Terrible coaching or not?

[sbutler]

You just described the situation perfectly. She has done probably 200 or more backwalkovers on the high beam. Was doing great, and then just would not do them anymore. You have great insight and great advice. THANK YOU!

 

[coachmolly]

Wow, don't know how I missed all of this unfolding. But coaches bullying children is something I feel very strongly about because it happened to me and I still feel the aftereffects years later. I strongly believe that gymnastics is not only about learning skills and how to compete, but also lots of valuable life skills. A good coach values their athletes, not only as gymnasts, but also as the children they are and the adults they will go on to become. This type of coaching your DD is experiencing is telling her that it is okay to be belittled, yelled at, ignored, and abused by people of authority. Is that a lesson you want her to carry throughout her life? That's totally different from a coach employing a little tough love to help an athlete through a problem skill or attitude.

 

[mariposa]

Coming in late on this, but yes, I think the situation you described is abusive coaching. I think that when we allow our children to be mistreated and bullied by coaches, we are teaching them that it is okay. Like Dunno said, I think it will carry on to how they let others treat them as well, boyfriends/girlfriends, husbands/wives, friends, etc. I would rather my child NOT do gymnastics than leave her in a situation where the coach was bullying her. I still never understand why parents let their children be treated this way, it boggles my mind every time I hear a story about abusive/bullying type coaching, I just can't imagine leaving my child in the hands of someone who would yell at them, bully them, belittle them, etc. NO sport is worth that. Period.

I hope that your talk had an effect on the coach, but in my experience, coaches that treat kids that way will continue to do that. Sure, people can change, but I think it takes a lot more than a parent complaining for them to change. Sadly, as long as parents continue to allow these coaches to bully/mistreat their kids, it will still go on.

 

[Deleted member D3987]

you know...ironically Mariposa...the two lines at the bottom of your post by Erica Jong and Stacia Tauscher apply here.

 

[gymalex]

so what happened??

 

[Coacharella]

sad. Also coming in late..but yes...did anything happen?

 

[mariposa]

you know...ironically Mariposa...the two lines at the bottom of your post by Erica Jong and Stacia Tauscher apply here.

i love those quotes. they definitely apply many times here. i love quotes. i always look for quotes to post somewhere when i need inspiration, encouragement, a reality check, etc.

 

[lilgymmie7]

Coming in late on this, but yes, I think the situation you described is abusive coaching. I think that when we allow our children to be mistreated and bullied by coaches, we are teaching them that it is okay. Like Dunno said, I think it will carry on to how they let others treat them as well, boyfriends/girlfriends, husbands/wives, friends, etc. I would rather my child NOT do gymnastics than leave her in a situation where the coach was bullying her. I still never understand why parents let their children be treated this way, it boggles my mind every time I hear a story about abusive/bullying type coaching, I just can't imagine leaving my child in the hands of someone who would yell at them, bully them, belittle them, etc. NO sport is worth that. Period.

I hope that your talk had an effect on the coach, but in my experience, coaches that treat kids that way will continue to do that. Sure, people can change, but I think it takes a lot more than a parent complaining for them to change. Sadly, as long as parents continue to allow these coaches to bully/mistreat their kids, it will still go on.

To the OP, I was a Mom who for some time left my own DD with abusive coaches. I heard the, "Oh they only yell at her, treat her like that because they see something in her." These monsters themselves tried selling me so many lines of bull!

I have talked about these people for some time. Part of me says to leave it alone the other says just what Mariposa wrote...People/coaches/teachers like this will probably never change their ways. I think people who believe it is okay to treat a child in this manner were probably treated coldly, poorly themselves as children. A vicious cycle was created. Your DD will surely be part of it herself if she is left in that environment.

I will forever feel incredibly guilty for not getting DD out from where she was. Someone has said to me...my DD didn't experience that...So many girls that were with my DD have the same story to tell. Some strong girls left on their own. My DD was brain washed. When I finally pulled her, it was in the scene you described with your DD. She was on the beam, crying her little eyes out afraid to do a flip flop on beam. I saw this little 11 year old wipping away her tears while her coach yelled at her, "You lazy! You not work hard!" That did it for me. I had kept shut for too long. I stormed on that floor, grabbed my child, looked squarely in the coaches eyes and said something to the effect, "You will never see this child again! How can you treat her this way after all I have done for you!" They consistently told me before this that all she needed was a good spanking.

See, this is exactly why I am very vigilant with DS and little DD. My older one went through hell! She is very shy and VERY reserved. She doesn't trust many people. She was with her abusers for 5 and a half years! What Mariposa describes is so totally true! These little people if treated the way your DD is will grow up to believe that the treatment is normal. They will internalize that that is the way to be.

Get you DD out of there quick! I now have to feel a positive vibe when it comes to where I place my children. DS's coaches are so nurturing and always positive. They understand him, and work to boost him up. Little DD's coaches, man I ALWAYS see them smiling and joking around with the girls. Her floor coach is awesome! I have yet to hear her raise her voice! She is too patient!! DD's HC is so hilarious!! He blares Bonjovi songs and all of the girls sing along! The other day the entire gym broke out and did the Macarena dance. He did it too! Guy is so uninhibited!! DD is smiling from ear to ear when I drop her off and when I pick her up! She doesn't leave the gym before she has hugged ALL of the coaches. That is well worth my drive every day!! You can find a place like that for your DD. We Moms will do what ever it takes for our babies! If I don't abuse my kids, I wil be d..... if I let anyone else abuse them!!


I have said my piece..Go with your gut instinct. The fact that you posted this must mean you have some reservations.

 

[sbutler]

I just thought I would give an update. My daughter did end up leaving. Her last practice was her last straw, she cleaned out her cubbie that they keep their things in, and told me in the car what happened at practice. She told me she did not want to ever see her coaches again and I told her she would never have to. I gave them a letter telling them exactly what I thought which they took out on the rest of the girls on my daughters team the night they got the letter. It has been about five days since she quit and I think she is just fine with leaving. If she is fine so am I!! She is already looking forward to other things she will be great at!!! They never deserved her! Thanks for all the great info and advice!

 

[gymmomntc2e6]

I just thought I would give an update. My daughter did end up leaving. Her last practice was her last straw, she cleaned out her cubbie that they keep their things in, and told me in the car what happened at practice. She told me she did not want to ever see her coaches again and I told her she would never have to. I gave them a letter telling them exactly what I thought which they took out on the rest of the girls on my daughters team the night they got the letter. It has been about five days since she quit and I think she is just fine with leaving. If she is fine so am I!! She is already looking forward to other things she will be great at!!! They never deserved her! Thanks for all the great info and advice!

good for her for sticking up for herself ! I'm glad she is happy & healthy & out of that situation. Hope you will still comenhere & keep us posted on what new things she is trying

 

[bogwoppit]

I just thought I would give an update. My daughter did end up leaving. Her last practice was her last straw, she cleaned out her cubbie that they keep their things in, and told me in the car what happened at practice. She told me she did not want to ever see her coaches again and I told her she would never have to. I gave them a letter telling them exactly what I thought which they took out on the rest of the girls on my daughters team the night they got the letter. It has been about five days since she quit and I think she is just fine with leaving. If she is fine so am I!! She is already looking forward to other things she will be great at!!! They never deserved her! Thanks for all the great info and advice!

SO glad she was able to advocate for herself and that you told the gym what you thought. Their reaction just confirms why she had to leave.

Let us know what she finds to fill her spare time!

 

[Deleted member D3987]

the kids will see the light long before anyone else. because they lack communication skills it behooves the adults to listen closely. that's all.

 

[gym law mom]

Its sad that the situation was so bad, she had to leave. Glad she is out of there and on to new things!