WAG Catastrophically bad meet.

[Natalia]

We have individual meets and team meets.

This Sunday we had a team meet,they are 4 girls on the team,the best three sores are taken into account,My kid was the "safety net",basicaly she was to do lower level skills,expected to do them well,and rescue the day should any of the other girls miss a harder skill.

Well my kid was dissapointed,angry,fustrated...She went in and made a mess of cosmic proportions.I stopped counting her falls off the beam after the fith time.She missed her kip on the low bar!!This is a level 8 bar worker,bars being her strongest element.

The judges looked over to the coach with a" WTF ?look" on their faces.Man no words can desribe...

Afterwards the coach told me the 10 year old level 10 that she coahes did something very similar once but not twice,she learnt to keep control of her emotions.My kid has done it once,so no room to ever do anything like this again.

Another coach/judge spoke to my not so dear daughter and told her"stop trying to beat everyone else,do YOUR best ,there's a looong road ahead and you have a lot of time to do great things,don't sabotage your future"

I just don't know where the heck I might have taught her that a public place is the right moment to throw a tantrum.....I've obviously screwed something up as a mom

 

[my4buffaloes]

Oh no, that sounds bad. I have been there with my dd though. She was a complete wreck after state meet one time because she didn't place on anything. it was so embarrassing! Every chance I could I was doing the whisper of death through clenched teeth for her to get it together. Looking back it is a little funny. but mostly it was embarrassing for me.

One thing I came away with though was that she is her own person. I can't control her or how she reacts. She made a spectacle of herself for sure but as a parent I don't know that I can do anything to change that. Of course she got a lecture and we talked about it a lot afterwards and then again before the next season began. I think she learned from it and matured as a person from it.

I think your dd will too. She has likely never been in that situation before because it sounds like she is a really good gymnast. So she didn't handle it well, hopefully she will learn and handle it better the next time. So sorry you had to deal with it. Everyone melts down at some point, it just sucks when it is in public.

 

[Fliptwisttumble]

How old is your daughter? Mine has not yet learned how to control her feelings all that well, but she is 9. She is aware that a public place isn't the right place, but sometimes just can't control her emotions.

I would imagine that a beam or the bars or any place in the gym for that matter, is a very very difficult place to put emotion or baggage behind you, especially in a competition situation.

Does it suck? Sure it does, but for her more than you. You'll all get over it. And hopefully she does realize, as her teammate did, that it shouldn't happen again.

I don't think you failed as a mom. I think it's just one of those hard moments when we wish something else had happened.

 

[Natalia]

How old is your daughter? Mine has not yet learned how to control her feelings all that well, but she is 9. She is aware that a public place isn't the right place, but sometimes just can't control her emotions.

I would imagine that a beam or the bars or any place in the gym for that matter, is a very very difficult place to put emotion or baggage behind you, especially in a competition situation.

Does it suck? Sure it does, but for her more than you. You'll all get over it. And hopefully she does realize, as her teammate did, that it shouldn't happen again.

I don't think you failed as a mom. I think it's just one of those hard moments when we wish something else had happened.

She's 9 as well.
Thank you and @my4buffaloes for your shouders to cry on.Indeed we can't control them or their reactions,I had a bit of a tough time controlling my own emotions yesterday.

 

[my4buffaloes]

It is hard to watch them struggle, that is for sure. Mine was 9 when it happened too. Must be the age!

 

[profmom]

Awwww, big hugs to you and your girl. This is really hard! I think that given enough time in the sport, everyone has to have one meet like this at some point. Hope she's feeling a little better and can process what happened.

 

[Seeker]

9 is still very, very young. I cannot imagine myself being able to perform well in those conditions at that age either, so some context is probably a good thing. My DD just turned 10 and has one hard meet under her belt too. It is a learning experience; one she (and you) may be very grateful for later on. Don't beat yourself up for it; learn and move on. Our girls and coaches have a "fail-fast" motto (don't dwell on a failure). Seems to work for them.

Hope this week goes well and this will soon be a distant memory!

 

[Fliptwisttumble]

She's 9 as well.

This is a level 8 bar worker,bars being her strongest element

One more thing I should add. A nine year old L8 is under a lot of pressure to succeed, IMO. Mine certainly is. Most of it is self-inflicted, and it's also her perception of what others think, that they have higher expectations of her than some of her peers in lower levels. She's not necessarily wrong about the latter, but I wish she wasn't so aware of it. She worries about letting others down or disappointing them, because they are often used to impressive results. But she recognizes where she wants to go, and what it might take to get there. So while she's willing to do what it takes, to add other pressure like dwelling on a bad meet, etc. doesn't happen in our house. We move on, leave it to her and her coach to learn what they can from the experience, and that's it.

There is enough on her, and I suspect your daughter as well, without it.

Again, hugs to you both.

 

[Becauseisaid]

(((Hugs))) Sometimes all you can do is remind yourself that your daughter is still ONLY 9 and sometimes she's going to act that way. Deep breath, big Mommy drink at dinner, and repeat "This too shall pass".

 

[Dka]

my dd is a 5th grade level 8 too, scoring out of level 7 with a 37.9. she scored just about a 36 in her first level 8 meet and then mid 35's in the next 2. Bars was her strongest- 9.350, 9.2 and 9.05 at her first three meets. fast forward to the last 3....she cant get up to a cast handstand on the low bar and has to try 2-3 times before she does it and then piroutte is great- handtsnd on high bar and clear hip handstand on highbar is beautiful.... she has a mental block right now- and it is driving her crazy and me.... she puts so much pressure on herself. It crazy she does 4 routines in warm ups beautifully like in the beginning of the season but now is struggling when its time to compete it. her beam and floor are terrific and she is working on the vault... i feel your pain.. i could use some help too

 

[rbearclaw]

Well, my daugther is 6 and finished 4th AA in her latest invitational, gathering several other medals around her neck. When we were leaving, I had to break the news to her that we weren't going to dinner with her teammates (like she is always used to doing) because we had other family plans. She melted in the middle of the stadium floor, throwing a huge tantrum. There she was, in her complete uniform with 5 medals wrapped around her neck, screaming and crying uncontrollably. To a witness, it would have seemed ridiculous if they didn't know the context! I was completely embarrassed, but Yes, she is 6, and she is still a little girl. The stress of the meet and all that pressure is bound to come out at the end of the day, especially when she is still learning to deal with being tired and change of plans. Anyway, slightly off topic, but another story to show our kids are still little and learning the ways of the world. Hugs to you, mama, this is hard and we are all learning as we go....we are only human! <3

 

[Short Balding Guy]

You did not fail your daughter. She owns her emotions. She did demonstrate she needs deliberate practice during the situation she encountered. Learning how to control your thoughts during times of performance improves with deliberate practice.

Often I tell our competing gymnasts: You will wobble, you will step across the lines on FX, you will not expect to be perfect in all competitions. We are to seek perfection, but not demand perfection. Perfection can happen and we celebrate those moments, or even perfect routines. Doing your best can be your perfect!

Practice: We take practice time to identify times to have different mind states. The girls and I name the mind states. They guide the naming as they have to own the deliberate practice. A couple we are using now are:
-Tight mind (narrow focus on que's for difficult skills)
-Smooth mind (series on BB)
-Big mind (performance of character in FX dance)
-Red mind (approach and run on VT)
-Elf mind (control your inner elf whilst doing your turns on BB)
By having different mind states based upon que's for skills/series it allows me to work with each athlete on improving anxiety management.

My meet tactic: The girls and I have spoken about how emotions pull physical energy. A tantrum affects the athlete and teammates. I do ask an athlete "out of control" to get control on behalf of herself and the group. If they are unable I remove the athlete from the field of competition. A quick bathroom break to gather their emotions is usually all that is needed.

Doing routines with stressors during practice works great. I ask the girls about the big stressors. Things that create anxiety during a meet. We work deliberately to introduce them to practice. We have had a cardboard cutout of a pop star present at UB's. We play recorded audience sounds while doing hit routines. We break into small teams and compete for a prize. The girls keep asking for our BB judges before our next meet. The girls had relayed that a couple of the judges didn't like them, scared them or were hard to perform before. I decided to play to that. We gathered up pre-school chairs and bunch of the stuffed figures in the gym. Dora, Bears, a big pink pig, a enormous cow and reindeer all sat on chairs at a table ready to judge the girls. I had them make signs like Judge #1, Meet Ref, etc. and hang them on the figure. We then performed meet warm-up and our routines. Excellent performance. The next meet, a travel meet, we brought a pic of our girls and their judges and reviewed it as part of our BB prep. It lightened the athletes and we were ready to focus our mind states for our routines. We hit! (As I am writing this, I am determined to do this this week for our upcoming meet. Duh, good reminder and I am writing a note.)

I admit that I consult with a professor in Psychology (my mom). She has helped me be a much better coach of women's gymnastics.

More folks will chime in with their sage wisdom. The above is certainly one way. Lots of ways.

Best, SBG -

 

[Seeker]

Practice: We take practice time to identify times to have different mind states. The girls and I name the mind states. They guide the naming as they have to own the deliberate practice. A couple we are using now are:
-Tight mind (narrow focus on que's for difficult skills)
-Smooth mind (series on BB)
-Big mind (performance of character in FX dance)
-Red mind (approach and run on VT)
-Elf mind (control your inner elf whilst doing your turns on BB)
By having different mind states based upon que's for skills/series it allows me to work with each athlete on improving anxiety management.

Best, SBG -

I love this (especially the inner elf!)! And yes -- it does need to be practiced and competition experience is very important. It is hard when they don't compete that often, but that will come with time.

 

[gracyomalley]

9 is a tough age - old enough to understand the pressure but rare to have much self control of emotions then. My dd is no where near as talented as yours, but really became much better at "coming back from mistakes" at 10-11 - other fears have been issues, but the ability to "compete" at her top, to hit the second vault when the first was way off, to not fall on beam, to have a bad warm up and still hit a bars routine - that has come with maturity, along with mood swings, growth spurts and vestibular issues....

My guess is she just wasn't "ready" at least that day, to be the one who "needed to hit everything for the team"....it'll come!

And tears and disappointment are fine, but if there isn't an equal number of congrats to others and laughs, smiles, thank you to coaches, then its just time to take that little one home to sleep it off!

 

[gymgymgymnast08]

With time it will come, especially if you and the coach explain that it is not acceptable.

One meet I had was a two day meet where the level 9s and 10s competed together in an "open" category. First day I had beam as the last rotation. I'm last up and the second to last girl goes and does a beautiful routine but falls on something in her routine. She gets like a 9 or 9.1 anyway. She throws a temper tantrum like crying and stomping around. She was in the senior age group so she's like 17 or 18 years old. Her coach is coddling her and saying things like "poor baby." My coach looks at me and says if you ever do anything like that I'll kick your butt.
So I get up and I do my bhs back tuck and I completely miss the beam and land on the mat on my back. I get back up and do a switch leap and totally straddle the beam. Like the worst straddling I've ever done. I finish my routine and I get off and I start laughing and my coach starts making jokes about me and I probably end up getting a 7 or something like a bad score. The other girls coach comes up to mine and is like isn't your gymnast upset about that? She doesn't look upset at all. I don't remember what my coach said back to her but we were really embarrassed about the other girl. Later I see her and her mom is coddling her too and my mom just makes fun of me for crashing so many times.

I think as long as the coach and the mom don't baby their gymnast she will turn out just fine

 

[coachmolly]

Bad meets happen to everyone, and everyone has their own way of dealing with the frustration and disappointment. Your dd is still little, so I wouldn't be too embarrassed about her reaction. Just see it as a learning opportunity.
I don't think displays of emotion, either in the gym or at a meet, that are based on frustration, disappointment, etc. are necessarily bad- provided they are not completely out of control. It's just how some people are wired. In fact, I tell my gymnasts that some show of emotion- for both positive and negative performances- indicates to me how passionate they are about what they are doing. That's not to say that a girl who laughs about a bad meet is not passionate, just that she deals with emotion in a different way. So it's not so much a matter of changing how a kid reacts to a bad day, but how they handle it, and that comes with age and experience.
I'm so sorry for your dd and you, it's a hard place to be, but she will come back from this!

 

[cbifoja]

In fact, I tell my gymnasts that some show of emotion- for both positive and negative performances- indicates to me how passionate they are about what they are doing.

Yikes.....you wouldn't consider my DD passionate then because I try very hard to teach her to master her emotions in public...both positive and negative.

We don't cry in public. If you must cry, you wait until you have some privacy. Then you can fall apart, if you must. If you're crying in public, someone had either better have died or you need to have bone sticking out of your skin.

And I don't want DD to be silly when she wins either. I want her to acknowledge any congrats, smile when she accepts her medal, etc. But don't make people think you've never seen the top of a podium for cryin' out loud!

I annoy her all the time with my "control yourself" remarks but I honestly would yank her up if she acted a fool in public because it reflects on her upbringing and that reflects on ME!

 

[coachmolly]

Yikes.....you wouldn't consider my DD passionate then because I try very hard to teach her to master her emotions in public...both positive and negative.

We don't cry in public. If you must cry, you wait until you have some privacy. Then you can fall apart, if you must. If you're crying in public, someone had either better have died or you need to have bone sticking out of your skin.

And I don't want DD to be silly when she wins either. I want her to acknowledge any congrats, smile when she accepts her medal, etc. But don't make people think you've never seen the top of a podium for cryin' out loud!

I annoy her all the time with my "control yourself" remarks but I honestly would yank her up if she acted a fool in public because it reflects on her upbringing and that reflects on ME!

I didn't say it had to be tears, I also specified I don't assume kids who hold their emotions to themselves are less than passionate. One of the most passionate kids on my team just does not show emotion, it's who she is. I just meant, if something goes very, very wrong for a kid, I expect them to show some type of feeling. For some, it's a frown, a head shake, a facial expression. For others it can be a few tears. That's not to say I appreciate over the top emotions, a kid wailing about a fall off beam or sobbing uncontrollably would absolutely get some type of speech about controlling themselves, especially in front of others.

 

[kandkfunk]

To the OP, you did not fail as a parent. Most of have walked in your shoes. It's really hard to remember and relate to the feelings we had as youngsters. We are able to look at situations with all of our grown-up perspective and it's still hard sometimes.

My DD is one that wears her emotions for everyone to clearly see. She had meltdowns (or at least tears) until she was a teenager. I later learned most of her distress was from embarrassment at doing "bad". Now that she is older, she has a lot more self awareness and can shake off mistakes with a little laugh, but that takes age and maturity.

 

[gymnastflip]

It's really hard to not do well when everyone was counting on you to. I had a meet where I was in 1st place by a few point through the first three rotations. Last rotation was bars and I went and fell 3 times, and 2 of the skills I fell on didn't even count. I ended up with a 6.Something (FIG scoring) and I just sat and cried. A few people came up and said don't worry about it, there's plenty of more meets to come.
Tell your dd that she has nothing to be upset about. Everyone has bad days, or just are unlucky on the day.
This kinda reminds me of Mckayla Maroney at the Olympics. She was expected to win and people had been telling her she would for months. You could even see that she wanted