WAG Why do coaches seemingly avoid conversations with parents?

[Flossyduck]

I'm a little bit scared of daughter's coaches if I'm honest. I have huge respect for them and I really don't know how they find the patience to do what they do without just losing it on a daily basis. It's pretty obvious from the body language when they are open to being approached and when they are not (which is most of the time - lol). Before training they are busy deep in the gym somewhere and that's a parent free zone. At the end of training they leave with purpose, bag strapped on, out the door, no eye contact and marching away at olympic pace!

I've only ever tried to catch a word with daughter's coach on two occasions, but neither yielded much more than my feeling like a naughty child outside the headmistresses office!

However they always reply to texts and to emails or notes left in the office - very promptly, sometimes immediately and always the same day. Always helpful and with the information or reponse needed.

Some other parents don't like that they can't just speak to them at the beginning or the end, but actually for me that is perfect because I get quite anxious when approaching people and the words never come out right, but I'm more than happy to drop a quick text if daughter has an injury or a problem they need to know about, then I can re-read it and make sure it sounds ok and also I know I'm not disturbing them.

 

[wallflower]

I'm a little scared too so I know how you feel!

I'm a little bit scared of daughter's coaches if I'm honest. I have huge respect for them and I really don't know how they find the patience to do what they do without just losing it on a daily basis. It's pretty obvious from the body language when they are open to being approached and when they are not (which is most of the time - lol). Before training they are busy deep in the gym somewhere and that's a parent free zone. At the end of training they leave with purpose, bag strapped on, out the door, no eye contact and marching away at olympic pace!

I've only ever tried to catch a word with daughter's coach on two occasions, but neither yielded much more than my feeling like a naughty child outside the headmistresses office!

However they always reply to texts and to emails or notes left in the office - very promptly, sometimes immediately and always the same day. Always helpful and with the information or reponse needed.

Some other parents don't like that they can't just speak to them at the beginning or the end, but actually for me that is perfect because I get quite anxious when approaching people and the words never come out right, but I'm more than happy to drop a quick text if daughter has an injury or a problem they need to know about, then I can re-read it and make sure it sounds ok and also I know I'm not disturbing them.

 

[kayjaybe]

I don't think this is a fair characterization of most parents. My expectations of my daughter's coach relate to the process, not the results. If it takes my kid a long time to get a skill, I am totally fine with that as long as I can see that the coach is working to help her learn it. I do expect to see the kids conditioning, not playing in the foam pit for half of practice. I expect to hear the coach making corrections and encouraging all of the girls to keep trying. I expect to be notified in advance of practice times and move-up schedules so I can plan the rest of our family's life around gymnastics. I expect the coach to take my kid's passion for gymnastics and willingness to work hard seriously, even if she is just average in the talent department. I also understand that it is my responsibility to deliver a well-rested, well-fed, well-behaved child on time for every practice, and I take that responsibility very seriously.

I totally agree with this. Some of the things described in this thread about lists of skills required to move up and notes in folders and being able to text all sound fabulous. I wish our gym did any/all of those! We get nothing. I know coaches can't make promises, but it just helps us, as parents, to have an idea of what is going on so that we can support what the coach is doing.

The one thing we can see is a card that the coaches give daily scores on for the event they coached. The scores range from 1+ (highest...never seen that on my dd's card) to 3 (lowest...and basically means you didn't complete your assignment or had an attitude problem...also never seen that on my dd's card). But the scores tell us very little and the girls often seem confused by them as well (i.e. coach wasn't even watching and I made skill "x" but I only scored a 2).

Really, most of us parents aren't bad people or out to get anyone. If there is a preferred communication method for the coaches...then tell us that! But we don't even get that info from them.

 

[monkeysmom]

"Little consideration is made for facts like their child's lack of attendance, skipping holiday training, coming late every week and missing vital work, lack of natural ability, lack of effort in class, lack of effort at home, the fact that besides gymnastics they sit in front of the tv all week, the fact that they come to gym so full of junk food they can't concentrate etc."

Yowsa, that post from OP scared me! Counting my phone conversation recently, I have had a total of about 7 minutes of conversation with my daughter's coaches in 15 months. None of those brush strokes apply to my daughter, but if they did not sure how the coach would possibly know that since they are all business in the gym (which is fine with me), and they have never had a conversation with us about what my daughter does or doesn't do at home. I'm pretty sure up until a week ago they didn't even know what my name is.

I've been around the block a few times, so I'm not scared of talking to anyone. But I want to be respectful of the coaches, other kids, parents etc.

I would prefer emails and electronic newsletters for most updates. If there is something sensitive, I'd like to get a phone call. Perhaps, but rarely, I'd like to have a brief meeting (hasn't happened so far, but my daughter is young).

Hey coaches, if you have handbooks, you should get them online. Reality is, that's the way businesses are going. And wow in 10 years when today's teenagers are parents, they will be clueless about pulling a dusty reference book/handbook off the shelf. Give them a handbook and they won't look at it and will probably lose it. Put it online and they'll find it when they need it. Our coach told us that she doesn't have a desk job, so emails don't really work. That's totally fine, and I can work with what they prefer. I did kind of laugh, though, my work emails are popping up on my company iphone 24-7, and all of us in corporate America are learning how to manage that reality (ignore it during family time etc). However, it's also awesome for the flexibility and effeciency it provides. Not sure if I'm articulating this right, but the timeframe for getting emails went waaay beyond physically sitting at a desk several years ago for me and my coworkers.

My spin on the latest comments on CB is that parents are writing checks for big amounts of money and are putting their kids' safety, well being, and progress in a sport in the hands of coaches they barely know for many hours a week. Respectful communication with parents should be part of a coach's job description, and the gym or coach should have a strategy for how to accomplish this. No strategy, yes, might result in avoidance to some degree for those who prefer that. But the communication that does take place with that strategy is much more likely to be negative and crisis oriented (and with more crisis situations due to confusion). Unless the coach likes it, conversations at the end of practice are not ideal. There is no privacy and everyone is tired. If a new coach is not being trained about effectively and respectfully communicating with both gymnasts and parents, they should be. And they should be paid for some time to do that. Heck, my day would be more fun too sometimes if I never had to deal with a grumpy customer too, but that's a good way to get more unhappy (and disappearing) clients.

Unfortunately, unless you have an outstanding communicator, lots of people will give only that level of customer of service they are required to give, no more. Parents and gymnasts are customers, it's up to gym owners or their managers to set the bar for good communication. Maybe some have so many kids pounding on the door to get in, that they don't have to care for their business to thrive. I think most care anyway. Frankly, I can't imagine you'd stay long in the business unless your reasons go well beyond money. Not easy to get rich, and I can't think of too many other jobs where getting kicked in the head or face or whatever is a regular job hazard....... Not my cup of tea that's for sure (that's why I'm a corporate slave instead).

 

[Chocoholic]

Here's an example of poor communication. A few weeks ago, I received an e-mail with my daughter's hours for the fall season. The e-mail was sent to all our parents of girls in her training group. I glanced up at the others who received the e-mail and was shocked. There were a large number of girls who had competed level 5 last season - some (like my daughter) for the second time. This group had been divided into two groups and my daughter was clearly in the "B" team group, even though she was older and had performed better throughout the season and at States than all of these girls and a good number of the A team girls. I was concerned because while she had all of her level 6 skills and a number of level 7 skills, most of these girls did not have all of their level 6 skills yet.

I e-mailed the head coach who had made the groups (despite the fact that he only works with the girls occasionally, and only on some events) and he was gracious enough to call me. Despite spending a long time on the phone, however, he was unable or unwilling to tell me why my daughter was placed in that group. He eventually agreed to move her to make me a satisfied customer, but he basically said that I needed to trust his judgment and these types of issues woud likely continue to occur. Honestly, I still don't know if she was placed in the B group because he didn't know my daughter well enough and made a mistake (which he refused to admit), if he were scared of some of the other parents and thought that I was less likely to complain, or out of some inarticulable sense of which girls have the most future potential.

 

[LizzieLac]

Does your gym have set skills the athletes need to move up to the next level? Does your DD have all these skills?

I know that we have a list of required skills in the back of our handbook and although they are labeled REQUIRED SKILLS FOR LEVEL X AND we send home progress reports during the summer....we STILL have parents frustrated that they don't know what level their DD is. Does your child have all the skills for the next level? No? Then she is not moving up. In addition we hold parent/athlete/coach conferences in August to go over their level for the competition season, training group, and any other major changes.

Maybe. I think with many gyms, it is not printed or posted anywhere. I think that most kids sort of "know" the big skills they need to move, but I am not sure of this. Hence, their confusion and the parants confusion. I also think it would be helpful if it was made clear when decisions would be made for a new season. Seems like that does not always get stated either.

 

[LizzieLac]

This is all very well-said...

"Little consideration is made for facts like their child's lack of attendance, skipping holiday training, coming late every week and missing vital work, lack of natural ability, lack of effort in class, lack of effort at home, the fact that besides gymnastics they sit in front of the tv all week, the fact that they come to gym so full of junk food they can't concentrate etc."

Yowsa, that post from OP scared me! Counting my phone conversation recently, I have had a total of about 7 minutes of conversation with my daughter's coaches in 15 months. None of those brush strokes apply to my daughter, but if they did not sure how the coach would possibly know that since they are all business in the gym (which is fine with me), and they have never had a conversation with us about what my daughter does or doesn't do at home. I'm pretty sure up until a week ago they didn't even know what my name is.

I've been around the block a few times, so I'm not scared of talking to anyone. But I want to be respectful of the coaches, other kids, parents etc.

I would prefer emails and electronic newsletters for most updates. If there is something sensitive, I'd like to get a phone call. Perhaps, but rarely, I'd like to have a brief meeting (hasn't happened so far, but my daughter is young).

Hey coaches, if you have handbooks, you should get them online. Reality is, that's the way businesses are going. And wow in 10 years when today's teenagers are parents, they will be clueless about pulling a dusty reference book/handbook off the shelf. Give them a handbook and they won't look at it and will probably lose it. Put it online and they'll find it when they need it. Our coach told us that she doesn't have a desk job, so emails don't really work. That's totally fine, and I can work with what they prefer. I did kind of laugh, though, my work emails are popping up on my company iphone 24-7, and all of us in corporate America are learning how to manage that reality (ignore it during family time etc). However, it's also awesome for the flexibility and effeciency it provides. Not sure if I'm articulating this right, but the timeframe for getting emails went waaay beyond physically sitting at a desk several years ago for me and my coworkers.

My spin on the latest comments on CB is that parents are writing checks for big amounts of money and are putting their kids' safety, well being, and progress in a sport in the hands of coaches they barely know for many hours a week. Respectful communication with parents should be part of a coach's job description, and the gym or coach should have a strategy for how to accomplish this. No strategy, yes, might result in avoidance to some degree for those who prefer that. But the communication that does take place with that strategy is much more likely to be negative and crisis oriented (and with more crisis situations due to confusion). Unless the coach likes it, conversations at the end of practice are not ideal. There is no privacy and everyone is tired. If a new coach is not being trained about effectively and respectfully communicating with both gymnasts and parents, they should be. And they should be paid for some time to do that. Heck, my day would be more fun too sometimes if I never had to deal with a grumpy customer too, but that's a good way to get more unhappy (and disappearing) clients.

Unfortunately, unless you have an outstanding communicator, lots of people will give only that level of customer of service they are required to give, no more. Parents and gymnasts are customers, it's up to gym owners or their managers to set the bar for good communication. Maybe some have so many kids pounding on the door to get in, that they don't have to care for their business to thrive. I think most care anyway. Frankly, I can't imagine you'd stay long in the business unless your reasons go well beyond money. Not easy to get rich, and I can't think of too many other jobs where getting kicked in the head or face or whatever is a regular job hazard....... Not my cup of tea that's for sure (that's why I'm a corporate slave instead).