Parents No parents allowed

[gymmomtotwo]

I can't imagine not being able to watch the last 20-30 minutes of my 5 year olds 3 hour practice, but can't really imagine watching more than 5 minutes of a 12 year old's. I remember being a 7 year old swimmer and wanting my mom to watch my hour long practice and being a 12 year old, and wanting to have the sport all to myself. The age of the kid makes alot of difference, especially a sport like gymnastics where they start so incredibly young. I don't know anyone who would leave their 4 or 5 year old at a baseball or soccer practice, yet I leave my 5 year old for 2 1/2 hours two days a week, and watch for a half hour. Sorry but I need to know what is going on. And it doesn't make me a crazy gym parent, just the parent of a small child.

 

[gymgal]

to the original poster: And you though you asked a simple question... There are certain topics that just get this forum riled up - you just hit one of them. Welcome to the world of gymnastics

 

[wallinbl]

my point, after having been at this for so long, is when the kids hit approx 12 years old, they don't want you observing. they want to be left alone to work thru the things that they work thru.

When I was playing soccer, there was definitely a time when I didn't want my parents sticking around at practice anymore. Sometimes it was nice to have a bad day and not get asked about it. I think most of us arguing for the right to watch merely want that right, not that we want to sit through every minute of practice. It's nice to know that it's open. Is there such a thing as too much watching? Sure. Is there such a thing as a gym going too far in pushing parents out? Sure (or perhaps some disagree here).

 

[Deleted member D3987]

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Proud Parent Link Removed Join DateJan 2010LocationCanadaPosts82Liked48 times

he above is from wallinbl. and i appreciate and understand where you might be raising your young child. my point, after having been at this for so long, is when the kids hit approx 12 years old, they don't want you observing./QUOTE]

Does this mean that you feel it is okay for children up to a certain age??

yes. but even after 1st grade, the kids can sense if a parent is over involved, or what everyone refers to as vicariously living thru their child. the same goes for their senses that detect that the coach is bad or mean or makes them uncomfortable, and what everyone refers to as firm or hard or dismissive. and then there is everything in between. i'd rather that parents do 'spot checks' every now and then. and in my own experience, coupled with these spot checks, the best information that i ever received came right out of the mouth of a child. seeing is not absolute. but coupled with the voice of the child it is better to make sense of most circumstances and issues. then when you 'see' or 'observe' what they're talking about it puts you in a better and more credible position as a parent when you discuss issues with their coaches. it provides a better context. understand?

but when they tell you to butt out? that they'll handle it?? and we've all given them the tools to do so? then you gotta let them fly. and by the way...i miss my 3 grown 'children' all the time. it's hard to shake.

 

[DND]

Agreed...

 

[Deleted member D3987]

All great points Dunno but my counter is this...

If I WANT to go and sit in my child's classroom for a day, for a day a week, for an hour a day... I can. I would never send my child to a school that said you cannot come on campus, EVER.

If I WANT to be in the car during my child's driving instructions, I can. Your state might be different, but in my state the parent can ride along if they so choose.

No I would have no idea if what is being coached is being done so correctly, but that doesn't preclude my right observe anyway. You can defend it anyway you like from a coaching stand point, but I see no reason why a gym would have a "you cannot watch ever" philosophy.

It's funny to me that so many coaches complain that parents don't know anything like we're all a bunch of mindless boobs, but then almost relish keeping us in the dark. I am sorry but I am unwilling to take the sit down and shut up role as a parent. I am involved, I will stay involved, and I am proud of that.

you made me laugh hard on this one in bold. we can't in our state. but if it was allowed, the realist in me would have told me no. if something had happened to me...my wife would have been left single. LOL! those were some pretty scary days i'll tell you. drivers ed...whew.

 

[clrmom]

Our gym has a viewing area where you are allowed to watch as long as you don't disrupt or try to talk to your child while they are in class. Sometimes I watch, sometimes I socialize with other parents and sometimes I leave to do other things...It just depends on the day.

I will admit that I do enjoy watching dd and she enjoys me being there, so I wouldn't enjoy a blanket statement that I couldn't watch. However, I do trust the gym my dd goes to and know that she is safe while she was there.

That said, back when I was a kid, I took dance. At our studio there was a window to watch, but if the kids started looking over at their moms or the parents started doing any type of communication with the children, our dance instructor would close the blinds on the window. I guess that was her way of saying that she didn't mind parents watching as long as parents watching didn't get in the way of her doing her job.

 

[Pickle's Mom]

I admit that I do like getting to see the last 10 minutes or so of Pickle's practice on occaission. Mostly it's because writing that monthly check gets tiring and I like to be reminded of why I'm doing it by seeing her smiling/ rapt/ intense face while she's working at/ struggling with/ finally getting a skill.

It honestly has nothing to do with fears about how she's being coached or what's going on. It just makes me feel good to see her happy.

But, if they made a rule that team parents couldn't be up in the balcony, I'd be disappointed but I wouldn't pack our bags and leave.

For the most part we don't have crazy parents, or at least I don't see it. A lot of parents come about 30 minutes early for pick up, but the conversations are generally around carpools, community events, or school choices. Typical parent stuff that's independent of gymnastics. Well, sometimes we share info about really good sales on leos. Because, well, you know.

 

[wandrewsjr]

The comparison to school simply doesn't hold up. First of all, gymnastics is much more dangerous, and parents have the right to know whether we are approaching skills in a safe manner. Second, they're wearing much more extensive clothing at school than at gym. Third, there really is little or no occasion for any physical contact between a teacher and a student at school, whereas in gymnastics the very nature of our job entails lots of close physical contact with the kids.

don't know how kids dress where you live, but go to a public middle or high school here in California, and you will see much more skin than you will at the gym!

 

[iwannacoach]

I love being the center of attention and putting my approach to coaching on display, and I think most coaches enjoy being watched and recognized as the consumate professionals they are. But we don't coach to get daily recognition or requests for autographed 8x10 glossies, we simply want to do the best we can with what little we have in terms of time, space, equipment, and human understanding. None of us are going to have the "golden ticket" in every category, but generally we all try our best to send each child home better off for the time spent with us.

I think the "no parents allowed" idea is an out-growth of this sentiment as parents will be parents 24/7 and feel they need to adress "issues" they see at the gym when they may not be issues at all. As a parent, I know how hard can be to see something you don't understand ans can't embrace. As a coach I know it's a huge distraction from my mission when parents approach me to get "brought up to speed" with what just happened in the gym, or even to just compliment me on a great practice. I like receiving compliments, but they can keep me from doing what you brought your daughter to the gym for, which is my complete and undivided attention.

I have 6-8 child athletes that I care for each day. As a H/C I have another 21 to 24 kids who are being guided in this sport by 3 other coaches that I've trained and supervise. Please imagine our practice has just ended and I have 3 of these 30 needing some attention for whatever reason. Now add in six parents who want to ask questions requiring detailed explanations that require minutes rather than seconds. Finally add in the parent who is so invested in their childs progress that they challenge their child as well as the coach for more progress than is realized by the best in the world. These few parents will always believe their child is being slighted by the staff, and while doing so are taking valuable energy away from every body around them. This is a recipe for personal destruction that has to be recognized as unacceptable.

How do you fix that??? I don't believe for a second that you (parents) should abandon your parental responsibilities, or feel I'm driving a wedge between you, your daughter, and transparency. I may not have the answer to this dilemma, but I would like to suggest that as coaches and parents we could meet in a group setting and find ways to minimize parental need for time with the coach. I'd much rather spend 30 minutes every two weeks to cut down on the frequent taps on the shoulder and phone calls.

As far as watching is concerned, I'd like to have each parent come watch one, and only one practice each month. These could be scheduled in a manner that would have one or two parents observing (in a contained area) practice every day. Exceptions for out of towners would be automatic. This would provide for those concerns about abuse, keep parents up to date on their child's training, and severely limit the potential for destructive parental behavior with the parent or two that can't trust the coaches to coach THEIR child as well as they coach the other children. And please don't ask me to take on the task of "re-programming" these unique parents, as they truely believe they are only doing the right thing for their child. Most of them are so un-aware of their own ignorance and paranoia that there is just no getting through to them.

If you feel this approach limits your role in your child's gymnastics expirience, consider how valuable you can be at home as a parent to your gymnast child as well as any siblings in the family. My feeling is that a healthy gymnastics experience starts at the home with a parent who is not stressed-out over a bad practice and is able to listen to their child who is, with an objective but compassionate ear. Your expertise in this area is vital to your child's gymnastics experience, and it should be your child's gymnastics experience, and their's alone. I've enjoyed being a part of this type of parent, child, coach combination, and I must say it's rewarding for all involved to see these children grow into adults a little each day as they advocate for, and represent themselves.

 

[ZZMom]

This is a sensitive topic with me. My older daughter was emotionally mistreated by a coach at a gym that had a "no parents watching" policy. She was a level 10 at the time at a fairly new gym. One day I stopped in to drop something off for her and overheard a very negative comment by her coach to a few of the other girls. Something like "no balking or you'll end up working out by yourself like her." I noticed that my daughter was working a different event than the rest of the group. Hmmm... I asked her what was going on when she got home and she started crying and told me that the coach didn't let her work out with the rest of her group any more because she had developed a specific fear of a skill on beam.

I scheduled a meeting with the gym owner and coach and was told that E was "just stubborn" and was choosing to not do the skill. That was her last day at that gym. After talking to my daughter more, I learned that the coach had established an environment with the kids that nothing that happened in the gym was any of the parents business, etc., etc.

So, I have to say that I would have to have a very high level of trust with a gym before I would allow my younger daughter to be in a "no parent watching" environment. T

The gym ZZ goes to has a very positive feeling at all levels and I think they have a one week a month policy. This seems like a good compromise to me.

Best wishes,

ZZMom

 

[Krystan]

I admit that I do like getting to see the last 10 minutes or so of Pickle's practice on occaission. Mostly it's because writing that monthly check gets tiring and I like to be reminded of why I'm doing it by seeing her smiling/ rapt/ intense face while she's working at/ struggling with/ finally getting a skill.

It honestly has nothing to do with fears about how she's being coached or what's going on. It just makes me feel good to see her happy.

I agree with this! I have lived through so many years of my dd's anxiety issues, mutism, refusing to do any activities, etc, that I am still in awe when I see her at the gym. Seeing her work hard at something, smiling and joking with the coaches, and just enjoying herself is still so amazing to me that I love to watch. I'm only there maybe 1 out of 13 hours per week, but she definitely wants me to stay more. I have only stayed more when there were specific issues going on, mostly related to fear and anxiety where I really needed to intervene (ie. crying before practice, wanting to quit over 1 skill, etc). For this, I do like having the option. Usually though, I try to stay out of it as much as possible. I only watch because her smile makes me smile!

 

[Wanona]

Hi, I’m the original poster. Wow! Who know this was such a passionate topic with a lot of great points being made on both sides of the issue.

Just to clarify, when I wrote that team parents weren’t allowed in the gym during practice, I was referring to the facility, not the actual gym floor. At this gym team parents are expected to drop their child off and to leave.

Not being ALLOWED to watch during practice is a “deal breakerâ€￾ for me. We trust the coaches, or we wouldn’t be at this gym, but we don’t stop being her parents when she enters the gym and we don’t hand over our daughter’s wellbeing to anyone without question.
I agree that we need to teach our children how to recognize and speak out against emotional, physical, and sexual abuse that can occur in youth sports (or anywhere, for that matter). And we need to help them understand the difference between abuse and constructive criticism.

My daughter is still in the rec program and I really enjoy watching her; since she’s just 6 she enjoys having me there. Fortunately, we live in an area where there are other choices in gyms. So when/if the time comes when she begins to compete we have other options.

 

[Kiwi]

What ZZMom said is the exact reason why we need to be able to watch. Coaches may want the best for their gymnasts, but sometimes some coaches choose methods that are more harmful than helpful, for example, trying to motivate through fear or humiliation. I've seen it myself, and read about it here many times. Young children may feel really bad, but not realise that they are being treated wrongly, and they may not be able to verbalise the problem. Because of this, I don't think I could ever just blindly trust.

 

[Granny Smith]

I still stand by my word in an earlier post, no viewing is a deal breaker! That is the beautiful of some many different gyms, if a rule applies that I, as the parent, do not like, I can take my child and my money elsewhere. If I am going to pay, the basic rules of the gym will fit my needs as a parent - it's nothing personal.

I am a parent of a high level gymnast and I've seen my share of bad spills and I just stand there, sometimes I don't even flinch, not because I'm cold hearted , but because I know my child's reaction can be based on my reaction, so I show no reaction. I've seen her do a BHS-BLO on beam and the only thing that hits the beam on the landing of her BLO is her crotch. It's not pretty and I know it hurts like h*ll! I just stand there cold faced. I get what dunno is saying about parents watching high level gymnasts, many of moms (mostly) do freak out and gasp and make a scene, it really doesn't help the situation. Those parents need to learn to control their emotions cause bad spills happen all the time, not necessarily to your child, but they do happen in the gym.

Also my child has been "talked to" many times, especially when she was younger about looking up in the observation area. It wasn't like I was signing corrections to her or anything. Sometimes I'd give her a thumbs up if she did something well, many times I'd look away. Quite honestly, it's not my problem she looks up in the observation area, it's hers. She needed to get over doing it. She needed to learn to block out the external factors, it wasn't like I wasn't going to go to meets. She needed to learn to tune me out. If she got caught looking up, she would get yelled at by the coach - live and learn. She really doesn't look up anymore, she does her thing and I'll either watch, if I'm there or I'll be talking to my friends!

I now basically get there the last 30-40 minutes of practice and it is so boring! They are usually conditioning lately, but I do stay and watch practice on Saturday (if I don't go out to lunch with my gym mom friends!) I always say if I'm going to complain about something, I will be an informed complainer! I reserve my complaints for only safety issues. In our 12 years of being at the same gym, I have only initiated a complaint on 2 occasions. I don't think thats too bad!

Oh and no obversation and injury do not go hand & hand, at least in my experience. Injury and being able to observe don't go hand in hand, but at least if I am watching I can make sure that what she is limited to doing is all she is actually doing and not more! This was one of my complaints one time and the funny thing was when I was present was when she did what she was supposed to do and when I just showed up, out of the blue, and saw she was doing things she wasn't supposed to be doing then I flipped. Coaches don't want you to stay and watch, but when I show up and she's doing things the coaches were clearly told she was not supposed to be doing - well, sorry that makes me want to stay there and watch them like a hawk! That was a live and learn moment for me...

 

[MaryA]

I think, before you switch gyms over it, you should check with the HC and any team parents you might come accross what exactly the "no viewing" policy means. Our gym has a "no viewing" policy, but generally parents come a few minutes before the end of practice and are in the viewing room watching. Also, we are allowed to watch Open Gym, and while it's not structured, we're still seeing the girls interacting with their coaches. There is also a once a month (though not during meet season) private lesson where parents are basically required to watch, be out on the floor, videotape, etc. And when I have been in the gym for one reason or another (doing fundraising stuff or whatever) and have sat in the viewing room to watch, nobody has ever told me to leave. If you are happy with the gym but really uncomfortable with the "no viewing" policy, talk to the head coach. You may find that there is more wiggle room in the policy than you think, and that the coach may be fine with you watching up until you feel comfortable enough to not watch. I definitely do not feel like our "no viewing" policy means that everything that happens in the gym is happening behind some cloak of secrecy or anything.

 

[Gymmonkeymomma]

This is a sensitive topic with me. My older daughter was emotionally mistreated by a coach at a gym that had a "no parents watching" policy.

Precisely why I would not accept a "no viewing ever" policy. My oldest (and others at L7-8) was subject to verbal/emotional abuse from a coach, and other coaches being just generally non-supportive. My little DD was bullied as a 9 and 10 year old, by a 15 yr old teammate. This teammate also bullied other girls. Coaches were not handling the situation appropriately, and the girls were not supposed to "talk about gym at home".... that's totally unacceptable in my book!

 

[taylortumbles]

This is a VERY interesting topic to me. I owned a gym (cheerleading and tumbling) for several years and I had a 'No Watch' policy, but we did have Parent Watch Nights once a month. We switched locations and had a viewing window at our last location, and when the economy tanked I was forced to close as our area in particular was hit very hard. I subcontract now teaching for a company and we have a 'No Watch' policy but the door to the parent waiting area is open so the helicopter moms can fight over who is going to sit in the doorway to watch class like a vulture scanning for prey.

My daughter attends gymnastics at a gym and there is Parent Viewing area (bleachers on one wall of the gym). I do stay and watch because it is a commute there and back. Most times I'm reading a book, but I occasionally look up when it is my daughter's turn. I will say that my 'Parent side' enjoys having the freedom to have the opportunity of the Parent Viewing Area, but my 'Coach side' hates it because of the 'crazy parents'. Now the parents who sit quietly do not bother me, it's the others that yell things out or nitpick at every last thing that happened in practice.

 

[Galadriel]

like granny smith i watch perhaps less than her. i have been there for donkeys years and if i pick her up (don't usually coz either cycles or has a lift) i watch and sometimes see her last 10- 15 mins sometimes too busy chatting!
open policy though.
usually moms of little kids or new kids stay. x

Sent from my GT-I9100 using Tapatalk

 

[Maitland]

We were at a gym that did not allow parents to watch (last 10 minutes I think was OK.) I never liked it, but my daughter loved gymnastics and her team mates, so we stayed. Big mistake. I won't go in to details because I would be writing a novel, but suffice it to say that the abuse was physical and mental from some very immature coaches who probably needed some guidance and to grow up themselves. When we finally switched gyms, there was an open policy and some very nice seating areas. I stayed often...first out of paranoia, then out of the social enjoyment. There were some very crazy gym moms and they tended to really hurt the program. So I can understand why owners are sometimes against parents staying. In the end, the protection of children should trump the nasty parents. I always say, "why punish everyone for a few nut jobs?" Now I totally trust her coach...I have watched enough practices to know she is in good hands and I know I can drop in whenever I want.