WAG Why do coaches seemingly avoid conversations with parents?

[pt coach]

We do most of our communicating by email with parent updates and newsletters. We also have a parent page on our website. I don't mind having a quick conversation with a parent after practice, but for anything beyond that it is best to set a time to talk...I am starving and tired and have a long drive home.

After 20 plus years of doing this I can say that there are some parents that I will go out of my way to talk to...even after their daughter is done with gymnastics! And there are other parents that I will avoid at all costs...those are the ones who like to corner you after a meet and grill you on why their daughter was third in the lineup, or why so and so scored higher and whether we should change something in her routine etc etc...you know the kind of person who is just never happy with anything...and after being at a meet for 12 hours, I am barely able to put together coherent sentences, let alone answer these questions in a polite manner.

 

[Moxiegrl83]

This does seem to be a big issue. I think our gym does a great job with communication, but there are always a few parents who are never happy. We send out emails with any news, we do a quarterly newsletter with all the stuff going on, for team there are folders to check, after each class the coaches walk out with the kids, and talk to the parents briefly. This just gives the parents a chance to catch the coach with any question, it doesn't seem to be taken advantage of, and it keeps most of the parents happy. I work at the front desk every afternoon, and parents are always encouraged to come up with any questions they might have. If we can't answer it, then a note is left for the HC.

We haven't implemented it yet, but when we move to our new facility (yay! less then 2 weeks!), they are going to start a skills chart for move ups. I know rec will be using it, and I think team too, but it will be a list of the skills needed to move up posted in the gym, and what each girl has and needs to get bumped up. It sounds like a good idea, and it will definitely help parents see what their kid needs, or why they haven't moved yet, but sometimes things besides skills go into a move up correct? What do you guys think about this? Do other gyms use this method?

 

[cbone]

We haven't implemented it yet, but when we move to our new facility (yay! less then 2 weeks!), they are going to start a skills chart for move ups. I know rec will be using it, and I think team too, but it will be a list of the skills needed to move up posted in the gym, and what each girl has and needs to get bumped up. It sounds like a good idea, and it will definitely help parents see what their kid needs, or why they haven't moved yet, but sometimes things besides skills go into a move up correct? What do you guys think about this? Do other gyms use this method?

It's a great idea if it's updated. When my daughter switched to our current gym, she was automatically added to the skill chart (which is only for the rec program at our gym). She was put on the comp team without ever being in the rec program, though. Unfortunately, she sat on the chart with not a single skill marked off. I took to teasing her about it and it was great fun until they updated it 8 months later.

The rec girls have different colored belts that signify their level at the gym. They get stars on their belt for skills that they pass off. These girls LOVE the program. You can tell when it's "star week" (once every month or other month where they get awarded their stars) because there are tons of parents and grandparents and the little ones are buzzing. Great way to do it, IMO.

 

[LizzieLac]

What I have noticed is an avoidance of consistent outbound communication about level assignment, workout group assignments, move-ups etc. Many have complained about being in the dark on these things. Our gym is ok with communication, but in this area things could be better. I think that pushy parents cause coaches to avoid this, but that just causes frustrated parents.

It really comes down to consistency.

 

[flipflopcrystal]

this whole subject make me cringe in irony! lol

we do not seek out conversation before or after a 3-4-5-8 hour practice schedule because we are mentally and physically exhausted. if you have a question, comment, or concern...please email or set up a time to meet. its really that simple.

even if we do have a "quick 5 minute update" which usually turns into a 20 minute discussion and Q&A session, you have to remember that we coach others, sometimes MANY others, who if they would like 5-30 minutes "in the hall" it adds up to an additional 2-3 hours that could be better spent on coaching energy.

At my gym, all of our information, need to know, etc is communicated in daily email reminders, in the "Parent-Athlete-Coach Handbook", the kids have boxes with handouts, we do scheduled testing and evaluations, and in planned meetings. And yet still its crazy how many times I get a question that could be answered had those things been read. Also just making those handouts and writing those emails takes time and energy.

Know that we are not "avoiding you," we in turn are seeking some respect for our time and common courtesy of not being "cornered" every day before or after practice with questions and answers that could be better explained written or in a 1x1 office setting. Sometimes "explaining gymnastics" is not an easy task and understanding a coaching decision can be a more difficult task.

I cannot speak for every gyms communication system, but from an individual coaches persepective, just being respectful of my time can go a long way

 

[GymCoach11]

I actually love talking to the parents! However there are sometimes where the timing is really inconvenient- especially with the rec classes, as much as I'd love to tell X's parent something she did brilliantly the next class is at the door ready to come in. We are in the process of working round this though and we have club postcards that we send to gymnasts to communicate praise- they love getting them. Thankfully I only coach 2 team classes that are at the end of my day so I can spend as much time talking as needed

 

[cbone]

I cannot speak for every gyms communication system, but from an individual coaches persepective, just being respectful of my time can go a long way

I have always felt that asking for a formal meeting was more of an imposition on a coach than a quick question. I also keep my questions to a minimum, though. It's very interesting to see the other perspective.

 

[flipflopcrystal]

I have always felt that asking for a formal meeting was more of an imposition on a coach than a quick question. I also keep my questions to a minimum, though. It's very interesting to see the other perspective.

yeah i'm just speaking personally. i do have a FT job too so working from 8am to 830pm everyday is what my daily routine is, and if parents are consistently asking for time at practice (especially at the end) i may seem like i'm avoiding you because I just want to go home and sleep!!

and like i said, usually quick questions turn into something more like 15-20 minutes, from experience. for example, if you genuinely had a quick question then ask it!...as were walking....out the door....and then dont be mad if you feel like you arent getting enough time in, as we presume its just a quick question....with a quick answer.

thats all im saying!

 

[cbone]

So here's a little follow-up. I went up to our HC and asked, "Do you have time for a few brief questions?" He did and I asked if a determination had been made about what level my daughter would be competing at. He said, "Oh, Level 4, of course." That one answer answered my other questions about what money we needed to get into our account for meet fees, leos, etc. He then told me to remember that Levels 3-5 are really just about building a foundation of the basic skills and he wants to move girls up that are progressing as long as he feels that they won't get mentally broken-down if they struggle competing at that level.

Interesting how much insight you get from asking just a few questions. A couple months of worry were erased in less than 5 minutes of talking to a coach.

 

[LizzieLac]

I think the HC should have come to you to tell you that. Why should you have to ask what level your DD is going to be? That is what is wrong. If he has not proactively communicated the level assingments to say 15 girls, he will have 15 parents wanting to ask him. That is my opinion anyway...

 

[wallinbl]

I think the HC should have come to you to tell you that. Why should you have to ask what level your DD is going to be? That is what is wrong. If he has not proactively communicated the level assingments to say 15 girls, he will have 15 parents wanting to ask him. That is my opinion anyway...

I think in some cases they think parents know. They either told the girls (who weren't paying attention, didn't remember, or didn't pick up on an indirectly made statement), or they have set rules for move ups and assume the ones that met the criteria know they're moving up.

In other cases, they might not have decided about every girl yet, so while they know what's happening with certain girls, they can't tell that family because when word gets out, the others will want their answer as well.

 

[wallflower]

I just text DD's coach if I have a question, concern, feel there is something they need to know like if she is hurting somewhere etc. it seems to work well. Not every coach is probably that open, but we are lucky that her coach is. Sometimes he will even send me a text just to say good vault today or whatever. It's nice because if I ask a question he has time to think and answer when it's a good time for him. If I text something that he feels warrants a longer response he will just call. I rarely try and talk to him before or after practice. There is just too much going on.

 

[Aussie_coach]

I don't find that to be the case, I am always quick to communicate with parents should there be a problem or should there be some praise that is due.

 

[chalkbowl]

What I have noticed is an avoidance of consistent outbound communication about level assignment, workout group assignments, move-ups etc. Many have complained about being in the dark on these things. Our gym is ok with communication, but in this area things could be better. I think that pushy parents cause coaches to avoid this, but that just causes frustrated parents.

It really comes down to consistency.

Does your gym have set skills the athletes need to move up to the next level? Does your DD have all these skills?

I know that we have a list of required skills in the back of our handbook and although they are labeled REQUIRED SKILLS FOR LEVEL X AND we send home progress reports during the summer....we STILL have parents frustrated that they don't know what level their DD is. Does your child have all the skills for the next level? No? Then she is not moving up. In addition we hold parent/athlete/coach conferences in August to go over their level for the competition season, training group, and any other major changes.

 

[Quadqueen]

I think the lists/meetings/progress reports are great. We do not have any of that.

 

[Aussie_coach]

I think there are a lot of issue's with parent expectations which coaches don't know how to face. I the old days There was more emphasis on putting the onus on the child. If they weren't happy with their placing the parents would tell the child to work harder. While today parents like to blame the coach, they see that they pay good money for gymnastics so their kids should progress rapidly.

Little consideration is made for facts like their child's lack of attendance, skipping holiday training, coming late every week and missing vital work, lack of natural ability, lack of effort in class, lack of effort at home, the fact that besides gymnastics they sit in front of the tv all week, the fact that they come to gym so full of junk food they can't concentrate etc.

 

[cbone]

I think there are a lot of issue's with parent expectations which coaches don't know how to face. I the old days There was more emphasis on putting the onus on the child. If they weren't happy with their placing the parents would tell the child to work harder. While today parents like to blame the coach, they see that they pay good money for gymnastics so their kids should progress rapidly.

Little consideration is made for facts like their child's lack of attendance, skipping holiday training, coming late every week and missing vital work, lack of natural ability, lack of effort in class, lack of effort at home, the fact that besides gymnastics they sit in front of the tv all week, the fact that they come to gym so full of junk food they can't concentrate etc.

Most of the issues I've seen voiced relate to communication about when move-ups decisions are made, not about parents upset that their kid didn't get moved up. Are parents really getting upset at coaches for their kids not getting skills?

 

[lhmom]

Are parents really getting upset at coaches for their kids not getting skills?

I am not a coach but I have seen it happen before.

 

[iwannacoach]

Most of the issues I've seen voiced relate to communication about when move-ups decisions are made, not about parents upset that their kid didn't get moved up. Are parents really getting upset at coaches for their kids not getting skills?

You betcha!

I hadn't coached for 6 years but wanted to go to the state champs and watch just like any other spectator. I couldn't believe some of the stuff I heard at my first location about coaches not teaching the right skill, teaching it the wrong way, or making terrible decisions every step of the way. It got to the point where I couldn't stand listening to it and moved to another section. It was a relief to not listen to it for a while. When I moved to a third location to get a better view of beam, I overheard more of that kind of talk. It was almost hilarious because this poor girls father was blasting away about what a lousy choice of vault his dd was forced to compete with, and it wasn't being done well enough to draw a decent score.......the funny part......his daughter took first place on vault!

 

[mommyof1]

I think there are a lot of issue's with parent expectations which coaches don't know how to face. I the old days There was more emphasis on putting the onus on the child. If they weren't happy with their placing the parents would tell the child to work harder. While today parents like to blame the coach, they see that they pay good money for gymnastics so their kids should progress rapidly.

Little consideration is made for facts like their child's lack of attendance, skipping holiday training, coming late every week and missing vital work, lack of natural ability, lack of effort in class, lack of effort at home, the fact that besides gymnastics they sit in front of the tv all week, the fact that they come to gym so full of junk food they can't concentrate etc.

I don't think this is a fair characterization of most parents. My expectations of my daughter's coach relate to the process, not the results. If it takes my kid a long time to get a skill, I am totally fine with that as long as I can see that the coach is working to help her learn it. I do expect to see the kids conditioning, not playing in the foam pit for half of practice. I expect to hear the coach making corrections and encouraging all of the girls to keep trying. I expect to be notified in advance of practice times and move-up schedules so I can plan the rest of our family's life around gymnastics. I expect the coach to take my kid's passion for gymnastics and willingness to work hard seriously, even if she is just average in the talent department. I also understand that it is my responsibility to deliver a well-rested, well-fed, well-behaved child on time for every practice, and I take that repsonsibility very seriously.