Parents Child not understanding corrections

[mommyof1]

My 8-year-old has always been praised by her coaches and teachers for paying attention, following directions, and working hard. However, I have had the following conversation with her a number of times over the past several weeks:

Mommy: How was practice? Did you have fun?
Tinker Bell: I had fun on bars. But Coach says I need to make my jump better when I do my straight jump onto the vault table. But I AM jumping right. I am too short and the table is too high and I am too small so I can't make the springs in the springboard go down.
Mommy: What specifically is she telling you to change about your jump?
Tinker Bell: She just says I have to make it better. But I am already jumping right!
Mommy: Did you try asking Coach exactly what she wants you to do differently?
Tinker Bell: NO. I am doing it right!!! She will get mad at me if I ask her a question.
Mommy: The fact that you think you are doing it right but you are still getting corrections might mean that you aren't understanding what Coach is telling you. I bet she would really like it if you nicely told her you weren't sure exactly what she meant and asked her to explain it more. That would show that you are paying attention and trying to improve. Coaches always want to help someone who is paying attention and trying to improve and asking good questions.
Tinker Bell: NOOOO!!!!!!

This conversation repeats itself after every practice, but it's always about a different skill. I get the impression that her coaches are giving her plenty of corrections but she doesn't understand or apply all of them, either doesn't see that there's a problem or blames it on circumstances beyond her control, and just quietly does her skills the same way over and over. I desperately want to make her understand that if she wants to improve and achieve the goals she has set for herself, she needs to start making more effort to comprehend and apply every correction she gets, but nothing I say makes any difference. I know I should probably just refuse to talk about gymnastics at all with her and let her figure it out for herself, but this child is so strong-willed that could take years. Somebody please talk me down before I turn into a CGM!

 

[Deleted member 18037]

Just stop at "Did you have fun?"

And then listen.

Let the coach worry about the "coaching and corrections"

And yes its going to take years, its gymnastics.

 

[gymjunkie]

Based on the example above, I agree. It takes some time for coach/gymnast communication to click! Also, the younger ones always look at you as if you've grown a second head when you correct them. In their minds, it felt like they did it right, so it was right. If the coach would occasionally video-record/review the errors with her, it would help her.

 

[auswi]

There are different types of learners - auditory, tactile, visual or a combination.

It seems to me that perhaps your Dd is not such a strong auditory learner. Maybe she is more visual.

A strong visual learner often needs to see the shape correction, rather then hear an auditory correction.

I would mention that to her coach in a FYI way, not in a critical way.

Good luck

 

[MAcastsalot]

I was thinking along the same lines as auswi. My DD is primarily a kinesthetic-tactile learner, and does not fully get the corrections until a coach physically touches her and puts her body in a certain shape. From what I've noticed, her coaches tend to do corrections verbally and visually, and then do them physically for the kids who don't get the other two.

 

[mommyof1]

I had not thought of learning styles at all, but that makes perfect sense. I was all set just to assume she was being resistant. I have suspected for a while that she is not an auditory learner--e.g., she does much better on written spelling tests than on spelling bees. She says her coach doesn't demonstrate anything visually. I don't watch practice much, but from what I've seen there is a fair amount of spotting and shaping, but not necessarily related to specific corrections. Her group gets a new set of coaches in a couple of weeks, so maybe the teaching style will be a bit different. If she still has issues with understanding corrections, I can casually mention her learning style to the new coaches.

 

[gymdog]

Your daughter's coaches are the coaches of every group at that level/age ever. I sometimes wonder if my presence even makes a difference or whether we would achieve approximately the same results by me just giving them a list and then leaving. Only half joking.

I would email them letting them know you are aware there is an issue, and you aren't trying to get too involved, are encouraging her to ask more questions, but reiterate that she is interested and has made certain goals. The coaches might be wondering if she isn't interested, that's the reason I would suggest emailing them. But I wouldn't assume your child is the only child with this problem.

 

[cbifoja]

Also make sure that your DD is understanding basic vocabulary. I've had several times where my DD gets frustrated and in her vent, I come to realize that the problem is that she doesn't know what some of the words are. Things like "pillar" or if she is young, what a certain degree of an angle is. Sometimes, just knowing what the coach is saying helps put those corrections in place. But if you don't know what a pillar is, it is hard to imitate one. If you are still learning how to count money, you don't know what a 180 degree split is.

 

[LJL07]

I know how frustrating this can be. @auswi is right on. Also, I think sometimes coaches need to be very specific and concrete with their corrections with this age group instead of just general feedback.

 

[Deleted member 14190]

Just stop at "Did you have fun?"

And then listen.

Let the coach worry about the "coaching and corrections"

And yes its going to take years, its gymnastics.

Bingo!

 

[LJL07]

^^unless the coach doesn't know how to give corrections. Btdt, and now that we have a good coach who knows how to deliver corrections well, the difference is night and day.

 

[Deleted member 18037]

^^^^ But that is a conversation to be had with the coach and other grown ups. And by all means if you know something that will help the coach that should be shared. If you have concerns bring it up, to the coach not the child. And if the concerns are so great change gyms if you have to (we did).

Also 8 yr olds are not really dialed into the fine tuning. Lots is going to help with correction, time (as in maturity), and at this age even 6 months can be huge. Meet experience, video, pictures. And did I say time.

And as the parent of a former 8 yo now 9 yo. What they express to us about what they heard is not always even accurate.

Again, conversations to had among grown ups.

But the question was what to do with/for her daughter.

The answer is be a parent, don't coach.

The answer is.

Stop at "Did you have fun?" and Listen. Ask questions. Then listen.
Let the coaches, coach.

Then the OP expressed concern that this could take years.

And I confirmed. It will in fact take years. Its gymnastics. I have yet to see the gymnast that is so spot on perfect there is nothing to work on.

 

[gwenmom]

There are different types of learners - auditory, tactile, visual or a combination.

It seems to me that perhaps your Dd is not such a strong auditory learner. Maybe she is more visual.

A strong visual learner often needs to see the shape correction, rather then hear an auditory correction.

I would mention that to her coach in a FYI way, not in a critical way.

Good luck

So true! DD is very tactile. Her coach this year is very auditory in her style. Made for a hard year

 

[LJL07]

^^^^ But that is a conversation to be had with the coach and other grown ups. And by all means if you know something that will help the coach that should be shared. If you have concerns bring it up, to the coach not the child. And if the concerns are so great change gyms if you have to (we did).

Also 8 yr olds are not really dialed into the fine tuning. Lots is going to help with correction, time (as in maturity), and at this age even 6 months can be huge. Meet experience, video, pictures. And did I say time.

And as the parent of a former 8 yo now 9 yo. What they express to us about what they heard is not always even accurate.

Again, conversations to had among grown ups.

But the question was what to do with/for her daughter.

The answer is be a parent, don't coach.

The answer is.

Stop at "Did you have fun?" and Listen. Ask questions. Then listen.
Let the coaches, coach.

Then the OP expressed concern that this could take years.

And I confirmed. It will in fact take years. Its gymnastics. I have yet to see the gymnast that is so spot on perfect there is nothing to work on.

We just spent a year at a gym with coaches who did not know how to relate to 8&9 yr olds. It was all the kids' faults that the corrections weren't being made. It is not " "coaching"to question if the corrections are being given in such a way that the child understands. "Coaching" is when the parent tries to actually give the corrections, and that doesn't sound like it's happening here. Coaches are not infallible. And I find that some are not receptive to parental feedback or questioning even when it is reasonable to question.

 

[Deleted member 18037]

I would also like add, time, practice and repetition.

My girl is only a new Level 4 and just starting to get, when she "gets" something.

She has done enough BHS, that she knows which are her better ones and which not so much. She is starting to tease out the whys of how it didn't go so good on a vault. She now gets when she sticks it and it was good. Vs not so much.

In fact she had a couple of meets of vaults (L3) that were not typical for her. All she could say was my bun got in the way. In chatting with her coach, the coach yes she right. Something about dropping her head and piking. All stuff I don't get but they do. It's fixed.

And I am sure a year ago, she would of thought all was fine and wouldn't have been able to express that much.

Time, practice, repetition.

 

[Deleted member 18037]

We just spent a year at a gym with coaches who did not know how to relate to 8&9 yr olds. It was all the kids' faults that the corrections weren't being made. It is not " "coaching"to question if the corrections are being given in such a way that the child understands. "Coaching" is when the parent tries to actually give the corrections, and that doesn't sound like it's happening here. Coaches are not infallible. And I find that some are not receptive to parental feedback or questioning even when it is reasonable to question.

And again, that is a conversation to be had with the coaches. Trying to tease out with an 8 yo what the coach is saying or doing, isn't the way to go. And that's what the OP is doing. The conversations are happening with the child. Based on the OPs stated type of conversation I think she is trying to have a conversation with a child at a level that they do not have understanding of.

Again, I am not saying the gymnast/coach fit couldn't be a problem. I am sure it potentially could. I am not saying the coach is not a complete moron when it comes to dealing with little kids. They could very well be.

But the only way to find that out is to talk with the coach. That it seems has not happened.

JMO, but I would not have that kind of conversation with 8/9 yr old.

For my daughter I leave it at "Do your best and have fun."

Concerns I bring to the coaches. And since I have now learned enough about them by having conversations. I am comfortable that I know what they are doing. I let them coach.

 

[iwannacoach]

One of the most common obstacles in the sport is thinking you know something when you don't. The same applies to kids, coaches, and parents.

 

[mommyof1]

And again, that is a conversation to be had with the coaches. Trying to tease out with an 8 yo what the coach is saying or doing, isn't the way to go. And that's what the OP is doing. The conversations are happening with the child. Based on the OPs stated type of conversation I think she is trying to have a conversation with a child at a level that they do not have understanding of.

Again, I am not saying the gymnast/coach fit couldn't be a problem. I am sure it potentially could. I am not saying the coach is not a complete moron when it comes to dealing with little kids. They could very well be.

But the only way to find that out is to talk with the coach. That it seems has not happened.

JMO, but I would not have that kind of conversation with 8/9 yr old.

I see the age-appropriateness of the conversation a little differently. This child is going to be in the fourth grade soon. She goes to sleep away camp and is responsible for

 

[LJL07]

I see the age-appropriateness of the conversation a little differently. This child is going to be in the fourth grade soon. She goes to sleep away camp and is responsible for

I think what you described above (parent-child communication) sounds age appropriate and just fine. I don't think it's necessary or even good to shut down every gymnastics conversation, esp the one you described. Now if she asked you what she needed to do to get her kip or a certain skill, yes, I would say "let the coaches coach." You might want to consider talking to the coach if this continues to be an issue.

 

[mommyof1]

My reply yesterday got eaten. To elaborate ... this child is eight years old and will soon be in the fourth grade. She is a big kid with her own opinions and increasing responsibilities. She does many things on her own without my presence or input, some of which (like the standardized tests she just finished taking in school) will have an impact on her entire future. She needs to learn how to identify and address problems for herself. As a parent, I believe my role is to support and guide her in developing strategies to solve problems for herself. In certain limited circumstances, I do feel it is appropriate for me as the parent to step in and speak with the coach or teacher. The learning style issue, which I didn't think of at first, is the type of thing I will bring up with a coach or teacher if necessary, but in this case I don't think it can hurt to wait a couple of weeks to see how things go with the new coaches. But that doesn't mean it's not appropriate also to encourage her to make an effort to improve communication on her end.