WAG Mobility question anyone!

[mmcmanus]

Go. Go now. This coach does not have a successful optionals program. Your DD loves the sport, works hard, and is obviously talented. She deserves a program that will take her as far as she wants to go. She deserves a coach that has her best interests at heart. Even if you somehow convince the coach to let her move-up, he seems like the vindictive type.

You said that all the other optional level girls have left (BIG RED FLAG). Where have they gone, and how happy are they? You could always phone a mom that took her DD elsewhere, and ask her about the experience.

You said that you would not move DD against her wishes. Would you at least consider having her (even if she doesn't want to) work out at another gym for a few days? Once she is in another gym, she may realize it isn't so bad after all.

Thanks so much! That is exactly what we are doing, and surprisingly she is much more open to it, and the tears are less and less...I agree that he is vindictive so if he agrees to let her skip the level 5 competition, as he should since she won 6 last year, he probably will say she isn't ready for 7 when the season starts and she will lose a whole year... We are out of there soon I hope! We will be going to 2 other gyms team workouts this weekend!

 

[mmcmanus]

So, we are moving and I have a very sad 12 year old but she sees the need to move. She went to gym tonight and was bullied by the coach that she has spent 4 1/2 years listening to, and we have spent the same working hard for him at meets, begging for money for his gymathon every year, (this is not selling anything, just begging for cash) she was the top dog every year bringing in $ $$$ hundreds, more than $600 for him each year - lots more than others each year. Most girls raised $50. This coach, that we supported with our time, money and talents at each hosted meet- cooked for coaches and judges, tore down and set up, and took admission and worked concessions, donated pop and brownies, at each and every meet (min 3 per year plus hosting state twice), more than 6xs over the 2 hour parent volunteer requirement, always going above and beyond, said to my daughter over and over tonight, "so you think you're too good to compete another season of compulsories?" And then he started telling her that if she is going to be in his gym, she will compete compulsories. If she doesn't compete, she can go somewhere else.

A puddle of 12 year old tears, right there in front of her teammates, her friends, but that seemed to empower him, not make him feel bad. She was absolutely heartbroken. She was sure that he cared about her. She had trusted him. All of a sudden she realized that he doesn't give a crap about her. she is very hurt because trust is the basis of a coaching relationship, and she gave trust to a guy who didn't deserve it or value it, a guy who we paid, a guy who trampled on it.

I am in shock about the whole thing. he chose to pressure and squeeze a child, and place her at the center of a situation that he wrongly assumed was caused by me. in order to control her parent (cuz in his mind it is me that doesnt want her to compete. oh yeah, little old me, the one who writes the checks. He never had a conversation with my husband or myself. He never asked my DD how she felt, or explained any reason why he went back on his word in telling her over and over all summer that she could choose to compete or train. He never considered her at all. He just decided that I don't want her to compete it because of the blank stare I gave him Monday at the parents meeting, and he is trying to bully her about her mom very publicly in front of the whole team. he never even asked her how she felt. Funny, she is actually the one who decided on her own to train and not compete the level. I and her dad actually had decided to support her decision whatever that would be. He had given her the choice and thats what she decided. now he has taken it away and he's telling her it is his way or the highway. Bullying, berating, taunting... What in the hell is wrong with him? How could we have been so stupid?

Does he really think we are going to take this? I think he does in his own twisted way. I think he thinks we will cater to him because we have let him abuse her for the last two years without realizing it. In May at her 12 yr checkup, in a private conversation, I asked her pediatrician if his treatment was abuse. He said that he had a very tough football coach that he hated, but loves now. Now I know the lesson is that if you have to ask, it probably is abusive.

She is one of only three girls ever in his gym in over 35 years to win AA in all compulsory levels. Now she will have to kick their butts in Optionals! And she will! I talked to her old gym and the other one in town and either will be a much better situation. She can choose. She deserves to have some voice here. Sunday we will visit both options, and Monday she will close her compulsory chapter and open a brand new Optionals chapter, with a new gym, and new coaches. I hope she can get her giant quickly! She has never been allowed to try. Poor baby. It is one of the worst things ever for your child to be so mistreated.

 

[happychaos]

So, we are moving and I have a very sad 12 year old but she sees the need to move. She went to gym tonight and was bullied by the coach that she has spent 4 1/2 years listening to, and we have spent the same working hard for him at meets, begging for money for his gymathon every year, (this is not selling anything, just begging for cash) she was the top dog every year bringing in $ $$$ hundreds, more than $600 for him each year - lots more than others each year. Most girls raised $50. This coach, that we supported with our time, money and talents at each hosted meet- cooked for coaches and judges, tore down and set up, and took admission and worked concessions, donated pop and brownies, at each and every meet (min 3 per year plus hosting state twice), more than 6xs over the 2 hour parent volunteer requirement, always going above and beyond, said to my daughter over and over tonight, "so you think you're too good to compete another season of compulsories?" And then he started telling her that if she is going to be in his gym, she will compete compulsories. If she doesn't compete, she can go somewhere else.

A puddle of 12 year old tears, right there in front of her teammates, her friends, but that seemed to empower him, not make him feel bad. She was absolutely heartbroken. She was sure that he cared about her. She had trusted him. All of a sudden she realized that he doesn't give a crap about her. she is very hurt because trust is the basis of a coaching relationship, and she gave trust to a guy who didn't deserve it or value it, a guy who we paid, a guy who trampled on it.

I am in shock about the whole thing. he chose to pressure and squeeze a child, and place her at the center of a situation that he wrongly assumed was caused by me. in order to control her parent (cuz in his mind it is me that doesnt want her to compete. oh yeah, little old me, the one who writes the checks. He never had a conversation with my husband or myself. He never asked my DD how she felt, or explained any reason why he went back on his word in telling her over and over all summer that she could choose to compete or train. He never considered her at all. He just decided that I don't want her to compete it because of the blank stare I gave him Monday at the parents meeting, and he is trying to bully her about her mom very publicly in front of the whole team. he never even asked her how she felt. Funny, she is actually the one who decided on her own to train and not compete the level. I and her dad actually had decided to support her decision whatever that would be. He had given her the choice and thats what she decided. now he has taken it away and he's telling her it is his way or the highway. Bullying, berating, taunting... What in the hell is wrong with him? How could we have been so stupid?

Does he really think we are going to take this? I think he does in his own twisted way. I think he thinks we will cater to him because we have let him abuse her for the last two years without realizing it. In May at her 12 yr checkup, in a private conversation, I asked her pediatrician if his treatment was abuse. He said that he had a very tough football coach that he hated, but loves now. Now I know the lesson is that if you have to ask, it probably is abusive.

She is one of only three girls ever in his gym in over 35 years to win AA in all compulsory levels. Now she will have to kick their butts in Optionals! And she will! I talked to her old gym and the other one in town and either will be a much better situation. She can choose. She deserves to have some voice here. Sunday we will visit both options, and Monday she will close her compulsory chapter and open a brand new Optionals chapter, with a new gym, and new coaches. I hope she can get her giant quickly! She has never been allowed to try. Poor baby. It is one of the worst things ever for your child to be so mistreated.

Wow....I hope your DD kicks butt in optionals. She is going to flourish when she has a supportive coach. This might be crossing a line, but I would be tempted to call the parents of all the other girls in DD's group that witnessed this, to let them know what happened. If one of DD's teammates were subjected to this treatment I know I would appreciate a phone call.

 

[mmcmanus]

Wow....I hope your DD kicks butt in optionals. She is going to flourish when she has a supportive coach. This might be crossing a line, but I would be tempted to call the parents of all the other girls in DD's group that witnessed this, to let them know what happened. If one of DD's teammates were subjected to this treatment I know I would appreciate a phone call.

Thank you! I hope she does too! The sad truth is that all the parents in her level and one down know, as I did, that he can be a royal and unfair jerk. We just didn't appreciate the depth and breadth of it. I don't know why. It is like an abusee syndrome so you put up with it... I am glad we are leaving. Pick up grips and warm ups and other locker contents and my husband will have a word with coach and we are done. Did I mention in a previous post that he prides himself on girls that leave his gym quitting rather than changing gyms? I always thought that was awful...

 

[Gym Beam]

I too as a dad would have a word (or two) with this coach. Glad to know you are moving on to a better situation. Good luck!

 

[Seeker]

I'm so happy to read this...she will be so much better off. Holy cow...what a wild ride for you all! I am appalled that a coach treats little girls this way, but it's good to have our eyes opened sometimes. Good reminder to trust our instincts.

Good luck in your new endeavor!!

 

[mmcmanus]

I too as a dad would have a word (or two) with this coach. Glad to know you are moving on to a better situation. Good luck!

Thank you so much for your support!

 

[mmcmanus]

I'm so happy to read this...she will be so much better off. Holy cow...what a wild ride for you all! I am appalled that a coach treats little girls this way, but it's good to have our eyes opened sometimes. Good reminder to trust our instincts.

Good luck in your new endeavor!!

Thank you so much! You got me to think and helped me find the courage to act!

 

[bogwoppit]

I am so sad for your little girl. Sad that someone in a position of power and trust would be so cruel to her, would enjoy bullying her and making her cry.

I am very happy you are taking her elsewhere, she will flourish and shine under caring coaches.

Very glad you being proactive with your child and protecting her from this abuse. Another gym will love to have involved and helpful parents like you.

Do let us know how the change goes. Expect her to be sad for a little while, loss is hard even when there is abuse. Stockholm Syndrome is a thing in gymnastics too. But in a month things will look and feel very different.

No matter what level she competes she needs to be with a coach who is in it for the kids.

 

[beamer]

Regarding mmcmanus's post #62...

This guy, people, is why we stay at the gym to watch practice, not -- as beaten to death in the thread "anyone else not allowed to watch?" -- because of the unlikely scenario that our kids will abused by a sexual predator.

I wish the emotional abusing, browbeating, and bully coaches would also get run out of town on a rail.

 

[reillysmom2]

Wow, I've been reading this thread, and just wow....I only want to wish you good luck in your gym move as it seems thats the only choice you have.

 

[SignHere]

OP - good luck to you and your DD. however, since the other parents are aware of the coach's behaviour - I would urge you to take the high road in your departure. Allow your DD to come in and say goodbye to friends, and give your only public reason for leaving the gym as "our DD needed a change".

You have the luxury of being anonymous on Chalkbucket, but when gym changes occur and the situations behind them are openly discussed, things can get ugly. It can also negatively affect the children who are still at the gym.

 

[bogwoppit]

Though I am sure if a parent in that gym, or the coach, read this thread they would instantly know. The gym world is far smaller than we can ever imagine. There are a few families here who were kicked out of their gyms because of stuff they posted.

In this case it doesn't matter as the gymmie clearly needs a gym change.

 

[AlexsGymmyMom]

To the OP. Good for you! Finding a new place for your DD to have a positive gym experience is the best thing you could be doing! Hopefully, (but not likely) the HC/owner of your current gym will take this as a wake up call when you pack up her grips and leave ! We recently switched gyms and while the transition is hard it is definitely worth it.

 

[gymmomtoo]

So glad that he showed his true colors to her, so that she can move on and know it's the right decision--never looking back and questioning. She will shine in Optionals! Please do keep us posted on how she likes the gym she chooses!

 

[lhmom]

I also wanted to say that I am glad to hear that she is moving! Please let us know how she's doing once she gets settled into her new gym.

 

[mmcmanus]

I also wanted to say that I am glad to hear that she is moving! Please let us know how she's doing once she gets settled into her new gym.

I will! Thanks so much!

 

[mmcmanus]

So glad that he showed his true colors to her, so that she can move on and know it's the right decision--never looking back and questioning. She will shine in Optionals! Please do keep us posted on how she likes the gym she chooses!

Will do!! Thanks for the support!!

 

[mmcmanus]

To the OP. Good for you! Finding a new place for your DD to have a positive gym experience is the best thing you could be doing! Hopefully, (but not likely) the HC/owner of your current gym will take this as a wake up call when you pack up her grips and leave ! We recently switched gyms and while the transition is hard it is definitely worth it.

I am glad to know!! I know my DD will thrive too and come out on top. I just hate to see her so sad!! Thanks so much for your encouragement!

 

[mmcmanus]

Regarding mmcmanus's post #62...

This guy, people, is why we stay at the gym to watch practice, not -- as beaten to death in the thread "anyone else not allowed to watch?" -- because of the unlikely scenario that our kids will abused by a sexual predator.

I wish the emotional abusing, browbeating, and bully coaches would also get run out of town on a rail.

Amen! I stayed and watched to for a time when she was little and although he said he had an open door policy, it made him mad. Parents' interest and their instincts to protect their child from risk should not threaten a good coach. I know that coaches want to get the gymnast to focus on gym, and not parents, but they should not be threatened by parents being parents. I will have to read your thread on this but it sounds like I would be right there with you on this topic. You know, when my DD was 5, she had a weird bleed from where she shouldn't, after falling from a high bar into the pit. She must have hit soemething just right, that smacked and popped her skin. When she fell, she said it hurt, and then we noticed right when we got home from gym when she went to change. I have no idea how this happened, and neither did her doc. (I took her in because it was very concerning at the time.) What I can say that ALL COACHES SHOULD HEAR AND THINK ABOUT IN A SANDUSKY CULTURE IN WHICH WE LIVE: NOW I KNOW that no one molested my girl because I was there watching her. Had I not been there, doc could have come to a different conclusion, and I definitely would have, and some coach would have likely been ruined by a parent and doc doing their job to follow-up on a very strange injury. I probably would have never believed that her injury could have occurred falling into a pit, if I hadn't been there to see the events that preceded the weird injury. THANK GOD no coach or gym had to endure any damage from what would have been a wrong accusation. THANK GOD!!!