Parents Comments about body shape on 8 year old

[twinmomma]

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[z2akids]

A coach has NO business. Zero. Zilch. NONE. Speaking to me or my child about her body, or her diet. Sure, coachp's list seems reasonable. Until you realize that it's next to impossible to raise a child without a Gatorade once in awhile, or some birthday cake for crying out loud. Saying "NO" sugar is teaching disordered eating, plain and simple. Teaching moderation is a sustainable option. However, as 99.9% of coaches are not nutritionists or dietitians, and even if they are, unless they are MY kid's dietitian or nutritionist, there is no room for commentary on this. As parents, we need to stop asking coaches what to feed our kids. They are experts in coaching gymnastics. Until they have gone to school for nutrition science and know my kid's dietary and medical needs, step out. Period.

And any comment along those lines will be dealt with swiftly by me as a parent. These are impressionable kids and HIGHLY susceptible to eating disorders simply by nature of their sport, we don't need coaches adding fuel to the fire by talking about things they have no business talking about.

I wouldn't be consulting the coach for advice on diet any more than I would consult a butcher on how to cure cancer.

The concept that sugar is the culprit and that simply avoiding it is the answer is short-sighted and simplistic. It lacks a thorough exploration of the many factors that go into a healthy diet. There is nothing wrong with sugar in moderation.

Also, for those in the US, the career that includes a rigorous education and requirements for Registration is the Registered Dietician. Anyone can call him or herself a "nutritionist" and there is no legal requirement for any education in regard to that designation.

 

[John]

My take away is simplistic and short.

Body Shamming is BAD, don't do it.
We trust our kids' gymnastics to coaches we, as parents, have chosen. If our kids' dreams are large some uncomfortable truths must be faced. If we don't like what the coach says or their ideology on gymnastics we have the ability changed gyms, we control our kids' gymnastics training.
As my mother has told me thousands of times, life is not fair.

 

[Mish]

If our kids' dreams are large some uncomfortable truths must be faced. .

I don't buy this in relation to this thread. If your child is not fit enough to progress, yes, that is an uncomfortable truth that must be addressed. But if your child does not fit into a certain body type by 8 y.o. that is predetermined by archaic coaches with old school thinking, it just perpetuates the problem. We can all think of champions at every level with various body types.

 

[Mish]

Ugh it wouldn't let me edit. I should not have only mentioned champions, but all girls who are happy and progressing in the sport. I mentioned champions in relation to "big dreams".

 

[triplethreat+1]

So, I've read through this thread and some good points have been made. But, I think we've maybe jumped the gun a little. The coach said, she carries weight in her bottom and that makes her skills not as pretty. He specifically related it to skills. I would think he is warning that she may not score as well. There's no mention that he suggested she change her diet, her weight, or her shape. No mention that she will never be a successful optional (or higher) gymnast. So maybe we can give him a bit of a break unless the OP updates that he has followed up with some truly unacceptable comments.

 

[John]

I don't buy this in relation to this thread. If your child is not fit enough to progress, yes, that is an uncomfortable truth that must be addressed. But if your child does not fit into a certain body type by 8 y.o. that is predetermined by archaic coaches with old school thinking, it just perpetuates the problem. We can all think of champions at every level with various body types.

You can disagree, a conversation is what makes this board such a great place. I was simply was stating my takeaways politely.

An example in my DDs gymnastics career:

My DD attended a USAIGC gym, she believed she was going to the Olympics. The truth is that is not possible from an IGC gym even if you had the talent to qualify for the Olympics. Should I have told her, Yes honey yes you can go to the Olympics for XYZ gym? I chose to have my 10-year-old listen to the facts and make a choice. That choice was to leave her friends and coaches or 5 years and move gyms in hopes she could achieve some of her personal goals.

 

[Mish]

I was trying to be polite also, sorry if I came off otherwise.

And no. You should not have said that. This is comparing apples to oranges. I was referring to the fact that a healthy 8 year old who is physically fit and progressing in gymnastics should not be concerned with carrying "extra weight" in her butt. What should the OP do? She said her child is by every standard healthy and a good weight and muscular. Should she put an 8 year old on a diet to make her butt smaller? Has the child gotten deductions in her gymnastics because of it? No offense to the OP, but I'm pretty sure her child is not training for the Olympics at this stage. Even if she was, it sounds ridiculous to me.

Sorry not arguing with you. Just amazed by some of this ideology. This leads to healthy women feeling shamed for having to wear adult sized leos in NCAA.

 

[twinmomma]

So, I've read through this thread and some good points have been made. But, I think we've maybe jumped the gun a little. The coach said, she carries weight in her bottom and that makes her skills not as pretty. He specifically related it to skills. I would think he is warning that she may not score as well. There's no mention that he suggested she change her diet, her weight, or her shape. No mention that she will never be a successful optional (or higher) gymnast. So maybe we can give him a bit of a break unless the OP updates that he has followed up with some truly unacceptable comments.

Actually, the original post says nothing about the coach saying anything about skills. Simply that she carries weight in her bottom area. Period. Others made assumptions along this line. Ultimately, they are CHILDREN and they grow at different rates. Many grow out before they grow up, and a good coach recognizes that.

 

[triplethreat+1]

Actually, the original post says nothing about the coach saying anything about skills. Simply that she carries weight in her bottom area. Period. Others made assumptions along this line. Ultimately, they are CHILDREN and they grow at different rates. Many grow out before they grow up, and a good coach recognizes that.

Actually the OP reported that the coach said "won't look as pretty in competitions" which is exactly my point. Seems he is saying that right now, at this age, she won't look as pretty in comps. Presumably therefore not scoring as well.

 

[twinmomma]

Actually the OP reported that the coach said "won't look as pretty in competitions" which is exactly my point. Seems he is saying that right now, at this age, she won't look as pretty in comps. Presumably therefore not scoring as well.

Fair enough. I was thinking more along the lines of skill acquisition. But you're right. That said, even that line of thinking is BS. I've seen gymnasts who are not "typically" built blow competition away. Execution is execution. It's simply veiled body shaming.

 

[JessSyd]

It is a creepy thing to say about an eight year old. Her 'butt won't look as pretty?'. As if it is perfectly reasonable in gymnastics for there to be an expectation that eight year olds have pretty butts? Pretty butts? Shudder!

Firstly, there is no 'big butt' deduction in the code of points. Secondly, if someone is heavily muscled (for her age) and is still at the lower end of their BMI range,then a negative comment about their shape is absolutely in danger territory. The only way to go down from lower end of healthy is to fall into the higher end of unhealthy and what rational adult would be advocating that?

The kid could have been sitting across the room eating fairy floss and washing it down with coke with added sugar in it and it still would have been inappropriate to comment on the size of her bottom.

I say run, do not walk, away from coaches who unhelpfully critique body shape or think they are dietitians. I do see some necessity for coaches to, for risk management purposes, very gently mention to parents that there are risks associated with being heavier than the average gymnast, but apart from mentioning that a dietitian would be able to help with any nutritional questions a parent may have, they should stick to discussing coaching solutions that could mitigate the risk.

 

[triplethreat+1]

Fair enough. I was thinking more along the lines of skill acquisition. But you're right. That said, even that line of thinking is BS. I've seen gymnasts who are not "typically" built blow competition away. Execution is execution. It's simply veiled body shaming.

You have a point there.
Or,,, maybe the coach is making excuses for why she won't do well? As in, it's out of his hands?

(BTW, JessSyd, no one said anything about a pretty butt. Agree it would be a problem if that was said though, makes me gag.)

 

[RTT2]

You have a point there.
Or,,, maybe the coach is making excuses for why she won't do well? As in, it's out of his hands?

(BTW, JessSyd, no one said anything about a pretty butt. Agree it would be a problem if that was said though, makes me gag.)

Well, the OP did in her initial post.

 

[triplethreat+1]

Well, the OP did in her initial post.

No, she said that the coach said, the fact that she carries weight in her bottom makes HER "not look as pretty in competitions". That's a bit different. I know I've seen some people comment on here before how some body types/ muscular body parts interfere with nice long lines. I'm not saying it could or should impact scores or anything, just that more people have made similar comments.

 

[JessSyd]

You are right. There is a difference and I originally misread the original post.

However even reading it accurately, the intent and outcome seems similar to me. It is wrong in a creepy body-shaming way to say that 'too much fat around her bottom' makes her 'less pretty in competition'. Because it does imply that a skinnier bottom would make her 'more pretty'. Dressing it up in concern for 'lines' (she's eight, for goodness sake) is just trying to excuse the inappropriateness of fixating on a healthy child's body fat distribution. She has enough of that sort of rubbish ahead of her as a normal woman trying to make her way in a highly sexualised appearance-focussed world. Why be the adult starting it all off when a kid is only eight, especially as there is nothing a child in the lower end of her healthy weight range can healthily do to change things?

I think the word 'pretty' itself has little room in discussion of the scoring of the sport. There are so many better words that can be used to describe execution of skills without the loaded implications of words generally used to judge looks. Polished, precise, and elegant, for example, all describe the asthetics of a gymnast's performance by referencing things that a gymnast has much more ability to develop control over than the shape of her bottom.

 

[duyetanh]

I know of a gym at a nearby state where the coach tells the girls they need contacts because glasses are ugly. I **** thee not. To them i say (not that i know the coaches, nor would they listen probably):
GO MORGAN HURD!

 

[Deleted member 14190]

Actually the OP reported that the coach said "won't look as pretty in competitions" which is exactly my point. Seems he is saying that right now, at this age, she won't look as pretty in comps. Presumably therefore not scoring as well.

Bingo on all points

 

[Deleted member 14190]

Fair enough. I was thinking more along the lines of skill acquisition. But you're right. That said, even that line of thinking is BS. I've seen gymnasts who are not "typically" built blow competition away. Execution is execution. It's simply veiled body shaming.

Just out of curiosity , whats up with the body shaming claims made here . The op was the only one talking to the coach. So what exactly is body shaming definition? I was under the impression that it was direct reference to a person in the public social media or in person? The NCAA gymnastics teams by in large talk exstensivly about nutrition to athletes . Is this body shaming as well?

 

[Midwestmommy]

Let's not spin it to obfuscate like the politicians and elected officials do to try to cover up bad behavior. It ain't rocket science.

Talking about body parts/shapes is body shaming.

Talking about nutrition, strength, sleep, adequate protein, take it easy on processed foods is fine. It's probably not OK if aimed at one particular kid, best to talk to a group.

Talking about an 8 year old's butt is abhorrent.

It's not that complicated. Advertising and social media images of women have a bad track record in the US (and unfortunately the last year has been awful). The gym should be a safe harbor for these amazing kids.