WAG What is perfectly acceptable in one gym is taboo in another...

[gymisforeveryone]

We have team group chats. There are always 2-3 coaches and the girls who have the app. We send the skill videos that we have recorded at practice there and the girls can ask about the practice times and the let us know about their absences. I don't have private chats with any of the girls and I'm sure the other coaches have the same policy. We also have a separate chat for parents and coaches. It's really useful for planning carpools for meets, asking about who's going to attend clinics and camps, keeping the parents informed in general.

 

[MILgymFAM]

I am not generally a helicopter parent. However, with 3 kids who have participated (safely) in several activities that have had horrible child abuse scandals, I am appreciative of the two deep, no exception, leadership rules. I have 3 children who have been Alter Servers, 2 Boy Scouts, 2 football players and a gymnast. Both the Scouts and the Catholic Church have had to wade through aweful situations. And, now USAG is embroiled in scandals of its own. As long as USAG fails to put into place and enforce similar protections, it will not come out the other side of this situation.

While your situation works for you, and is almost certainly innocent, I would bet that every parent of every gymnast treated by USAGs doc would have said the same. The problem is that for every hundred or thousand innocent relationships, there is the one that isn't. Because pedophiles are REALLY good at pretending not to be, I won't make the assumption. My comfort level changes as my kids get older, but my job does not end just because they are 10 or 12 or even 16.

I get it, I really do. Not only are you entitled to your opinion, I think you’re right. I refuse to parent out of fear though. Yes, perhaps every parent who’s child was abused thought they’re kid was safe- and it’s a tragedy they weren’t- that does not change how we live. I let my kids take the lead and do what I think is best.

 

[3rd_time_around]

I had to send mine to a meet without me. She was the only one who was competing. I sent her with her male coach whom I trusted and still trust that he would treat her like his own daughter. I had no other choice. She stayed with a family when she got there, but she traveled alone with him. If she wasn't allowed to do that, she would not have been able to compete at the biggest meet of her career.

 

[skschlag]

I had to send mine to a meet without me. She was the only one who was competing. I sent her with her male coach whom I trusted and still trust that he would treat her like his own daughter. I had no other choice. She stayed with a family when she got there, but she traveled alone with him. If she wasn't allowed to do that, she would not have been able to compete at the biggest meet of her career.

My guess is now that would not be allowed. And as the male coach, I am surprised he would put himself in that position.

My son is not allowed to be alone at all with his male coaches. I am thinking that USAG will be going this route.

As for team travel: Our gym does not do it for many reasons, but I am sure safe sport is one of those reasons. That and the fact that we have 55 boys, and just trying to supervise that many during the multi day meets would be nearly impossible. My son's old team did 1 team travel. They took 15 boys, 4 coaches/adults. That ensure that there was NEVER a coach alone with a gymnast.

One of the MOST trusted coaches in our state was recently convicted and banned. Parents loved him, allowed boys to travel with him. He was always at clinics as a trusted coach. People were absolutely stunned. And the boys were older....teenagers. Really opened my eyes. And while I have talked to my boys about this, I will also not put them in that situation.

 

[sce]

We have team group chats. There are always 2-3 coaches and the girls who have the app. We send the skill videos that we have recorded at practice there and the girls can ask about the practice times and the let us know about their absences. I don't have private chats with any of the girls and I'm sure the other coaches have the same policy. We also have a separate chat for parents and coaches. It's really useful for planning carpools for meets, asking about who's going to attend clinics and camps, keeping the parents informed in general.

I love all of this. An open forum for communication for athletes and parents.

 

[sce]

Here is USAG safe sport policy. It does give provisions for team travel, but has a lot of places where they sate a coach (or any unrelated adult) should never be alone with an athlete.

Link Removed

 

[3rd_time_around]

Here is USAG safe sport policy. It does give provisions for team travel, but has a lot of places where they sate a coach (or any unrelated adult) should never be alone with an athlete.

Link Removed

I've read the whole thing and taken the test, but I still don't see how they can enforce some of the things they are demanding, and I don't know how they can expect a parent to pay for travel/hotel/food for themselves, their gymnast, and their coach if they cannot afford to do so. I stayed home because I could not pay for myself to go. Not every gymnast has a family with the money to do that, or a booster club, or a way to raise the extra money in time for a meet for Easterns or Nationals if they qualify. We did about 5 fundraisers in that 3 weeks, and we made just enough to pay for the 2 of them to go. And I would do it again today. I never thought twice about it.

Should a gymnast be penalized or excluded because their family isn't wealthy? No. I don't see any allowances for funding from USAG for travel expenses for gymnasts so that the parents can come along if they don't have the money to pay for it. Their guidelines are fine, but they need to address some of the issues that go along with their new restrictions. If you can't even send your daughter with a female coach as her temporary guardian to travel when you can't go, what are you supposed to do? I never went to meets with her that required a plane ride, because I couldn't afford it. What's the difference if I send her with another trusted parent or a trusted coach? Seems like the same thing to me. They literally cannot require parents to attend travel meets--that is unrealistic and unenforceable--unless they have some way to help parents pay for the extra expenses they cannot afford themselves, or lost wages for taking off of work.

I know not everyone will understand or agree, but I still would have no problem with sending my child alone with any one of her coaches to a meet that I could not attend.

 

[skschlag]

there is a difference between sending a kid with other parents and their kid, versus alone with a coach. WIth boy scouts, if we were with our kid and a 2nd kid, tht was ok, because there were 2 kids. Not ideal, but better than being alone with someone else's kid.

I do see what you are saying. I have taken other gymnasts with us on travel meets for various reasons, and have always had that child stay wiht my child at all times. but I could never just send my son 1:1 with the coach; nor would our gym allow that.

I would be surprised if USAG still allows it as well. I hope there are some options for families that are in situations similar to yours, but I am guessing that traveling alone with a coach, wiht all that is going on, will not really be allowed any longer.

 

[z2akids]

I suppose that the new rules could results in some change in terms of what meets gyms attend or which they make optional. There could be some realignment of teams resulting in some smaller high level teams merging - ultimately allowing for families to spread costs out. Or, gyms that want the exposure of Nationals might simply have to eat some of the costs themselves.

Ultimately, USAG, gyms, owners, coaches and parents need to get on board with safe practices that have been standard in other sports and activities for years, and sometimes decades. Sure, it is a huge change and can be difficult for some individuals, but if USAG wants to get through this, everyone needs to put the kids before the convenience.

Pedophiles are experts at wooing kids and their parents. They don't just grab a kid and rape her. First a pat on a shoulder for a good day or a hug for a tough one. Remember, these kids are used to being touched by coaches while being spotted. Then maybe a ride home. Then the gymnast and family start to feel special, and often the other girls know who the favorite is. The other girls want the attention. Then perhaps an offer for a ride to the gym and a private before the gym opens. Then you get someone like Sharp taking pics (ostensibly to see what the skills look like) but are actually porn. Kid doesn't even realize it. A slipped hand while spotting. And, so on and so on. These sickos often take months and months and even years to groom these kids AND their parents.

 

[SurpriseGymMom]

Our gym has all us coaches go through the Safe Sport training, as well as quite a few other awareness training sessions.

 

[CoachAlex]

We currently do not do a lot of travel meets - but when I competed we did and even though we traveled as a team, pretty much all parents came too.

One of the teams I coach is a group of 10 girls, 11-14. They are great kids. I would not want to have to travel with them by myself on a plane/bus/train/tandem bicycle/etc. Recent events aside, that is a lot of responsibility for one person.