Parents Venting

[Ty’s Dad]

Sorry have to vent and my wife won’t let me put it in the other groups, but I’m sick and tired of parents and other team coaches either pulling me and my wife to the side, or texting us about my daughter needing to skip up a level. One parent on Sat told me at the awards that its not fair that my daughter is a level 8 her daughter doesn’t have a chance. One I don’t know what to say so I just ignore people. Two my daughter is in the level she’s supposed to be in she didnt repeat, so what am I supposed to do beg my daughters coach to go 9 to make others feel better? Sorry just had to type this up while im in the car

 

[Freddy's Fred]

Gosh, that's really rude of those parents. It's really not their business what level your daughter competes. Try not to let it get under under your skin and think of it as a complement that your daughter is clearly an amazing gymnast.

 

[skschlag]

It is so hard, I know. I am sorry that parents are actually coming up to you and saying these things.

 

[Ty’s Dad]

Yeah I didn’t know what to say, my wife just laughed and walked away. It’s really hard to not let things get to me that’s why I had to vent

 

[Kara]

Your daughter is very young and talented; good on you for not pushing her to early burnout. Ignore those parents, they're being incredibly rude and should mind their own business.

 

[MeetDirector]

TD -

In addition to your wife's approach which I like, here is one way to answer them: "What level my daughter competes is between her and her coaches; we are there to be her parents and support her in all that she does and not get involved in HER sport. If you have an issue about the level she is competing, take it up with the head coach."

Good Luck and hang in there and congrats to your dd for getting as far as she has so far. Onward and upward.

 

[SMH]

What bizarre behavior from adults and especially coaches who should know better. There is no point in engaging them in conversation- your wife has the right idea when she walked away. It’s none of their business what level your daughter competes.

 

[Ginger]

My husband did something similar once. It was level 6 meet, the parents of a high-scoring girl were sitting in front of us and he told them something like "She's so good, I think she should do level 8". What he meant was "wow, congratulation" and that's exactly how they took it. They smiled and thanked him.

Of course if someone speaks bluntly about sandbagging, it's an ugly negative talk and better ignore it. But maybe some of these people (the ones who just commented on how good she was) were just trying to congratulate you (and your daughter).
And coaches should know better. Commenting on someone else's gymnast is extremely unprofessional.

 

[FlippinLilysMom]

I've been in your position, you can't win no matter what you do. If you keep her at her level people will accuse you and/or the gym of sandbagging. If you move her up you will be told that you are pushing her too hard and too fast. Seriously, it's a no win situation. I feel for you. They are jealous. Gotta learn to let it just roll off and not let it bother you. My response has been to say thank you but we know what we are doing.

 

[Jenny]

I've been in your position, you can't win no matter what you do. If you keep her at her level people will accuse you and/or the gym of sandbagging. If you move her up you will be told that you are pushing her too hard and too fast. Seriously, it's a no win situation. I feel for you. They are jealous. Gotta learn to let it just roll off and not let it bother you. My response has been to say thank you but we know what we are doing.

Even better response would be "Thank you but we are sure the coaches know what they are doing and they make the decisions. We are just the cheerleaders. Well done to your dd too"

As you say if you push her on that is wrong too.

 

[Flyaway]

I would just shrug and say "take it up with her coaches if it bothers you that much."

 

[MuggleMom]

I would just look at them like they have three heads say "what an odd thing to say" then walk away. People make the rudest comments thinking they are being "helpful" sometimes.

And as I tell my kids (almost daily) who told you life was "fair"? I always think its odd when people talk about something being "fair" in sports kids have more money, more opportunity, are closer to better organizations, more natural talent, the list goes on and on...its never a level playing field in really anything you do in life so all you can do is the best you can in the circumstances you are dealt and focus on what you can control like your level of effort and your attitude. Fair is just a bizarre concept to me and people get way to wrapped up in it.

What they are really saying is I didn't get the result I was hoping for so I am going to look for an external reason that happened instead of dealing with a perfectly normal feeling of disappointment. Its ok to be disappointed...you just have to deal with it an move on with your life.

 

[GymAir]

“I’ll ask her if she’s willing to not work so hard.” Laugh and walk away.

 

[Tmacs]

I’m sure people question our coaches sometimes too because they really try and have the girls compete a level lower than what they are training to give them confidence. I like the approach of really making the skills second nature rather than pushing them ahead too quickly. There are some girls this year that could definitely be up a level but I totally trust the coaches decision to keep them down and keep it going slowly.
There was a girl last year at my dd’s level and we totally joked that she should skip a level but it was all in the spirit of admiring how talented she was. She did skip a level and she is still rocking it... and probably will skip another level next year .

 

[MuggleMom]

I feel like you can get the vibe of whether that kind of statement is a compliment or somewhat accusatory...if someone says it with an admiring tone or jokingly you can laugh and say I know right, but if they start talking about fair and not placing I dont think its coming from a genuine place.

 

[Ty’s Dad]

I feel like you can get the vibe of whether that kind of statement is a compliment or somewhat accusatory...if someone says it with an admiring tone or jokingly you can laugh and say I know right, but if they start talking about fair and not placing I dont think its coming from a genuine place.

How is anything fair though? Everyone has the same amount of time and hours.

 

[MuggleMom]

How is anything fair though?

Exactly--like I said in a previous post nothing in life is "fair" if people are talking about something not being fair it just means they aren't happy with the outcome and they are putting that negativity on you and that stinks.

And if these are people on her team saying its not fair thats worse they know how your gym works and that you arent "sandbagging" or anything like that they should trust that your gym does right by all its girls and think to themselves wow she is really talented good for her. And if its the same hours she is just making the most of her time and talent and good on her for being so motivated.

 

[Ty’s Dad]

Exactly--like I said in a previous post nothing in life is "fair" if people are talking about something not being fair it just means they aren't happy with the outcome and they are putting that negativity on you and that stinks.

And if these are people on her team saying its not fair thats worse they know how your gym works and that you arent "sandbagging" or anything like that they should trust that your gym does right by all its girls and think to themselves wow she is really talented good for her. And if its the same hours she is just making the most of her time and talent and good on her for being so motivated.

It has came from people in my own gym before but our gym is split from regular JO and FastTrack (Hopes/Elite) program. My daughter is in the FastTrack program, so when she competes with the regular JO girls sometimes they get mad too

 

[claudidoll]

It has came from people in my own gym before but our gym is split from regular JO and FastTrack (Hopes/Elite) program. My daughter is in the FastTrack program, so when she competes with the regular JO girls sometimes they get mad too

i can sympathize with the parents from the same gym. It’s hard to see your athlete compete against an athlete from the same team who seems to be getting more hours and better training. I get that gymnastics ( and life) aren’t fair but do think things within a gym should be as fair as possible.

my younger DD and one of her training partners are doing level four, they train with a less experienced ( but super awesome coach) and they train 16 hours a week. They will compete against kids from another group who train 20 hours a week and have access to our assistant head coach.

I get that all athletes progress differently and as a mom to 4 kids I honestly believe fair is everyone getting what they need not necessarily everyone getting the same, but at the same time it almost feels like my kiddo is being set up to fail. intellectually I know that’s not the case and I trust our coaching staff but at the same time I can see the perspective of other parents.

 

[Ty’s Dad]

i can sympathize with the parents from the same gym. It’s hard to see your athlete compete against an athlete from the same team who seems to be getting more hours and better training. I get that gymnastics ( and life) aren’t fair but do think things within a gym should be as fair as possible.

my younger DD and one of her training partners are doing level four, they train with a less experienced ( but super awesome coach) and they train 16 hours a week. They will compete against kids from another group who train 20 hours a week and have access to our assistant head coach.

I get that all athletes progress differently and as a mom to 4 kids I honestly believe fair is everyone getting what they need not necessarily everyone getting the same, but at the same time it almost feels like my kiddo is being set up to fail. intellectually I know that’s not the case and I trust our coaching staff but at the same time I can see the perspective of other parents.

I don’t agree, everyone could try out for the fast track program, if their daughter doesn’t make it it’s on that daughter not the other gymnast who made it. What happens if you have a meet and a girl gets very high score all the time? You say oh they must have longer hours.