Parents Parental mixed emotions

[SurpriseGymMom]

I agree with all the others, of course you have every right to be proud of her!!
I put much less stock in placement and scores than I do personal goals. You nailed your BHS on beam? Awesome, proud of you! Made all your routines? Excellent, proud of you! Feel like you worked on the corrections your coach gave you? Fantastic, proud of you!
My gymmie is more often than not last or very close to it. It's ok. She knows the stuff she needs to work on and when she chooses not to do those things (tighten up, point toes etc) then her scores suffer. She is still a pretty amazing gymnast and she still has the skill set to make it to L7, even if she finishes last because of being tenth-ed to death.
Of course it's also OK to feel sad or disappointed if they are not doing well. If they fall or mess up. It's hard for us parents to watch and know they might be disappointed with themselves.... Being supportive and encouraging no matter what is our job.
Our coaches are VERY clear that our role as parents are NOT to criticize their performances or nitpick their routines or whatever. The coaches will help them with that. And, most of the time, they're hard enough on themselves. What they need from us is support and cheerleading!

 

[duyetanh]

I can honestly say I have never been disappointed in one of my daughter's meet performances ever....but has my heart ached for her when I watched her struggle, fall, and fail?
Oh hell yes.
But disappointed isn't the word I would use personally....I can't even walk a straight line sober, so I am constantly in awe of what my daughter does in the first place. Gymnasts put it all on the line for such short periods of time in front of so many people....talk about guts.

 

[duyetanh]

Eta: of course you should be proud! Think of the milestones she has faced to get where she is! And my girl was dfl in one event all season last season and at some meets in every event last season. Couldn't be prouder...she is a fighter, and it is making her tough beyond what I thought possible. I for one would be celebrating that she pulled it off and qualified.

 

[duyetanh]

ETA yet again...I guess I could be disappointed for her...I was thinking about this CGM at my dd's gym who keeps saying how disappointed she is IN her daughter...big difference.

 

[B.Gold]

This last weekend my older dd's skate team came in last, out of 15 teams, dead last, and we celebrated!! Because they finally broke 140 points. Its been a rough season.
Scores and placement are announced on the ice immediately after the program is complete and there are always crickets in the stands after our team's scores are announced. The silence in the stands is the pity of the other teams.

It's been an interesting season, but I NEVER thought I'd be so proud of a skate that came in last. My dd has gained way more, in terms of character and Grit, this season than any other.

Congrats to your dd. From all your humble writings here it's clear your dd has talents, that will carry her though life, that far surpass, and are way more important than fleeting gymnastic talent. You should be soooo proud!!

 

[Musicmama]

ETA yet again...I guess I could be disappointed for her...I was thinking about this CGM at my dd's gym who keeps saying how disappointed she is IN her daughter...big difference.

Yes, I agree with this. Being disappointed for is definitely a different thing than being disappointed in.

 

[Ali'sMom]

Definitely okay to be proud!!!
At our mock meet my DD came in dead last. BUT, she attempted her beam skills and even stayed on. I was beaming from ear to ear just having her attempt them. Even better that she stuck them.
I was SO proud.

 

[mommyof1]

Of course you should be proud! Your daughter has managed to make it to optionals in a very short period of time, at an age when most kids would be discouraged from taking the path she has chosen, and qualified for states at her first meet. If that's not success, I don't know what is.

If you feel like the other parents and coaches expect you to be disappointed in your daughter, this is your chance to serve as an example to them. Go ahead and express your pride openly! "I'm just so proud of her because she has worked so hard to get here, she qualified for states on her first try, her floor routine looked beautiful, and I've never seen her bars look cleaner." If you really want to get into a discussion of the downsides, frame it in terms of her goals for the next meet. Then compliment the other parents' daughters on what you saw them do well. Bonus points if the compliment is for attitude or sportsmanship.

Honestly, the parents of the bottom half of my daughter's L3 team and the repeaters (who were the bottom half of last year's L3 team but are now cleaning up at awards) are much more pleasant than the parents of the more successful first-years. The parents of the pluggers talk about their daughters' personal goals (competing bars, being allowed to do ROBHS in competition, qualifying for states) and successes (looking confident on beam for the first time) and support each other's kids at meets. The parents of the repeaters are mostly just laid-back; they've been through all of this before. On the other hand, the mom of the best first-year L3 loudly and repeatedly proclaimed that her daughter did a terrible job on floor at the last meet because her legs came apart a teensy bit on her ROBHS even though her routine was beautiful and scored very high, and another time I overheard her lament that her very graceful daughter is "just not graceful."

 

[balancedmom]

Have been in your shoes and have been SO proud while disappointed for my daughter since I know how tough it is for her to fall on a skill or to not be as competitive as she would like. I think we should be completely proud of these kids who struggle, but work hard and put their hearts and all their time into the gym! It doesn't come easy to all of them.

 

[OzZee]

Mommyof1 so hate those who screech about how bad there kid is doing when clearly they are looking good!!

But on the original post yes I have been disappointed in one of my kids performances at one meet. Not on her results but her lackluster performance. No idea if she wasn't awake yet (first session) or what but it was not worth the travel or money. (Seriously think of the worst your kids ever done in training when tired or something and double it)
Though I do admit I laughed as it was comically bad.

But if they put in the effort then who cares where they came they deserve a well done hug and kiss.

 

[z2akids]

I have never been disappointed in my child, but certainly disappointed for her. Every season it seems like there is a skill that is not 100% consistent and it tears at my heart when she fights so hard for a skill and it still eludes her I competition because I know how she will keep replayin it for herself.

Before her session, I always te her to have fun and afterwards I always ask if she had fun, how much I enjoy watching her and ask if she had fun. If she wants to discuss anything further, I will follow her lead.

 

[CTMOM]

My older DD just started competing level 3 this year. There were only 4 girls in her age group at her first meet. She came in 4th (last) for each event and I couldn't have felt more proud! She remembered her routines and had a blast! She was grinning ear to ear on the podium. It was a great day!

 

[gymratmom]

I could have written this post! My dd had her worst meet ever score wise this past weekend. So many things to be proud of. The fact that she really went for it on her handstand on bars, so much so that she fell the other direction! Was bummed when she split the beam, but so proud when she hopped back up and finished like a champ. And the pity from other parents, I swear they were avoiding us after the meet!
If I am totally honest? I do have to work on not being disappointed at meets. My dd was bottom of the pack last season and last place for the first meet this season. As much time and work, (and yes money) that goes into this sport I can't help it, I would love to see her win every once in a while. I am not proud to admit that and I would never let her know I feel that way, but it is what it is.
But I recognize these feelings and rather than let it turn me into CGM, I set my own personal goals for my own feelings and expectations. My ultimate goal is to be totally Zen Gym Mom! I have a ways to go but I am working on it! I celebrate her reaching her own goals, I am so, so proud of the character and integrity I see her developing because of this sport. I am amazed by the hard work and determination she puts in. I remind myself that this is HER sport not mine and it is a marathon with different finish lines for every gymnast. As she as grow as a gymnast, I have grown as a gym Mom! Definitely a whole different experience since her first compulsory season

A very long post to say I totally understand how you are feeling MIL! Enjoy her season and here's hoping for onward AND upward!

 

[gymratmom]

And I agree, disappointed IN is different than for. I would be disappointed in my child if she obviously made no effort or showed poor sportsmanship. Thankfully I haven't experienced that yet.

 

[B.Gold]

...My ultimate goal is to be totally Zen Gym Mom! I have a ways to go but I am working on it!....

Tzgm.... Love it!!

I challenge someone to use this acronym in their next post....

 

[GymmieC]

Is it ok feel proud of your DD when they come in last place? I feel like the other parents were pitying me and like I should have been mad or sad or something. The HC even said he wasn't going to ride them too hard last night because the parents would do it. What?! Why?

Is it ok to feel proud of them yet still feel disappointment at certain things? I feel like I am in a very awkward place with my DD. I am so proud of her attitude and her spirit. No matter how many people tell her she isn't good enough and she doesn't belong, she just keeps on trucking. She never gives less than 100%. She is continuously improving as a gymnast too. And yet she still comes in last place. Her coach is still disappointed in her, and in some way she is still disappointed in herself.

She competed her first JO meet, her first optional meet, yesterday. Yup, she came in last place. But you know what's weird? Her score was exactly the same as her first meet last year as an xcel gold. She had her best vault score ever. I thought that her floor looked beautiful (other than missing one skill that docked her SV and tanked her score). Heck I thought her bars were the cleanest I have ever seen her compete them, even though she scored the lowest score she ever has on any event (she had a 9.0 SV). I'm disappointed that she balked on floor, a little.. I know I shouldn't be, but there it is. I wish she hadn't fallen on beam, but I'm not disappointed. Overall, I think she had a pretty good first meet and she scored higher than I thought she would going into it. But I feel like there are so many expectations on my feelings, by the coach, the other parents, and my DD.

Anyway, that's all I have, I guess. I am proud of her. She is officially a level 6, she qualified for states, and she got out the first meet jitters (I hope). Onward and upward.

And I Love your attitude momma! It's All about perspective. Don't ever let anyone tell you how to feel. I am proud of my child for simply getting our there.

 

[wgagym]

I believe as long as an athlete goes out their and does their best with a good attitude they win. It does matter where they come in placing.

I try to emphasis this with my parents that put to much stock In scoring and placing. That's not what it is about at our gym. It is about competing only against themselves and looking for ways to change or improve their performance from one meet to the next. Did they figure out what they need to work on and make an effort to fix it? Did they put their head down and really work on that skill that they just can't quite stick or that is sit not the best form. Did they try to improve. And most importantly are they having fun? There is no point in putting that much time and effort into something that is all about pressure to win and not something they enjoy doing.

That's what happens when we only focus on placing so yes you should be proud ecd. If she came in last.

 

[dani4]

I know that I would be proud. I am proud of my daughter's accomplishments and she is still nowhere near team. She keeps working and improving. She knows there are kids moving through the classes faster than her, and girls her age on team. But she's determined to get there at her own pace and I love it. When she does get there, as long as she continues with the great work ethic and attitude I will be so proud, no matter what place she gets.

 

[meganliz77]

I love your whole post. And I can so relate. My DD is in her first year of optionals as well (L7) and yesterday at her meet she also placed dead last in her age group. I was still super proud of her. She scored personal best scores on 3 events (even with a fall on beam) and would of on bars too if she wouldn't have had a fall.

This has been a growing year for her, she was a very successful compulsory gymnast. It's been hard for her little 9 year old self to put it all together at a meet. But I'm so proud of her determination, the fact that a rough year placement-wise hasn't gotten her down, and she is still having personal growth each meet, even if she isn't walking away with the amount of medals she is used to. It has truly made me realize how dedicated she is to this sport.

And I just have to add, that while I know some other parents are enjoying her lack of success this year (and some girls too) that I know deep down this is a valuable lesson for my DD. It is equally important to learn that deep belief in yourself, and how to be a gracious loser and a supportive teammate as it is to learn how to be a gracious winner.

I love this whole post AND I love this reply (to which I feel like I could have written myself or will soon be able to write) Thank you all for perspective. To the OP, your daughter's ability to overcome and persevere is inspiring. She is nothing short of successful. She is the type of kid I want my DD to look up to. I agree with others that I have heartfelt admiration for the girls that give it their all, every practice and every meet. That doesn't always correlate to medals or placement.... And that's okay.... This sport is so individual and success is completely relative! Sounds like your DD had a pretty darn good first meet and i hope the rest of her season goes well!!!

 

[Eagleperson]

The original post, and this whole thread, really resonates with me. This is my daughter's third competitive season and the first season and this season she is generally dead last or second to last all around at every meet. I doubt she will qualify to State. It is tough. The saving grace is that she has placed twice this season on beam and her scores are slowly going up each meet.

She was told pretty explicitly she will be repeating her level next year and that was a hard blow though she took it better than I thought she would.

She struggles but she works hard. She says that it's not about winning for her and I respect her so much for that (she's 11 yo). But, man! winning, or at least being in the running, makes things emotionally easier in so many ways.

I am proud of her no matter what but I think complicated feelings (for parents and for athletes) come with the territory. Thanks for sharing!