A spin off from the other elite thread

[NGL780309]

So my question in all this is, what about the little 9 year olds that do well in compulsories and then their parents think they are the next Nastia? They suddenly know all about gymnastics, research everything they can about it, try to get their child moved up quickly through the levels, hope to skip levels, start talking about Hopes, Tops, Pre-elite, Elite, Olympics, etc. Change gyms hoping to find the magic solution that will make their child a star, spend $1000s on private lessons. Their child does ok, sometimes winning, sometimes just one in the middle of the pack. But, they press on in the same way while their child misses out on a lot of childhood all in the hopes that they will be that special one who wins the Olympics.

Ok, So what if tiny little Suzie makes it to Hopes, does well, becomes a Jr.elite (or whatever its called), and then suddenly they are 11 or 12 and their body rebels against all the dreams they've built up for themselves or others have built up for them, and that body grows 4, 6, or 8 inches? Now they can't do the things that they've been doing, and their body won't cooperate, and they start doing really poor gymnastics while they try to relearn how their body works. I've seen it with my own eyes. A beautiful gymnast at age 10, level 8 or 9, then had a growth spurt of 8 inches in one year--yikes! She never could recover, and eventually moved on. What does an Elite gymnast do that hits a growth spurt like that (maybe not that extreme, but something like it)? Do they stay Elite and keep training hoping to figure it out and get back to their old self? Or do they have to drop back to JO until their body cooperates with their brain? Do you understand what I'm asking?

I've seen a handful of over-zealous parents push their little girls to be optionals so that they can move on to (hopefully) become an elite, and the child hits a growth spurt or hits a mental block they can't overcome, or just burns out. Is the disappointment so great that the child feels like a failure? is it taken in stride? What do these girls do when they go from little level 2 pixies winning all the time (usually because there's no one else in their age group), to 5' 4" normal-sized girls who struggle to do the skills they once did easily? Am I rambling too much? I'm trying to put into words what I mean to ask, but it's hard. I know my daughter grew 3 inches in one year, and it took a toll on her skills and her body, and she had to work extra hard to get back to her old form. I can't imagine if she was already in the Elite program and had to work through her troubles.

If your support your child 100% in their goal and you do everything in your power to help them get the best of the best and it doesn't work out, you just hug them, love them and move on. It's just gymnastics. Sure, your child will be disappointed, you will likely be disappointed, but in the end it all means nothing. As long as your child was happy in this pursuit, is anything really lost? And I don't mean happy everyday, but emotionally okay. Life will bring bigger and worst disappointments. It's just gymnastics in the end, not life or death.

I hear people rag on people that move for their child's pursuit and ask that question of what happens when it doesn't work out? Well, you gave it your all in supporting them and getting them the best and so what if it doesn't work out. Life goes on. You can be happy that you tried to help your child in everyway possible.

 

[Deanna]

Although Kadee knows she is a L3, she really doesnt know anymore number wise than that. They had a Victory Games at her gym last week. They gave her her trophy and asked her if she knew what her highest score at a comp was and what it was on. She had no clue. Which made me happy. At least at this point, for her its still all about having fun. (im sure as she gets older those scores will matter to her more).

She doesnt know the difference between the girls that compete at comps as L10's, compete in college, or Nationals, Worlds, or Olympics. (by my post you can probably tell I dont really either..bahahaha). She wants to be just like Nastia or Miss Morgan (her assistant coach, her gyms only L10, 2 time L10 State Champ, and the first girl who recieved a full ride college scholarship..not bad at all for this hick town..lol). Morgan or Nastia..its all the same to her..lol. To her, they are both the best gymnast in the whole wide world, even though they are worlds apart on their skill levels.

She loves watching the Gymbacks on TV..and wants to do that one day too. She also wants to be a cheerleader for the Razorbacks, so she can cheer on her brother who she is sure will be playing for them..lol.

I hope she always keeps her innocence in it all. Where we are, Elite isnt a word that is spoken. (a few years back her gym did have a girl that made it to nationals..and is now also and assistant coach at the gym). Her gym is more focused on getting them to be the best they can be at whatever level that may be.

I feel we really lucked out with this gym for Kadee. We moved 2 times and she has been in 3 gyms in the last 2 1/2 yrs. At least for right now, this is the perfect fit for her. So, no Elite dreams here. She may decide once she gets a little higher in school to become a cheerleader (which her gym teaches cheer too). And think of all the tumbling passes she could add to the cheer routine with her experience in gymnastics..lol.

I forgot who said it but the whole drama free season..ect. That would be wonderful. A pipe dream sort to speak. Thats probably less likely to happen then them going Elite..lol. I would also like to add to that dream though. No injuries, no fears, no lost skills. Just a rip roaring heck of a season.

 

[maryRS]

I've seen those parents. I've seen them in soccer, baseball, basketball and I'm now seeing them in gymnastics (not really at our gym because of course those families have left!). While there are many hurdles to overcome to reach that elite status, and even overcoming those, sometimes it just won't happen, but I really believe, and it's proven true with many of the families I've seen while my older son was playing hard, at some point, regardless of the parent's dream, it has to be the child's dream. The child has to want it. It's not that hard to push an 8 year old, especially one who is naturally talented/athletic, even a 10-11 year old, but once a child gets close to their teen years and hits their teen years, these big sports dreams cannot be the parent's alone. Sometimes suddenly that superstar child realizes this is not what he/she wants to do, it's too much work, it takes away from their social life, they don't even like the sport anymore....I've seen it so much with my son and his soccer. So many parents thought they had it - their son was it. They spent tons of money and tons of time travelling, taking their 11 year old to "college showcase" tournaments (which is a joke at 11!) Something happens though, when you get to a certain age, other kids catch up, sometimes those kids who have been toiling away, loving the sport, whatever it is, but not shining, suddenly their hard work is paying off, suddenly the ones who love it keep going, and the ones who are there because it's their parents dream, they either aren't doing as well, or they eventually quit and find something else to do.

I know gymnastics is a different beast than many other sports, but there are over zealous parents everywhere. Some of them don't even realize it, it just happens. I didn't really answer your question lol, but I guess my point is, if the girl really wants it, and she is good and has a family (even if they are crazy lol) willing to get her there, I guess giving it a shot to overcome the obstacles is all she can do. I think more often than not though, many of these girls don't get there because it wasn't their dream. I can tell you the families that left our gym because they aspire for their girls to go far, it was not the girl's choice. My guess is they will not go far, not because they are not good, but because they are being pushed too hard.

So my question in all this is, what about the little 9 year olds that do well in compulsories and then their parents think they are the next Nastia? They suddenly know all about gymnastics, research everything they can about it, try to get their child moved up quickly through the levels, hope to skip levels, start talking about Hopes, Tops, Pre-elite, Elite, Olympics, etc. Change gyms hoping to find the magic solution that will make their child a star, spend $1000s on private lessons. Their child does ok, sometimes winning, sometimes just one in the middle of the pack. But, they press on in the same way while their child misses out on a lot of childhood all in the hopes that they will be that special one who wins the Olympics.

Ok, So what if tiny little Suzie makes it to Hopes, does well, becomes a Jr.elite (or whatever its called), and then suddenly they are 11 or 12 and their body rebels against all the dreams they've built up for themselves or others have built up for them, and that body grows 4, 6, or 8 inches? Now they can't do the things that they've been doing, and their body won't cooperate, and they start doing really poor gymnastics while they try to relearn how their body works. I've seen it with my own eyes. A beautiful gymnast at age 10, level 8 or 9, then had a growth spurt of 8 inches in one year--yikes! She never could recover, and eventually moved on. What does an Elite gymnast do that hits a growth spurt like that (maybe not that extreme, but something like it)? Do they stay Elite and keep training hoping to figure it out and get back to their old self? Or do they have to drop back to JO until their body cooperates with their brain? Do you understand what I'm asking?

I've seen a handful of over-zealous parents push their little girls to be optionals so that they can move on to (hopefully) become an elite, and the child hits a growth spurt or hits a mental block they can't overcome, or just burns out. Is the disappointment so great that the child feels like a failure? is it taken in stride? What do these girls do when they go from little level 2 pixies winning all the time (usually because there's no one else in their age group), to 5' 4" normal-sized girls who struggle to do the skills they once did easily? Am I rambling too much? I'm trying to put into words what I mean to ask, but it's hard. I know my daughter grew 3 inches in one year, and it took a toll on her skills and her body, and she had to work extra hard to get back to her old form. I can't imagine if she was already in the Elite program and had to work through her troubles.

 

[thefellowsmom]

I hear people rag on people that move for their child's pursuit and ask that question of what happens when it doesn't work out? Well, you gave it your all in supporting them and getting them the best and so what if it doesn't work out. Life goes on. You can be happy that you tried to help your child in everyway possible.

I agree with NGL.

Just as a different perpective, my childhood dream was to ride my horse in the Olympics. When I was 12, my family had to choose whether to move to support my dream or settle for remaining at the same level or moving on to just doing it for fun. My family chose to stay and since there wasn't anyone in our area to take me any further, they decided that I should just ride recreationally and do small local competitions.

Although it was fine and I turned out great, got satisfaction from the time I spent with my horses and that level of competition, it wasn't the same as pursuing that "elite" dream. I have always carried with me a level of regret and what if's.

So, not letting them try can be as damaging as trying and failing.

The fellows is seven and I will say it scared me to death when we were watching the national championships and she turned to me and said "Mama, I am going to go and go until I am just like them.". The look in her eyes shook me to my core.

With all that said, my response was "why don't we get through practice today. Work hard and do your best every day. That is what you have control over"

And although I do not have any dream for her other than for her to be happy and healthy and fulfilled in her life, if she someday decides that she wants to pursue that dream and ends up having everything it takes to give it a try then I would say it would be something we would have to consider. I wouldn't want her to wonder.

 

[Tumblequeensmom]

Great post! Sadly, the "overzealous" parents read posts like these all the time here and NEVER see themselves, they probably think "not me" in this situation... but to the rest of us, it is like watching a train crash.

SOOOOOOO true...... and yet so sad.

 

[Tumblequeensmom]

I hear people rag on people that move for their child's pursuit and ask that question of what happens when it doesn't work out? Well, you gave it your all in supporting them and getting them the best and so what if it doesn't work out. Life goes on. You can be happy that you tried to help your child in everyway possible.

It's great and wonderful to support your child 100% in their pursuit of gymnastics (or whatever sport).... however, I definitely draw the line at uprooting your whole family and moving just for the sake of a single child's sport!! What happens to the rest of the family? Are siblings supposed to just accept being uprooted (in some cases several times) for the pursuit of an elite gymnastics career? I only have one child involved in the sport and I cannot even imagine telling my hubby that "we're going to have to move so DD can participate in a better gym." I think he would laugh me out of the house!! Gymnastics is temporary, family life is temporary (kids grow up and move away). Which is more important?

 

[MdGymMom01]

Great post! Sadly, the "overzealous" parents read posts like these all the time here and NEVER see themselves, they probably think "not me" in this situation... but to the rest of us, it is like watching a train crash.

I sooo agree! The overzealous parents are so delusional they can't think straight most of the time. Which can be VERY scary and dangerous. Every once in a while YOU HAVE to step back and look at the big picture to keep your sanity. The saddest part is there are no winners in this situation and the child themselves ends up losing the most. So sad and soooo preventable.

 

[Granny Smith]

My concern lies with the child that the parents have uprooted their lives to move to another state to persue the "elite dream" when the child has an "a-ha" moment and says I don't think I want this anymore or their bodies go through puberty and they can't take the sport anymore. The thought of quitting or at the very least toning it down comes to mind - BUT, then they remember the sacrifice that the family made by moving and they realize they are trapped and can't stop or cut back.

Everyone is right, kids do dream, but for many a dream is just what it is a dream! If you are going through the proper channels of JO and your kid has "IT", trust me you will know.

If you choose to move to fulfill your child's dream, I really hope that it's at a point where the child is already putting in the 20+ hours a week and they are already in the optional level. Then, your child will know the tip of the iceberg of hard work they will be doing, the demands it put on their bodies, their free time and their family. They will then be making an educated decision.

 

[Bella's Mom]

Maybe parents who move to support elite dreams should just pretend they want to move somewhere for a "better life" or "new job" and Oh wow!!!! Coincidentally, there's a great gym their kid could go to.

 

[NGL780309]

It's great and wonderful to support your child 100% in their pursuit of gymnastics (or whatever sport).... however, I definitely draw the line at uprooting your whole family and moving just for the sake of a single child's sport!! What happens to the rest of the family? Are siblings supposed to just accept being uprooted (in some cases several times) for the pursuit of an elite gymnastics career? I only have one child involved in the sport and I cannot even imagine telling my hubby that "we're going to have to move so DD can participate in a better gym." I think he would laugh me out of the house!! Gymnastics is temporary, family life is temporary (kids grow up and move away). Which is more important?

My point is that just because it isn't right for YOUR family, doesn't mean that it's not okay for other families. Everyone has a different situation. Maybe their husband is 100% on board with it, maybe their siblings don't mind. Maybe they are younger siblings that aren't school aged yet and won't care. People move all the time for all sorts of reasons like jobs. Kids adjust. I personally wouldn't do it because I love my job and my family is all here and I have no desire to move. I just don't think it's crazy and if someone did move their family for gymnastics and it doesn't work out, nothing is lost. The decision has to be made that the family is doing this to help the child and there shouldn't be any expectations attached to it. An attitude that we are going to go for it and whatever happens is okay.

 

[gymcoach34]

Maybe parents who move to support elite dreams should just pretend they want to move somewhere for a "better life" or "new job" and Oh wow!!!! Coincidentally, there's a great gym their kid could go to.

lol- people do this ALL the time... and they miraculously get a "job transfer" right near another elite gym when they become disenchanted with the current gym.. not fooling anyone.

 

[3rd_time_around]

I'm still wondering about something, and maybe the experienced coaches know or any former elites here: What happens when a little girls who is in elite or jr elite suddenly grows and becomes clumsy or can't make their body obey and has to basically relearn a lot of skills, or tone it down so they don't get hurt? Are the elite coaches patient with that? or do they get swept aside? I know just in club gymnastics if a girls suddenly struggles because they are growing, they sometimes get less attention paid to them, or the coach just gets so frustrated with them that he/she gives up on them. Or the child gets so frustrated, that instead of realizing they are growing and changing and they need to be patient with themselves, they just quit.

What becomes of the young elite who experiences this? I know it has to happen. I remember when Nastia struggled one year at Nationals, everyone had basically written her off (it was really sad the way the announcers were talking about her). But she and her dad stuck with it, trained through it, adapted and look at her now. But is that normal? I just have a hard time picturing Marta being that patient with a gymnast.

I also don't agree with uprooting your family to pursue gymnastics, unless your child has proven themselves in the club setting. And i don't mean levels 2-5 either. I'm talking optionals. If they aren't scoring 36 or higher at level 7 or 8, and they are getting really good training, then maybe its not meant to be an elite track for them. All the great coaching in the world can't make an Olympian if the child just doesn't have what it takes. Now, if little 9 yr old Suzie is in level 9 and winning all her meets with 37s, and winning regionals, and going to Nationals and placing top 6, then yes, I'd say she has what it takes and even if she grows she will probably be able to adapt.

I believe in letting a child fulfill her dreams if it is feasible. But parents have to be realistic--just because they want their daughter to be something, or their daughter really wants to be something, doesn't mean it will happen, no matter what they do. I took ballet lessons for 9 years, including 3 years of point. I wanted so badly to be the featured ballerina, to have a solo. I even asked the instructor. I think she had to bite her lip to keep from laughing. I went to camps, took extra classes, etc. It just wasn't meant to be. The fact that I was a head taller than all the girls didn't help, LOL! My point is--I wanted it soooo badly! I had skills, i could do the moves, I could even do some things better than a lot of the girls. I still didn't have what it took to be what i desired. Is it worth it to spend $1000s of extra dollars on privates, leos (due to switching gyms a lot), moving around the country, not letting your child stay in one place long enough to make true friends or to have some coaching consistency, just to make your/her dreams maybe come true? Like Granny Smith said, "if your kid has 'it,' trust me, you will know."

(I know this is long, sorry). My dd had some girls on her team that at level 2 scored 39 AA. They were still talking about that when they were 14, and were struggling to score 35's at level 7. They have since moved on to other sports and activities. But at level 2, they were superstars and even at later levels like 4 and 5. But they grew, gained some weight, and just couldn't get back to their old form. That is what this whole post from me is about. Sorry if I seem rambling. I'm just trying to put into words what is swirling around in my head.

 

[MdGymMom01]

Great post GAgymmom! I totally get what you are saying. I guess to sum it up in simple terms is this: Is it really worth the gamble in the end? Because you ARE gambling when you think about it. And the chances of "winning" are very slim. And the scariest part of all is that you are gambling against things that are totally out of your control: growth spurts, weight gain, fear issues, injuries and burnout.

 

[NGL780309]

lol- people do this ALL the time... and they miraculously get a "job transfer" right near another elite gym when they become disenchanted with the current gym.. not fooling anyone.

It's a good way to keep the pressure off the child though.

 

[NGL780309]

Great post GAgymmom! I totally get what you are saying. I guess to sum it up in simple terms is this: Is it really worth the gamble in the end? Because you ARE gambling when you think about it. And the chances of "winning" are very slim. And the scariest part of all is that you are gambling against things that are totally out of your control: growth spurts, weight gain, fear issues, injuries and burnout.

When I think of the "gamble" I think of someone winning or losing. When you take a gamble on something either it works out or it doesn't. If you go into the elite path with a healthy mindset, I don't see where the loss is if you don't make it. If you uproot your family for your DD or DS pursuing gymnastics, spend tons of money, make all the sacrifices needed etc and your child never makes elite or does make elite, but doesn't make the national team or worlds or olympics, is anything really lost? Did they not still have that experience and learn a lot along the way? Aren't they still an awesome gymnast that you are so proud of?

I think if people look at trying to be an elite and not making it as a failure, there is a problem there. They are not a failure, they did not lose, etc. They went as far as they could, circumstances beyond their control may have put up roadblocks they couldn't overcome, but they didn't lose in my mind.

 

[MdGymMom01]

When I think of the "gamble" I think of someone winning or losing. When you take a gamble on something either it works out or it doesn't. If you go into the elite path with a healthy mindset, I don't see where the loss is if you don't make it. If you uproot your family for your DD or DS pursuing gymnastics, spend tons of money, make all the sacrifices needed etc and your child never makes elite or does make elite, but doesn't make the national team or worlds or olympics, is anything really lost? Did they not still have that experience and learn a lot along the way? Aren't they still an awesome gymnast that you are so proud of?

I think if people look at trying to be an elite and not making it as a failure, there is a problem there. They are not a failure, they did not lose, etc. They went as far as they could, circumstances beyond their control may have put up roadblocks they couldn't overcome, but they didn't lose in my mind.

I totally agree with this, especially the bolded parts. But, unfortunately, some parents do look at it as "all or nothing". And I believe that some of these parents do send the message to their kids that "they are not good enough unless..." They don't take time to praise their kids for their current or past accomplishments. They are always talking about "next season" or "when you get to level x". That is a huge amount of pressure on a kid and it leaves them with the feeling that nothing is good enough unless they reach that ultimate goal. And when they don't reach that goal, then they feel like a complete failure. I have seem many kids quit their sport outright because of their parents and this kind of pressure. It's very sad.

 

[gymnut1]

I think if you make gymnastics a journey and not a goal then you can try for anything. I don't have any 'wonder what ifs' with my childhood. I was allowed to follow everything as far as I wanted. Not that I ever had to make any hard or serious choices along the way not being a star of any sort. lol.

 

[justanothergymmom]

Becoming an elite some day is one of my DD's many goals. I am sure a lot of girls her age have such dreams. It is not a topic that we discuss on a daily, weekly or even on a monthly basis. I only know she wants this because when she discusses her long term goals it is always in there. In all likelihood she may never reach this level (I believe she knows this), but she works hard and has been blessed with a lot of natural talent, determination and drive. In a nutshell she loves this sport and has done well scorewise (36s-37s). She is an upper level optional gymnast. I have always felt that if it is meant to be it will be and that her progression will carry her there naturally, and if it is not, she will not regret the amount of time she has spent in the gym, because she enjoys practicing. We (hubby and I) will put into this sport (time-wise and $$ wise) what we feel is appropriate and will benefit her, but we try to keep it in context and do not want it to take from our family as a whole.

GAgymmom--I agree with your post and wonder many of the same things in your 1st paragraph. I also agree with the part about parents needing to be realistic. The problem is that not every set of parents is blessed with the same amount of intelligence/common sense/ability to view their child objectively. Also some people get caught up and carried away with their kids dreams. But the bottom line is that although I don't agree with a lot of the parenting decisions people make that could be damaging (letting their kids eat junk food all the time, have cell phones/facebooks at a young age, unsupervised internet use...), I would never tell people that they should or shouldn't let their kids do something, because ultimately these are personal and individual decisions that parents have the right to make for their kids.

 

[3rd_time_around]

I think if people look at trying to be an elite and not making it as a failure, there is a problem there. They are not a failure, they did not lose, etc. They went as far as they could, circumstances beyond their control may have put up roadblocks they couldn't overcome, but they didn't lose in my mind.

I didn't say that not making it to elite when you want to makes a failure. My question is still about what if they DO make elite, then have problems, growth, injuries, then what? As an elite. How do they get treated by the coaches then. That is what my 2nd post addressed. What happens? I'm still hoping Bog or Dunno answer that part of my post.

 

[txgymfan]

If the kid has the talent, drive etc and the parents can arrange a job transfer. Then I think it would put less pressure on the gymnast. Other kids, leave their families to live with host families. I think the saddest outcome is when one family has mom and a kid in one city and dad possibly with another kid in another city.

That said, if No One moved their kid for gymnastics, then the US may not have won most of the international medals we have in the past 25 years. Most star elite gymnasts have moved at some point from Mary Lou Retton to Elise Ray to Carly Patterson and Jordan Weiber. Nastia and Shawn growing up in one gym, living in the family house and not moving are the exception and are extremely fortunate to have their families be able to support their elite training at home.