Parents Venting

[Deleted member 18037]

And not all gymnasts are aiming for national team or the olympics, only a select few are and those ones deserve the best coaching they can get.

And I was not commenting on coaching.

i am commenting on the comparison to educatio. False equivalency

 

[Muddlethru]

First, do they all? I’m sure not all kids take SAT and ACT, just the college bound ones do. My child goes to school with kids who are “gifted“ and kids who have issues, and kids who have plans other then college. Not all will take the SAT or ACT

Next they are not competing directly to win a specfic, direct competition.

A lower scoring kid is not applying to Ivy League schools, That lower scoring kid is applying to schools that accept scores In the range he/she tested in...

My SATs a million years ago were not Harvard.SAT scores. I graduated from a very fine college with a solid educatio, passed the boards in my chosen field.

And those gifted kids going to Harvard weren’t applying to the schools I did. Yes we took the same standardized test. We did not compete directly with each other.

Not all gifted students apply to Ivies! Gifted students and regular students alike do and have competed for the same schools and the same jobs. Again, flawed argument!

 

[FlippinPrincess]

Honestly, the sport will always seem " unfair" for individuals focused on equity. My daughter trains 12 hours a week and competes in the same age group as girls training 16+ AND repeating. I could spend my time focusing on the perceived unfairness or I can focus on her and whether or not she is happy and in the best place for her.

And I’m trying to watch what I say because sometimes it comes off a little crazy and I really don’t want all the gym parents mad at me. But instead of saying someone should be moved up because of their high scores, ever think maybe the other kids shouldn’t have moved up to that level or repeated instead of faulting the kid with the higher scores. It’s girls at my daughter gym that does like 16-20 hours, levels 8-10 and they still get high 37s-38s so that’s why I say everything is fair.

I honestly think you just need to let their comments roll off you. In the big scheme of things, you have someone complaining that your kid is too good. Who cares? Are the comments annoying? Sure, but it's nothing to get bent out of shape over. There are always going to be people complaining about something. They complain about girls getting high scores, judges they perceive as unfair, gyms repeating girls they think should move up, etc. You can choose to focus on their negative energy or ignore it and focus on your daughter.

Be confident in the decisions you and your daughter's coaches are making for your daughter and ignore the rest of the noise.

 

[Deleted member 18037]

Honestly, the sport will always seem " unfair" for individuals focused on equity. My daughter trains 12 hours a week and competes in the same age group as girls training 16+ AND repeating. I could spend my time focusing on the perceived unfairness or I can focus on her and whether or not she is happy and in the best place for her.

A million times this

 

[MuggleMom]

Fair is the new 4 letter F word lol.

 

[OrchidZ]

If someone says something that bothers you, you have a few choices. You can get irritated and complain. You can let it go, ignore it, and move on, focusing on your own life. You can use it as an opportunity to learn more about others or the situation. You can use it as an opportunity to practice compassion. So can they. But you can't control them, you can only control you. When someone does something that you believe is bad or wrong or "unfair", that's on them - it's about them. It becomes about you when you let it become about you by taking it, owning it, and reacting by passing it on. It's like the story about the man who kicks the dog after a long chain of people in bad moods. If another parents wants to comment on your kid, fine. If they are commenting to your kid, that's a different story and should probably be shared with the coach (no names mentioned) as it's not going to be good for the kids or the team in general. The coach might want to address it with a gym-wide email or discussion. But as comments just between parents, you don't have to let it affect you. This is your chance to practice and demonstrate compassion, patience, and maturity. They parent(s) will get over it, the kids will move upward and onward, and in a few years (or sooner if someone repeats a level or quits) they probably won't be competing together anymore anyway.

I don't know you or your daughter, and I have no interest in stalking you to find out. Regardless and to be frank, if your kid is destined for greatness, it's a good time to start practicing being a gracious winner - which can be harder than being a gracious non-winner. Watch others who are successful at high levels and, for most, you won't see them (or their parents) venting that people think they are "too good." Comments/posts like this - regardless of the original intent - come across as humblebrags.. (technical definition being a statement intended as a boast or brag but disguised by a humble apology, phony show of humility, complaint, etc..). I'm not saying it is and I'm not saying it isn't, just that you need to remember that success in gymnastics isn't just about being good at the skills. How you, your wife, and your daughter interact with others will impact her opportunities.

If this really is a complaint because it's too frustrating to you that others aren't reacting to your kids success the way you believe is right, let it go. If it's on any level reaching for compliments or an outlet for your pride, you'll probably get a better return on investment (and have a lot more fun) with a YouTube channel or Instagram account that celebrates your kid's strengths and achievements rather than drawing attention to the weaknesses (either in compassion, tact, gymnastics skill, etc..) of others.

 

[GymDadWA]

My daughters first level 8 meet (last week) she scored a 38.225. So she should move up because of that even without all the level 9 skills?

I'm in the camp that you probably should not say anything, but if another parent is pushing you for an answer, the best thing to say is probably something like "She is almost ready to move up, she is still working on ALL the JO9 skills, when she has them ALL and the coaches approve she'll move up".

I've heard comments at meets equivalent to "she can do skill x or skill y, so why is she in this level?" When those parents don't realize that gymnast can certainly can do one or two skills above her level but that doesn't mean she can do everything required for the next level, or that her application of the upper skills are anywhere close to being ready for competition.

 

[MuggleMom]

Let us all remember too that Ty's Dad came here to vent not neccisarily for "answers" I am sure that all of us are nicer and more understanding in person than we are on here cause this is our safe space to say isnt this thing or that thing super annoying. And its fun to be like yeah I'm gonna tell that parent to mind their own business when its a scenario in your head but in real life we all just tend to smile and nod when people are being mildly annoying. Best to vent here than accidentally tell someone off in real life lol

 

[GymMamaX3]

I've been in the position where my kid has been moving quickly and outscoring and passing her peers and in the reverse situation where she's being outscored by kids with more hours. A little empathy goes a long way in both instances. It improves how we manage our own emotions and reactions and how we process the bad behavior of others.

That being said, it's always easier to be the parent of the kid who's scoring high and winning medals. That doesn't excuse other people's bad behavior, but it may help you feel better in the moment to remind yourself that you are standing on the green grass!!

 

[Tigtimes]

Ty’s dad - i was not going to comment on this thread but well here is my take.

Your kid is better than mine, even if my kid went 32 hours at the same gym your kid would still be better than mine. Some parents have issues with admitting that. It is easier to say what that parent did to you, to have some excuse that justifies the fact that, well, your kid is just better.

As we enter our eighth competition season I hope I have taught my kid that lesson - some are just better than you period. I think she has learned after all these years to focus on doing her best on that given day, to be humble if she does well and be a gracious loser when she doesn’t. As a parent I have learned to focus on her journey and not the results of someone else’s journey, and yes I admit that took a few years to learn

Good luck on your daughters season. Next time just smile big at that other parent and walk away. As others have said it is their issue not yours. By the way I personally love watching kids like yours at meets

 

[suds]

So many pearls of wisdom in these statements.

If someone says something that bothers you, you have a few choices. You can get irritated and complain. You can let it go, ignore it, and move on, focusing on your own life. You can use it as an opportunity to learn more about others or the situation. You can use it as an opportunity to practice compassion. So can they. But you can't control them, you can only control you. When someone does something that you believe is bad or wrong or "unfair", that's on them - it's about them. It becomes about you when you let it become about you by taking it, owning it, and reacting by passing it on.

.... practice and demonstrate compassion, patience, and maturity.

Speaking of choices…

In our toolbox of strategies, another option for handling inappropriate comments or questions is to deflect with humor.
Not biting sarcasm, but rather humor that carries a gentle kindness.

These one or two sentences are shared directly with the person of concern
and come with a smile and a wink (literal or figurative) while redirecting the conversation.

It tends to de-escalate situations... rapidly.