Parents What to do if the gym that's best for one daughter is not best for another

[gymjoy]

I'm with Gymmonkeymomma - Are they going to start treating older dd unfairly? I really do not like or understand why gyms feel they can bully parents who want their children in different gyms? I just do not believe it is any of their business?
I'm sorry both your dd's and you are so upset. This sport is crazy sometimes. I wish I knew what you could say to your older dd to make her understand that what this gym is doing by laying the blame on you is so very wrong, and that they are more interested in looking out for themselves and their reputation then they are in how their gymnast feel or what their gymnasts need.

Take care and best of luck.

 

[cher062]

That is awful and I can't believe any gym would put any family in that situation.

I know its really hard for you right now.

My position however is one you might not like. I would pull both daughters even if older one is saying she WILL quit. If she really is passionate for gymnastics she will get over it and want to do it again. I would not want any child in that gym no matter how much the child is threatening to never do gymnastics again. I would sit her down and hopefully explain your position of how you don't agree with the bullying etc that they owners and coaches are putting your family through. I would just take control and tell her if she wants to do competitive gymnastics she can but it won't be at that gym and if she wants to quit doing gymnastics because of this decision your going to be OK with that. You have to be ready to accept that decision from your child. You are the parent and you have to do what is best for your child and sometimes saying sorry but NO even if they quit something you know they love. If they truely love it they will come back to it. Leave the door open by saying if you change your mind and want to go back to gymnastics you can but it won't be with that gym. You said it yourself you don't ever have to need to walk through the doors again. If older DD says something about favoring younger DD you can say right to her at this point it has nothing to do with either of you at this point now it has to do with how the gym handled (or didn't handle) the situation and how the gym is really blackmailing the family at this point.

yes your older DD will be very upset and she may even not speak to you for a bit but I think I would rather have her upset and not doing gymnastics ever than at that gym and be treated in that manner. but That's just my opinion.

 

[ginnymac]

I have to agree with cher....at this point it is not about favoring one daughter over another, but refusing to patronize a business that is not treating your family fairly.

I am surprised and disheartened that there are facilities out there that are not looking at the best interests of a child, particularly with a family that has been with them so long.

I think that if your older dd is truly passionate about gymnastics, she will come around.

So sorry that you have been put in this position.

 

[taximom]

Big Tiny
I am sorry for how your family has been treated at your current gym. So much for practice what you teach.
I do think there is a teachable moment here for your daughters. They will watch very closely how you handle this scenario. To me unacceptable behaviour is unacceptable.
I feel that the gym has totally changed the situation and your choice may now be no gym or new gym.
Praying for good results and solid treatment plan for your health. As someone else mentioned your girls may love gym but they love you more!!

 

[mariposa]

After thinking about it more, I agree with the last few posters that have said that they would change gyms. It was one of my solutions, but I think that by staying, you are telling them (the gym) that it is okay to treat people they way they have and it isn't. Your oldest will be mad at you, I am sure, but like someone said, this isn't about little DD anymore. This is about the way the gym handled the situation, which was not right. If people keep putting up with this kind of treatment and paying for it, they will keep doing it. I also think that if she truly loves gym, she will come around and try out the new gym. Good luck reaching a decision. In the end, you have to do what you feel most comfortable with, whatever that may be.

 

[bigtiny]

I appreciate so much how my Chalk Bucket family has rallied around and supported me during this very difficult time ! I can't tell you how much it has meant to me to read all of your advice and I have thought about everything that each one of you has said.

We are taking a week of vacation, which is very much needed right now. When we return, youngest DD will be trying a new gym. They have already called to say that they would love to have her come work out with their Level 5 group. I will take this vacation week to try to talk with my older DD and see if I can make her understand that the way the gym has treated us (including her) has been unacceptable.

I am willing to let her walk away from gym if it allows our family to regain some balance. No gym should be treating their families the way we were treated. It has been a painful and disappointing week. I would be happy to walk away from the sport altogether, but I have three girls who are still telling me that they love it, so I told them we will find a way to work things out.

Thank you for helping me see what needs to happen. It's not going to be easy, but it can't be any harder than this last week has been.

 

[NOG]

I have to agree with the above posts. The way the gym is totally shutting younger dd out, not even listening to the L5 coach who is asking that younger dd be put in her group, is unacceptable. They don't want to take responsibility for in-house disagreements amongst their coaching staff (with the differing opinions on where little dd should be), and instead are shifting the blame to you for having the hutspa to question them.

Older dd, while not happy about this and seeing it as favoritism, needs to have it exlpained to her that this treatment is unacceptable. She needs to think about what will happen if you agree to stay just because she wants to--what will happen next year when they want to hold her back to L6 and refuse to let her train up at all? Will she then want to swich gyms and think that it is unfair to then stay and see it as favoritism because little dd then wants to stay because maybe she has decided that she doesn't want to leave?

I don't mean to sound harsh or uncaring about older dd's feelings, because I totally get that she is resentful that the situation happened at all. She needs to understand though that neither little dd nor yourself instigated this. She needs to lay the blame for this where it belongs, on the HC and Owner's shoulders. They've already pushed middle dd out of this sport, now this. Hopefully older dd will see that history repeats itself, and she may be on the loosing end next. Tell her that we support her, and would be very proud of her if she would open her mind up to the possibility of a different gym.

If they have done it once, they will do it again. Why wait for further abuse? In the end, you must make the choice that all of you are the most comfortable with. We wish you all lots of luck in coming to that decision, whatever it may be.

 

[ginnymac]

Enjoy your vacation this week with your family! Hopefully you will all relax and enjoy some special time together!

 

[gymjourneymom]

I think a vacation is the best thing for your entire family right now! Please try to not even think about gymnastics while you're away! Family is what matters most in this world! Have a GREAT time & make some GREAT memories together. Enjoy & take lots of pictures!

 

[Tumblequeensmom]

Oh BigTiny, I am so sorry for all the drama you've had to go through! I just spent the day catching up on this thread. I am so sorry for your health issues as well! Big Hugs go out to you and your family. I agree with what everyone else has said here, and agree that a week's vacation is the perfect thing for your family right now. The way this gym has treated you is absolutely horrendous and I don't know how you could ever even take your DD's back there. Even if this particular situation is worked out among your daughters, the way they don't seem to care about your feelings or the girls' skills is not acceptable. I think if you explain this whole situation very calmly w/your older DD, she may come around. She's not going to make it easy though (after all she IS 13 - so nothing is easy!). But if she truly loves the sport, she WILL eventually give it another try. And I love the explanation that someone put on here that "trying out" a gym, is not the same thing as a commitment. If you can just get to understand the way they've treated you and youngest DD, and that they very well may treat HER the same way at some point down the road!! Totally unacceptable.

Good luck w/your medical treatments, your time off from gym and make sure you let us all know what you decide to do. Of course, I want to know at which gym younger DD is going to try out! E or G????

 

[TnTTaxi]

Have a wonderful much needed vacation, and I think you are on the right track.

 

[gymmomntc2e6]

Hey bigtiny,
Have a wonderful vacation, you and your family deserve it!! Change is so hard for teenagers. I mean think about it, aloof these changes with their bodies and emotions that they cannot control. I am sure that your older DD just wants to feel there is something she has control over. I am sorry you have had to deal with all this. Just try to relax and enjoy your vacation. Maybe your middle DD will jump back in at the new gym.

Maybe letting older DD read the thread would help her to understand the situation a little better, what a struggle this has been for you and DH. That it is no longer about her or little sis, but about being treated properly. With respect. This could have been handled much better by the owner/ HC. Perhaps if they had just sucked it up and either let little DD try L5, given you a reasonable explonation for her repeating L4, or said she is very talented and loves the sport it would be a shame if she quit. If you feel another gym would be a better fit for her, best of luck.

Long winded way to say good luck and keep us posted. Your CB friends are always here for you.

 

[bogwoppit]

Have a lovely break with the family. Lovely that a gym is ready and willing to give little DD the chance she deserves. Hopefully with some time and talk big sister will come along for the ride.

 

[mariposa]

Have a wonderful vacation. I hope the new gym ends up being a great place for all 3 of your beautiful girls!!

 

[Gymmonkeymomma]

Enjoy your vacation. Maybe a week away from the gym will also give your older DD a newer outlook? I am hoping and praying that everything works out for your family!

 

[bigtiny]

We are back from a great family vacation, and I have a GOOD NEWS UPDATE. My youngest DD tried a new gym today, and she really liked it (and so did I). Ready for the funny part? She came out with a big smile and told me, "Mommy, I have a new gymnastics best friend!" Who was it? Megley's daughter!!!



Now, I just have to work on my oldest DD, who is moping around, gymless....

 

[mariposa]

How awesome that your little DD loves the new gym and already has a new friend! And how cool that it is the DD of one of our CB members.

Hope your oldest DD will come around and realize that she can still do gymnastics somewhere else. I am sure it sucks to have to deal with her and know how sad she is, etc, but it is her choice now to make the move to do gym again. Hopefully she will.

 

[Tumblequeensmom]

Small world, isn't it???

Oh I'm so happy for you! I'm hoping and praying Big DD will come around as well! I'm SURE she will with some patience and understanding. I look forward to hearing about (and seeing) their progress at their new gym!

 

[taximom]

Great news! So happy youngest DD made a new friend and likes her new gym. Hoping things settle down with older DD soon and she finds something that makes her smile again!

 

[cathiann]

That's great news!!! Hope your older DD comes around--like I always tell my kids--you can't say you don't like something if you don't even try it.