Parents Dealing with very demanding school

[LizzieLac]

Hi, I was wondering how parents deal with demanding school and teachers. We are struggling with work load now that DD is in middle school. Also moving to level 5 she pratices 4 days per week. Three practices are during the week and with 30 minute drive to gym and 30 minutes home, completing homework and projects is a challenge. So far DD has not missed any deadlines and is getting all As but the stress level in our home has increased terribly as DD tries to manage the school work.

We have talked to teachers and guidance counselor and while everyone listens and appears to understand, in general the school is not going to make any concessions for us and DDs gym schedule. Does anyone have any experience with this, or suggestions for managing it.

Thanks!!

 

[gymmutti]

We are only in 4th grade but my dd has lots of homework compared to peers at other schools. She has become super organized this year. She uses the bus ride in the morning to get in her 30 min of required English reading. She uses the 30 min car ride to gym to complete her math homework and works any other homework due the following day before going to practice (she's been up to 30 min late going into practice before because we and her coaches agree that school work comes first). She completes her Chinese reading/recitation and recorder music practice during the 30 min drive back home. If she has homework that has a lead time or multi-days to do - she'll double and triple up on non-gym days to get it done. She's still making straight As but she puts a lot of pressure on herself. She's very concerned about January when she moves to 4 days of practice as she is not sure if she can continue getting the homework done (although if the 4th day is a Saturday - we should be okay).

 

[my4buffaloes]

I second the need to be more efficient. My dd also does school work to and from the gym if needed. You can get her a book light or a head light to help with seeing in the dark. Also, on her off days she does as much as she can and at her school they have a 20 minute focus time which she does all she can in. Is there study hall at school that she can use? I know at our middle school they can take study hall if they don't do an elective. That is my plan for my dd.

You could talk to the teachers about possibly letting your dd know in advance the homework so that she can do more on her off days. 4 days a week for a level 5 seems like a lot. My dd is level 6 and goes 3 days a week. How long are her practices? Can she practice longer each day, but only go 3 days a week rather than 4? Just a thought. Good luck!

 

[Chocoholic]

Would the school consider allowing her to miss gym and take a study hall instead because of her gymnastics? That might free up a little time.

 

[bogwoppit]

Mine also learned to use bus time and car time for study. I bought some strong booklights that lived in the car. They became very organised about getting tasks done.

 

[LizzieLac]

DD gets carsick if she reads while we're driving. I do try to quiz her when she has a test or a quiz coming up.

I love the idea about skipping gym in school and have a study hall instead - I'll have to check into that. Right now, they don't have a true study hall. They have a period in the middle of the day that is a reading session, but maybe I can ask the English teacher if she can use it for homework. Trying to get the homework ahead of time was not met very positively. The post the homework on their websites on Monday for the week, but that is as far in advance as they'll go.

Her total number of hours for practice is very reasonable - only 10.5. The 3 weekday practices are 2.5 hours. I am torn there too - I prefer not too have 4 hour long practices. They did that a bit with the summer schedule and it was really too much. Plus she has Osgood Schlatters and we're trying to protect her knees. I guess skipping practice every now again when there is alot of homework or projects is not the end of the world. Tonight, for example, she only went for 1.5 hours.

Maybe this is just how it is going to be...chaotic.

 

[Trixiebelle]

Chaotic - that about explains it for us! DD is in her first year of MS and luckily the transition has gone very smoothly for her. The best part is that she has a study hall or flex period every day I told her that would be her most valuable time and she does make good use of it - almost all her day to day work is done there. Tests and projects are worked on nights off or after practice. We are very lucky that 1. the gym is about 7 minutes from school 2. practice is at 3:30 pm to 6:30 pm Tue - Weds Fri and 8:30 to 12:30 on Saturday Not only does she get to study if necessary after practice, only 2 real school nights are involved. The hours will remain the same for the rest of the levels from here on out - more days though as the girls move up.

What works for us is a lot of micro managing. Sorry to say that I check her teachers web sites every other day to see what quizzes, tests and projects she has coming up. We talk about when she plans to study and this allows us to manage her "out of gym life"! The day to day homework is up to her and knock on wood - she has it under control.

I'd try and ask the district about allowing your DD to trade gym for a study period. Our school will not allow it - even for the L10 seniors!

I hope you find your balance with this - it can be overwhelming and if anything like ours, it's feast of famine when it comes to tests and quizzes.

edited to remove an extra line!

 

[bookworm]

Might you consider moving her to a smaller private school that will work with you going forward? My kids have been at the same small private school for K-8 and move on to a small private HS and both have always been willing to accommodate the gym schedule...for example, school dismissal is 3:30 but my daughter is dismissed a 2 pm every day to get to gym. As the principal told me years ago "we have a lot of down time so we'll work around that". My daughter has always been proactive about her homework and even before we had a website detailing the homework, she would touch base with her teachers to see what was on the horizon.

When my daughter was younger she used to use every bit of free time (i.e. recess, lunch time, quiet time) to do homework...she would take her stuff with her during those breaks and work on it ...10 minutes here and there can add up. And in the car, I always drove with the lights on so that she (and my other carpoolees) could eat their dinners and do their homework in the hour it took us to get home. I know it sounds daunting for such a schedule, and if you had ever told me that I would be doing this 10 years ago, I would have laughed, but we are into our 10th year using just this system. I do thank my lucky stars daily for the schools they are in because they HAVE been so instrumental in making this work...I seriously don't know what I would have done without them...

 

[TexasRose]

We also use the car ride to gym to complete the homework. DD is only in 1st grade so I'm sure her homework is a joke compared to your DD's, lol . But I love the change in work ethic I've noticed over the last couple of months since school started and she started team. In the past we had to force her to do her homework and it was torture for everyone involved. Now she works as hard as she can to get it done before practice so she can have play time after practice is over. One day she didn't finish it before hand and she kept coming out of practice to ask me for her spelling list so she could finish. I love that she's learning time management and the benefits of completing your work in a timely manner at such a young age. Thanks gymnastics!!!

Maybe have DD do a little bit of studying and work on projects every day so it doesn't pile up on her. I don't know if that's happening or not. I don't have any experience with kids this age, lol

 

[Gymmonkeymomma]

My DD is in 6th grade, she trains 19.5 hrs/wk with a 20 min commute each way, 4 of those being weekdays. She has ALOT of homework compared to when my older DD was in 6th. They are/were both in advanced classes including 7th grade math. DD has learned to start HW at recess (when she doesn't feel like going outside or she knows she has more work than usual), she squeezes in 1/2 hour between getting home from school and leaving for practice, takes a book with her to work on during snack break (10 mins) and finishes up when she gets home from practice. We have also asked certain teachers for HW that can be done during the weekend prior, to lessen the schoolnight workload (such as writing sentences, vocabulary index cards).Skipping PE is not an option because it's only twice a week, nor is leaving early because I'd have no one to pick up her twin brother from school. In short, she has learned to be very efficient and uses every spare minute for HW in order not to miss one minute of her beloved gym time!

 

[gymmomntc2e6]

my DD is also in her first year of middle school. she is L5 practicing 12 hours a week mon- thurs 4:30 to 7:30. i have to say her homework load is actually less than last year. but if she has a lot she will do some from 3:30-4:00 then get ready for practice. uses the 15 min ride to gym & will finish after dinner if needed. lately her load has not been bad & she gets to goof off before practice & will do her homework after dinner.

it's all a balancing act. projects we try to do on weekends to stay ahead.

 

[gymmom14]

Just wanted to share our story...My dd is a freshman, she is training L9. She went to public school through 8th grade. For 9th grade she decided to go to an extremely academically challenging private prep school. It was her decision to change schools, as she loves to learn. She trains 20 hrs in the gym. The school will make no accomadations for gym. I was very concerned over the summer if this would all be too much for her. I am proud to report she made high honors her first quarter. (and had a 99 average in Latin). She is finding a way to make it work. She uses her time very wisely. Gets any work she knows of for the week done on Sunday. I do tend to micro manage her and always check with her on what she has to do. I made a rule that I think really helps get the homework done quickly... no cell phone, facebook or tv while doing homework. She goes up to her room without distractions and gets her homework done! I think it saves a lot of time. I will say she is really tired and really looking forward to Thanksgiving Break. lol

 

[LizzieLac]

Thanks, everyone. We are very on top of her schedule and she is very organized - knows exactly when everything is due and works on schoolwork in between practice and driving. She, however, is a typical overachiever. Her English projects she approaches like she going to submit it for a Pulitzer. She is focused, highly demanding of herself and as I think about it now - she approaches her schoolwork like she does gym. That she must be give 150% and do the best everytime.

I guess my issue as I think about it is that her demanding school, which does not offer the flexibility some of the schools you all have mentioned, is making her even more intense. DH and I have actually been telling her to "try less hard" on schoolwork!! We jokingly say that we wish she would just not care so darned much! And go for Bs! She feels she must get As and really I am so proud of her work ethic and focus. But, I think she really needs to lighten up a bit, and the demanding workload of school is fueling her fire, so to speak. Maybe I need help with her personality and not with how to get schoolwork done.

To you guys find this kind of personality prevalent with your gymmies??

 

[shelovestoflip]

My daughter sounds like yours...I laughed at your comment about approaching every English assignment like it will be a Pulitzer....so true for my daughter as well.

She is 7th grade/Level 7 and practices 15 hours a week (2 are week nights...the other two Fri/Sat) They have an optional weeknight 2 hour practice but I don't send her.

She just got her first report card of the year and is High Honors/all As....

She puts pressure on herself to do well....I do think in her case it is personality which transfers to her quest for perfection in gymnastics and everything else she does.

She has learned to manage her time well....on her practice days, she gets most of her HW done right after school. Our general rule is she will go late if she's not finished with HW...because it's not pretty to work on a project at 9pm after returning home/showering! The only thing we let go until after practice if necessary is Math because for her it is super easy and doesn't require much thought.

She can't read/write in the car as she gets car sick. However I think when I pick her up at school to drive her to gymnastics, she likes that 15 minute down time to just relax in the car, mindlessly playing some game on my iphone! I do think that is important. On the way home she eats dinner in the car because while we are only 15 or so minutes she is starving and it saves time when we get home!

As others have said, she will double up on work when she can on the non gymnastics nights and there seems to be more long term projects in 7th grade so this works out pretty well so far.

All in all, a balancing act.

 

[gym law mom]

Lizzie--my gymmie gets carsick too so she has never been able to do anything in the car. Usually the ride to the gym is right after school, so no really in the mood to do any work then anyway. Our schools are also pretty demanding and will not let the kids out of PE---they don't care how many hours they might put in doing a sport outside of school.
Some things my gymmies does/has done--stayed ultra organized, did work during any free time in class and at lunch, worked ahead on days off---that seemed to make the biggest difference especially with projects(I know where you're coming from on doing the over the top stuff).

 

[mominNV]

Yeah, I can relate to some of this post. I have the same type of problem, only mine is a Level 8, trains 6 days a week and just started middle school. (Totals about 25 hrs a week) Saturday is her only off day. we're lucky that our school system decided to make staggered schedules for schools, so that their limited school budgets could handle having less school buses. It meant that our school started and ended earlier than others, and the gym's schedule had to accommodate the later schools, to catch all the girls. Well, both our gym and our school are not that far. Their both the same distances, and about a 10 minute drive. So, for now, She walks through the door at 2:15, relaxes and has a few minutes of downtime, eats a snack/mini-supper to hold her over for after gym (practice runs from 3:15-7:30 or 3:45-8 every weeknight). I'm lucky that she's been working very efficiently at school, and finishes a lot of her homework there. But she'll come home exhausted after over 4 hrs at the gym, that by Weds, she's not up to doing any homework. I really have to sit down and help her get through it, or nag at her to stay awake. She comes home, still has to eat dinner, and sometimes doesn't start homework til 8:45. She's only in 6th grade, so the level of homework isn't super bad, but its more than it has been doing lower levels of gym and less homework in ES, and she's also getting used to accelerated/honors classes. Her challenge is the mastering difficulty of skills at the gym, when she's exhausted. She sometimes gets her homework done by 10, other times 11 at night, and gets only 7 hrs of sleep when she's lucky. I've seen the schedules at other gyms around our area, and they're not really any better. Another gym is right next to her school offering longer schedules less days, and others have same amt of days, less hours but on the other side of town. No thanks. I'm spoiled having a highly-reputed elite gym less than 4 miles from the house. We started there back when she was 7 and doing recreational stuff, and they saw potential and moved her into competition. I really wasn't into it in the beginning, but I've come to realize its a good thing and have been learning each year how to balance our lives around it. She's elevated quickly through the levels, and skipped one to get to Lev 8. So far, she's still maintaining straight As in her classes and the coaches say she's doing great at gym, so it's working out. We'll see as meet season approaches, on how she'll do against everyone else. She's happy, and having fun. Everytime I hear her say she's tired, I ask if she's still having fun, and ask if she wants to quit. She adamantly says NO, and is more than ever determined to make it all work out. I always let her know she's free to stop, and that I'm not forcing her to do any of this, but she's self-motivated to do it. I'm glad. She's self-driven, and knows what she needs to do, sets high goals for herself (all on her own, I can't even pronounce the skills she wants to get) and sometimes only does the minimum level at school to keep up with gym, but it still gets her the A, and she's doing better than 90% of the school, so I'm OK with it. I do see other kids who brag to her on how they did extra for their school projects and got the Aplus, but she's not swayed by it. She's more motivated to do better than them in gym, getting the extra skill, getting the higher score. She just saw her gymmates get full rides to two top universities with great gymnastic teams, and that helps too. She has good role models to follow and knows its possible, and asks if she can go too. I told her it was up to her, but that the coach has told me she has the potential. So, you give them the freedom and the choices to do what they want, and hopefully if they're as motivated and focused as mine is, your daughter will be fine. She'll find the way to make it work.

 

[bribri514]

I understand how crazy school can get. When I started middle school I was training L 10 20-25 hours a week and had at least an hour drive to gym and back. My mom is a teacher in our district. She refused to talk to any of my teachers or counselors or anything. She made school be number 1. No practice or meets if I had below Cs or didn't have homework done. I was never allowed to miss school for anything more than big meets and everything had to be turned in before hand. I became really good at being efficient. It's really important to teach your DD's this now because it's an important skill for gymnastics (the discipline and hard work). I've seen girls who were allowed to miss school to do homework and who's parents had their teachers give them less homework. They ended up dropping out of gym when it got hard generally or struggling in college. I did homework in the morning at school since my mom had to be there early. I also used recess time in middle school and had one of my electives be a teacher's aid so I could do homework then too. I also used my weekends for school organization. It was hard but once I got into a pattern it actually came really easy. I'm no genius and wasn't taking a million AP classes in high school but I got good grades and have been doing well in college. It's hard work but the investment it so worth it. Good luck!