Parents Anyone else not allowed to watch?

[MaryA]

Dunno, I think there is a greater concern among parents that coaches are not emotionally/psychologically abusive to kids. I think even you would admit that is a bigger problem in high level sports than it should be.

Yes, I don't worry to much about those "bad things" of which Dunno speaks happening in a crowded gym, but it's more about how they are treated, how corrections are given, etc. My DD would not tell me if she was being mistreated by a coach because she would not see it that way. She would think she must deserve to be treated badly because she believes that her coaches walk on water, so if there was some sort of problem, it must be HER fault. Also, she wouldn't tell me because she would be afraid I would pull her out of there, and she wouldn't want to quit gym for anything. Yes, I would like to think that I would pick up on it through her behavior and moods, but she is going on 13 so "Moody" is her middle name.

 

[Deleted member D3987]

Dunno, I think there is a greater concern among parents that coaches are not emotionally/psychologically abusive to kids. I think even you would admit that is a bigger problem in high level sports than it should be.

i understand that concern. sports are a culture on to themselves. a few years ago a major TV cable network did an expose on a gym that has produced some great gymnasts. this network did exactly what i knew they would. and a parent of one of the gymnasts was the producer. they walked around filming the training and the things that the athletes and coaches said. and some of the things that they said to each other that have been mirrored in every gym. well, i laughed so hard i almost wet myself. i understood what was going on. i understood the dialogue taking place.

but what do you think happened the next day when non gymnastics people commented on our culture? it was bad. and all i could think of at that time was how awful i felt for that gym, how the media turned them in to something that they weren't, and then laughing with our own athletes as to the humor only gym people could understand. but our industry took a bullet on that one anyway.

when a gymnast falls flat on their face and looks up to the coach with gremlin/mischievous eyes and states "ouch, that kinda hurt, did you see that?" and then the coach replies " well, you probably shouldn't do that again", well folks...that's gymnastics comedy at it's best. doesn't mean the coach doesn't care or is abusive. it's how we communicate with each other. and then the camera turned and didn't show the athlete laughing at what the coach just said...

 

[sjm2b3]

I know this topic has been debated in the past too, and I can see both sides. I hardly ever watch my son anymore; I try to watch the last 20 minutes sometimes or pop in and wave if we are running errands. I do watch my daughter more; she is younger (7) and honestly it is a joy for me to watch her look so incredibly happy, engaged, and there's nothing like seeing their face when they do something new or awesome. I have missed a lot of those, like the other day she did a back handspring for the first time on low beam), so I can't see everything, but it is an assuring feeling when you see your kiddo happy in there. (not that you also can't see her frustrated sometimes, but it is just as amazing to see her work through it). I am completely honest with both kids and just tell them I love to watch them do gymnastics!!!! Between the two of them, they spend 25 hours in the gym every week so if I don't stay sometimes I won't see them at all during the school year.

 

[skschlag]

I honestly, have never been concerned about any kind of abuse in my child's gym. I would not have him there if I was! I would never have my child in a situation where i felt I had to stay and watch something because there might be a problem. If I had a concern about the way h was coached, we would find a new coach. But honestly, that doesn't concern me at all.

For me it is pure economics!! LOL! Money vs Time. Money wins!

 

[Deleted member D3987]

and some of you have been here awhile and know that i'm not talking about the parents who drive from more than an hour away and it is not feasible to drive, drive, and then drive some more. money does rule most things in the end.

 

[skschlag]

and some of you have been here awhile and know that i'm not talking about the parents who drive from more than an hour away and it is not feasible to drive, drive, and then drive some more. money does rule most things in the end.

Exactly. And, I guess, staying to "watch" in my case is not really what I am doing, lol. Most of the time, some other parent tells me what my kid is doing. I like to sit in the back, drink some coffee, chat with the moms, and sometimes catch what some of the optional girls are doign

 

[GymBee97]

Holy Cow Dunno I think that is the most I've ever seen you write!!

 

[Deleted member 14190]

FWIW, I don't stay at the gym because I don't trust my kids' coaches. I stay for the same reasons that skschlag said - it isn't possible for me to get home and back and I can only shop so much and still manage to pay the gymnastics bills. ;-) I try to not be there as much as possible; but I'm still there a good bit.
====
I seriously doubt that if you had to drop your husband/wife off for work 4 hours a day, you would sit and watch him/Her. just putting things into perspective.

 

[2G1B]

1) I doubt that I would drop my husband off for a 4 hour shift that took 1 hour each way for me to get to and then proceed to drive home in the middle. If it was a job that only lasted for 4 hours we would likely have to look at if it was financially worth it for him to take that job if we couldn't come up with another plan for him to get there.

2) While 1 of my kids does practice for 4 hours, he doesn't start practice until 1 hour into another of my kids' practices (30 minutes into the other kid's start). I only have 2 hours where all of my kids are in practice. For the first hour that I'm there I have a kid starting practice every 30 minutes and we are not going to go sit in the car for that time (it is HOT here and I'm not leaving my car running that long). At the end I am picking a kid up every hour. Again... not going to go sit in the car and I can't really come up with errands to run for less than an hour at a time, several times in a day, 3 days per week.

3) *If* I were dropping my husband off for a job, he would be getting paid for that job. As the situation is, I'm paying quite a bit of money for my kids to do gymnastics. It isn't really feasible for me then to go spend even more money during all of their practices. Not even to just go out to dinner each time. It adds up. Not to mention that most restaurants don't really want anyone coming in and sitting for hours at a time.

4) As I've said (and most of the other parents who have said they stay due to the distance), I often go out and do other things; but can't always. I can only come up with so many things to do in the same area without spending a ton of money.

 

[LIGYMMOM]

Thanks Dunno for your thoughtful response. I'm pretty new here but I can see that you give some good insight, among many others! I'm not concerned about bad things happening, I know that they could, but trust the gym and coaches to take good care of her. They're very professional in everything they do. I indeed was a gymnast (back in the 80's when there were no levels but classes! Who remembers that?) and so when I used to watch her in rec I learned to watch my tongue with her and not criticize in any way! Now that she's actually getting pretty good, I just really want to watch once in a while. I want to watch her "learn gymnastics in a safe environment". I was so sad that I missed her first kip! It's not feasible for me to stay for 3 hours, I do have another child with a whole other schedule, but would love to stay for an hour every month or so. Just hard to take that I'm "not allowed".
It seems that most gyms out there allow parents to watch, but frown on obsessive watching, and not many of us have the time or energy to be obsessive watchers anyway. I appreciate all of your input!

 

[leotardmakermum]

Officially we are not allowed to watch, which is a legacy of the previous head coach. Unofficially, our current head coach's opinion is along the lines of "if you want to stay around here for hours on end watching, go for it. If it were me, I could think of better things to be doing with my time."

However, he does understand that we'd like to occasionally see what our kids are up to! My daughter's team currently compete about once a year, so we rarely get to see them "doing their stuff". I drop in about half an hour early occasionally to watch, in the hope that they'll be doing more than just conditioning...

I have no concerns about "untoward" goings on. I trust the coaches and have the utmost respect for them as coaches and as people. For me, hanging around to watch would never be about "checking up on the coaches" but rather about seeing a few of the latest things my daughter has been training.

I just wish I could see beam once in a blue moon and get to see her manna press which is apparently "nearly there"...

 

[OzZee]

I also don't think many people are worrying about their child's safety I think the ones that can't watch and want to, it is just to see what their child is up to.
I have other kids in sports with a no viewing policy and can't say it bothers me, though with one I do wonder what they get up to for 2.5 hours, not in a worried way just interested as to what they are doing. But can't say I've ever thought about their being a no viewing policy just that that's the way it is.
I guess as my eldest does dance and it's always been the way (even when she did a preschool class).
This has made me realise I have no idea who one of my dd's dance teachers is though! They do have a viewing day once a year but I think in one class it's changed since then.

 

[Krystan]

Very interesting points, even on a topic that's come up many many times. I stay less and less over the years, now just the first half-hour or so (yes, the most boring part) sometimes, to catch up with parents, etc. But something I'm wondering about:

Dunno: Over the years, you have pointed out countless poor and unsafe coaching practices that many parents have asked about (not actual abuse). You have said, "get out of that gym" and "yikes" about coaching, and I think we all pretty much trust your judgement. But... in most cases parents would not have identified these if they had not been allowed to watch. I understand the dangers of watching too much, and the effect it can have on progress, etc, but I feel like the *ability* to watch, if a parent suspects "something is up" should be allowed. We can't all have Dunno as our coach!

 

[Deleted member D3987]

i get that too. ^^^

 

[MaryA]

We can't all have Dunno as our coach!

I wish!!! In my head, I have a fantasy gym coached by all of my favorite CB coaches and managed by Bog. If such a thing existed, I would be one of those people posting on here, "Am I crazy to think about relocating just for my daughter's gymnastics?"

 

[Natasha]

I wish!!! In my head, I have a fantasy gym coached by all of my favorite CB coaches and managed by Bog. If such a thing existed, I would be one of those people posting on here, "Am I crazy to think about relocating just for my daughter's gymnastics?"

Haha!! Me too . I will say that for years, I did not understand the whole thing about coaches having a hard time with parents watching. That perspective changed in the past month. Since my dd started we were at a very large gym with an upstairs viewing area with glass windows. For the most part my dd didn't even know if I was watching or not and actually for the most part team parents who were there were sitting in chairs back too far to see anything anyway. Unless you were sitting in one of the seats right by the window, you weren't watching anyway.
However, now I understand. We moved to a small gym with no separate viewing area and the parents are all right there, within speaking distance of the gymnasts. I've been doing some office work (which is also right in the gym) and I can see where the parents are sometimes interfering, commenting to their kids, talking to them as they come by to get water at their break time. It is a completely different situation, as at the other gym parents had no opportunity for interaction.

 

[Gymdaddio]

I can't imagine what today's parents would have thought of my coaches 30 years, ago. Being screamed at while being yanked around by a facemask. Thumped in the chest for talking back to a basketball coach. Being told by a baseball coach, that if I ever open my eyes and everything is black, "You might want to pull your head out of your ***."

I'm sure many would be disgusted. It only made me stronger. There were never parents around. We learned to listen, to work harder, and not to talk back. But most importantly, we learned these thing by ourselves.

In my sons karate class they got in trouble and had to condition for 45 minutes. After the class, one mom is near yelling at the instructor, "But, but, but she is all WET!"

Chill on the helicoptering and let our kids learn to fend for themselves. They'll be gone before we know it. Don't send them out without any coping skills.

 

[MaryA]

I think there is a wide gulf in between a parent who would object the kind of treatment you received 30 years ago and anything I would consider a "helicopter parent."

 

[MeetDirector]

Dunno - Your many years of experience and hard-earned credibility are truely an extremely valuable treasure both to the gymnastics community and the Chalkbucket community. As we have progressed through this crazy sport from rec/pre-team to now lvl 9/10, I can say with certainty that it has been a building and learning process. Learning to trust the coaching staff has taken time. When our dd hit the optional levels a few years ago, we stopped staying at the gym; we had to let her own her sport and her performance. It helped when we realized that it just wasn't very fun watching the sausage be made; what we thought were issues/problems turned out to be just "part of the process". At the high optional levels, an athlete can end up spending more time at the gym than with the family; trusting what goes on at the gym and trusting that you have given your daughter the tools to cope are critical.

Dunno, thank you very much for your perspective and insightful words from your perspective.

 

[Bajanswife]

I can tell you that I'd make a lousy coach if anyone were watching. I cannot imagine coaching the way I would need to coach some kids if their parents were sitting there watching my every move and listening to everything I said. I guess I wouldn't have the confidence, and I know I would be ineffectual. Coaches definitely need to be sure of themselves and have a thick skin!