Letting go

[iBleedChalk]

It's been weeks since I've been on here last, and I have a reasonable excuse.
Many of you know about the problems I've been having with my foot. I have a severe bunion on my right foot, and according to my podiatrist a minor one on my left. It's getting to the point where it's too painful to do most skills, including dismounts, jumps, vaults, tumbling, etc.. I've been facing the pain for
a while now, and I finally convinced my parents to take me to get it checked out.
In my mind I thought it would be a quickie fix. I thought I'd be in one day, they'd give me something to
support it until I got surgery, and I'd only be out for a few months before I could compete again. Sadly, that's not the case.
When my podiatrist was looking at my foot, she said for my age my bunion was very "advanced." She assisting I did nothing barefoot and that I wear only shoes with support. When I mentioned I was a gymnast and that I spend most of my life barefoot, she nonchalantly said, "Oh yeah, I'd quit."
In my mind I wasn't really taking her seriously. If she could be so calm about the situation, it obviously wasn't for real, right? Not exactly. I asked her why I couldn't get the surgery soon and she said my feet were still growing and if I got in within the next few months I would have to get in when I'm older. I didn't have a problem with that, but she did.
She gave me splints and biofreeze and I spent the new couple weeks resting. I continued to tell myself and everyone around me that everything would be fine and the doctor will come to her senses. At my follow up check up, it was the same responce. "I think you should quit." It was after that day that I finally realized what was happening. My parents agreed with the doctor which I didn't expect
and my coach called me asking to come in and say goodbye to my teammates. Everything felt so unreal... it still does.
For the first time in my life, I walked into the gym without a leotard one. My hair was down and I wasn't covered in sweat and chalk. I felt so out of place in a place that had been home for thirteen years.
When I talked to my teammates, they all asked where I had been and when I was coming back. Choking back tears, and I honestly said I didn't know. I still don't think they know that the chances of me coming back are extremely slim.
Sorry if I'm being "dramatic" about all this, but this has been the hardest month of my entire life. I'm sure those of you that are as dedicated to this sport as I am can understand what I've been going through, or can atleast imagine what it's like to let go of something that's been my life since I learned how to
crawl. I guess in a way lately I've kind of been rebelling against my doctor. Some days I wont wear the splints and I'll tell my parents that if I can't do gymnastics I don't care how badly it hurts, it hurts more to let go.
I don't want to let go of gymnastics, or thechalk bucket, ever. I'll always tell people I'm a gymnast. In my heart Ill always be one. I'm comfortable with you all here and I felt the need to share this with you.
My gym is my home. I'm going to start volunteering with the younger kid classes, so I can still be there on a regular basis and see my coach and teammates often. I'll update you guys on how that's going.
Every timeI find a leotard in my dresser.. I break out in tears. I guess you
never really know what you've got until it's gone.

Thanks to everyone that's been there for me and who have been so supportive of my gymnastics career. Whenever I need help, the chalk bucket is there for me and I'll continue to be there for you all for as long as I possibly can.

Once a gymnast, always a gymnast.

Maili
P.S. If any of you have been through something similar to this, please tell me what helped you get through it. I'll appreciate any help I can get.

 

[gymnastgets10]

Aw, I feel really bad for you! It's really hard when something you can't control at all gets in the way of something you love, especially gymnastics. I really don't have any advice or anything (I don't think I'm going to handle leaving gymnastics after highschool very well), but I just wanted to give you some support. You will need your feet for the rest of your life though, so focus on getting better! ((HUGS))

 

[katvernay]

(just re-read what I typed. It's really long. Apologies in advance, and won't judge you if you refuse to read all of it)

I know just how you feel, to the point where I was practically in tears.

Summer before 11th grade I developed a back problem. I was fine for most of the season, but after states (which I only competed 2 events at because I was vomiting) I started PT. It was starting to get better and picked up my training over the summer, but by august I could barely walk (silver lining: I could stay up all night to watch the Bejing Olys b/c I didn't have to be at the gym at 730)
I spent my entire senior year in PT 3 days a week and was an IES (I was a level 9, didn't do floor - tumbling was a no-go). I changed my series on beam and severely adjusted my workouts. I was devastated. I had a shot of doing college D3, but with my back restricting my training, it wasn't possible. I finished my senior year the best I could, and had my best finish at states ever. I cried for several days afterwards and still do when I think about that meet.

I really wanted to do club gym in college. My body said no. So I started judging and coaching. And discovered I loved it. I think that the ones who get forced out of competition due to injury are sometimes the luckiest - they never stopped loving the sport, and still want to be involved in any way they can.
I am to the point now where I know how to control my back pain, and do go into the gym occasionally if I want to tumble or vault, or do some leaps on beam.

Staying involved is the best thing you can do. And the raw emotional pain will subside eventually. I won't lie and say that it's quick and easy, or that it isn't horrible some days. If you truly love the sport, you will never stop, and it's going to be hard to adjust to the fact that you can't do the things you used to be able to. But the gymnastics community is a wonderful place that needs people who care about the sport and it's future (somebody told me -dunno?- that exact same thing a couple a years ago on my first CB post).

I still do gymnastics-based strength (handstands, v-ups, that kind of stuff), in my university gym, shoes off and toes pointed. The strength and some splits are usually enough to keep me feeling "like a gymnast" most days, even if I haven't stepped foot on a floor in weeks/months.

Best of luck to you, and know that you aren't alone. You aren't the first, nor will you be the last to have a career claimed by injury.
-KV

(ps: judging pays really well...just trowing that out there )

 

[haggy]

(just re-read what I typed. It's really long. Apologies in advance, and won't judge you if you refuse to read all of it)

I know just how you feel, to the point where I was practically in tears.

Summer before 11th grade I developed a back problem. I was fine for most of the season, but after states (which I only competed 2 events at because I was vomiting) I started PT. It was starting to get better and picked up my training over the summer, but by august I could barely walk (silver lining: I could stay up all night to watch the Bejing Olys b/c I didn't have to be at the gym at 730)
I spent my entire senior year in PT 3 days a week and was an IES (I was a level 9, didn't do floor - tumbling was a no-go). I changed my series on beam and severely adjusted my workouts. I was devastated. I had a shot of doing college D3, but with my back restricting my training, it wasn't possible. I finished my senior year the best I could, and had my best finish at states ever. I cried for several days afterwards and still do when I think about that meet.

I really wanted to do club gym in college. My body said no. So I started judging and coaching. And discovered I loved it. I think that the ones who get forced out of competition due to injury are sometimes the luckiest - they never stopped loving the sport, and still want to be involved in any way they can.
I am to the point now where I know how to control my back pain, and do go into the gym occasionally if I want to tumble or vault, or do some leaps on beam.

Staying involved is the best thing you can do. And the raw emotional pain will subside eventually. I won't lie and say that it's quick and easy, or that it isn't horrible some days. If you truly love the sport, you will never stop, and it's going to be hard to adjust to the fact that you can't do the things you used to be able to. But the gymnastics community is a wonderful place that needs people who care about the sport and it's future (somebody told me -dunno?- that exact same thing a couple a years ago on my first CB post).

I still do gymnastics-based strength (handstands, v-ups, that kind of stuff), in my university gym, shoes off and toes pointed. The strength and some splits are usually enough to keep me feeling "like a gymnast" most days, even if I haven't stepped foot on a floor in weeks/months.

Best of luck to you, and know that you aren't alone. You aren't the first, nor will you be the last to have a career claimed by injury.
-KV

(ps: judging pays really well...just trowing that out there )

i'm just saying, you are truly inspiring, the both of you

i'm so sorry about what happened to both of you. i have never broken anything but i have problems with my heels, ankles, and feet, and other joints so I am wondering what wil happen to me.......

iBleedChalk, are you coaching or anything? keep us updated!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

[Aussie_coach]

Oh thats awful. That would be so hard.

First off, always but always get a second opinion. Don't get your hopes up but so many doctors say "quit gymnstics" without fully understanding the sport or the problem. If you ever have major injuries always get a second opinion no matter what. I've seen people go through pain for years with one doctor and have another doctor fix it in a week.

Secondly, stopping training does not mean the end of the sport for you. I'm not sure how old you are but could you become a gymnastics judge, or a junior coach. Would you be able to take on a gymsport with less pressure on your feet like trampolining?

Thirdly its important to realize that gymnastics fulfilled many needs in your life - fitness, being a part of a team, friendships, challenge and so on. You will find it easier if you can find other ways to fulfill these needs. If you don;t you will be left with a big empty hole which many people fill with excessive amounts of television.

 

[bribri514]

:big hug:

I don't completely understand your situation, but I am really really close to understanding!!! I've been doing gymnastics since I was 3 and I'm 20 now. I started L 10 when I was 11 and really really wanted to do elite. I qualified for Nationals the next year and placed high the following year and when I started training elite we realized my coach and gym just weren't cut out for elite training. I live in a tiny mountain town and the closest big gym was way too far away and on top of that my mom couldn't afford that much gymnastics and for reasons like that I couldn't try to qualify for elite, my dream my whole life. I stayed in gym to focus on a scholarship and do high school gym for fun but had issues with the other girls and my mom stopped giving me rides to my club gym because it was too far away, so I quit and did cheerleading for two years. But then I really realized how much I 100% love gymnastics and went back.

I competed L 10 again my senior year of high school and got to walk onto a D1 college team and was told I could gain a scholarship if I did well. Unfortunately after training went really good, right before the first meet some old back problems flared up. I did a lot of PT with the trainers but a couple months later I saw a doctor because it got worse. I was diagnosed with high grade spondylolisthesis and was told I'd never be able to do gymnastics again. I was only 18. I finally had major surgery on it this summer which involved fusing some of my spinal bones.

At first I was really depressed. It was like.... I worked my butt off and overcame having a disability and had the chance to go elite which so many girls don't and I couldn't! Then I worked my butt off to compete NCAA and right before our first meet I couldn't. Now, the thing I've spent my whole life dedicated to, I can't do anymore. I was sooo devastated.

But in high school I started volunteer coaching some of the rec kids and after I graduated I was allowed to help out with the team girls. I really loved coaching. Then I transferred colleges and moved in with my brother and his 9 year old daughter who wanted to start team gymnastics so I've been able to be her "gym mom". I'm in college for physical education teaching/coaching and heath education so I have been able to really focus on my goal of opening a gym aimed at kids who are Deaf/hard of hearing or use sign language. In the meantime I've been coaching the cheerleading squad at the school for the Deaf where I am now.

It really does suck but you'll get through it. You can realize how much gymnastics is helping you out in all aspects of your life! And if you still love it you can still coach or judge! If you liked competing more you can find another sport that allows you to compete like gymnastics did.

Good luck, let me know if you need anything!!!

 

[katvernay]

oh wow bribri! I feel like such a complainer compared to you!

That being said, I think there's something very telling in that we both had similar situations and wound up dealing with it in very similar ways. (I'm a kinesiology major in college, post grad I'm going into physical therapy to help broken people (soldiers/athletes) like us)