So, we are moving and I have a very sad 12 year old but she sees the need to move. She went to gym tonight and was bullied by the coach that she has spent 4 1/2 years listening to, and we have spent the same working hard for him at meets, begging for money for his gymathon every year, (this is not selling anything, just begging for cash) she was the top dog every year bringing in $ $$$ hundreds, more than $600 for him each year - lots more than others each year. Most girls raised $50. This coach, that we supported with our time, money and talents at each hosted meet- cooked for coaches and judges, tore down and set up, and took admission and worked concessions, donated pop and brownies, at each and every meet (min 3 per year plus hosting state twice), more than 6xs over the 2 hour parent volunteer requirement, always going above and beyond, said to my daughter over and over tonight, "so you think you're too good to compete another season of compulsories?" And then he started telling her that if she is going to be in his gym, she will compete compulsories. If she doesn't compete, she can go somewhere else.
A puddle of 12 year old tears, right there in front of her teammates, her friends, but that seemed to empower him, not make him feel bad. She was absolutely heartbroken. She was sure that he cared about her. She had trusted him. All of a sudden she realized that he doesn't give a crap about her. she is very hurt because trust is the basis of a coaching relationship, and she gave trust to a guy who didn't deserve it or value it, a guy who we paid, a guy who trampled on it.
I am in shock about the whole thing. he chose to pressure and squeeze a child, and place her at the center of a situation that he wrongly assumed was caused by me. in order to control her parent (cuz in his mind it is me that doesnt want her to compete. oh yeah, little old me, the one who writes the checks. He never had a conversation with my husband or myself. He never asked my DD how she felt, or explained any reason why he went back on his word in telling her over and over all summer that she could choose to compete or train. He never considered her at all. He just decided that I don't want her to compete it because of the blank stare I gave him Monday at the parents meeting, and he is trying to bully her about her mom very publicly in front of the whole team. he never even asked her how she felt. Funny, she is actually the one who decided on her own to train and not compete the level. I and her dad actually had decided to support her decision whatever that would be. He had given her the choice and thats what she decided. now he has taken it away and he's telling her it is his way or the highway. Bullying, berating, taunting... What in the hell is wrong with him? How could we have been so stupid?
Does he really think we are going to take this? I think he does in his own twisted way. I think he thinks we will cater to him because we have let him abuse her for the last two years without realizing it. In May at her 12 yr checkup, in a private conversation, I asked her pediatrician if his treatment was abuse. He said that he had a very tough football coach that he hated, but loves now. Now I know the lesson is that if you have to ask, it probably is abusive.
She is one of only three girls ever in his gym in over 35 years to win AA in all compulsory levels. Now she will have to kick their butts in Optionals! And she will! I talked to her old gym and the other one in town and either will be a much better situation. She can choose. She deserves to have some voice here. Sunday we will visit both options, and Monday she will close her compulsory chapter and open a brand new Optionals chapter, with a new gym, and new coaches. I hope she can get her giant quickly! She has never been allowed to try. Poor baby. It is one of the worst things ever for your child to be so mistreated.
