Parents How to tell a coach that your level 7 gymnast daughter is switching to another gym

[angel20310]

I am having a hard time trying to find away to tell the coach we are leaving. This has been in the plans for over a year now to where my daughter wants to switch gyms due to the gym she is at now is not giving her what she needs at her level of potential. There is a lot of factors like the name calling the coach does to the girls the always telling someone they need to beat or be like their teammate, the gym doesn't have the advance equipment, gym is small and things are falling apart, several safety concerns over just this past year several of our girls have been injured which is my big concern because there is not enough trained coaches and the girls are left to fend for themselves. I would go tak to this coach as her last day is approaching but another girl from the team surprisingly just left for the same gym we are going to and it was horrible. The coach yelled and cuss at the mother and the daughter and basically kicked them out and then threatened the rest of the girls if they left. So I don't want to put my daughter in that situation of her getting attacked by this woman . I was thinking of writing a letter after she was done to explain or an email . I am really lost at what to do need help?

 

[alsmom]

It sounds like the coach is not very professional. I feel like if I were in your shoes I would send an email. It just doesn't seem like it is in your daughter's best interest to put her in a potentially volatile situation.

 

[gopuckgo]

A nice and brief email thanking them for their time and letting them know that your daughter will be pursuing gym elsewhere. Expect to pay the last month and the first month at the new gym (double payments for one month). Most gyms are sensitive to making sure that you paid your bills.

 

[MeetDirector]

I wouldn't normally advocate a "cut and run" approach, but given the recent episode after another girl left I would let the last day happen and then send a polite e-mail as said above. Just keep the departure to yourselves and move on. You will most likely encounter them down the road and I would suggest you have all of your ducks lined up when eventually confronted. I would center that explanation on your dd's desire for bigger and better skills, higher level, etc and the fact that the gym just couldn't get her to where she wants to go.

Good Luck

 

[angel20310]

It sounds like the coach is not very professional. I feel like if I were in your shoes I would send an email. It just doesn't seem like it is in your daughter's best interest to put her in a potentially volatile situation.

yes that's what I was thinking email but I know she has gotten on me before about communicating through email with her she would rather you talk face to face but I'm not going to put my daughter or I in that situation for her to be yelling and screaming at her

 

[flippin out]

Normally I wouldn't suggest an email only (no closure for your dd or the girls still there), but given how badly coach handled the last girl.........I'd let her last day be a normal day. You can either send an nice email thanking them for the foundation they instilled in your daughter and that she felt she was ready and needed a change OR you can go in in person Without your dd and tell them.
Like gopuckgo stated, you may have to pay double payment next month (new gym and still pay final 30 day notice at old gym). Some gyms state that in their parent contracts, some do not. I would read over your paperwork from old gym so you know what to expect.

Try to keep the exit (or exit letter) from being heated. If you state that dd is just needing a change and maybe a different direction that will help. If you put in the letter that she needs something "better", more training, "better" coaching, "better" equipment......that coach may take that very personally and see it as an attack on her program.

Gym is a small world........even if you have NO intentions to ever go back there your dd may run into this coach at meets, Regional camps, summer camps. My dd has been at summer camps where ex-coaches have been working the camps and coaching her again there. Thankfully we are very friendly with all of her old coaches, so it was no big deal......but you can see where this would be a big deal if your exit from her gym were to turn very nasty.

 

[gymmama999]

Just leave and then send the email. No matter what, she will bad mouth you, its just better not to have your child caught in the middle of that mess. Been there, done that, moved on and we could not be happier.

 

[AlexsGymmyMom]

move on and send an email after. No sense in putting your girl through that. How unprofessional! Maybe leave sooner? Seems like an environment that is unhealthy.

 

[angel20310]

Thank you everyone for your advise I will definitely be sending an email

 

[gymdog]

Just use whatever withdrawal policy they have for notification that you are closing your account. Make sure that form is filled out or those steps are taken, and be done with it. If the coach is yelling at parents in front of people there is no point in engaging personally. Just notify the gym office you are closing your account.

 

[sce]

yes that's what I was thinking email but I know she has gotten on me before about communicating through email with her she would rather you talk face to face but I'm not going to put my daughter or I in that situation for her to be yelling and screaming at her

You are leaving, and you need to do what's best for your dd. Sounds like e-mail is the best in this situation.

 

[lovemygymnast]

Wow! I hate that for you & your daughter! I would definitely not want to be in the same position as the previous family, so I'd also say email. The only other thing I might suggest is going to talk to her alone without your daughter & not during practice time. But good luck with that! Sounds you are definitely making the right decision leaving that gym!!

 

[SignHere]

Definitely DO NOT ! say you need anything better! YIKES!

I would have your DD do last day of practice as a regular day, then write a letter stating your intentions of withdrawal. Go in yourself, thank coach for her years coaching your DD, but tell her YOU have decided to move DD to another gym.

If pressed, tell coach you felt that you needed to do what was best for your family. Thank her for the years spent with DD, developing a love of gymnastics, blah, blah, and get the heck out of dodge.


Good luck!

 

[my4buffaloes]

We were in the same boat. We were able to keep it quiet until after her last day. Then we emailed and thanked them for coaching our dd and told them we were done. it still blew up in our faces and the owner said horrible things about us. We couldn't control them. You can't either. i do wonder why you are waiting to leave though. Why not just go now? You really don't want word to get back and have them yell at your dd.

 

[blueredzone]

You could do a handwritten note like A-Rod did. lol

 

[gopuckgo]

We moved my daughter to a different gym this year for a variety of reasons, job change out of state being the first reason and thankfully it is a better gym too. Lots of reasons went in to the decision to move, however, her old gym was very verbally abusive to her and beat her confidence down bad as well. So we had to move her somewhere else anyways, just thankful that all of the stars aligned at the right time for us.

My daughter went in to tell the coaches bye and one of them turned her back the other way and wouldn't say bye or even look at her. The head coach didn't even call the team over for the girls to say bye. She just stood there and looked at my daughter and gave a lame hug and sent her out. Apparently after we left they bashed us to our new coach, even though we put up with their abuse, payed all of bills on time, never interferred with coaching or watched our kid. I still sent an email thanking them for their time and it was sincere. The moral of the story is that you can't control anyone's behavior but your own. I acted professional and did everything right. If they want to say bad things and do bad things to people then they have to live with their karma everyday. Move on with your head held high, end it professionally and be prepared for them to be jerks about it (from your description above, they sound like our old gym).

There isn't a day that goes by that I regret moving her and to see how much happier and more confident she is becoming made it all worth it. She is the winner in the end and all of heir hate and bad mouthing is going to fly right back into their face someday. Good luck with your situation, as I know how scared you are right now to say anything. I was there too. Prepare yourself the best that you can and trust that the greatest decision is to get out now before it gets worse.

 

[ZJsMom]

At first when I saw the title of the post, I was going to say be upfront and honest, but after reading about how the gym treated the last one who left, I guess that won't work. If it was me, I would still want to take the high road, so I think I'd do it in person. I'd wait until after her last day, however, and leave my dd at home. Maybe you could arrange a little get together with team mates shortly after the last day so your dd can say goodbye and feel like she has some closure.

 

[Deleted member 14190]

I'm not one for emails,,, I prefer a face to face encounter. So regardless what happened earlier, I would be strong and still tell the coach and thank them in person. If they do not handle it well, then at least you know you did. Based on the previous encounter I would not bring my daughter until after everything is done and said. And then if all is well, bring her in to say farewell after that.

 

[littlegirlsdream]

In our situation we sent the coaches an email thanking them and telling them DD wouldn't be returning. Yes Coaches talked about us and DD after we left, yes we were called "crazy". BUT crazy to me is keeping (and paying) for DD to be in a gym that is not a good fit. Meetings had been held, phone conversations had taken place and it was obvious this was never going to work. The great news is...2 years later it just doesn't matter. New gym is a great fit, we love the coaches and our family is the furtherest thing from "crazy" in the eyes of this gym and its coaches. Bottom line is, do what you need to for your DD not to be put in a situation where adults act or react so poorly.

 

[Deleted member 18037]

Say as much as you want or as little.

You don't owe them a lengthy explanation.

Be polite (think grace and dignity) because you want to model that for your child and sleep at night.

What they do is up to them.

Given what you have shared, unless you signed a contract stating you would give x amount of notice. I would give as little as possible.

Something to consider is giving you child enough time to say good bye to her gym friends, make sure she gets addresses and phone number if you don't have them etc...

I have to say at our gym most when leaving, folks leave without a big deal or huge announcements. They tell those they are friends with and that is that.