleased if my child throttled back a bit and followed the path suggested by your daughter's coaches.

Just as there are many reasons why an athlete would choose to pursue the Prep op path, there are also a bunch of reasons why one would choose against it. It is a great program and I certainly am glad it is becoming more popular, but in a situation where JO and Prep op teams are separate and one must be chosen over the other, each group typically has a distinct goal, focus, plan, etc. for the athletes. This does not make one better or worse, but it does mean that one will probably serve an individuals personal goals better than the others.
As an athlete, I was placed on a USAIGC path, similar to the prep op path. I trained less hours, got lots of medals at meets, and the coaches and other parents could not understand why I was unhappy with the situation, it seemed fun and stress free to them. But it was because I had goals for myself that were being totally overlooked in the USAIGC program- my goals were essentially set for me and set at a much lower level than what I had in mind for myself. It was frustrating to waste so much time on something that I knew was ultimately not going to get me to where I wanted to be. It seems the concern is much the same with Cher and her DD. She wants the hours in the gym and wants to obtain skills for the JO program.
I certainly have no problem with the prep op program and definitely do not view it as a set down, but it is not for everyone.

 

[cher062]

How many hours do the high school gymnasts work out during the season--and do they, like other high school athletes, not work out at all for much of the year? It seems that your daughter may already be poised to achieve her goal of competing in high school gymnastics even if she dramatically reduces her training time from the (rather extreme) USAG level to something that's appropriate for junior high and high school sports.

Although you seem uninterested in having your daughter move to the program, I'm glad that my daughter's gym recently started a P.R.E.P. Optional program, since it will allow girls who would otherwise leave the sport they love due to the ubiquitous fear issues, time constraints, or competing interests to continue to enjoy gymnastics and to keep fit--and it might the best option for her some time in the future. Previously, girls who left the team here or at my daughter's previous gym either quit cold turkey or perhaps continued to train for an hour a week during an "adult" class for a few months or occasionally in open gym. I'd actually be quite pleased if my child throttled back a bit and followed the path suggested by your daughter's coaches.

I don't know really much about the HS gymnastic program regarding hours etc but I do know some of the girls that have gone that route and they do practice at least 3 days a week after school during the season don't know how many hours though and I don't know what they do over the summer but I do know many of the HS sport teams do meet over the summer to prep for the fall. Also with regard to the HS that is in the eyes of my daughter eons away even though I know she has a little over a year and it will go quickly. There is also no reason to assume she will make it past the tryouts at HS so she would want to continue in the JO program if that happens. She may get to HS and say this just isn't want I want to do I want to stay JO. This incident just goes to show how quickly plans can change without even wanting them to. So a year from now who know what she may want but what ever it is I will fight for her to get the opportunity and have what she needs to succeed then its up to her to succeed.

I really don't care what program my daughter goes to as long as it is what she wants. If DD wanted to do PrepOp I would be there to support her but that is the thing DD doesn't want that program she wants the JO program and has made that very clear to us. She would be at the gym everyday after school until they closed if they let her. She has goals in the JO program that she actually has a loose leaf binder and has them all written out that she wants to do and a plan in place for when she wants to complete them by. We had a huge discussion with her as to what She really wanted to do and she keeps saying she wants JO not PO. The only way right now she would accept PO is if there were no other options open to her to do gymnastics then she would in her words "settle for PO" to keep doing gymnastics. As a mom I don't want her to feel she HAD to settle for anything if there are other options out there for her to follow her dream.

 

[NOG]

Ok, so I have kept quiet on this up til now, as I don't have any experience with prep-op. BUT, I feel this has gone away from an issue about whether to do prep-op or level 7. Regardless of which program your dd ends up doing, get her out of that gym. How is your dd supposed to put her trust in coaches that feel such negativity towards her. To say that she is holding an entire team back? That's ridiculous! I could understand that feeling if she were say.... being nasty and sabotaging the other kids with horrible comments and back-biting, in general being a nasty terror - which I don't see happening. To say that by taking a few extra min. on a rotation (which btw, each kid should be doing individually, not waiting on her to progress) is unfair and untrue! If the team isn't progressing, it's the coaches' fault!!!! I agree with the poster who was concerned that only a couple kids (1 being your dd) out of the entire optional team having giants! What that tells me is that there is a major problem in training.

Regardless of whether your dd ends up doing level 7 or prep-op, I would take her to another gym. They have broken your and your dd's trust and that is not easily replaced. If she remains at the current gym (in either program) how would she be treated? They obviously don't know how to coach her and have no respect for her (saying that she is holding her entire team back = never seeing her as a great contribution to either program). I would RUN to another program that would treat your dd with respect and not use her as a scapegoat for their own lack of coaching! I wouldn't care which program that she ends up doing, as long as she gets the respect that she deserves!

Make sure to let your dd know that this problem clearly lies at the feet of those coaches, not at her own feet!

 

[cher062]

Ok, so I have kept quiet on this up til now, as I don't have any experience with prep-op. BUT, I feel this has gone away from an issue about whether to do prep-op or level 7. Regardless of which program your dd ends up doing, get her out of that gym. How is your dd supposed to put her trust in coaches that feel such negativity towards her. To say that she is holding an entire team back? That's ridiculous! I could understand that feeling if she were say.... being nasty and sabotaging the other kids with horrible comments and back-biting, in general being a nasty terror - which I don't see happening. To say that by taking a few extra min. on a rotation (which btw, each kid should be doing individually, not waiting on her to progress) is unfair and untrue! If the team isn't progressing, it's the coaches' fault!!!! I agree with the poster who was concerned that only a couple kids (1 being your dd) out of the entire optional team having giants! What that tells me is that there is a major problem in training.

Regardless of whether your dd ends up doing level 7 or prep-op, I would take her to another gym. They have broken your and your dd's trust and that is not easily replaced. If she remains at the current gym (in either program) how would she be treated? They obviously don't know how to coach her and have no respect for her (saying that she is holding her entire team back = never seeing her as a great contribution to either program). I would RUN to another program that would treat your dd with respect and not use her as a scapegoat for their own lack of coaching! I wouldn't care which program that she ends up doing, as long as she gets the respect that she deserves!

Make sure to let your dd know that this problem clearly lies at the feet of those coaches, not at her own feet!

Thanks to you and everyone that has given advice it really was, is and will be valuable as we move forward. We actually have 3 tryouts or what ever the gym calls them at our top 3 choices (the closest ones to us) and DD is actually getting nervous in a positive way. I think She is looking forward to them but like most kids is worried she won't make friends, they won't like her she won't fit in you know the usual teen fears about new situations. To me that is a positive sign that she is really ready for this and starting to look forward to the change. The 25th will be her last day at her current gym since we paid through that date and we can't get a refund unless she tells us wants to start earlier at what ever new gym has offered her a spot. We have already decided no matter how she continues in gymnastics it won't be at her current gym. If she goes PrepOp in the end it definitly will be with someone else.

Talking to the coaches at the 3 gyms we have appointments with really made me feel good. Their approach they described was just so much more focused on the gymnast succeeding rather than Elite and getting gold. They want the kids to have fun and work hard and they want all their gymnasts to feel great about themselves. I think any of the 3 would be a good fit. We are now hoping for the best here and really getting excited about the change.

Again I can't thank you all enough for putting up with my venting and the advice you have offered.

 

[MdGymMom01]

Sounds like you have some great options Cher!!! A word of advice on your last two weeks at the old gym--if you or your dd witness ANY type of negativity towards you guys (since they may know you are leaving, if you haven't told them already), then I would cut my losses and not even return. Heck, I would just cut my losses now and give her a bit of a break before she switches gyms. You just don't want any more negativity subjected onto you guys before you make that switch.

Keep us posted!!!

 

[cathiann]

I hope you keep us updated on the other gyms and how it goes! I'm really glad to hear that she won't be continuing on at this gym--no matter what.

 

[cher062]

Sounds like you have some great options Cher!!! A word of advice on your last two weeks at the old gym--if you or your dd witness ANY type of negativity towards you guys (since they may know you are leaving, if you haven't told them already), then I would cut my losses and not even return. Heck, I would just cut my losses now and give her a bit of a break before she switches gyms. You just don't want any more negativity subjected onto you guys before you make that switch.

Keep us posted!!!

We have told the gym we are leaving and asked for a refund of the registration they made us pay for the summer and fall and the monies in her account that pays for meets. Want to wait for that if I can not sure if I'll get it or not.

she's working on a Suke vault move that she really want to get before she leaves (just needs to fix head position) along with a L8 beam move some type of C class leap (she has awsome leaping skills) - Yeah I know she isn't supposed to have any L7 skills according to them but they are working on L8 skills with her go figure.

They also have a special sleepover this weekend she doesn't want to miss. and if I told her she can take the rest of the time and just hang out she actually would be mad at me for not letting her go to the gym

 

[bookworm]

In the big picture, it's not going to matter if she misses any workouts (because when is her next meet? In October or November?)...give her the time off now before the switch to rest and just chill before she goes to her new gym...

 

[taximom]

Cher
I just wanted to chime in and say I'm glad you are pursuing other gyms. Thinking of you and your daughter as she goes to the tryouts. Hoping you find the perfect fit!

 

[RennaDanGym]

Good luck at try outs today!! I hope y'all find a gym that is exactly what y'all want. Praying for your DD!

 

[cher062]

1st tryout!!

Well we went to the first gym's tryout today. All I can say Is WOW!!!!

I loved it - totally different approach more to what my daughter would be good with. They worked with her for 3 hours in a private with the owner who is also the coach of the optional team then sat down with both of us and well he said her skills are fabulous and she would make an exciting addition to their L7 team. He would love for us to join them!! His wife came in and introduced herself and she was charming. She was watching too and said she has some amazing skills and hopes we choose to come to their gym.

It was like talking about a totally different child. The converastion on her skills her effort, etc compared to DD current gym were like night and day.
We were always told that her tumbling was struggling. This owner said he loved her tumbling. good form nice height. He said there was a few small exicution mistakes but he know they could work with her and very easily fix that. he sees by just a few weeks her height going up another foot and a half to a height that they want their L10's to be at.


their philosophies are so very different. This gym works with each girl at their own pace the girls have a say in the goals for their gymnastics and the gym has no issues with working with the girl through fear issues. The owner said there are no fear issues the can't work with and around. He talked about how strong her skills are and her giants are amazing. he want her to come for the summer and plan to train actually with the L8 girls even though he would have her compete L7 this fall if she does well and she has a mobility score to move us then he could see her at L8 by January 2011 if not earlier. He had her try a few L8 bar and floor skills that she had never really been allowed to fully do at her current gym and they werent too bad. He said her bars are very very strong and her Leaps are outstanding, Her vault is very good and her floor is strong. This is the same girl that my current gym basicly has given up on trying to tell us she has no L7 skills. I am a failry good judge of when someone is saying things but not really meaning it and this wasn't the case here he was very sincere and honest about everything. I told the owner it might be a 2 - 3 weeks before we make a decision as we are looking at other gyms but we would get back to him either way. He said he totally understands and that is a good plan but he really hopes she will choose the gym. He invited her to come back just to do a few workout nights next week with the team for free and see how she fits with the girls during practice. I think next Friday we are going to do that as our gym is closed that day and Tues, Wed and Fri we have tryouts at other gyms.

When we left I asked my DD what she though and she said she really liked it. I asked her could she see her self being at this gym and happy. She said ABSOLUTLY!! The girls she met were nice the coach was nice and listened to her. But she said she wants to see the other gyms before she says she want to do anything. I told her oh yes that is the plan unless she changes her mind.

I'm so rellieved that we have a gym that sees her even better than mom and dad see her and really want her and will do what ever to work with their gymnasts. I actually know the other gyms and how they are even though DD doesn't and I think we have found our new gym but DD will have to see what the others are like.

The biggest part they are almost 1/2 the price a month for 15 hours a week (not the 20 she currently does) and they offer 1 one hour private to every optional each month included in the fee to work on something specific. Their montly assesment fee is only $40 (to pay for coaches at meets ect through out the year) instead of the $200 a month (yes that is two hundred a month from June - October) I'm paying now. So instead of $1000 a year I'll be paying $480 a year for that same fee. The program seem good quality, good equipment, similar hours and for so much cheaper.

She and I are so excited about the tryouts now.

She wasn't at the practice today and the gym did tell her teammates that she was leaving on the 25th. she is at the gym now for a sleepover and her team mates were very sad that she was going. Parents couldn't believe we were leaving.

Over all though a very good day. The biggest part the owner of the new gym when I asked about their Prep Op Program (you never know) said well they have one and if we are interested he will go over it but unless it was something she wanted he really wouldn't recommend that route with the skills and abilities she has and that over the next 4 - 5 years he can see if she is focused and works hard getting to L10 as she goes off to college. She is a very coachable girl and will try anything asked.

 

[Mag_7_Fan96]

It seems like you've found yourself a new gym and bonus, it's cheaper. . I knew that a gym would be very happy to have your daughter as a level 7. She seems very talented.

 

[coachmolly]

I am so thrilled for you and your DD! What great news. I'm sure it must be a relief to have found such an awesome gym with only the first visit. It really sounds like a win win situation all around. And I'm sure it was a huge confident boost for your DD!
Best wishes with the other trial practices coming up, I hope you and your DD can make the decision that makes her the happiest, but I think it really is one of those things that when something is right, you just know. So I'm sure that after all of her gym visits one will stick out as a clear favorite.

 

[taximom]

YAY! I'm thrilled that this first tryout went so well! I'm sure each of the gyms are going to offer your gymmie a spot on their team. Be prepared for multiple offers!

 

[bogwoppit]

Great news, and exactly what I expected. Time for a change for your whole family. ANy gym would be proud to have you!

 

[Pickle's Mom]

I was watching our Optional girls workout this weekend and was even more pissed off about the way your daughter had been treated at her current gym. To say that one girl could hold back an entire team is ridiculous. Optionals need to be able to work independently at their own pace, and (except maybe on vault) one girls fear issues shouldn't hold up a team from working unless the coach lets it.

Anyway, I am so glad that you turned crisis into opportunity. Your daughter is very lucky to have a mom that is making sure she had the opportunities to achieve her goals.

 

[NOG]

So glad that the 1st gym try-out went great! If things get sticky at old gym, I think that I'd pull her out of gym while you're looking. Honeslty, she'll probably be getting just as much gym time by trying/practicing at the potential gyms while you're looking. I'd spend more than one night at the gym that is the top choice. That way you'll know for sure if she has found the best fit and that she clicks well with the other girls on the team. If you do this, she really won't have much time to be at the old gym anyway, and I'd keep her away from any possible negativity. I'd hate for her new found confidence and postive reinforcement that she's getting from the new gyms to be negated by the old gyms attitude.

Good luck at all the upcoming try-outs!

Can't wait to her if she chooses that fist one. Sounds like a great place for her!