Parents Do you "reward" your kid?

[2gymkids]

Nope. I mean sometimes we may stop and grab food but that's because we're hungry, lol. And at States I got her the little bear gram or whatever it was.
AT one of my daughter's very first meets it was a VERY small meet (only a couple of other girls competing against our few). She had gotten first on an event and asked on the way to the car "do I get to go out to dinner? Teammate's mom said if she got a first, she could go out for Chinese food....I want to go out to dinner for getting a first, too!" I just laughed. Then I said "Sure, lets go get Chinese food!" and her response was "EEEWWW I don't like Chinese food!!" I did tell her she got a nice big hug, though!!!!

 

[2G1B]

Meh... I don't do it like that. For meets, we go out to eat afterwards 9 times out of 10. Kid competing usually gets to pick where and we do it no matter how they did that day. When DS was state champ I got that added to the sleeve of his meet t-shirt. For my girls, when they have gotten a new AA high (like hitting 36 the first time or 37 the first time) I got them a pin to go on their bag. Same with first time winning 1st on an event, I have let them get those little pins. My kids aren't normally 1st place finishers, so they have wanted something special for that and I was fine with a little pin.

I do do stuff when they get a new skill that they have working hard for or that they have had a block on. Like when DS got giants I think I got him an ice cream. And when DD got over a block one time I got her a leo (but I honestly was going to get it for her anyway, she needed a new one and had been eyeing this one for a while, I just wanted a reason to buy it for her. It was a Plum, so not some super expensive one). For my younger DD, when she was even younger, I bought her a beenie boo stuffed animal for her state meet. I actually bought it the day before the meet and had it for afterwards, it was completely not tied to her doing well or poorly.

 

[2G1B]

DS did have a teammate whose parents paid him something like $20 for every 10+ that he scored. DS asked me if I'd do that and I told him that I pay for him to do gymnastics, I'm not paying him for scores.

 

[reluctant]

DS did have a teammate whose parents paid him something like $20 for every 10+ that he scored. DS asked me if I'd do that and I told him that I pay for him to do gymnastics, I'm not paying him for scores.

Paying for scores is like paying for As. It's teaching your child that you only love them for what they can do, not who they are. It's not a good parenting strategy.

 

[RTT2]

No. I tell her how proud I am of her no matter where she placed. We usually don't even go out to dinner- or lunch depending on the competition time because I'm always dying to get home as fast as possible. I did buy her a States shirt this year, and I've bought Team Photo pictures at a few meets. I always feel awful when I see people giving their kids flowers because it would never occur to me to do that, plus they'd probably be shredded from me holding them for a few tense hours- luckily DD doesn't seem to notice or care that she doesn't get flowers.

 

[MuggleMom]

We set goals for the year that are not score related--being a good sport, improving meet over meet, etc. If she meets these goals (mostly sportsmanship) I get her a shirt or leotard. I have occasionally offered a reward (video game) for hitting some random goals--like 7 press handstands. All an all I try to keep my praises and rewards for things that are fully under her control such as trying your hardest and sportsmanship as opposed to placement and medals at a meet. Overall I would rather her be a good person than a good gymnast and I try to keep the focus on the things that will help her be successful in life

 

[Committed]

Yep. Her reward is that she gets to go to gymnastics

 

[trampolinemom]

Past weekend there was an article in the local newspaper about DS qualifying for the World Age Group Competition in Bulgaria. It said "Party time at the xyz family because DS qualified for WAGC" But we didn't party at all. Same ordinary food, same hugs and well done after the meet. But that was it. I did cuddle him and tell him I was proud of him because he overcame the mental blocks he had and did his routines. But party? Not so much.

 

[MAmom]

The rewards are all intrinsic. We do eat out on the way to or from a competition sometimes but that is for energy, not really for celebration. DS has never asked me if he can get x, y, or z because of a score or a new skill or if he has, I have laughed it off and not remembered . I might buy him a t shirt at Regionals but that is it because he gets enough shirts at various meets already!

 

[Amanda]

We don't do rewards after meets. If we go out, she has input on the restaurant. I did let her big sister get her a rose at her first competition (her idea!) because I want to encourage ANY positive moves in their relationship- it is SO competitive. Thank goodness they are not both gymnasts.

 

[Mamabear123]

He did have a teammate once, whose parents bribed the son with $50 if he beat ds at state. sigh.

This is absolutely awful. That is the perfect way for someone to make their child feel like they're not good enough. I can't believe how crazy gymnastics makes some people.

 

[kayjaybe]

Well, good luck to her with that.

This sport is WAY too hard for that to last for long. I if the child doesn’t have a true love for it, the external rewards just won’t be enough in the long run.

I’m replying to my own post.

Like many others here, we often go out to eat afterwards, but that is because we are hungry, not as a reward.

And I do sometimes send a little “gram” down to the floor with a note. She likes the pins for her bag so if it is a neat invitational pin I’ll get her one of those or if she has achieved something new, like qualifying for regionals. But I consider that a souvenir, not a reward. No different than the dozens of field hockey tournament shirts I buy for ydd. She’s not doing gym to get the pin and doesn’t mention a thing when I don’t send something to the floor.

 

[jenjean70]

Recently I was talking to one of my gym mom friends and she mentioned that after competitions, one of the other moms does elaborate things for her DD if she doesn't medal because her kid is sad. She says that she takes her out to whatever restaurant that she wants, and buys her gifts. My friend says that she doesn't do this with her daughter and only gets her special stuff if she medals. Now... Maybe I'm parenting wrong, but my DD's only reward if she medals is... a medal. There have been some meets where DD leaves crying and sad and some where she is happy and jumping for joy. We sometimes get takeout after meets and will ask DD what she wants because she worked so hard that day. So my question is, do you do anything special for/with your kid after competitions?

When my kids were little I would dangle a carrot ( maybe a toy car or a lego set) if they made a skill or did something difficult in competition. For example they would get a small reward for swimming a "no breather" at a swim meet because having them focus on what they wanted to get helped them NOT focus on how much they felt they needed to breath so they were able to push through. My gymnast earned a lego set for making 3 circles on the mushroom when he was 6. Sometimes focusing on something else helps them to get through the difficulty. Now that he is 12 his push needs to be more internal. The coaches will still offer things for skills made or records broken- me, not as much.

 

[jenjean70]

We always feed them and praise them for what went well, regardless of the placements and scores. My son likes to catch up with teammates if possible after, so we usually try to meet at the same rest area. I don't think it makes sense to do something different if your child had a particularly good or bad meet in terms of outcomes. At this point, neither kid is particularly interested in deconstructing the meet with parents afterward, and we respect that.

You're doing it right.

We always try to gather team mates to go out to eat after a meet to celebrate working hard in the meet no matter the outcome and to hang out with friends. It is the "funnest" part of the meet.

 

[SMH]

No reward if she medals, and no ‘feel better’ presents if she doesn’t. We almost always go out to eat with other kids from her gym after meets, but that happens no matter what.

I pay boatloads of $$ so she can compete, that’s reward enough!

 

[sce]

No rewards. We almost always go out to eat but that has nothing to do with placement and everything to do with hunger and enjoying time together.

 

[MILgymFAM]

No rewards here. We always go for either a meal or ice cream regardless of outcome, with teammates if we can swing it. If I’m going to buy them something (a sweatshirt at regionals or a leo that’s on sale) I buy it before they compete so they know it’s got nothing to do with the results. One time I did send a shout out to my YDD. She was having a particularly rough meet and we wrote an inside joke on it- she was cracking up when it was read over the loudspeaker- mission accomplished- but that’s not the norm.

 

[Deleted member 18037]

Paying for scores is like paying for As. It's teaching your child that you only love them for what they can do, not who they are. It's not a good parenting strategy.

Not sure were in the world you would equate reward as a show of love. And of course every family does whats right for them.

We don't reward for scores and placing. They get medals for that, that is the reward. And a placement or score is subjective to who her competition was that day, the judge. She could have a better day gymnastics wise and place/score lower then at a different meet. The meet results are far to subjective. No we don't do flowers at an orchestra concert. Maybe if she had a special solo or something. She might get flowers at moving up this year.

We have been known to buy a Tshirt for a special meet. But that is a surprise, not a reward.

I think there is also a difference between a surprise after the fact. VS a promise tied to results, which is more like a bribe.

We have been known to celebrate effort. More likely to celebrate the hard work and skills achieved of the year at the end of the season.

But here we do reward A's. And I have the same reward system for my nieces, nephews and my step son as well. Again, all families are different. Her Dad and I have jobs where we get compensated. School is her job and we are OK with some compensation. And we in fact pay much more for all A's. We love her no matter what but, but the extra effort of all As and for her it does require effort is worth it. Her grades will be tied in the future to extrinsic tangibles. Things like qualifying for academic aid, choice of college. She will have more possibilities and choice with better grades. And its not subjective, there are clear expectations as to what qualifies for an A.B. C and so on. And she is capable of achieving A's. Now if she had an LD, the bar might be set different.

She knows we don't care if she gets a B or an A. Our love doesn't change but the cash does. She lost 100 dollars one grading period last year. One test. A take home test. She had 4 days to work on. And she didn't ask her father or I to review it. Now we wouldn't of given her the answers but yep I would of said you need check the following questions. She elected not to do that. So the grade on the test cost her an A. No biggie in our world, a B+ is a fine grade and it cost her 90 bucks. Oh well. I'm pretty sure she will be more careful about a take home test, which is essentially a gift from your teacher, in the future. No yelling, harping, dwelling needed. In this case the extrinsic made the point.

Again each family does what they think is best.

 

[profmom]

I suspect strongly that the kids who were given financial rewards for particular grades in junior high and high school grow up to be the kids who are so concerned with letter grades that they can't assimilate the larger civic and critical thinking lessons that are taught in the higher educational setting. They become that bane of the college professor's existence: "I tried really hard so I deserve an A!"

I could give you many reasons why monetizing course grades completely misses the point in college, but that would be dragging us pretty far off topic. Suffice it to say that I have seen personally in practice that monetizing your child's grades is a surefire way to encourage your child to get far less out of college than what's available there.

 

[cadybearsmommy]

I take the kids out for ice cream or frozen yogurt if they make the honor roll. However, I'm also the mean mom who will take phones/electronics away if they get a bad grade on a test.

We don't really do rewards for meets, I think with my dd it would honestly just stress her out more and she already gets meet anxiety. I do buy her the occasional beanie boo or leotard at a meet, but not really as a reward, like previous poster said, more like a surprise or a treat.

We always go out to eat after meets, or ds's piano recitals etc, simply b/c we are hungry and I usually have a major headache and need caffeine and food ASAP without cooking lol.