Parents No parents allowed

[Wanona]

Hi. Our daughter is currently in recreational gymnastics, but is in the advanced class, with an eye towards competitive gymnastics. I just read on our gym’s website under team rules that parents of kids on the team are not allowed in the gym during training. I was wondering if this is a common practice. If so, how do you monitor the clubs coaching style to make sure it’s a good match for your child (and/or is not abusive)?

 

[Kiwi]

That's a very good question. There is also a difference between 'not allowed in the gym' and 'not allowed to watch'. At our gym the rec classes are in a small gym, and the parents are not allowed inside (it is really too small to fit them in), but there is a viewing room and big windows so you can watch. In the bigger gym where the competitive gymnasts train, there is a corner area with seating where the parents are allowed. Not being allowed to watch at all would bother me.

 

[Geoffrey Taucer]

I would see that as a major red flag. It doesn't necessarily mean their coaching practices are abusive, per se, but in principal you have a right to know what your kid is doing and how they're being treated during practice. I don't recommend making constant use of that right, but you should have that right nonetheless. I would be extremely distrustful of any such program.

 

[Faith]

I happen to agree, parents should not be allowed in the gym during training. It's disruptive, at best, too many patents try to coach from the sidelines, and at worst it's dangerous. Few parents will have been in a gym, and loose parents are a liability, stepping in front of gymnasts etc.

However, as nicki says, that's different to not being allowed to watch. Either from a viewing area, or if they don't have one, occassional pre-arranged training sessions where parents can watch.

I don't think not being able to watch at all is necessarily a red flag to me. But my dd started at pre-school level, where parents must accompany the child, so i was happy with the general feel and ethos of the gym. Our gym, for example, is tiny, and the beams are set up right in front of the viewing window. There are parents who try and attract gymnasts attention, or take photo's, or knock on the windows, so I understand why they keep the curtain pulled, especially for higher level gymnasts. You can get a good feel for a gym by watching the coaches and gymnasts interactions, and whether your gymnast is having fun, keen to go in and last to come out! You can probably tell alot by observing the crazy gym parents in the waiting area too!

 

[sally]

My dd's gym no viewing until last week of the month we can stay and watch. I like that because you can monitor what is going on.

 

[MaryA]

We went from a gym where we were allowed to watch to one where we're not. There is a viewing area, but it's mostly intended for the rec parents. That said, if I was getting any vibes from my daughter that she wasn't happy, you can better believe I'd be there. I'm fundraising chair, so there are times when I'm at the gym sorting a candy order or whatever and I catch a bit of practice, and when I do get a chance to watch, I am always impressed with what I see, so I don't worry about it. I do still miss watching though.

 

[kimskids]

It would personally bother me if I could never watch. My daughter is one who normally does not talk about what goes on at gym and it's nice that I can stay for a bit after dropping her off or arrive a little early to pick her up and watch. Both my former gym and current have a viewing area behind glass in the lobby which is mostly rec parents watching.

 

[Granny Smith]

My dd would never attend a gym where I could not view whenever I wanted, period. My dd is now 15 and an upper level and still hold true to this statement. If her current gym were to change their rules, I would pack up and take her somewhere else, where viewing at any time is acceptable. This is a deal breaker for me.

 

[skschlag]

I am not sure I would attend a gym that didn't allow me to watch. I understand the "not being in the gym" but the not watching to me is a problem. Our gym has glass separating the viewing areas from the gym, so we can't hear or talk to the gymnasts. I enjoy watching all the kids, and live far enough away that I do sit and work, read, etc during the gym time. Not every day (sometimes I like to walk), but we do hang out. Now, we are not negative in the lobby, in fact, we rarely talk gym! It is more like social hour. ANd we can find new parents taht are just starting and introduce ourselves so they don't feel quite so new.

 

[gymgal]

I would want to get clarification on the policy before making any decisions. It's too vague. As others have questioned - does it mean no viewing at all or just just no parents in the actual gym area?

We have a lobby where we are able to watch through windows but team parents are encouraged to view only at certain times, allowing enough space for the rec parents.

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[GymBee97]

most gyms I know have a similar viewing policy but can be in the gym waiting area so long as they aren't viewing. The one's I have experienced allow usuallyl the first 15 - 20 min and the last 15- 20 min to view but want the kids focused on their training and not constantly looking to see if mom/dad is there watching or the Crazy Gym Parent that is yelling out to their kid coaching from the sidelines (usually the reason a rule like this is put in place in the first place). Our new gym does allow the viewing but they have that glass in the viewing area where the parents can see out but gymnasts only see a mirror on the other side.

 

[Gymmonkeymomma]

I don't necessarily "need" to watch but I would not accept not being ALLOWED to watch.

DD's old gym banned team parents from the viewing area, the kids were told "what goes on in the gym stats in the gym". To me that's BS! We has every right to know what goes on as long as we are not disruptive. There was alot of drama amongst the team kids and coaches that they didn't want parents involved in, and a major reason why we ended up leaving.

 

[wallinbl]

I get the concern over interference, but DD is an 8 year old girl. I don't watch all the time, but wouldn't go anywhere that banned it. You telling me that you're taking my daughter behind closed doors for a while and you need some secrecy would be concerning. If parents get out of line, set them straight, end of story.

 

[lhmom]

I get the concern over interference, but DD is an 8 year old girl. I don't watch all the time, but wouldn't go anywhere that banned it. You telling me that you're taking my daughter behind closed doors for a while and you need some secrecy would be concerning. If parents get out of line, set them straight, end of story.

Same here. DD started team when she was 6. There was no way I would've left her at a gym that didn't allow parents to watch, nor do I think she would've continued on the team. At that time, she was the youngest and very shy. I would stay at the beginning just so she'd feel more comfortable. Hope you get some more clarification.

 

[Quadqueen]

I agree with everyone here about gyms which ban parents from watching. What are they trying to hide? If there are problem parents, they should address those parents directly. I would have a problem if DD's gym said parents couldn't watch. We are paying customers, and we deserve to see what's going on when we want to.

 

[Empowered]

Gonna chime in here, but with the same sentiment as most... What is it you don't want me to see if I am forbidden to watch? I have heard the argument of we don't want parents interfering, it's a distraction, etc... But in this sport we are paying A LOT of money for training. And we are intrusting our girls to coaches to teach them tricks that eventually get downright dangerous.

If a gym isn't comfortable with me watching the process of my child learning the tricks, I don't want them teaching my child the the tricks in the first place.

 

[Gymdaddio]

I personally love this rule. First two years of competitive gymnastics, I and other parents watched practice. Learned everything about gymnastics from Crazy Gym Parents. The girls need more hands on coaching. They should be doing this before that. This other gym does this and it's so much better. My daughter doesn't get enough attention. So and so is their favorite.

The gym was ready to kick the whole team out, due to the headaches caused by some parents. I haven't watched practice in a year. Daughter gives me all the scoop, good and bad. I one hundred percent trust her coach. I am not a gymnast and this is not my life.

Now, if I thought there was a problem, I would go and watch. Despite anyone's rules. Until then, I'll get my knowledge from CB.

 

[Deleted member D3987]

this issue always fascinates me. and all this discussion about something called observation never took place years ago. is it sexual abuse? is it abuse in general?? is it the anxiety of gymnastics in general??? you want to be there to micromanage in the event that your child becomes injured???? or upset?????

Empowered, if you were always allowed to be "watching the process of your(my) child learning gymnastics" would you know or recognize the difference of what was being taught as correct or incorrect? and the truth is that coaches DO NOT want parents, or especially grandparents observing the early learning stages of ANYTHING level 8 and beyond. why? because it might scare the crap out of someone and could cause an observer to scream out during a practice and freak out the other kids. this is the reality and truth of what your all talking about. isn't anyone concerned about the safety distraction of kids other than their own?

and why is it always asked "what are they trying to hide"? honestly folks, ya think something bad is going on behind closed doors? things have certainly changed in the last 30 years, but my experience has shown me that most people/parents/new parents are more irrational than ever.

children have been attending school for over 2 centuries. you pay a lot of money for that also. does this entitle everyone to sit in their child's classroom to observe and evaluate all that you are talking about here? and when your kid gets drivers education...do you jump in the car with the instructor??

what i think is important is that you educate your kids to all things evil. even when it's painful to explain some of the things that go on in life and that bad people can be out to get them. you have to let the kids find their own space and the privacy that goes with it. it's called self determination and learning the basic tools of self responsibility.

the fact is, most kids in sports do not want their parents around for anything but support. they want their space, their privacy/friends and an endeavor that they can call their own. an endeavor that is not controlled or manipulated or interfered with by a parent. i understand that this is difficult for most parents to wrap their brains around.

finally, the gym is the last place you have to worry about. and are their bad people that coach in gyms? there are, and have been in the past. but are the statistics relative to evil higher in the gyms than in normal life? the answer is no. so let's keep a perspective on all this discussion about observation. keep it logical as it relates to society as a whole and rational when you are told by the club owner or coach that tonight...or the next few days...there is no observation taking place currently do to some of the issues taking place preparing kids for competitions. this is common as a nostril.

and what about all the posts that you all post up in regard to the observation areas and that they are the devil's den. things that are said about your own kids as well as other parents kids by other parents that are either stupid or have no filter? "be careful what you wish for" is what comes to mind at the moment.

 

[Krystan]

Now, if I thought there was a problem, I would go and watch. Despite anyone's rules.

That, I think, is the issue. I get why some teams don't want parents watching all the time. We've had coaches tell specific parents that they thought the watching was adding to anxiety issues. I also get that it's not super-good for the parents to watch every practice all the time and that the atmosphere can sometimes be detrimental. I also think the glass separating is good - parents should no be allowed to interact at all with the athletes during practice. I would understand a recommendation that team parents don't watch regularly. BUT... to not be ALLOWED to watch at ALL. To me that's a bit of a red flag, for reasons others have described. The only time our gym does that is the weeks leading up to the annual "recital" because they want the parents to be surprised.

 

[Quadqueen]

sorry, Dunno, I think you're off the mark. You're painting us all as crazy gym parents, but I don't think it's unreasonable to expect to be able to watch when we want to. We are not coaching from the sidelines, yelling, etc. And your example about whether or not we go into our kids' classrooms at school? My kids teachers welcome and invite parents in any time they want to come in. And I would be annoyed and would question it if they said parents were never allowed in.