Parents 1st Level 4 Meet and the drama that follows..

[misssmartypants]

My dd had her 1st meet this past weekend. She actually surprised us with her scores considering how her practices were. They had a mock meet, and her scores were hovering between 7 and 8s. At the actual meet they were mid 8s and high nines. She put her game face on and really did an exceptional meet. Heres the thing though, she got really upset that she didnt do as well. I thought that outrageous. A 9.7 on vault? And that was bad? What? I understand she is competitive, and thats great, but what can I say to her to keep her from beating herself up about her skills. How do I help her if she doesnt score well next time? She viewed the video and damned herself at every mistake. I'm at a loss.

 

[cadybearsmommy]

Awww, poor little girl! Do you know where the pressure is coming from? Is is from the coaches? Maybe they need to lighten up on her some.....

I would try to pry a little bit and see where the negativity is coming from. How old is she?

Also, just make sure to give her a big hug and tell her you are very proud of how she did and that it should be about having FUN right now.

Congrats to her, it sounds like she had an AWESOME meet! 9.7 on vault? That is great!

 

[NGL780309]

Can't help you on that one. My DD had her first level 4 meet recently and she didn't even know she got scores. I hope that innocence lasts as long as possible.

 

[gymjourneymom]

She did GREAT!!! Congratulations to your DD!!! She obviously has the gymnast perfectionist personality showing through doesn't she??? That can be a double edge sword, so I'm glad you are recognizing it early in her career! You need to head that off at the path now! No you can't totally change her...& I wouldn't want to. It is part of who she is! But you need to guide her into easing up on herself a bit! Don't let her rewatch the vids. Tell you are proud of HER for going out there & strutting her stuff! But I'd certainly DOWN play any scores...even the good ones!!! Don't focus on scores. Don't tell her your proud of her no matter what...not what scores she gets...good or bad. Compliment what a good team mate she is! How nice it was to see her cheering on her team mates, etc. She WILL still try to focus on skills & scores but I think you should work to bring out other positive aspects of how a meet went. JMHO. Hope this helps!

 

[misssmartypants]

@cadybearsmommy Thanks! Shes 10. The coaches dont really put any pressure on her. They are pretty good about making sure its enjoyable. I mean, they want the girls to do well, but the gym is way better at not humiliating the girls, like the last one.( We pulled her out just as we noticed the verbal crap). I thought, maybe its me, maybe Im the one pushing her,but I rarely watch her practice, I only ask how it went. I am just afraid if shes upset with what I thought was fantastic, whats going to happen if she doesnt do well? Is it a personality trait? Do other girls do this and how do more experienced moms in gymnastics deal with it? This is our first team thingee, and I want it to be positive. And for NGL80309..Wow, you are lucky!LOL...

 

[misssmartypants]

@gymjourneymom Thank you, that helps set me in a correct way in dealing with her.

 

[NGL780309]

@cadybearsmommy Thanks! Shes 10. The coaches dont really put any pressure on her. They are pretty good about making sure its enjoyable. I mean, they want the girls to do well, but the gym is way better at not humiliating the girls, like the last one.( We pulled her out just as we noticed the verbal crap). I thought, maybe its me, maybe Im the one pushing her,but I rarely watch her practice, I only ask how it went. I am just afraid if shes upset with what I thought was fantastic, whats going to happen if she doesnt do well? Is it a personality trait? Do other girls do this and how do more experienced moms in gymnastics deal with it? This is our first team thingee, and I want it to be positive. And for NGL80309..Wow, you are lucky!LOL...

Well DD is only 6 so that's quite different than 10 as far as being aware and feeling pressure perhaps. So I'm sure someday soon DD will notice she's getting scores and then realize what they mean. There are probably some 6 year olds that do know and care, but mine is blissfully unaware for the moment. I wish you luck with your DD. I have found as a gymnastic spectator that scores can vary so wildly from meet to meet that it's best to never focus on scores. Your DD might do a better routine and get a lower score at another meet. And then she might do a worse routine and get a better score.

 

[UnoMas]

Your daughter did great. A 9.7 is a crazy high score! Neither of my DD's have gotten those kinds of scores since our "in-house" meets in level 3! Certain girls tend to be very perfectionistic, we have a couple of those types on our team and it is tough for them when they don't do as well as they would like. They seem to be handling it though, coming back to the gym with smiles on after the meets are over. I have one DD who is too young to care about scores (she is 6). My 10 y.o. gets frustrated when she doesn't do well on bars...because it is her favorite event. Other than that she takes most things in stride although she has had a few meets where she's been disappointed with 4th place (not getting to stand on a "box". Anyway, my point is, every child is going to deal with it differently but I find that focusing on meeting personal goals (hitting a handstand, straight arm kips, etc.) is a good thing to focus on rather than scores and placements...which are truly out of the child's control. So maybe if she REALLY wants to improve on that 9.7 (wow!), then she can target something to try and do "better" on her next vault!
Hope she enjoys her season. L4 really should be fun and exciting...all the fanfare and fun experiences of competing...hope she can enjoy all that goes along with it!

Had to add something about the video thing...be careful about letting her watch if you feel like it will become a problem with her picking every little thing apart. Try to focus on pointing out the positive things that she did, if she can ONLY focus on the negatives then I wouldn't let her watch! Just my personal opinion on that one.

 

[misssmartypants]

Well, it was our first meet ever and really exciting. But the advice about her not watching video is going to be put into use. She is a great kid, but I dont want her to rip herself to shreds over what I find is "done well". She has only been in gymnastics for 2 years, and this last year has been "team". Whew! Thank you so much, this has been helpful..Good luck with all your girls! They work so hard. Its incredible. But I guess I will be chattin it up as the season progresses. So much to learn, so little time. Bear with me!lol

 

[gymjourneymom]

She did GREAT!!! Congratulations to your DD!!! She obviously has the gymnast perfectionist personality showing through doesn't she??? That can be a double edge sword, so I'm glad you are recognizing it early in her career! You need to head that off at the path now! No you can't totally change her...& I wouldn't want to. It is part of who she is! But you need to guide her into easing up on herself a bit! Don't let her rewatch the vids. Tell you are proud of HER for going out there & strutting her stuff! But I'd certainly DOWN play any scores...even the good ones!!! Don't focus on scores. Don't tell her your proud of her no matter what...not what scores she gets...good or bad. Compliment what a good team mate she is! How nice it was to see her cheering on her team mates, etc. She WILL still try to focus on skills & scores but I think you should work to bring out other positive aspects of how a meet went. JMHO. Hope this helps!

Oops!!! I just noticed a MAJOR mistake in my post. Please forgive me!!! I certainly meant to say " DO tell her you're proud of her no matter what..."! But I'm sure you all knew what I meant to say, right?

 

[gym law mom]

Kids will put an insane amount of pressure on themselves. At age 10, its much harder to fool her on the scores. She's old enough to understand. I would also not let her watch meet videos anymore. Could some of this pressure be coming from the fact that other 10 yos in the gym are at higher levels and she wants to move up quickly?
She's at an age where I think you could sit her down and talk with her about not being happy with a 9.7 or whatever. See if you can find out why and what her goals for the meet were? Then work on setting realistic goals for each meet that don't involve numbers.

 

[AlexsGymmyMom]

My DD is 11 and has only scored a 9 a few times in her career. Luckily though she does not really pay that much attention to the scores! I am not really sure how I would handle it if she were harder on herself!

 

[MdGymMom01]

My dd started gym at the age of 9 and started competing her first meet at age 10. She was a bit clueless about scores at first, but they quickly learn about them from teammates. I try not to stress scores with my dd and rather have her look at the meet experience as a whole. She usually has some goals that she wants to meet (for instance, STAY on the beam and hit the handstand straddle down, keep legs together on the bar routine, and try to make that ROBHS without hesitating) and trys not to beat herself up over things. She still has some perfectionistic qualities, but she is learning to let go of that and realize that no one is perfect and it is about doing your best and knowing what that feels like. She is learning to recognize that it is a feeling of pride and joy that she gets NOT what scores she gets. It takes time to learn to be this way. It's about accepting you for who you are and being happy with that. I know some adults can't even grasp that concept let alone 10 YO girls, so it's all about modeling the behavior and attitude for the kids so that it sinks in for them.

Your dd sounds like a great gymnast and she sounds very passionate about the sport and wanting to improve. Tell her also to take it one day at a time. We all have our good days and bad days.

 

[Panda-girl's Mom]

It could be her age my daughter is also 10 and the other day she was looking at old meet pics from when she was a 7 year old level 4 saying that her legs were separterated and toes flexed. Just recently she saw on from her back walkover on the beam and said her legs were too bent. I think they get more knit picky at this age and nothing becomes good enough they always want to do better. It could be that the coaches in attempt to help them improve areinstilling this in them. It sounds like she did great so I would keep reforcing how proud of her that you are.

 

[misssmartypants]

Kids will put an insane amount of pressure on themselves. At age 10, its much harder to fool her on the scores. She's old enough to understand. I would also not let her watch meet videos anymore. Could some of this pressure be coming from the fact that other 10 yos in the gym are at higher levels and she wants to move up quickly?
She's at an age where I think you could sit her down and talk with her about not being happy with a 9.7 or whatever. See if you can find out why and what her goals for the meet were? Then work on setting realistic goals for each meet that don't involve numbers.

She had no expectations of scores when we went in. When she won the medal for vault is when it set in, plus the fact that high scores go in for the team as a whole. Oh boy. I honestly didnt have a clue as what the scores mean. So we didnt discuss it. But as for the video, I have gotten some good advice from every parent that responded, and will not let her watch it. I just wish she was like this about math. lol ! But this is what I've been telling her since: You are confident, graceful, and a team player. Do your best and have a good time. Your abilities as a gymnast do not change how much we love you, or what a great girl you are.

 

[LMV]

I think all kids have their own personalities and some kids are more competitive with others and some are more self critical. Sometimes these two things go together, although not always. To an extent, being good at self reflection is a good thing but it can spiral out of control into self depreciation and it sounds like you’re afraid the balance is shifting too much in this direction. One thing you might try is a modification of the feedback sandwich technique. [If you aren’t familiar with this concept you basically sandwich the recommendation for improvement in between two things that were done well and you appreciate.] So if your daughter is harping on her mistakes and errors get her to tell you some things she is proud of or that she thought she did well. You can add some positive affirmations as well [and I agree that perhaps tossing in some that aren’t solely gymnastic skills focused is good].

Good luck!