Parents What to do if the gym that's best for one daughter is not best for another

[momof5]

I had my DD's at two different gyms for about 6 mos. but only 1 was on team. I moved my oldest due to lots of reasons. When we tried to resolve our issues and weren't able to we left, but I really didn't give them a reason. She joined a team at a rival gym(bitter rivals). I left little DD at her current gym becuase I liked their preteam program much better and she was happy there. I didn't think it was a big deal. Well the first meet of the season came and when her old gym saw her competing at the other gym they were not too happy. At little DD next class I was confronted by HC and owner and told that my DD would have to leave. They didn't approve of kids at different gyms.

I would at least approach the owner and HC and present the idea to them. They probably won't go for it though. I f you have several other issues with them besides that they just won't move you little one up then I would consider switching. It sounds like you are unhappy with the gym in general. I would try to get older DD to switch. As a parent sometimes decsions need to be made even if they upset you child. One of the issues that I dealt with at the old gym was the consent tearing down they did with the girls. The head games and the name calling was awful. DD was a little reluctent to switch since she had so many friends at the old gym but I was concerned for her self esteem. I pulled the mom card(easier to do when your child is younger I know) and told her that I was tired of how they were treating her and she was going to switch because I was the mom and I knew best. I figured if she really liked gymnastics then she would learn to love the new gym and make new friends. It took a awhile but I know I made the best decision. She also now knows that it was the right decision.

Perhaps your older DD could try out the new gym for a week. After a week she just might find that she can love a another gym and coach. After being in the same gym for 6 years some of her reluctance could just be the fear of the unknown.

Good luck to you.

 

[NOG]

Wow! What a tough situation. Given what you've said about the current gyms Optional program (that it wasn't up to snuff), maybe a new gym would be a good idea for both dds.

We switched gyms a year ago (for too many reasons to list), and my dd wasn't NOT happy with me about this at first. She didn't understand what the problems were at the old gym (she was only 8, and I didn't want to ruin her memories of the place). Anyway, it really didn't take long for her to REALLY appreciate the move. It really was the best choice for dd, our gym has a phenomenal program that seems to grow every year.

Maybe older dd is old enough to understand if you explain the Optional program deficiancies and how a stronger optional program would be more beneficial to her also. If not, I don't evny your situation.

As far as younger dd,I'm assuming since she turned 6 soon enough to compete L4, than she'll turn 7 soon enough to compete L5. Emma of Emma's Mom was a 7yr old L5 this past season and she did awesome! You should contact her about the pros and cons of having a young L5. I'm sure that she will have much more insight on the topic than I have. Her youtube channel is YouTube - emmaalyse7's Channel . You can see how great she did this past season and maybe that will help some in deciding what to do.

 

[bigtiny]

Thank you all for continuing to add you thoughts. It really does help me.

My older DD turned 13 today. I asked her today what were the chances I could get her to try 1 practice at another gym, and she answered "0%." Being a new teen, I have the feeling I won't be able to change her mind (I have been working on it!).

This whole thing is really getting me down.

 

[gymjourneymom]

Happy Birthday to your DD!!!!

 

[Gymmonkeymomma]

I briefly had my kids at 2 different gyms - but my 2 little ones were just in the PreK class when we moved Kelsey so itwasn't a demanding schedule like when you have 2 on team. I could not imagine doing it now...but we do have a gym family who juggled having their DD on our team and their DS on the team at the gym that we originally left (which is 2 minutes from our house!). They managed it and would have continued, had the boys' coach not left (to come to our gym, hmmm) so the DS and several teammates also came to us.

Maybe if you did move your younger one, your older DD would be more willing to give it a try later on? 13 is a tough age....I know it would be hard for my oldest to leave her teammates to go elsewhere.

Regarding your youngest - she scored 37's and they want to keep her back???? I think that is ridiculous and even though there is no rush to push her up, there is also no reasn to hold her back! What reasoning did her coach give? Can't the HC make his/her own evaluations??? When my Little Monkey was 6, they initially wanted to hold her back another year at L4. At the time, we did not have Novice/Open divisions in L4 like we have now. She already had alot of her L5 skills and they were moving everyone else up to either L5 or L6 because of THEIR ages (14 girls on her L4 team started, about 8 at the end of the season). I asked the HC to move her up along with them, wih the understanding that if she was not ready to compete, she would sit out the season. At least she would be able to continue to train up and not get disheartened or bored. Long story short, she was ready for L5 and took home the bronze at L5 States the first year. She did a 2nd year of L5 and spent the time improving her skills/form and working on L6 skills as well. Most importantly, she was not discouraged by constantly being reminded of how small or young she is.

 

[Gymnasticsgirl521]

I can so relate to how your daughter is feeling. Since our Level 4's completed stated. My dd has stepped up and done that incrediable training too. It is almost like new life has been blowen into them. I know last year we had at least 5 Level 4's that should have gone to 5 but stayed back and they were VERY successful this year. They split us into a couple of groups and they got to up train after meets on different skills. I know we have a few that they have "plans" for and they are wanting some of the second year to step up and "Lead" the team. This might be a plan they have for your DD. Also they may feel she has a great shot for States by staying back and want to give her that confidence. I would talk to the coach along with the head coach. I would ask for them to talk to your DD along with you and explain what is going on. Maybe if you all are let in on what is really going on it will help.

I know I have had to let our coach know how dd was feeling and they had to make a bit more of an effort to keep her happy since she couldn't compete last year. I would also see if you can do your regular Level 4 schedule and maybe add one Level 5 day for up training. We had a few of our 4's do that and I am going to try to do that with dd this year. Best of luck and I hope you can find a happy medium.

 

[Tumblequeensmom]

BigTiny... I feel for you. Your gym consistently wins the team awards every year for compulsories. And now we know why!!! It's a shame that your other daughter quit!! All 3 of your girls are very talented. But with your other one entering (possibly) optionals, now would probably be a good time to switch. As others have said, approach it as "just a look see" adventure! I know the two other gyms in the area that you're probably referring to, but they both have good optional programs as well.... especially the one "exclusive" club!!! Hee Hee!!

I know one of the girls from Katy's previous gym came from that club and she did well there in compulsories and continues to do very well in optionals.

I would absolutely hate for my DD's spirit to be crushed by not being allowed to work on L5 skills during her next L4 season. Unfortunately that's how some gyms operate. Katy's previous gym was exactly the same way. During the competition season... fall through May... the girls ONLY work on skills needed at that level. How boring does that get??? She is now in a gym where they got to uptrain throughout their season. Granted, she will never be a fantastic gymnast, but she's happy, healthy, making great friendships and oh my, if I could only look like she does, I'd die happy!!

But I digress.... good luck w/your decision. Summer time is a great time to explore other avenues "just for fun!"

Oh, I forgot to add... that last year, one of the girls trained at our gym, and her Level 9 sister trained at a very high level club in Maryland. So her mom was runing back and forth between Maryland and Virginia for both girls' practice/competition schedules!!! Oh My..... it only lasted the one season before the younger sister ended up switching gyms.

 

[mariposa]

Have you really had a heart to heart with oldest DD to ask her how she would feel if she were in your little DDs shoes? Could you maybe talk to her and see if she could at least try out at the other gym with little DD and see how it feels? Really talk to her about how you understand that she loves her friends and coaches and how hard it would be, that you aren't going to make her, but that you would really appreciate if she would just try the other gym. Talk up their optionals and how when she competes, she would do well there, etc.

I truly feel for you. This situation seems to be a no win situation. You will end up making one DD unhappy either way and that seems unfair. Definitely talk to the HC and tell them you are going to be taking DD elsewhere and see what happens. They might not want to lose a family, simply because when you lose one, you start to lose more. It seems to always happen when one family leaves, some follow them.

Again, good luck with this. I hope you are stable health wise right now. You really don't need the extra stress of this situation. Sending you stay healthy vibes, too. (((HUGS)))

 

[gymjourneymom]

Bigtiny, I've been doing a lot of thinking about your situation. I've decided it really sucks!!! I feel very bad for your older DD. I can really relate to her...she sounds much like my own DD. A teenager with fear issues, is very attached to her teammates & coaches, doesn't want to change gyms. And then there is your younger very talented DD, (who has learned a lot from watching her older sisters I'm sure) & the gym wants to have her repeat a level & she is getting bored with "old skills". This is a tough situation, with no easy answers. Will you be traveling this summer(as you post before) & have the girls practice at a different gym during that time??? I ask b/c I think this may be the key. I don't think you should make older DD switch(long term), unless it's her idea. Otherwise you risk life long resentment between the siblings. I would suggest that maybe you just have them both continue at the current gym & possibly ask them to up train or do TOPS training with younger DD. But you say that long term the optional teams aren't what you would like. So the key is making older DD comfortable with the idea of a new gym for her own benefit...not just to benefit her younger sister. I know how difficult that would be, believe me. I've been unsuccessful thus far myself in getting DD to switch gyms(or even try a different gym). But maybe a different coaching style is just what older DD needs. Getting her to try a different gym is the key here. But I'm sure she'd feel like a "traitor". If you are traveling & having them train while your away. At least that will let her experience different coaching styles & you'll both see if a change in coaching style will benefit her too. I think if she got to experience that(while traveling), it would make her more open to the idea(at home). Trying a new gym while traveling isn't like being a "traitor" b/c your "away". She'd should actually see herself as a more dedicated gymnast. B/c instead of just taking time off while away...she'd still be training(& trying on different coaching styles for size). The idea of a gym switch needs to have a positve out come for her, (not just her little sister) in the long term. And she needs to come to that realization on her own...if you force her she'll end up resenting you & her little sister as well. JMHO. Good luck with this difficult situation.

 

[bigtiny]

I do so appreciate the time you all have taken to think about our situation and share your insights. We are faced with some difficult decisions, and your thoughts really are helpful to me.

My next MRI is at the beginning of July, and then I will know more about the plan for my health. The radiation oncologists want to hold off on radiation because there is a good chance that it will cause some sort of disability (because of damage to the cranial nerves, etc.). I may also end up hospitalized longer term due to brain swelling. Because of those dangers, we had decided to have the kids stay here at home with my husband and their grandparents during the radiation time. So, the original plan of having them come with and train at a different gym are not going to work out.

Gymjourneymom, I agree with everything you said. I feel for my older DD. She will not move to another gym. I believe her that she will quit the sport if we move gyms (even if a move really would be better for her, too). The sport has been good for her, and I don't want to see her quit.

Honestly, though, I don't think we can have little DD stay where she is. The gym just raised prices for Level 4 only. Last week (and this week), she went to clinics there and was put in the group with "repeaters." I watched as her whole body language just fell. This is a child who thrives on challenge, who can do running front tucks, standing back tucks, back walkovers on low beam, etc. I believe she will begin to "hate" gymnastics if she is held back.

I resent the gym for putting us in this situation.

 

[mariposa]

BigTiny,

Sending you big hugs and lots of healing vibes. I really think you need to talk to the gym ASAP and get this resolved from some standpoint. With your health situation, you don't need to be stressing about other things. You should be as peaceful and happy as you possibly can be and stressing about this doesn't help. I am sure it helps a bit from a distraction standpoint, but it still isn't good for your health as this is a true emotional stress on you and you need to be in a calm, positive mental state right now.

As we have all come to the conclusion so far, this royally sucks. As a mom, we have so many things we have to make decisions on, but when it revolves around the happiness of 2 of our kids, making one or the other miserable, it is just really difficult. You truly fit that saying, "between a rock and a hard place."

Wishing there was some magic wand I could send you so you could fix this...

 

[gymjourneymom]

I'm saying prayers for you & your family! I hope your next MRI report gives you the news you want to hear. I hope that the doctors can develop a treatment plan for you, that has minimal negative side-effects or complications. Your health is the most important thing right now! I know as mothers we all worry about our kids. But as mariposa says, this stress of worrying about gymnastics can't be good for your health. Sure your DD's love this sport...but they love you a million times more! Always remember that! That being said (as far as the gym issue goes) I think sticking with the devil you know may be the most realistic choice at this point, JMHO. #1 your teenager is happy there...when you have a happy teenager...you don't want rock the boat.#2 You are saying younger DD "may grow to hate the sport"...so she still loves it now right??? The L4 fee went up...but hey... fees go up at all gyms. Who knows, the fees at the "new" might be even higher still. I know having DD repeat L4 seems crazy to you & an insult to her. But I must say, everyone I know who's child was made to repeat a level, has said the same comment to me "she'll be bored repeating a level". But all (& I mean all) in the end, tell me that it ended up being the right decision in the long run. Once they get over the initial shock & accept the "injustice", the training groups all settle in & it all works out. The the repeater can focus on little details, the finer points of her technique rather then just getting new skills. She can be a leader to the other girls, being looked up to is a great feeling for them!!! This can be a chance for her to develop life long leadership skills & confidence . Getting new skills is fun...but strength, form, lines, technique & confidence all need lots of attention too. I think you need to have a frank discussion with your DD's head coach. And tell them your concerns...you may be surprised. Maybe they will up train her(at least 1 day a week) or some other arrangement for you. Is TOPS training an option? I think your DD sounds like a candidate for that! Keeping you all in my prayers & hoping you can find an arrangement that works to everyones advantage. (((Hugs))) to you:grouphug: from your CB family!

 

[cathiann]

I don't understand why the gyms would care if the girls are competing at different gyms?? I think your youngest dd definitely needs to switch gyms--she may not be able to compete as a level 5 this year (when is her birthday?) but with her talent, she might be someone that could move quickly through the levels (doing one meet 5, then one meet level 6, etc.) if she's working the higher skills in practice.

BTW, I took my two girls to different gyms this spring--not the same situation as my oldest is in HS gymnastics, but her HS team has many girls practicing at another gym, so we drove her there for practice too.

 

[bigtiny]

My husband and I met with gym owner tonight. We knew that one coach had said keep her on 4 and one coach had said move her to 5. The gym owner said she was mad that I had started a feud between the coaches . I started nothing. She refused to let my daughter work with the coach WHO asked to have her in his group and train her on 5/6 skills.

I told her that our other plan would be to take our daughter to a different gym, and she said that she would force us to withdraw both of our other two daughters from the gym, including my Level 6/7 daughter who LOVES her coach.

I am angry and upset . My 6-year-old has been crying for 2 hours and my 12-year-old won't talk to anyone.

I hate the gym for handling it this way. I want to never walk through those doors again, but they are both asking if they can go to practice tomorrow . What am I supposed to say?

Older DD WILL quit before ever setting foot in a different gym. I know it. I am devastated by this whole turn of events. Almost 9 years at this gym, and this is the thanks we get.

 

[mariposa]

Well, I guess you have 2 options. You can talk to your little DD and see what she wants to do. She is the one that is not happy with the gym situation. If she wants to stay, she has to know that she will be a level 4 most likely for another year and that staying means accepting that. If she is willing to do that and wants to stay at that gym, then I would leave them there and give the owners bad looks (just kidding about the last part).

The way it was handled would have me really wanting to look at another gym. Your older DD might not want to do gym at first, but she might come around when she misses it. Then again, she might not. You are still in a really sucky situation. You still have to make one girl unhappy.

I wonder if they will still treat the girls the same way after this. I would hope so, but you never know.

Can you forgive and forget what happened? Hugs again. I was hoping this was a positive update.

 

[gymjourneymom]

Oh bigtiny! I'm so sorry to hear the meeting went so poorly!!! I know you are angry & upset & "don't ever want to walk through those doors again"...but your DD's do & it is their sport right? I think you & the owner both need sometime to cool down. I'd let them go to practice while you decide what to do & see how it plays out over the next few days. Good luck & (((hugs))) to you & the girls.

 

[bogwoppit]

That is so disheartening. Too bad the owner is choosing to blame you, but that is probably easier than her getting mad with the coaches.

I would send the girls to gym and avoid the place for a few days. I would also look at some other gyms and tell both girls that they will try them out, try outs are not a commitment. Tell the oldest that it's like trying on a new dress when you have no intention of buying it. She may just see the greener grass, then again she may not. At least if she will look things will be better. She can be a level 6/7 at another gym but your little one may only get to be a L5 at a new gym, both sides have to be explored and the oldest shouldn't get her way just because she can stomp the loudest.

Who knows where this will lead you, clearly your present gym says "it's our way or no way", so you either suck it up there and let your little one be taken down that path. It sounds as though your gym holds back many girls and that is not always to the benefit of the gymnast.

Sending ((((hugs)))) for you and yours, these are tough enough times without having to worry about inequity at the gym.

 

[TnTTaxi]

I just caught up on your whole situation, first and foremost I am hoping for good news in regards to your health. All the issues with your DD's gym is not what you need right now. Unfortunately, the gym does not see the sadness that is being created in your family is really awful. i don't understand why gym owners and head coaches have to be such a pain!!

I am really sorry for the whole situation, and feel like a new gym would be the best thing, but your older DD is definately in that teenage attitude stage and does not want to listen to mom and dad.

Please keep updated and once again I am so sorry.

Sending you (((((HUGS)))))

 

[gymmomntc2e6]

BigTiny,
This whole thing naked me so sad. I will be thinking of you and you family. The other posters are correct- you do not need this stress when you should be concentrating on your health. Best wishes that this all works out and God Bless

 

[Gymmonkeymomma]

I am sitting here in disbelief at what the owner said to you!! Based on his/her reaction, I would definitely look elsewhere! It's clear that they do not have your children's best interest at heart and on top of that to blame YOU for the coaches disagreements? What is wrong with letting your DD try to work with the 5/6 coach? That just sounds insane! I think you need to sit your older DD down and explain to her that she needs to at least try another gym, because someday they could do the same to her at another level!

I'm sorry you have to go through this. Please take care of yourself and your own health!