Parents Balking on skills

[Deleted member 10727]

It is very unlikely my son will give up. I always give him the option to skip gym for the day, and he has never once taken me up on the offer.

 

[B.Gold]

If you are competing at 75-80% of your ability...you are in a good spot.

Your speech was so moving I want to jump ship and move my DD up North!!

BUT What specifically do you mean by this? Do you mean if you are competing L8 but your really a 7 & 3\4 you're in a good spot? (Sorry I'm slow but really want to understand your meaning)

 

[sce]

Your speech was so moving I want to jump ship and move my DD up North!!

BUT What specifically do you mean by this? Do you mean if you are competing L8 but your really a 7 & 3\4 you're in a good spot? (Sorry I'm slow but really want to understand your meaning)

I think he means you are level 8 but can do a number of level 9 skills well, already. So you are not worried about making your skills at the meet.

 

[B.Gold]

I think he means you are level 8 but can do a number of level 9 skills well, already. So you are not worried about making your skills at the meet.

Oh, of course....that makes way more sense!!! I was confused. Thank you!

 

[Deleted member D3987]

a good gymnastics coach always trains "up" and competes them "down". up meaning everything that they might be able to do AND the kitchen sink. down means 70-80% of what they know how to do and such that it meets all the requirements of a particular competitive level.

 

[Deleted member 10727]

Going by those requirements, my son is only 70-80% on 2 events. It would be 3 if he didn't balk, which he wasn't till just a couple of weeks before comp season. So it's probable he will repeat this level (nothing wrong with that!).

 

[Deleted member 10727]

Today my son performed a BHS BT on floor. (He fell on his front tuck, of all things. ) I told my son before the meet that I didn't want to see him do his BHS BT. He was astonished and said NO, he wanted to do it! I said, you better not do them! He insisted he would do them, by golly!
And he did.
Hmmn what does this mean? That he forced it? That I put more pressure on him than I realize?

As a side note, the owner of his gym and an ex-elite women's gymnast told me that she talked with a top psychologist who said the vestibular issues could be hormonally related.

 

[Deleted member D3987]

yes ^^^

 

[Deleted member 10727]

Yes to all?

 

[Deleted member D3987]

yes, to both. unneeded pressure and hormone related.

 

[Deleted member 10727]

Sigh. My husband was stopped tonight when he was picking up my son. Apparently my son was balking tonight and the coach is frustrated. He said he thinks next time he will just send my son home, and we (the parents) need to think of options to increase my son's mental toughness. This is relayed to me by my husband, so I am not understanding what WE are supposed to do.

 

[Deleted member 14190]

Sigh. My husband was stopped tonight when he was picking up my son. Apparently my son was balking tonight and the coach is frustrated. He said he thinks next time he will just send my son home, and we (the parents) need to think of options to increase my son's mental toughness. This is relayed to me by my husband, so I am not understanding what WE are supposed to do.

Negative there should be absolutely no punishment attached to balking ever

 

[Deleted member D3987]

Sigh. My husband was stopped tonight when he was picking up my son. Apparently my son was balking tonight and the coach is frustrated. He said he thinks next time he will just send my son home, and we (the parents) need to think of options to increase my son's mental toughness. This is relayed to me by my husband, so I am not understanding what WE are supposed to do.

coach is a brain stem...

 

[Deleted member 10727]

I talked to the coach on the phone and he agreed sending my kid home would be a detriment to his already failing self esteem. I am a little ticked off. We moved to the big city gym because we thought it would be a positive experience, and it's not turning out that way.

Anyway, I explained that my child is extremely analytical and needs to have skills broken down, and explained, and not just one time because he's 9 and maybe he is not a genius who remembers it all the first time (a bit of sarcasm there). My child came home very upset and reserved and I swear this is killing his love of this sport.

 

[Deleted member 10727]

He also told me that the kid who is bullying him HAS mental toughness (same age and level) and he uses it to rattle my son because he knows he can. That my son needs to get mentally stronger.

 

[homer]

Well you can dress it up as mental toughness if you like but it still sounds like bullying to me. I think these kids have enough pressure without their team mates being mean. No advice just wanted to let you know i feel for you. A really difficult situation.

 

[Deleted member 10727]

Thank you. I am uncertain what to do. My kid is one of the nicest, shy kids I know - and I am not being biased here. I told him that he is doing nothing wrong, and that I am proud of how hard he works. I also told him he will get past these issues he is having and not to worry about it too much. He is my math kid, so we worked out that maybe he could count by 10's as he is doing a skill he is tense (and I want to say by now that he is insecure) about so it can relieve some of the pressure in his thinking too hard on the skill.

When we made this change in gyms, we gave ourselves a season and then we'd reevaluate. I hate the idea of gym hopping, but I feel it's best he has a coach who work well for him with positiveness and fun, and with high expectations in work ethic. At some point soon he needs to settle in to a gym and stay, but I am not sure this is the place.

 

[ZJsMom]

This coach doesn't sound like a good fit for your guy. Hugs to you and your DS.

I'm not in favor of gym hopping either, but sometimes you need to make a move after you've exhausted the options. My son moved gyms once primarily due to bullying that the coach couldn't or wouldn't get a handle on. Gymnastics has great benefits for kids, but not if they don't stay in the sport. When it gets to the point that the kid is miserable and doesn't want to go to practice, I think it's time to do something. I don't think the kids should be pitted against each other. Teammates need to be a support system. What they're doing is hard enough. If the coach thinks guys playing mind games with each other is a good thing, I don't think I'd want him working with my kid.

 

[LizzieLac]

Sorry you're dealing with this. Too many people think the answer to everything is "mental toughness" yet they don't even know what that means. I say your DS is incredibly tough mentally because he goes to practice every day and doesn't give up even though the sport has thrown him some struggles!

 

[gracyomalley]

Its hard for me to truely understand, as there is one gym with any boys program, and a decent girls program, within 100 miles of us, so my kids learn to work with the team and coaches they have now, or don't do gymnastics!

I do know that the bullying is NOT ok - but also that sometimes the coaches can't fix it - in DD case because the kid who does it (to everyone) is trying to learn, and is a decent level 8, and has parents with tons of money and influence....sometimes the reasons differ - but in the end, there will always be "mean kids", and "unfair bosses", etc in life. What's more important is how the rest of the kids approach that situation - in DD case, many many of the kids have had issues with same kid and they all have learned to be kind to her but ignore - still causes issues - and honestly, keeps DD out of the workout group she belongs in some days, but that being said, she's getting a thicker skin and also learning that the rest of the team supports her. Safety has been an issue off and on, and she has had to speak with adults about being pushed off high beam, etc....but nasty comments, pulling friends away, etc - she is learning to ignore. In the end its up to her to decide if she will let another kid ruin gymnastics for her - not up to her coaches...and that takes a lot of "mental toughness"!!!

The mental toughness thing is hard. "mental toughness" has nothing to do with balking on skills - but does have a lot to do with how you approach your own weaknesses, difficulties, etc. All the kids hit a point where something becomes more difficult - and usually hit it over and over. The place toughness comes in is not quitting - not in "beating the block", but in sticking with gym through the block. (or bully, or coach that doesn't work great with you, etc). Certainly, if you do have lots of choices, there may be a better place for your son, but I just wouldn't rush to make another change unless you are sure - kids, esp. the boys, have hard years and then take off like crazy at other time (my oldest who was a slightly above average 3RD year level 5 last year is winning multiple events as a l7 and placing in top 2 all around this year, already has most of his L8 routines for next year - with some L9 skills - got a release move in 2 practices on high bar - you never would have guessed this was possible had you seen him at your son's age - so sometimes patience from the coaches and parents is the key!!)

Your kid needs to focus on what he can change right now - attitude about other kids, polishing skills in areas he's not blocked on, working hard and keeping a positive attitude. Hopefully if he does all that the coach will be able to be patient with his stalled events!