Bullies At Open Gym, Long Rant

[Shelovesthebars]

My 5 year old dd missed a lot of classes these last 3 weeks due to vacation and illness. We decided to try an open gym class. They separate the kids by ability level so my daughter was put in a group of older girls. They out right bullied her. At first, they wouldn't even allow her to get on the bar to practice. They where nasty to her. I couldn't hear what they where saying but body language says it all. After 20 minutes, my daughter came out crying. I approached the coach and asked her flat out if it was possible for her to use the bar and not be bullied. She did make them take turns after that. I am sure she saw it happen and did nothing to stop it until it got to that point. It happened again when they had to get soft floor beams out. My daughter carried her own beam out and placed it on the floor. Over comes one of the big kids to "share" and then tells my daughter that she will have to go find another one because this one is hers now. It was a lot more nasty in person. This exchange I could hear clearly. (Open wall) The open gym coach clearly could care less.
My daughter said they teased her about her size and told her that she couldn't be five and that she had to be 3.( Not her fault she is the size of a 3 year old)
At the end of class, they tried to cut in line on floor stuff but my dd had had enough and flat out wouldn't let them. One girl hit her so she tapped her back. The older girl told on her but my dd didn't tell the coach what happened. I think the coach must have seen and told them not to hit.
This was an experience we will never repeat and I will look for open gym options at other gyms if the need arises. This coach for open gym has an older daughter on team and doesn't coach regularly anymore. I don't think the coaches at our gym enjoy coaching open gym and I fell like they think it is a chore and they don't come in with a positive attititude.
Do you think it is like this at all open gyms and do you think it is fair for me to look into other open gym options at other gyms in the area? They said she isn't allowed to go to the open gym for her age level because of her ability.
We really like her classes and her current coach but just felt that she needed some extra practice from being out for almost 3 weeks.
I wanted to add that there were four bullies. One backed off after the first bar incident when she saw that her mom was sitting next to me.

 

[bogwoppit]

Holy moly, what was that coach thinking? I would've been so mad with those girls, it should've been stopped instantly and the bullies warned to stop or they'd be out. I would be writing to the gym to let them know, they need to make sure that this coach is told to deal with issues properly, especially when a pre-schooler is involved.

I don't see why you can't try open gym in some other locations. That is no different than taking her to a gym whilst you are on holiday. They do miss gym and three weeks can feel like a lifetime to a five year old.

 

[Shelovesthebars]

Bogwoppit- I am still MAD!!!!!

 

[bogwoppit]

I would be as well, it is not acceptable.

 

[gymnut1]

That is terribly. I definitely wouldn't let her go again. You must talk to someone about it. Perhaps they would let her go with her age group next time. We don't have open gym here in the UK. My dd would love it.

 

[AlexsGymmyMom]

Holy Cow!! I promise that is not how it is at most open gyms. At our gym they do not break the girls into groups. They can rotate to whatever event they want to practice. The girls ususally always get along and take turns very well.
I am sorry this happened to your DD. I would be FUMING!! You sound like you held it together much better than I would have.. !!

 

[justanothergymmom]

I would have been furious! I have watched one of my daughters struggle with a similar situation and older girls trying to "put her in her place" as she has always been the youngest in her group. Some of the incidents were subtle and others not so much. It just stinks and is not fair!

I would definitely check out other open gym options for you daughter-especially if the coach is allowing it to happen. It's not fair to your DD to not be able to have fun and work on skills like everyone else.

 

[LizzieLac]

I would probably have marched out onto the floor myself and given those girls a piece of my mind!!

You should complain to the head coach, manager, owner - anyone in a position of responsibility. This is not acceptable!!

 

[kristilyn73]

wow.. NOT OKAY. I would talk to someone else in charge. I can tell you that that coach wouldn't be working any more if they were in my DD's gym!

 

[Shelovesthebars]

I will definately be talking to someone tomorrow when I go into the gym. I want to do it in person, not over the phone.

 

[MdGymMom01]

OMG--totally unacceptable for the coaches to allow this!!!! I would be so mad as well. And I am glad that you are going to speak to someone of authority about it.

And there are better structured open gyms. At our gym they warm up as a group and the coach ALWAYS goes over the rules of conduct so everyone knows what to expect. Parents are also allowed out on the floor, which makes it easier to keep an eye on things.

Definitely let the owners and coaches know exactly what happened and let them know that you are not paying for kids to bully your child. That is just totally irresponsible on the gyms part.

Good luck and let us know what happens.

 

[ginnymac]

Disappointing and unacceptable.

You should not have to take your child to another program. Talk to the head coach or owner and express your concerns. I bet that this is not the first time such bullying behavior has occurred.

I'm sure you will be able to get things corrected before the next open gym.

Good luck

 

[Midget's Dad]

Wow! I would have been insane. You definitely need to call that out not only to the coach but the owners. Those types of actions have no business happening and should have been stepped on immediately.

 

[Azgymmiemom]

I am in agreement with everyone else! Hopefully, the gym owners will be able to assure you it won't happen again! We've been to many open gyms as we travel around a bit, and we have NEVER seen anything like this! Usually, it's the total opposite...the older girls love the little ones and think they are adorable and want to help them, etc. seems like you've just run into a nasty group of girls whose parents need to step in! I'd sure put my kids in their place if they EVER acted like this to anyone! especially a smaller child!!
So sorry that your dd had to go through this...hugs to her and you.

 

[gymdog]

Some open gyms are better than others I'm sure but it is not a structured class and the people in charge do not know all the children and their personalities. If there are older children there is a chance little children are going to get pushed out, left behind, etc.

Personally, I don't like open gym. Most of them are not really open gym anyway if kids under 10 are doing it, obviously they can't really be unsupervised. If the person isn't used to supervising a bunch of small kids, it's going to be trouble. Luckily where I work now doesn't have open gym. I can't say that bothers me.

If I owned a gym or directed a program, I would only have open gym with parent supervision for kids under a certain age. That said if the gym is going to allow it they need to make sure the kids are supervised by someone who has experience and ability to supervise children under 10, so I would definitely make the directors of the program aware of the situation, and make it clear that the situation is enough to keep you from using the program. If a child hits, that is an automatic time-out in my book. If it happens again and they are school age, that is grounds for removal for the day. If there's no enforcement they are not going to comply.

However if you go back to open gym I would prepare your daughter and tell her if anyone hits/shoves, etc, to tell them clearly "please don't push me" and then come to you immediately (if there's not a different teacher who will intervene). Even if one kid hits first, whether I see it or not, it puts you in kind of a hard spot to enforce the rules and can become one kid's word against the other. I don't think kids should "take it" (which is why I teach them to say assertively "don't push me" or "stop touching me") but obviously a physical reaction can get dicey even if they didn't start it. But it's very important when lining up to enforce no shoving, stay in the line, or else the kids learn to just shove their way to front. If you don't correct them and send them back to re-do it correctly they won't magically listen when the instructor says "no hitting."

 

[Shelovesthebars]

Gymdog- The hit from the older girl (9 years old if a day) was not a push in line. She actually physically hit my daugther when my daughter stood up for herself. I did talk to my daughter about her behavior too but I think she felt she couln't go to the coach because she felt the coach could care less. I told her to come to me.

 

[Shelovesthebars]

I looked today for another open gym program for my dd and found one that allows parents on the floor. We are going to try that one this week! I hope it turns out better than this one but I am still going to address what happened.

 

[Pickle's Mom]

We had a similar situation once. When Pickle was 4 she was in a developmental class, but for a few weeks the timing just wasn’t going to work for us, so the gym owner agreed to let her go into an L2 class with older kids for that time. It was a huge disaster. Lots of bullying like what you are describing. The coach was very young and just ill-equipped to control the situation (she was a former gymnast who was trying her hand at being a coach – it didn’t last).

We stuck with it because I knew it was only a month. Looking back, I wished I had said something to the owner about what was happening, but I didn’t want to make waves. Especially since she had made an exception by letting Pickle in the class in the first place.

Before you go to the owner, prepare your talking points. Do you just want her to know what is happening so she can take corrective action? Or do you want assurances that your child will be able to attend open gym in the future. If she says “maybe open gym won’t work for your child…â€￾ what will your response be? And remember, good staff is often hard to find. And while her job is to keep customers happy, it is also to make sure that her facility is fully staffed. Don’t be surprised or offended if she takes a defensive posture about this coach. If it were me, I would not to make it about one coaches deficiencies and talk more generally about structure and policies that would help ensure that all kids can enjoy open gym without tears.

 

[gymdog]

If she suggests maybe it's just your child I would make it clear that you witnessed what happened and your child usually enjoys using the program. I can deal with kids being kids to a point, but one thing that will turn almost anyone sour on a program really fast is to have kids who are hitting and shoving and no resolution. Regardless of the parent's goals for the child in the class and whether they would care if you barely taught their child any gymnastics, they don't want to pay for their child to be bullied. So from a program standpoint I think this is something really important to be aware of, because it causes a lot of dissatisfaction.

The first priority is safety and if the kids can't line up and take turns, safety (and emotional well-being) is compromised. So the class already isn't effective, regardless of your plans for gymnastics. Now the problem with open gym is that you have no prior relationship with the kids, so enforcement can be more difficult, and it can be difficult to predict where problems might arise. That still doesn't excuse ignoring hitting and shoving though, since that's blatantly bad behavior. But I really think it is hard to have a child who is 5 years younger in a group. If I was in that position personally I would keep the smallest child with me to ensure they did something productive and didn't get stepped on, shoved, etc. But it's not something I really like to navigate, so I'm glad that I'm not put in that position regularly (we do birthday parties at work and sometimes people try to put in kids under the age limit when other kids are much older, which causes all sorts of problems, but I just keep the smallest child with me).

I'm glad you found one with parent supervision, I would prefer that myself. At least in that case if you encounter children with less desirable behavior you can move to a different area or something.

 

[Shelovesthebars]

Their is an open gym program at our gym for my daughter's age but we where directed to this open gym time because of skill level.
We rarely do open gym because I feel at 5 years old, she has lots of other things to do with her time. It is only because she missed 3 weeks that we gave it at try.
From what I understand, open gym teachers rotate. We did this open gym once before with a different instructor and she was on top of things behaivior wise and skill wise. My daughter enjoyed going then.
My intention in going to the gym with this is that it was so blatant. The instuctor was not doing her job.
I will make it a priority to find out who is running open gym if we ever decide to go back. I will not put my daughter in this situation again.