WAG Mobility question anyone!

[iwannacoach]

I stopped reading this thread at the end of the first page. Accept my apology if I'm repeating what may have been said on pages 2 and 3.

I read through your original post and got the impression you were intruding on the coaches territory without appreciation for a coach's burden of deciding what's right for the entire team. It seemed you failed to see the value of challenging a child to go beyond their norm..... and hadn't realized that gymnastics, if anything, is profoundly about going beyond your personal norm. To do otherwise changes the sport to a great activity, and that's fine.... if you see it for what it is.

Reading beyond your initial post I found a lot of things wrong with the situation your child is in. The gym may be experiencing growing pains, or is small and the owner has no intention of ever letting it grow...... so move your kid.

The coach resorts to boot campish tactics to supplant the sparse training schedule. Great if you're short on time and don't mind raising a future control freak or a victim of passive, go along to get along, behavior. It's not so great if you want a child who can grow within the definition of who they feel they are and want to be..... so move your kid.

You don't feel comfortable with the coach. Well that's nothing new to our little world. This sport puts a lot on the table for all 3 parts of the gymnastics equation. The kids usually play their role based upon what the adults do as they try to provide for the child, and that's been a sticking point ever since humanity's first born stumbled, rolled, and accidentally finished on their feet to the chorus of proud parents exclaiming...."that's my child." It seems since that moment there has been conflict between those who want to help improve the child's stumbles and those who want to improve the setting in which that takes place.

There's nothing wrong with either, but it works best if both of the adult parts can trust each other to do the right thing.

So move your kid.

Parents' interest and their instincts to protect their child from risk should not threaten a good coach. I know that coaches want to get the gymnast to focus on gym, and not parents, but they should not be threatened by parents being parents.

You can say that again.

 

[Deleted member 14190]

Regarding mmcmanus's post #62...

This guy, people, is why we stay at the gym to watch practice, not -- as beaten to death in the thread "anyone else not allowed to watch?" -- because of the unlikely scenario that our kids will abused by a sexual predator.

I wish the emotional abusing, browbeating, and bully coaches would also get run out of town on a rail.

=
Maybe I am mistaken, but it sounds like this is all information that her child is providing her with, not overheard. Could be wrong, but that is how it all comes across.
Anyways, its really is simple, if you want to watch then go a gym that allows it. If you knew coming on to team that this was a gym that does not allow watching, well,,,, you are in the wrong and should never of joined that team.

 

[wallflower]

I stopped reading this thread at the end of the first page. Accept my apology if I'm repeating what may have been said on pages 2 and 3.

I read through your original post and got the impression you were intruding on the coaches territory without appreciation for a coach's burden of deciding what's right for the entire team. It seemed you failed to see the value of challenging a child to go beyond their norm..... and hadn't realized that gymnastics, if anything, is profoundly about going beyond your personal norm. To do otherwise changes the sport to a great activity, and that's fine.... if you see it for what it is.

Reading beyond your initial post I found a lot of things wrong with the situation your child is in. The gym may be experiencing growing pains, or is small and the owner has no intention of ever letting it grow...... so move your kid.

The coach resorts to boot campish tactics to supplant the sparse training schedule. Great if you're short on time and don't mind raising a future control freak or a victim of passive, go along to get along, behavior. It's not so great if you want a child who can grow within the definition of who they feel they are and want to be..... so move your kid.

You don't feel comfortable with the coach. Well that's nothing new to our little world. This sport puts a lot on the table for all 3 parts of the gymnastics equation. The kids usually play their role based upon what the adults do as they try to provide for the child, and that's been a sticking point ever since humanity's first born stumbled, rolled, and accidentally finished on their feet to the chorus of proud parents exclaiming...."that's my child." It seems since that moment there has been conflict between those who want to help improve the child's stumbles and those who want to improve the setting in which that takes place.

There's nothing wrong with either, but it works best if both of the adult parts can trust each other to do the right thing.

So move your kid.



You can say that again.

I'm right there with you iwannacoach. From the first post it just sounded like a typical level debate. After the OP expanded it became apparent that what level she was competing was the least of the problems. It's interesting how parents will often fixate on something like the level, when really it's all the stuff behind that which is really the root of the problem.

In a similar fashion I couldn't care less what level my DD competes because I feel like "all the other stuff" is going well.

 

[mmcmanus]

True! I guess in all I was processing I didn't do a good job of communicating. My original question was whether to encourage my daughter to compete a level she won state in when she was given the right to decide for herself, and that right was stripped away, or whether I should stand behind her decision to train and talk to the coach on her behalf. In explaining why that was an issue, and that he is difficult, I started to recognize many things that we overlooked and helped our daughter not personalize. At the same time, the parents meeting, and the verbal harassment...

We should have seen the writing on the wall. If you can't approach your DDS coach because his ego is threatened by you asking questions or providing feedback, you probably should not keep your child there. Let the buyer beware!

As for DD, we told her to think about it like elementary (where she began), middle school (compulsories) and high school ( Optionals). We told her that he did a good job developing her compulsories and preparing her for Optionals, but he is not an Optionals coach, so it is time to move on. She knows he has been out of line, and is processing, but we need to create a framework for her to learn and grow.

 

[mmcmanus]

Does he really think we are going to take this? I think he does in his own twisted way. I think he thinks we will cater to him because we have let him abuse her for the last two years without realizing it.

So DD had her last night at that gym last night. On Thursday she said crying that she wished he would just say that she didn't have to compete the new L 5, and focus on training for Optionals instead, and then she wouldn't have to leave. Last night he said those very words that she had been waiting all week to hear, only they came with animosity like, "have it your way, you dont have to compete compulsories, but you won't compete until I say it's perfect, not til every cast is above 45 and everything is perfect." Perfect- his famous moving target.

What he was saying is that he would move her teammate after competing new level, but probably not her. He would make her pay, and she would be sorry.

Still, when that conversation happened between parent and coach after her final workout in the gym where she spent more than a third of her life going, coach never saw it coming. He said she was his best athlete and would go as far as she wanted and achieve great things, but she was stubborn and was coddled so that's why she wouldn't fix things. The truth is she is the sweetest child ever, and I would know because my other two daughters were kidnapped at age 10 and I was left with little devils! And they stayed devils til they reached adulthood! but not this one. She is completely sweet and compliant. She desperately wanted to please him. And he made her feel like she could never do it. He was wrong about her, but I was right about him-he never saw it coming. So when he was told that this was her last night, he was visibly shaken. If he hadn't caused such a mess for us I would have almost felt sorry for him. He obviously does not think he is so negative and clearly doesn't recognize the impact. Unfortunately, while he was defensive, he still didn't try to redeem the situation, which I guess makes it easier for us to to know we are doing the right thing. When my husband told him that she has no gym because that was her last night there, but we would be checking a couple of options over the weekend, his reaction sealed the deal. He said that if she went to check out another gym, she was done there. Wow, maybe if he would've said, "if you don't find what you're looking for, my door is open and she's welcome back" we would have wondered if we had done the right thing, but he didn't, and we did. Hard days ahead, but good times too. We are sure of it. We did the right thing, but still we are sad.

 

[gymdog]

You did the right thing. One experience might not change him, but it at least put the bug in his ear to see where he went wrong, and also encourage others to take a look at the situation and demand change.

Crossing my fingers that all goes well at the other gyms - hoping to hear an update tonight or tomorrow.

 

[mmcmanus]

Thank you! I sure will! I am starting to see hope in the eyes of my girl. I wish he would change, but he won't. my DD not the first to leave and wont be the last. coach wont ask himself why. he doesnt listen to the parents. Her coach was mad and very upset when we left, but we kept it on a good note and shook his hand. He didn't say goodbye, but I know, that at the couple of meets this spring that we see him at, he will watch her, and he will be proud, and inside his head he will be saying, "I created that."

I think he does care. He just just cares more about his own reputation...

 

[mmcmanus]

One more note, he is an effective coach, but if he replaced even half of the bullying, negativity and control with a little bit of inspiration, he would not only be effective, but he would be GREAT. Last year we went to a gym camp where Dominique morceano and Svetlana were coaching the campers on beam and they both awed over DDd superb form! They had all the girls watch her backwalkovers on beam. At the time I thought the credit goes to her coach, but what a shame we could never tell him because he would be mad she was at gym camp. Olympians paid him a complement but we couldn't tell him. Sad. I really wish he would change...

 

[gymmomof1]

Glad to hear she is moving on. While moving is hard she will see what a difference a more positive gym will make in her self confidence and gymnastics and the new place will help her reach her goals where the old gym couldn't. Our dd moved gyms 5 years ago and while it wasnt for the same reasons as your dd it was still hard but was definately for the best and dd has grown as a gymnast and person . Please keep us posted and hoping you are able to settle her into a new place soon and that she has a good competition season at her new place

 

[Muddlethru]

[quote="iwannacoach, post: 248960, member: 11515]Reading beyond your initial post I found a lot of things wrong with the situation your child is in. The gym may be experiencing growing pains, or is small and the owner has no intention of ever letting it grow...... so move your kid.[/quote]


This too was my thought reading through the thread. You indicated this gym has 1 L8 and no L9 and L10. That alone would give sufficient reason to leave considering your daughter's aspirations.

 

[Muddlethru]

quote="mmcmanus, post: 249163, member: 2813"]One more note, he is an effective coach, but if he replaced even half of the bullying, negativity and control with a little bit of inspiration, he would not only be effective, but he would be GREAT.[/quote]

I would not be so sure about him being a great coach. There are outstanding compulsory coaches that constantly produce state champions but can't coach optionals. Compulsory is the focus of their attention. Routines are so precise and predictable, they know what the judges are looking for. Once you go to optionals it is a whole different ball game. Even if he was not so "horrible " to your daughter, I don't know if she would have benefitted from him past compulsories. The good thing is at least your daughter may have benefitted from his coaching basic gymnastics skills.

You did the right thing but maybe not soon enough. While having a good foundation in compulsories is great, otionals is where it all matters as far as collegiate and elite gymnastics. I hope your daughter loves and thrives at her new gym.

 

[AlexsGymmyMom]

I can say from experience that the hard part for your is over! I am so glad that you are moving forward and finding a place that your DD can excel and have the positive experience we all want for our kids!

 

[JoyAvenueMom]

Best of luck! I concur that the hardest part of the change is likely behind you. We just went through this, for different reasons, but it was easier than I thought it would be to make the transition. I know it must be stressful for you and your DD. Hugs!

 

[MaryA]

There are several people here who could tell you that they forced their daughters to switch gyms and wish they had done it sooner.

I am in this club. Well, it's debatable if I wish I had moved her sooner, since we moved to her current gym as soon as it opened, but I'm definitely glad we moved when we did. And yes, I had to "make" DD move. When I tried to "leave the decision up to her" she was so stressed out. When I finally made the decision for her, she was relieved. She has never regretted it, and neither have I.