Where were the parents is both a loaded and complicated question. Likely they were right there, thinking they were doing the best they could for their kids.
I know that there is this feeling of naiveté when a parent says their kids tell them everything, but in my case I believe that to be a literal statement. My DD tells me everything- and she’s 16, so not likely to stop any moment. At this point our relationship is what it is. That didn’t stop her from being emotionally abused. I have no interest in my kids competing in any sport- I’m the least competitive person I know. I am definitely not living through my kids. That didn’t stop my DD from being emotionally abused either. My DD isn’t elite, isn’t a tiny young phenom, and has absolutely no “big” goals in gymnastics. She wasn’t at a top, high-performing gym. That didn’t prevent the abuse either. So then, how did my DD end up at an abusive gym for nearly a year?
That kind of abuse is insidious. It leeches into the athlete’s consciousness slowly. Even more slowly than it began to peek around the edges of mine. My teen began to understand how toxic her gym was- with prodding from me- but firmly believed that short of physical or sexual abuse, this was just the way gymnastics was done. This is what JO is like. We are both babies still in terms of gym, but that basic conditioning that you just shut up and deal comes swift and it comes hard. Her coach actually berated ME to tears once, let alone the buckets shed by my DD. He made us both question ourselves and our commitment. He made us think we were crazy- he actually pushed my daughter into displaying signs of ocd. The funny thing was, as first me and then my DD realized what a disaster this training environment was, the HC was so good at manipulating people that my husband didn’t even believe us- he thought we were exaggerated, that my DD was too sensitive, that if she really wanted her shot she had to “man up” and take it.
I recently posted about the guilt that I carry about allowing her to stay as long as I did, but in the end she continues to tell me everything, we both learned that strength can also be walking away, and we learned to trust ourselves and each other. So where the parents are is probably standing behind their kids, trying their damndest to do right by them, even after they know they’ve made mistakes.