Parents All is Not Bunderful

[GymDad9.9]

My daughter has been a competitive gymnast for one year and before each competition my daughter and my wife butt heads over how my daughter's bun is put on. Our gym has a specific bun type; however, my daughter's hair is rather long and rather thick so on that basis alone it is difficult. The coach made a short instructional video for parents to refer to in how to best make the bun. My daughter and my wife argue as to whether the bun is properly constructed, the arguments can get heated. Sometimes my wife refers to the video; sometimes not. The episodes are stressful for my wife, my daughter and myself and it's its one less stress that any of us need on the day of competition or any day for that matter. There are an assortment of underlying issues at play....mother/daughter dynamics, meticulous child preparing for competition, concerned father caught in the middle of a situation where I wished my daughter was less confrontational and emotional about this and my wife would be able to construct a better bun with greater consistency. My daughter wants her mother to make her bun, my wife wants to make my daughter's bun, but it's sheer hell getting the bun done.

 

[needcoffee]

Ooooooh I thought it was just us that had this argument!! Every time! DD doesn't want me to do bun, also doesn't want to do it herself, I end up doing a fabulous bun, she says it's wrong, I tell her she can do it herself then, tears flow.

It's fun!

 

[my4buffaloes]

Have another team mom do her hair. Your dd will likely not argue or complain at all. Worked for me!!!

 

[Tbrov]

Have another team mom do her hair. Your dd will likely not argue or complain at all. Worked for me!!!

I agree! Our team has always had a couple of moms who were good at buns, and even had certain "specialties" (like long heavy straight hair buns vs. curly hair buns vs. fine flyaway hair buns). I always found that the kids complained much less when another parent did the hair; probably because they didn't want to be rude, but it worked.

 

[cadybearsmommy]

I feel you on the long thick hair! It's a BATTLE over here, not really so much with my dd complaining but it just stresses me out, and I really hate the bun requirement It's really near impossible with her thickness of hair to get it right. SO we just do the best we can with tons of hair spray and bobby pins.

Something that has helped us out is getting regular trims during meet season, as well as getting her hair thinned out with the razor or thinning shears. Make sure the stylist knows what she is doing but it will lessen the weight and thickness and make it a LOT more manageable to get in that bun!

 

[Honey]

If the dynamic between the two is problematic and her bun workmanship is not up to par, why don't you offer to do it instead? Watch the video, do a couple dry runs (not the morning of competition) and see how it goes. Worst case scenario, you do an awful job and daughter realizes how great Mom really is at it!

 

[Deleted member 18037]

Who ever does it should practice on non meet days, Multiple times, until everyone is comfortable with it. And perhaps a trim to make the bun more manageable.

For my girl she hates the bun and really hates me brushing her hair. She does the brushing and gets we all need to suck it up and do the bun.

It does get better. The bun that is, not necessarily the mother daughter thing.

Count your blessings your daughter will be well versed and speaking her mind and not being a push over for any one (I tell myself this one a lot )

 

[MomIdidit!]

I agree with Idw4mio, trim the hair or cut the hair.....as DD told me when her hair was too long for meets, hair will grow but gymnastics is for ever.

No child should go through extra angst before a meet, they work too hard. And you and your wife shouldn't have to go through that stress before a meet.

 

[cbifoja]

Have another team mom do her hair. Your dd will likely not argue or complain at all. Worked for me!!!

Like others, I agree that this is the best solution. My DD just changed gyms and they have a mandatory hairstyle....messy bun. Now I hate messy buns. Meet hair is supposed to be high and tight and slick...but not in her new gym. For the first time in five years, I didn't fix her hair this past meet. Another teammate did it. It sort of made me sad (ending of an era type thing), but honestly, it's sort of nice to have the pressure off of trying to get a hairstyle right that I can't figure out what is right.

Save yourself the stroke/heart attack and let someone else do it.

 

[ZJsMom]

This is why it's so nice to have a boy gymnast. He wears a buzz cut. Doesn't even need a comb.

 

[l.c.o]

This is why it's so nice to have a boy gymnast. He wears a buzz cut. Doesn't even need a comb.

This is hilarious to me, as I have both WAG and MAG kiddos. DS started competing three years or so after DD. I've been completely unsure of what to do with myself on meet mornings. Not needing to build in an hour for hair has been a gift!

To OP - I feel your pain. After four meet seasons with DD, I've informed her her hairstyle will be more simple next year, or cut shorter. She gets so worked up over hair meet mornings! Soooo picky. To make matters worse, she's superstitious, so if her meet hair "works" at the first meet of the season, that's the style she NEEDS for the whole season. (This year, she also refused to let me "wash the luck out of her comp leo" until after state. Sorry to everyone who smelled her - I tried my best.)

 

[skschlag]

This is why it's so nice to have a boy gymnast. He wears a buzz cut. Doesn't even need a comb.

Couldn't agree more. Now making sure they have their socks for the whole meet...that is another story.

 

[Faith]

Mine has short hair so a bun is completely not an option

I agree with get another mum to do it. Or practice, practice and trial run, so they both know exactly what they're doing, how long it will take, and whether the end result will be acceptable. DO the bun for practice too, so the coaches can approve, and your DD will know if it will stay in.

 

[GymDad9.9]

Thank you all for the replies. They are all good ideas including myself doing the bun. I ran that by my daughter this morning and she looked at me like I had three eyes!

 

[Deleted member 18037]

Thank you all for the replies. They are all good ideas including myself doing the bun. I ran that by my daughter this morning and she looked at me like I had three eyes!

You might want to remind her that you taught her how to do a lot of things. And have a conversation about gender bias. Imagine if you told her she couldn't do something because she was a girl.

 

[ZJsMom]

Couldn't agree more. Now making sure they have their socks for the whole meet...that is another story.

Yup. Even at level 10, it can still be a challenge to make sure he keeps track of all his uniform pieces.

 

[skschlag]

I think we had 4 boys sharing 5 socks at the last meet.

 

[mommyof1]

Thank you all for the replies. They are all good ideas including myself doing the bun. I ran that by my daughter this morning and she looked at me like I had three eyes!

You are a trooper! I told my husband he would have to put our child's hair up for her next meet because I will be out of town, and he nearly had a heart attack. And all I was asking for was a plain ponytail, not even her usual meet style.

 

[gymmomtotwo]

Our coach does a few kids' hair each meet. Maybe that is an option.
Tell your wife to try it totally wet. I have found a huge improvement in DD's buns when they are done wet.
I'd also put my foot down with DD about disrespectful behavior to her mother during this process. She needs to learn we are all human, and doing the best we can, and you as Dad are in the best position to do that.

 

[GymDad9.9]

I'd also put my foot down with DD about disrespectful behavior to her mother during this process. She needs to learn we are all human, and doing the best we can, and you as Dad are in the best position to do that.

The disrespectful behavior is what bothers me most and I do discuss this with her and I thank you for emphasizing that. The "wet idea" is an intriguing one.