Parents Huge time conflict

[GymAuntie]

I do. No pun intended. I just feel bad that she misses the whole weekend. I even suggested that we do some fun Mom and daughter stuff on our own. This is really the first time this big of a conflict has happened.

Forgive me if I'm speaking out of turn but it sounds like you want her at the wedding more than she needs to be there. You've already said you have a responsible adult to get her to gym while you and the rest of the family go to the wedding. Then you have added several "but....." as to why YOU don't want to do it.

I'm still learning, but from what I can tell here gymnastics will have to come before many other things. So you go to the wedding without her and you can't get mommy/daughter mani/pedis. Big freaking deal. The up side is your family stays in good graces with the coach and gym and your daughter gets the new routine she desperately wants.

I've read nothing beyond the post I quoted. Your saying this prompted me to interject my thoughts.

I agree with bookworm. Life events trump gymnastics. If she were to miss States or Regionals, I might waver a bit, but it's her cousin's wedding.

I'm obviously in the minority but out of all my cousins I attended 2 of their weddings. One was by force of parents since I was a minor and 1 was because I was in the wedding party.

I would feel differently if it were a sibling or a cousin she grew up with or something like that. Now I would never miss my niece's wedding, but I would be okay with my child missing it. If I were in the OP's situation that's exactly what I would do. I'd go and enjoy it and let my child stay home with a sitter who could get her to the gym for her appointment. If the family really insisted on my child being there, I'd drive her and let hubby take the others so they didn't have to get up at 5 am. Honestly I'm sure the other kids have already been inconvenienced enough by their sister's gym schedule that there's no reason to torture them.

Jmho of course, and every family dynamic is different. I was never close to my cousins growing up so that clouds my view I'm sure. No one in my family would have a problem with me missing my cousin's wedding either. Extended family just really isn't that important to us especially now that my grandparents have all paseed.

 

[notthatmom]

Forgive me if I'm speaking out of turn but it sounds like you want her at the wedding more than she needs to be there. You've already said you have a responsible adult to get her to gym while you and the rest of the family go to the wedding. Then you have added several "but....." as to why YOU don't want to do it.

I'm still learning, but from what I can tell here gymnastics will have to come before many other things. So you go to the wedding without her and you can't get mommy/daughter mani/pedis. Big freaking deal. The up side is your family stays in good graces with the coach and gym and your daughter gets the new routine she desperately wants.

I've read nothing beyond the post I quoted. Your saying this prompted me to interject my thoughts.



I'm obviously in the minority but out of all my cousins I attended 2 of their weddings. One was by force of parents since I was a minor and 1 was because I was in the wedding party.

I would feel differently if it were a sibling or a cousin she grew up with or something like that. Now I would never miss my niece's wedding, but I would be okay with my child missing it. If I were in the OP's situation that's exactly what I would do. I'd go and enjoy it and let my child stay home with a sitter who could get her to the gym for her appointment. If the family really insisted on my child being there, I'd drive her and let hubby take the others so they didn't have to get up at 5 am. Honestly I'm sure the other kids have already been inconvenienced enough by their sister's gym schedule that there's no reason to torture them.

Jmho of course, and every family dynamic is different. I was never close to my cousins growing up so that clouds my view I'm sure. No one in my family would have a problem with me missing my cousin's wedding either. Extended family just really isn't that important to us especially now that my grandparents have all paseed.

Yes, gymnastics is important, but so is family. My two female cousins are my best friends, one of them passed away a year ago due to lung cancer. If my parents had made me miss her wedding due to a choreography practice, I would resent them for the rest of my life.
I could understand if this gymnast had to be somewhere for a mandatory elite practice that might hinder her chances at the Olympics, but missing this practice will not be the end of the world. Missing the wedding could be (so to speak based on my explanation above)

It looks like the OP is making arrangements for how this works for their family, and she's getting the best of both worlds.

 

[Deleted member 18037]

Yes, gymnastics is important, but so is family. My two female cousins are my best friends, one of them passed away a year ago due to lung cancer. If my parents had made me miss her wedding due to a choreography practice, I would resent them for the rest of my life.
I could understand if this gymnast had to be somewhere for a mandatory elite practice that might hinder her chances at the Olympics, but missing this practice will not be the end of the world. Missing the wedding could be (so to speak based on my explanation above)

It looks like the OP is making arrangements for how this works for their family, and she's getting the best of both worlds.

This.

I tend to imagine a family picture with my kid missing years later. And her thinking I missed being with my family (and perhaps folks who passed) for essentially practice.

It's not just a get together. It's a wedding.
It's not States, it's practice.

The family should go to the wedding. All of them.

To say there is absolutely no other time to get coreography done is BS. Might have to think outside the box or pay more, but it can be worked out and it seems it has. Proving you can move an immovable rock.

 

[Deleted member 18037]

[/QUOTE]
I would be okay with my child missing it.[/QUOTE]

Now that I'm a parent and I am not parenting as a single. It's no longer just about what I am OK with.

It's a family function. My child would not be OK with missing a family function and being left out, for practice. My husband would not be OK with his daughter missing a family gathering and a chance for his daughter to connect and make memories with people he and she love for practice.

 

[bookworm]

Like I said to one of my daughter's tough eastern European coaches back in the day when he was flabbergasted that I was "letting her miss practice for the Prom"!.....I said " years from now it won't be memorable that she ' never missed a Friday practice' but it will be a horrible memory that she missed her prom for practice so she's going, case closed and don't bring it up with her, period"....she went, and went on to JOs a month later, no damage done....

 

[profmom]

We have absolutely no idea of the meaning of attending a wedding for a cousin in the OP's family. I think we can give suggestions for how to work around the gym issue and whether it's typical for choreographers to schedule in blocks and have some flexibility with timing and that is useful. On the family side, it's totally context dependent and none of us other than the OP knows the context, so our advice is pretty much worthless. Skipping out on a wedding could mean anything from, "oh, such a shame you couldn't make it, let me email you a few nice photos," to "you are dead to me and this will cause a multi-generational family rift."

Bottom line: there should be enough flexibility in the choreographer's schedule that the gymnast should be able both to go to the wedding and get her routine done. The gymnast may not be able to participate in the entire set of weekend wedding extravaganza events, and only the OP knows if that is a problem and whether it's negotiable.

 

[Deleted member 18037]

Like I said to one of my daughter's tough eastern European coaches back in the day when he was flabbergasted that I was "letting her miss practice for the Prom"!.....I said " years from now it won't be memorable that she ' never missed a Friday practice' but it will be a horrible memory that she missed her prom for practice so she's going, case closed and don't bring it up with her, period"....she went, and went on to JOs a month later, no damage done....

Amen I say to you.

Of all the things in life to aspire to, perfect attendance is not one of them.

You can be serious and squeeze in the important moments.

 

[profmom]

Let's all remember too that we're not talking about the OP's DD missing an ordinary practice. That's pretty much a no brainer. It sounds like OP's gym handles routine construction the way my DD's does: the choreographer comes once a year to do new routines. The conflict here is genuine, and one of those tough ones that gymnasts will face from time to time. Last year, we departed from our Yom Kippur break fast at around 8:45 PM to drive out to a clinic four hours away "conveniently" scheduled to begin at 9 AM the next morning. It made for a really awful night for me, but the clinic was only once a year and was important to my son, so we sucked it up and got it done.

 

[bookworm]

And let's remember , it's level 7...

 

[duyetanh]

Family first. Family trumps all.
End of story. Done.
And kudos to the coach for recognizing this and working out a compromise.

 

[Mom2-4]

Update on this thread. DD really does want to go to her cousins wedding. They are not super close. At least 13 years difference in age. But it is a chance to see her Grandparents who are in their early 80s. Along with a chance for family time with her older sibs who are 15, 19 and 20. With college and work schedules this doesn't happen often. I was hoping to spend Sunday away also but I will take the compromise.