Parents Daughter level 4 - need advice

[twinmomma]

More of what's been said. But I have an acrobatic gymnast. She was a level 9 top this year. Got all their skills, and then RIGHT before the first meet, she's balking on a skill that she's had for months. Competed it but was terrified. Spent the entire season back and forth at practice. Sometimes it was great, other times she needed a spot, and other times it was tears and tears. Then her partner dropped her. On a totally different skill. Literally from high handstand to her face on the floor. We didnt' even know if she'd compete again this season, much less at all after that. But she kept showing up and some practices were great, and others, not so much. I never said anything other than, how was practice? Did you have fun? Unless she wanted me, or asked for my help, and even then I directed her to higher level tops on her team for talking things out.

This year, she wants to be a base. She's little. But strong. And not the littlest. And I think it's a mistake for her to give up being a top but after the year she's had, who can blame her? Maybe she loves it, maybe she hates it. But it's HER SPORT. And her coaches care what the kids want and take it into consideration. I'm not the one out there on the floor in front of the judges throwing myself around. And neither are you. If she competes level 4 with a tumbling spot and takes the deduction so what???? What's the ultimate goal? Be honest with yourself because it's time we all realize 99% of our our kids aren't getting college scholarships or going to the Olympics. Pulling her only teaches her that when it's hard, you walk away. Teach her about perseverance, about fighting for what she wants, and about learning to trust her body. Life lessons come in many shapes and forms, and they more often come from losing seasons than winning ones.

 

[Muddlethru]

Been around the block. My daughter just finished her JO career and will be in a D1 team next school year. Many parents with kids starting gymnastics are either too invested or have stars in their eyes. To be successful in gymnastics (I don’t mean win medals, get a scholarship, be an elite, I mean be happy doing gymnastics and getting all the other life skills gymnastics can offer], it takes patience, understanding and a whole lot of money. If money is an issue and is the major concern in letting your daughter continue, let me say right now, it will only get more expensive. If it isn’t but you measure her “success” in terms of medals and scores, then you will find yourself in this situation season after season and it will drive you crazy.

Kids struggle with certain skills at every level. They develop fears, get injured. As you go up the levels, skills get more complicated and harder to stick at meets. Perhaps you and your husband should figure out what you want to get out of this sport, what you want your daughter to get out of it and decide if you are willing to support your daughter.

 

[GymnastMomX2]

Wow. I’m not surprised she still has a mental block on this skill. Poor thing has so much pressure on her from you. Mental blocks are a legit thing, you can’t just force her to get over it.

I’m not even sure what to say without sounding mean. You’ve gotten lots of good advice. I hope you take it for your daughters sake.

 

[twinmomma]

I want to add - watching my very competitive and driven daughter balk on a skill she mentally knows she can do, you definitely need to reframe your thought process around her not doing the skill. It is not "her choice" and she's not "choosing not to." One of the things I realized with my daughter is that she had grown three inches between when she learned the skill and when the balking started. There are SO MANY things that can go into a mental block. And I thank my lucky stars that her coaches understand that fact.

 

[NutterButter]

First, if money is at all an issue, just know that between L4 and the highest levels, the expense will more than double. Tuition increases as hours go up but especially the travel adds lots of $$. Kids in the higher levels attend more meets requiring travel. There are also more meets as the meet season continues beyond state with regionals and nationals. If you can't afford this now or don't want to prioritize this level of price commitment for a kid activity, that is a legit reason to stop. But make sure that is what is communicated to your kid.

Second, gymnastics is a year round sport. There will be ups and downs along your DD's journey. The highs are fun - it's awesome to see your child have success at meets. It's fun to see them get new skills. The lows though can be absolutely terrible and can seem to last forever. An physical injury or mental block may take them out for months but it's important to keep in mind that they are still working towards goals and part of a team. Accomplishments are not invalidated simply because they take longer. If anything, it's the grit of sticking through it where the life learning comes in. If you are going to successfully parent a kid through mental blocks, you have to be able to see the bigger picture of the sport.

Third, mental blocks are a beast! They can come on out of nowhere just by having a 'weird' attempt at a skill. Or they can happen as a kid grows and their center of gravity shifts. There are also changes that happen with the vestibular system as a kid goes through puberty. It can also be purely mental. But in all cases, this is not the kids choice. Ultimatums and bribes will work against you. Please do a search here on CB on mental blocks. There are several fabulous threads that will give you lots of insight into the mindset of a kid going through it. In order for the kid to successfully get through it, he/she will need the full support from parents and coaches. I'm disheartened that your DD's coach is so frustrated by your DD. Blocks are common and all coaches should know how to guide an athlete through them. Please read some of the threads on mental blocks and learn from the experiences of others.

I hope you will consider the advice given in this entire thread. Please don't tie performance goals to your ability to pay for gymnastics. That's a sure way to crush a kid.

 

[MILgymFAM]

I may not have much to add here, but I do have lots and lots of experience at being a parent to gymnasts struggling with blocks- from ones that were conquered, to one’s eventually worked around but not gone, to one’s that helped end the time in the sport. Never ever, not once, did either of my kids want to balk or be blocked on a skill.

My younger daughter in particular was relentless in trying to go back to basic and beat her block. She gave it everything she had with endless support and it was still not something she could overcome. Even today two years after quitting she is still wistful of what she used to be able to do. My older daughter has struggled with so many blocks and still had a successful run at gymnastics through high school graduation.

Your only role in a block is to keep paying the bill and always tell her you have faith in her and you’re there for her no matter what. Just trust me, your daughter has no control over this and she’s give anything to get some. Give her some extra love and a lot less pressure.

 

[duyetanh]

Sadly, I think we have all scared her away. Sigh. I don't think anyone on here was trying to be anything but helpful....but it probably wasn't what the OP wanted to hear. OP if you are still around, know we are speaking with good intentions, and trying to help you as well as your child.

 

[Cmumgym]

I have been intrigued to see any response from @Pilgrim06 I agree this page is to help guide gymnasts. Parents. Coaches and anything to do with gymnastics and I see this post may not have given the op what they may have expected as a response however it intrigues me to see the response from those “newer” gym mums who have a different view to see their changes or differences. Similar to the post before about how long have you been on this page for. It’s very intriguing to see how far people on this page have come. Or how they take opinions.

 

[bogwoppit]

Sadly, I think we have all scared her away. Sigh. I don't think anyone on here was trying to be anything but helpful....but it probably wasn't what the OP wanted to hear. OP if you are still around, know we are speaking with good intentions, and trying to help you as well as your child.

Well it seems she has not returned since her original post. SO hopefully she returns and finds kindness in the words, along with help to find a safer path.

 

[RTT2]

I don't know that this is what was going on with the OP, but I think these gymnastics FB groups present the idea that every 6, 7, 8 year old is doing insane hours, learning new skills daily, and winning everything. I think for a new parent on one of those pages it creates a very unrealistic of what to expect from this sport- which is why CB is such a great resource for a reality check.

 

[Cmumgym]

Wh

I don't know that this is what was going on with the OP, but I think these gymnastics FB groups present the idea that every 6, 7, 8 year old is doing insane hours, learning new skills daily, and winning everything. I think for a new parent on one of those pages it creates a very unrealistic of what to expect from this sport- which is why CB is such a great resource for a reality check.

which facebook group are you apart of because I have only seen obsessiveness like this on chalkbucket as it leaves parents the hiddenness of the internet. Where Facebook unless making a whole seperate account does not

 

[amiandjim]

Wh

which facebook group are you apart of because I have only seen obsessiveness like this on chalkbucket as it leaves parents the hiddenness of the internet. Where Facebook unless making a whole seperate account does not

I assume they mean the Crazy moms of gym FB Page. There is some serious craziness on that page!!!! Way worse than I have ever seen on here.

 

[skschlag]

I assume they mean the Crazy moms of gym FB Page. There is some serious craziness on that page!!!! Way worse than I have ever seen on here.

LOL! I think Gymnastics Moms can be worse!! haha

 

[CLgym]

I think the @Gymx2 meant that many FB posts present a rosy picture of gymnastics (and life in general, for that matter).... Parents post podium pictures, big smiles, high scoring routines, etc. Very few folks post “the bad” (poor scores, blocks, falls) unless part of a funny fails reel or to show just how much work went into the final success. Parents are not likely to post on FB that their child is the only one in her group not moving up a level, or struggling to get a beam connection. And there are entire FB groups for “crazy gym moms” (their name, not mine) filled with positive posts about rising stars.

On the other hand, more often than not, CB posts reveal the other side of gymnastics. Many posts are seeking help or support for handling struggles, fears, coaching concerns, repeating levels, not making team, not getting skills, lousy meets, etc. Yes, it’s anonymous. But (in my opinion) that protection helps folks keep it real and ask hard questions.

Although admittedly there is a certain amount of obsessiveness to care enough to post on CB.....

 

[amiandjim]

LOL! I think Gymnastics Moms can be worse!! haha

It’s a very close race!

 

[Avasmom]

I was overly involved when my child did xcel. Looking back I see why. There was too much down time and not enough pushing the girls.

Excel wasn't right for my daughter at the time. Once my daughter moved to jo she thought she would be able to compete level 4 but had no kip. Ultimately she basically had to repeat a year but during that year she learned so much. I know our situation is different but what I learned is there are different type of coaches. At our new gym the coaches didn't have contact with parents (not daily, not weekly, maybe not even monthly). I know that situation is not for everyone but my daughter started becoming more independent. I truly had no idea if she was doing well or not. I just went on what she said. I rarely watched because at that time she was a lower level and had to be there earlier and I was working. Eventually she figured it out on her own. Now I will say our coaches don't really handle fears the same way our old gym did. When my daughter was training for level 5 and working on her flyaway; the coaches said let go of the bar or you will do level 4 again. This has really been the only fear my daughter has had. I know it's coming but she is a dare devil. I know that isn't for everyone but they also had 2 coaches spotting so the girls knew there was absolutely nothing that would happen to them. It was all in their head.

Here's my question to you......when my daughter had to repeat after a very successful silver year (I know totally different) to train level 3; she was disappointed. She was not disappointed enough to quit though nor did the thought ever cross her mind. Her dad and I were very supportive of her. Of course sad for her because we watch how hard she works. Not once was she ready to give up the sport though Is your daughter truly ready to give up the sport or you as her parents giving it up for her because she is having mental blocks? IMO all of you (parents especially) should be saying we believe in you. Stop the privates. It's making it worse. That back tumbling will come. Something has her scared. Only she can figure out and believe she can do it. Our old gym gave into the girls fears and they ended up going the xcel route. Would you consider that? Would you consider letting coaches spot her on the floor and compete level 4? If it were my daughter I would rather take the deduction than see her stop doing what she loves.

 

[sce]

Wow. I’m not surprised she still has a mental block on this skill. Poor thing has so much pressure on her from you. Mental blocks are a legit thing, you can’t just force her to get over it.

I’m not even sure what to say without sounding mean. You’ve gotten lots of good advice. I hope you take it for your daughters sake.

I agree. All the pressure and deadlines is mking teh problemw ay worse. she wantrs to do gymanstics, her brain and body are not working togehter. The more pressure she gets the harder it is to get past this. you nad ylur husband need to elarn about metnal bloacks and how to treat kids in thase situations. Why not pay to just train? What is it you paying for? You are paying for your kid to do gymnastics. Competing or not comepting she is doing gymnastics.