Call Me Crazy But I Pay Someone Qualified To Coach!

[Shelovesthebars]

Parents of our younger team kids insist on coaching their kids from the sidelines. It makes me crazy and I am not even a coach. They say the most harmful things to their kids. They also say when 'Susie' (ha ha lol) gets on level 4 I am going to make her (fill in the blank). Don't we pay for coaching? I thought our job was to parent? Seriously, people at our gym need more fun mixed drinks and less gymnastics. Just ranting! I think it's funny because of something one of the coaches on this forum said that is so true. Later on these parents won't want to know jack, just how much to pay him! I just needed to vent!

 

[MaryA]

Seriously, people at our gym need more fun mixed drinks and less gymnastics.

Too funny!
I'd like to think that fun mixed drinks are a potential solution to many of the world's problems...

 

[bogwoppit]

And parents wonder why gyms ban parents from watchng!! There are nut jobs in every gym, coaches know exactly who they are!

 

[emm'sgymmom]

I totally agree...my daughter is fairly new to gymnastics (one year in the sport). I was at the gym one day, and she was having trouble remembering to keep her arms "by her ears"....I actually had a parent tell me that she solved that problem with her daughter by having her raise her arms and placing an elastic band around her arms and head at home! My first thought was "When did children and youth department arrive at your home to investigate?". I think that every gym has these types....so sad for the kids!!

 

[gymnut1]

Parents of our younger team kids insist on coaching their kids from the sidelines. It makes me crazy and I am not even a coach. They say the most harmful things to their kids. They also say when 'Susie' (ha ha lol) gets on level 4 I am going to make her (fill in the blank). Don't we pay for coaching? I thought our job was to parent? Seriously, people at our gym need more fun mixed drinks and less gymnastics. Just ranting! I think it's funny because of something one of the coaches on this forum said that is so true. Later on these parents won't want to know jack, just how much to pay him! I just needed to vent!

I agree with not coaching from the sidelines but just need to point out that some parents have a struggle because they are paying someone to coach and don't feel they are getting decent coaching. I think it is easy to sneer if you have great coaching for your dd. We know there are people on this forum seeing less than great coaching and sometimes less than suitably qualified coaching. I'm not one of them but I am mindfull that there are a few parents who are like the lady who helped her dd learn a handstand shape. I feel she is kind of excused from your statement lol.

 

[shadow]

And parents wonder why gyms ban parents from watchng!! There are nut jobs in every gym, coaches know exactly who they are!

exactly!! and ours are starting to get out of control... our parents wonder why we have curtains in front of our "windows" looking out at the gym^^

 

[Shelovesthebars]

Gymnut1-I agree that some parents may not have the coaching but I am specifically venting about my paticular gym. Dancengym mom gets kudos for teaching her daughter a great handstand shape but she definately has been frustrated for a while with her gym. I am just speaking to the outrageousness that I see on a daily basis from some of our parents at our gym. They are not very nice to their kids, either. But yes, you are definately correct when you say some parents may not feel that their coaches are competent. Our coaches are beyond competent.

 

[drivingmom]

Leave the coaching to the coach. That is why we pay the big bucks! I learned my lesson from my daughter. I use to try and tell her what she was doing wrong, what she needed to do ,and she finally told me I was not her coach AND SHE WAS RIGHT. I hardly ever put in my two cents (well toher only zero cents) anymore.

It's hard as parent not to say something if you think you may be able to help your child, but they really do not want to hear it from us. We are here for love, support and to be their biggest cheerleader!

 

[tomtnt]

While I agree for the most part and just to play devil's advocate, do you approach the rest of your gymnasts' lives the same way?

Leave her education to her teachers? I help my daughter with her homework. I provide her with much more math than what the basic curriculum in school provides. I often teach her how to solve math problems different from what the school teaches.

How about piano? She takes Suzuki piano lessons. Parent participation during classes and at home is expected.

Snowboarding? I'm not allowed to teach her how to improve her snowboarding?

what of the parents who were once gymnasts? Or dancers? or Personal trainers or sports medicine physicians? They shouldn't have any input with regards to their areas of specialty?

 

[YGC4life]

Yahhh girls have gotten kicked out of our gym because their parents would always try to coach and get wayyy too involved.

 

[Shelovesthebars]

tomtnt-Interesting outlook and I do see your point. However I am more frustrated with the parents behavior while doing it and I am a personal trainer and was a very good gymnast in my day.

 

[emm'sgymmom]

Like I've said...we are fairly new in the world of gymnastics. I was a gymnast myself, and had waited and waited for a child that loved the sport as I did... FINALLY, child #3 comes along and has deep love for the sport - although she did start late - 9 years old. I learned my lesson the hard way about coaching from the sideline... One day I said to her, dd if you don't keep those legs straight on that trick I am going to loose my mind!!! At that point, she turns to me and says "Mom, there are kids in this work that can't even USE their legs".. Reminded me that my priorities needed addressed.. I now let the coaching to the trained professionals, and gladly take the roll of cheerleader, hugger, and pep talker!!

 

[gymjoy]

Oh how I love some of those crazy parents. They keep me from becoming them with their over the top antics, their gym-jumping, and their foolish behaviors. These parents either alienate their children from their sport and from themselves - or raise brats who feel entitled to be looked on as the best at everything. I've seen both kinds of crazy.

On the one hand is the parent who hems and haws during practices that her dd is the best in that gym, if only the coaches would recognize it and give her the attention she deserves. (actually had a mom tell me that to my face) These parents are the ones who often abuse private lessons, gym jump to find the perfect fit, and have full home gyms. They fawn and fidget over their precious gymnast filling her head with how good they really are, and how blind their coaches must be not to see it. Their dd's often fuss and cry at practices and at meets when their over-inflated expectations are not met.

On the other hand is the parent who side-line coaches, gesturing and making displeased faces from the parents area. This parent do not fawn over their children, they drive them to meet their expectations like an overseer would drive slaves. ( I know, a harsh comparison. But I know parents who have punished their child for not placing in the top 3 AA at a meet. Which makes me ) These girls end up hating their sport, and often their parent.

Finally, the threads about them are such (guilty) fun to read

 

[nevertooold]

I think part of the reason so many parents side-line coach is because this sport may be the first time in their lives that their child's relative inadequacies are thrust upon them and any others who can see them.

What I mean by that is that it is hard for parents to watch and realize that maybe they are the parent of the lazy child or the parent of the awkward child, the parent of the child who doesn't care, or thinks they are better than they are, or is doing their best and just simply isn't the best one.

It can be a bitter pill to swallow and some parents never do. This is a marathon for parents as well as the children and the parents who last are the ones who can love and appreciate their "susie's" in all their faults and inadequacies as well as their triumphs. It is a learning journey for parents and there as sooo many awesome parents out there who are willing to let their child take a risk, willing to let their child stand on their own, willing to let their child fail or succeed on any given day.

Hats off the all the parents who sit in the stands and can say "see that girl, that's my susie, that smiling, happy, goofy, awkward, fearful, average, normal kid doing what she loves!"

 

[lilgymmie7]

Gymjoy and Nevertoold I wish I knew how to quote what you have both posted. I couldn't agree more with both of your separate perspectives. You are both so right on! I have also seen some "WAY-over-the-top" parents in my time. Like Gymjoy, I also thing these nut cases keep me grounded. Yet, I always find my way back to the thought of the child and what he/she may be going through. Kids are just natural pleasers. When they feel like they have let a parent down or that they can never please their parent(s), this child is almost always emotionally destroyed. Their entire sense of who they are is shaken. They almost always begin to devalue their own self-worth.
I was a parent that moved my older DD from gym to gym. But it wasn't to find a better fit gymnastically for her. It was at this time that we began to experience problems with our younger son who was diagnosed with anxiety and ADD. I was looking for cheaper rates and a lesser commitment. In order to help one of my children, I failed the other.
Hence, now little DD has been bitten by the gymnastics bug. I have taken a solemn vow to never interfere with her training unless I see physical and emotional instability. At that first sign, my parental rights will be inacted.
Also, I have mentioned before that DS has anxiety. He is also a darn good wrestler, that once he figures out what HE wants and NOT what DAD wants DS will be unstoppable. I love my DH dearly. But if we see truthfully with clear eyes, he is a "crazy" wrestling parent. He does comment negatively to my son, and it breaks my heart. I am living with what the OP has written about. DH does not verbally make comments to DS in practice or at meets, but he waits until my DS and he are home. Than he lets it rip. DS does not think he measures up at all. I see him wrestle and I am in awe. His coaches rave so much about him. High schools have begun to look his way, and he isn't one that wins all the time. They comment on the 'spark' he has and the unwillingness to give up. Another can't kill a burning desire if it is strong, but eventually if he himself gives up due to the unsurmountable pressure it will die.
So I ask, the many times I have seen this post-Because let's face it many have asked before, listen to the children. Talk to those crazy parents. It may be a risk to take, but the well being of a child is at stake. We don't do anything by just talking about it amongst ourselves. We have to direct our words to who needs them most, the crazy parent ,and it could be coach as well. I am always doing crowd control here at home trying to have my DS see just how special he is. I know I will never give up because he is mine! But every child deserves this. I have said my peace many times, obviously to my own husband but I have also talked in length to MANY a crazy parent. We all deserve understanding, but when a child is involved, we would be the CRAZY ones to NOT understand that innocent peace.

I am getting off my soap box know. I hope I didn't offend, but when it comes to children I get very passionate.

 

[Panda-girl's Mom]

I think a lot of these parents are new to the sport and instead of approaching the coaches ababout their concerns are looking to fix things themselves by making the kids practice routines at home and gym hopping. My daughters first year on the team we had crazy parents who were actually paying for private lessons at another gym while still paying for them to compete at our gym. This was level 4. Then they eventually went to another gym and I actually heard that a few years later were asking to come back. I always went to the coaches if I had questions since I was never a gymnast and I have found that they know exactly what they are doing and I can leave the coaching up to them. There was another girl who was a very talented gymnast her dad put so much pressure on her that she eventually quit. These parents do not realize it but by acting this way it will probally take away their enjoyment of the sports and many will quit.

 

[gymjoy]

lilgymmie7 - My husband was the same way when dd was younger and just starting. He could not understand why the coaches would rave about dd's potential, but she would look so bad at meets. He expected perfection, or close to it. He would give dd "pep-talks" before meets that left her in tears, and reviews afterward that just devastated her. We had plenty of talks, the two of us, about how his behavior was having the opposite effect from the one he desired - not to mention she started to hate him. Really, really hate him. Finally she told him she would not compete if he came to a meet. Yep, dd banned her own father from gymnastics, sad, but true For the most part DH has learned his lesson. This behavior only flares up occasionally. He always wants to call it "guidance." One good thing is that we end up having very good discussion together about our children, their strengths and weaknesses, and how we can guide them appropriately. Dh and dd, and I, have come to an understanding about gym - while we wish for her to do well, it is up to her and her coaches. We can ask questions, and be a shoulder to lean on, but we give no direction. We can, and do, expect her to work hard and be dedicated to her sport for which we sacrifice much as a family.

And like Panda-girl's mom - I always go to the coaches with questions or concerns. Dd has great coaches who appreciated my candor with them. When dd is frustrated with something, I'll go ask them what's going on, if their is any conditioning or drills she can do at home to help. This helps me figure out whether dd is being her perfectionist self and blowing it out of proportion (which is usually the case), or there is a problem.

 

[Azgymmiemom]

There is now a set of these crazy parents at our gym now, too. It's my first experience with it...

this little girl that is fairly new to our level4 team competed 2 yrs of level 4 with another area gym (which is a hard core...16hr a week at level 4...keep them in level 4 till they get 38 aa scores gym) she was so stressed out, she quit (at age 7!!) then after 2 years, she decided to come back and told her folks she wouldn't go back to that gym, so now she is at ours. (we are WAY more low key!!) These parents come in saying how great she is, that she always was on the top of the podium...won't be happy unless she is at the top of the podium... they coach her from the parent room, they criticize the other girls, they make her practice at home...the list goes on and on. i think this girl is actually quite good, and my dd thinks she is a sweetheart, too, but I'm afraid she's going to end up quitting again.

anyway, last night, at the end of practice while we were waiting for them to come out, this mom tells me how she had her dd looking up the beam routine for level 4 on youtube because she wanted her to remember it and practice it on her own...the mom says-oh, most of those level 4 routines on youtube are just awful-full of falls and faults and "nobody should put those routines on there!" That made me mad, because, I love on this site how we all post our vids and we love to see each others kids perform what they love to do and work so hard at...and why shouldn't we be proud of what they've accomplished...even if they aren't all 1st place performances!!!

Besides, if she feels they are so bad, then why is she watching them? you can always turn it off...

 

[lilgymmie7]

Thank you Gymjoy. Sadly DS has also said the same to his Dad, but then recinded. He loves his Dad too much to consider not having him there at his meets. DS is trying to figure things out for himself, but seems to get 'stuck' a lot. I hope some day DH will learn just like your husband has been able to. He constantly tells me I don't know much about wrestling. He is right, but I do know my son. All I want is his well being. I hope like Azgymmiemom has stated, DS doesn't lose his love for wrestling in the interim.
All parents can benefit from "chill" pills so to speak in whatever form. I always want DD and DS to do well, win or lose. If they win, that is easy to do and register. If they lose, that is where it becomes tricky. I would rather them evaluate their own performance and assess what they can improve on for later performances. This ability will help them in life as they mature. We should never stop looking at what we can do better than before. We are our best competition!
Like now, I should stop procrastinating and work on my last two papers for this ...forsaken class!
AZgymmiemom maybe you have seen my DD's youtube. She may not be perfect to 'That" parent, but she is so close to perfect for me. A lot of times, her smile far out performs her routines. She melts my heart! Stick a routine or fall for the upteenth time that kid will always strike a smile. That is endearing no matter what anybody says! I'd like to talk to those parents. I hope they find a way to 'settle' down before they make their child narrotic. Her quitting the sport would be the best part as opposed to seeing her psyche (sp) ruined.
Older DD had a teammate that once tried to stab another teammate with blunt scissors because she wouldn't get off of 'her' beam. This kid has that kind of crazy parenting. This child is so far over the bend, but these parents refuse to listen. Still I try to talk to them. Older DD is no longer in gymnastics. Little DD is not at their same gym thank goodness. This "craziness" can really get out of hand.

 

[CoachAngela]

Trust me, coaches hate it more.
Sideline Coaching... = Most. Annoying. Thing. EVER.