Coaches playing favorites

[gymdog]

But what if the coach was the HC?

Well, if the HC and owner are the same (this is not necessarily the case in all programs, they are just the head of the optional program or head of the competitive program, but might have a boss) then you don't have much recourse, except to address it directly with them. In that case you have to tell them your concerns and then see if they decide to improve in this respect (but probably - in this case, based on the behavior - it seems unlikely). I know in my case the egomania was so strong that "suggestions" were pointless. They just created more drama and divisions and targets.

And then you have to evaluate the situation and decide if it's healthy, and if there is no recourse and it is not healthy then you have to either find another gym or leave gymnastics.

 

[bigtiny]

Bigtiny, it looks like maybe you just read the last line of my post and not the entire thing. It was a point I was trying to make. No I DO NOT call my gymnasts snots to their faces, or to anyone for that matter. I think some of them are snots, sorry it is life.

I did read your whole post. I raise my children to be respectful, kind, and hard-working. I want them to treat their coaches with respect, but I think the coaching staff needs to be respectful of the children as well. Calling children "snots," whether to their faces, to other coaches, or just in your mind, is not respectful. I say this as a guidance counselor who has worked with many children, from many backgrounds, who have treated ME in many different ways. None of them were "snots."

 

[bigtiny]

And then you have to evaluate the situation and decide if it's healthy, and if there is no recourse and it is not healthy then you have to either find another gym or leave gymnastics.

Yes. That is where we are at.

 

[All Chalked Up]

Only somewhat with a girl in my group, and it doesen't happen (much) anymore. She would pay a lot of attention to that girl, hardly giving any to the other gymnasts, but that changed.

 

[gymdog]

I did read your whole post. I raise my children to be respectful, kind, and hard-working. I want them to treat their coaches with respect, but I think the coaching staff needs to be respectful of the children as well. Calling children "snots," whether to their faces, to other coaches, or just in your mind, is not respectful. I say this as a guidance counselor who has worked with many children, from many backgrounds, who have treated ME in many different ways. None of them were "snots."

I'm pretty sure it was just being used hypothetically, anyway. Certainly I wouldn't call children names but there's no denying that I've worked with many children who are very difficult and may have some serious problems going through, for example, the school system with their behavioral patterns. Ultimately unless I see them for many hours a week (i.e., they're on team) that can't really be my problem because I'm not with them enough to really interject, but I've had kids who almost ruin the class for everyone - even with seasoned and effective instructors.

All children deserve respect in the sense they should be treated in a humane manner, but we need divorce behaviors from the individuals. Not all behaviors deserve respect, and I think children do best when it is clear what behaviors are not respected, and what behaviors are conducive to their own interests, i.e. having fun in class, progressing, getting to take turns, etc. Ultimately that's at the heart of this issue because if we provide the kids with inconsistent signaling then they aren't learning how to be productive in a group and what behaviors are desirable to improve self and others. So to me saying you'd rather encourage work ethic over raw talent isn't really a problem. At the same time even if things come easily they can just as well be working hard, but everyone should be recognized for their efforts relative to their accomplishments.

 

[10.0]

Again, I never call the kids snots, I don't call the kids snots to other coaches in my gym, I don't call them snots to their faces, or to their parents. Actually I was just using it as a quick descriptive word here on chalk bucket, never did anything but think it to myself until today. I forgot that people are so sensitive, and easily upset. Please let me re-phrase what I said to be more politically correct. “I would rather work with 1 non talented, hard working, respectful child than 100 talented but non hard working, disrespectful, behaviorally challenged children."

 

[Deleted member D3987]

oh, i would never call them names...i just put rolled up duct tape or hook velcro strips in their hair. and THEN I YELL OUT>>>MEAN GIRLS RULE!

 

[fishchimes]

Honestly? If I had to do 10 leg lifts for every time I mentally beat someone up or called them names in my head, I would be the strongest girl on the planet. It's just human nature.

Spending 9 hours a week with a lazy girl who complains every time she doesn't get to go on trampoline, gives coaches attitude, says "I can't" every time she's asked to try harder, gives her teammates attitude, wastes everyone else's time, refuses to take suggestions, sits on the mat instead of doing her station, wants to sit out, doesn't have the skills for her level and wants to work the next level up, does all this and STILL BELIEVES SHE'LL MOVE UP IN THE FALL will make anyone angry.

This girl is real, by the way, and yes, she is a snot-- one of many. I'm sorry, but it's just a fact. Maybe she'll grow out of it someday. I don't call her a snot to her face, but frankly, I think she deserves to be kicked off the team, for more reasons than just being snotty-- she doesn't show up for practice, and she's even stopped wearing leotards. But we're getting waaay off topic here, so I'll end my rant.

 

[blackbeltgymnast]

Yup. I have two coaches. One seems to like me alot, but not MORE than everyone else. The other.... well, she's seems to have favorites all the time. I've been in this gym FOREVER! so I've seen it all. It all comes down to the BEST gymnast. That gymnast is who seems to be the favorite. It stinks

 

[coachmolly]

I raise my children to be respectful, kind, and hard-working. I want them to treat their coaches with respect, but I think the coaching staff needs to be respectful of the children as well.

On a somewhat unrelated note, thanks for teaching your kids this. Unfortunately, many parents do not.