UN-supportive parents?

[jenniffir]

You always hear about the parents that are too pushey or want their child to be going extreme hours, however, what about parents that are the opposite?

My mom wants me to quit because she does not like me doing gymnastics (not money, not really travel, she just doesn't like me to do it). Gymnastics is the only thing that has ever made me happy, but at this new gym i have been at for 6 months i've already considered quiting because i don't like the way they treat me. I have expressed my opinion to my mom about switching gyms, and although there are ways to make the switch easy, she refuses to support me at all, she even told me she doesn't want to let me go to gym for the month of January (the start of my level 7 season), how could she be so selfish as to do this to me?

I was just wondering in any coaches have ever dealt with this situation? what did you do and what was the outcome? just curious.

 

[coachmolly]

At the gym I am currently coaching at, unsupportive parents or parents who just don't care are much more of a problem than the pushy, overbearing type. They drop their kid off in the parking lot and pick them up there when the class is over. If they have a check to drop off, they send it in with the kid. They don't know who the child's coach is, what they are working in the gym, how they are progressing, the list goes on. Not to mention some kids end up standing out in the freezing cold waiting for their parents to get there. It makes me sad, especially when the child really loves gymnastics and wants to be good at it.
It's a different story when financial or time constraints are keeping the parents from committing to more hours in the gym, I completely respect those parents for doing what is best for their family. But when it's just because the parent wants the child to do another sport or because they can't take an hour off from working out to watch their kid show them a new skill, I just don't understand.
But, as a coach, I don't really feel like I have any right to say much, especially at the recreational level. When dealing with team kids, I think they can really just be encouraged to get their child to practice on time, be respectful of other athletes, and the other standard team parent rules. I don't think there is a magical solution to making a parent who doesn't like gymnastics enjoy it anymore. My dad never understood why my brother and I were so involved in swimming and gymnastics, respectively. He would sometimes attend our meets, but would have preferred we participated on a school sports team. This didn't change, even after many years. It was just part of who he was.
I think the best thing you can do is explain to your mom how much gymnastics means to you, let her know the positive impact it's had on your life, and do whatever you can to help her know that this is what you want to be doing.
Good luck!

 

[Kiwi]

she even told me she doesn't want to let me go to gym for the month of January (the start of my level 7 season), how could she be so selfish as to do this to me?

Did she tell you why she doesn't want you to go? There are two sides to the story - perhaps you could ask her to explain her reasoning to you. It would be good if you could have a discussion together where you are both able to explain how you feel and have the other person really listen (as opposed to calling each other 'selfish' which won't achieve anything positive).

 

[jenniffir]

well her reasoning was for wanting to pull me out of gymnastics is as follows a direct quote from my step dad (the main problem of this but let us not get into this) "she might not feel well so i don't want her to take you to gym if she doesn't want to". She also wants me to be "happy" when coming home from gymnastics, what she forgets to mention is that i have told i wanted to switch gyms and that i am unhappy at the gym i am at, but she refuses to acknoledge this.

But i put this thread up to discuss the polar end of overbearing parents not my personal problems. so feel free to share those opinions! i thought it would be interesting.

 

[CoachGoofy]

As a gymnast, I had an unsupportive mother (she wanted me to play other sports & was afraid I'd break my neck), an across the country father, and a stepfather & his family who didn't get it. I assisted in little kid classes from my early teens on to pay for my gym, rode the bus there or walked from school, ended up getting a ride home from my coach many times, competed at (and won) a state meet without anyone from my family there. And it kinda stunk, but my gymnastics was MINE, that's for sure. There was no doubt in anyone's mind that it was what I wanted. In my teens I had the freedom to do that.

As a coach, I've not had many kids with unsupportive parents. I've had athletes with parents who are chronically ill, kids who have a single parent working multiple jobs, kids whose families just don't have a lot of money. But I've never doubted that those athletes are going home with parents who support their kids efforts, even if they don't understand the appeal, or if it's a struggle to get them there. I may be fortunate in this regard, but I don't think so. Gym is one of those things that gets into your bones.

 

[shadow]

we have a few unsupportive parents at our gym. One parent just drops her kid of at the door sometimes, other times us coaches have to pick her up and take her home. also, if there is something coming up where they have to pay, she says that they dont have any money when they clearly do and sometimes they argue in the gym about gymnastics things...
the other parent has a little different situation. she has two girls, one is a level 7 and the other is a level 5. it is so obvious that she favors the level 7 over the level 5. the level 5 isnt the greatest at gymnastics but she definitely the hardest worker at the gym. i feel so bad because she should get rewarded because of her hard work and the mom isnt paying attention to her because she is so worried about how the level 7 will do at her meets. She even has the level 7 all worked up about her routines!! they are never satisfied with one routine, as in they are always changing it, despite what us coaches say and cry when she gets 9.1's and 9.2. I just feel really bad for this other girl who works so hard and doesnt get recognized

 

[MdGymMom01]

If the problem is that your mom may not being feeling well enough to take you to practice and pick you up, could you possibly carpool with someone? I would talk with your mom more and find out exactly what her feelings are towards your gymnastics and work with her on possible solutions--like a compromise. Good luck and I hope things work out.

 

[emorymom]

At the gym I am currently coaching at, unsupportive parents or parents who just don't care are much more of a problem than the pushy, overbearing type. They drop their kid off in the parking lot and pick them up there when the class is over. If they have a check to drop off, they send it in with the kid. They don't know who the child's coach is, what they are working in the gym, how they are progressing, the list goes on. Not to mention some kids end up standing out in the freezing cold waiting for their parents to get there. It makes me sad, especially when the child really loves gymnastics and wants to be good at it.

Well I'm not sure why there's not a warm place at your gym for the kids to wait where they can see if their parent pulls up, but other than the cold kid issue (which may be a scheduling problem that is difficult to remedy on the parent's part), and not knowing who the coaches are at all (which seems kind of extreme) -- I'm confused about why this is an issue. At some point do we not allow our children to handle such mundane tasks as handing a check to the front desk or communicating with us what they want to share about their work?

I am very involved now but my goal was to phase out by the time they were around 12 ...

 

[bogwoppit]

Our gym has seen some neglectful parenting. Dropping kids off outside the gym an hour before it opens with their breakfast in their hands. Showing up over two hours late to pick them up, so coaches are stuck waiting when they should be at home.

THere is a big difference between overbearing and disinterested. Some parents just do not understand sports like gymnastics, it is so all encompassing and requires a huge commitment from the whole family, and frankly every family is not up to it.

Most parents are more than happy with soccer a few times a week during the summer, to commit to mega hours, many meets and the huge amount of money is just a lot to ask.

 

[coachmolly]

Well I'm not sure why there's not a warm place at your gym for the kids to wait where they can see if their parent pulls up, but other than the cold kid issue (which may be a scheduling problem that is difficult to remedy on the parent's part), and not knowing who the coaches are at all (which seems kind of extreme) -- I'm confused about why this is an issue. At some point do we not allow our children to handle such mundane tasks as handing a check to the front desk or communicating with us what they want to share about their work?

I am very involved now but my goal was to phase out by the time they were around 12 ...

There is not really a convenient place for the children to wait where they can see their parents car pull up and not be in the way which is unfortunate. And some of the parents really do not know who is coaching their child, nor would I be able to identify the child's parent.
I agree that this would be a non-issue if the kids were older, but these are 5-7 year old kids. I do recognize that I am ultra sensitive to risks, and I am fortunate to coach in an incredibly safe community, but allowing such young kids to wait for their parents outside with no adults present, in the dark makes me very nervous.
I am a big supporter of parent-coach communication. I like to be able to share successes with the parents, commend their child's behavior, or ask questions about potential problems. It makes it incredibly difficult for me to do this if the parent is never present.

 

[taximom]

There is not really a convenient place for the children to wait where they can see their parents car pull up and not be in the way which is unfortunate. And some of the parents really do not know who is coaching their child, nor would I be able to identify the child's parent.
I agree that this would be a non-issue if the kids were older, but these are 5-7 year old kids. I do recognize that I am ultra sensitive to risks, and I am fortunate to coach in an incredibly safe community, but allowing such young kids to wait for their parents outside with no adults present, in the dark makes me very nervous.
I am a big supporter of parent-coach communication. I like to be able to share successes with the parents, commend their child's behavior, or ask questions about potential problems. It makes it incredibly difficult for me to do this if the parent is never present.

We have a gym policy that the coach must supervise the athlete until the child is picked up. I believe it was developed from a risk management perspective. It may be on a bench in the lobby but it's not dark and outdoors.

Bog I can't even imagine a parent showing up 2 hours late. Totally unacceptable. Around here you would be answering some pretty uncomfortable questions in regards to your parenting capacity for that kind of behaviour!

 

[gymdog]

I would bring it to the attention of the gym management that children are waiting outside in the dark to be picked up. This needs to be forbidden. It's a liability issue.

If people are picking their kids up late or dropping off early barring unusual emergencies and other problems like that regularly, then it's possible gymnastics is the least of the problems for that kid. Or it's possible that child is the most loved child on earth but the parents take a different approach to things due to cultural values or views. Obviously picking a child up on time is necessary from the gym management standpoint, but there are plenty of loved and cherished children whose parents can't or won't make the commitment to competitive gymnastics. This I see nothing wrong with. There are other things in life and every family has to prioritize for the well-being of all the members. It would be sad to see that whatever the issue it was is because the parent is disinterested in or resents their child.

I don't necessarily think dropping the kid off (on time) or picking up right on time is neglectful. My parents worked and it was a long drive. They couldn't stay to watch (quite frankly I didn't care and wouldn't have ever wanted them to). But they came to meets and sacrificed quite a lot.

 

[bogwoppit]

Early/late drop off is not a problem as long as the coaches are in agreement. WHen the coaches are paid until 5pm and parents show up at 7pm then it's a big issue as coaches do have lives.

Parenting preferences are one thing, as long as they do not impact other peoples lives. However in many places it would be illegal to drop you 7 year old outside an empty building, with a bowl of porridge, for an hour alone.

I know it is possible to arrange child care at the gym, but the HC needs to know when and for how long.

 

[gymdog]

Early/late drop off is not a problem as long as the coaches are in agreement. WHen the coaches are paid until 5pm and parents show up at 7pm then it's a big issue as coaches do have lives.

Parenting preferences are one thing, as long as they do not impact other peoples lives. However in many places it would be illegal to drop you 7 year old outside an empty building, with a bowl of porridge, for an hour alone.

I agree, I'm not sure if I didn't make that clear or something. I have had to stay later than I am paid myself, fairly frequently, so I'm aware it happens.

 

[lilgymmie7]

There is not really a convenient place for the children to wait where they can see their parents car pull up and not be in the way which is unfortunate. And some of the parents really do not know who is coaching their child, nor would I be able to identify the child's parent.
I agree that this would be a non-issue if the kids were older, but these are 5-7 year old kids. I do recognize that I am ultra sensitive to risks, and I am fortunate to coach in an incredibly safe community, but allowing such young kids to wait for their parents outside with no adults present, in the dark makes me very nervous.
I am a big supporter of parent-coach communication. I like to be able to share successes with the parents, commend their child's behavior, or ask questions about potential problems. It makes it incredibly difficult for me to do this if the parent is never present.

I am very sorry, but there is absolutely NO excuse for leaving any age child alone for any amount of time. I have seen many parents at DD's gym fiqure out something whether they have to call a neighbor or contact one of us parents to swing the child home. I for one have three kids and sometimes I do feel like a taxi driver because I am in the car so much going from one pick up/drop-off point to the next. But these are MY kids! Any parent that leaves a child out at the gym or anywhere for that matter waiting 2+ hours before and/or after practice should be cited for neglect! That is a huge sign that the child is neglected and being a mandated DCFS reporter I would be the first to call the parent in on neglect. Any child deserves more! Shame on those parents!! I can't beat around the bush about this one!