Parents We lost the best coach ever. How do I help my daughter through this?

[Mom2twingymnasts]

My daugther's coach died in a car accident on Thursday. We just found out last night. My dauther is devastated. She was up most of the night crying and saying she doesn't know what to do with her life. She loves him - we love him!! I don't have to tell this group how strong/important that relationship is. I don't know how to help my daughter through this. I'm not sure what is going to happen with the gym. I'm just so sad.

 

[my4buffaloes]

That has got to be so hard! I am sorry for your loss. Hopefully the gym will bring in some counselors and they can talk through it together as a team.

 

[munchkin3]

I am so sorry! That is beyond awful!!!
my prayers are with his family, and his gym family!
if the gym does not get counseling, then hopefully you can get someone for your daughter.

 

[Canadian_gym_mom]

How terrible. I am so sorry for your loss. How old is your dd? One thing to remember is that every child will deal with the grieving process in her own way. Allowing her to attend the funeral (if she asks to), really listening to her talk about how this makes her feel and encouraging her to express her feelings, either by journaling, drawing, speaking, singing, etc., can help in this process.

Talk things over with other parents and coaches at the gym to find ways to help everyone through this trying and emotional time. Again, I am so sorry you are dealing with this, and hopefully your gym family will all pull together at this time and be supportive for everyone.

 

[gymmomof1]

So sorry to hear that and I will keep you all in my prayers. Counseling sounds like a good idea in this situation. We are here for you.

 

[GymBee97]

OMG that is AWFUL!! I don't know what we would do either. A counselor would definitely be helpful for you and your DD. It's going to be a rough road but like all things time will help ease the pain. be open to her and listen to her so you can help her through the grieving process. So sorry you guys have to go through this.

 

[profmom]

I am so sorry for your whole family, especially your daughter. She's eleven or thereabouts, right? At that age, death is real for her. Is this the first time she's experienced the death of someone close to her?

Don't just allow her to go to the funeral. Encourage her to go. It will help her to share her loss with others. Another thing you might encourage her to do is to write a letter to her coach's surviving family -- partner, parents, whatever -- about how important he was in her life and what she learned from him. This will be beyond value for people in his life who knew he was a coach but didn't really fully understand what that meant, and it will help your daughter to process the loss.

In the Jewish tradition, when someone dies, we say "may her/his memory be a blessing." The loss you describe is so sudden and shocking and tragic that I know you're not there yet. But assure your daughter and yourself that someday you will be, and so much of the good he did during his life will live on in your daughter and the others he coached.

All good thoughts for you at this difficult and sad time.

 

[MaryA]

How awful. I am so sorry for your loss. Maybe a grief counselor would be able to suggest an activity, or series of activities, that the gymnast can do together to commemorate the coach. Plan a fundraiser to start a scholarship in his name, plant a tree, whatever, to give the kids and families a positive outlet for their grief? Mt heart is breaking for you and your DD.

 

[OwlGalLiz]

My heart is breaking for her, your family, the coaches family and all who obviously loved him. I don't have any advice but to say it is a tough grieving process. Thoughts and prayers to all who loved such a wonderful coach.

 

[Fliptwisttumble]

That is awful. I don't have more to add that others haven't said, but want to say that I am so sorry for all of you losses.

 

[txgymfan]

I am so very sorry for your and your dd's loss. At about that age I lost a few people I was close to and I still remember vividly. She will never forget but with the suggestions above she will have a roadmap to deal with grief in the future. Sending love and support to you and your daughter.

 

[gymboymom]

I'm so sorry. Wow, how aweful. I would also suggest going to the furneral together. I think a grief counselor to talk to the whole team would be very helpful. When I was in my early twenties a little girl I was very close to (who was 5 or 6) died unexpectedly. It was very hard to deal with. I will be thinking of you both and the other girls who I am sure will also have a hard time.

 

[GYM0M]

My condolences for you, your DD, his family, and your cheer family.

 

[Deleted member 14190]

Who did we just lose? What region are you in? Terrible news,,, I would agree with many that a professional is needed for this. From parent to child,,, just hugs and time will eventually heal over fresh wounds.... And get her back in the gym....
I am worried that this may be someone I know, can you pleas PM me?

 

[bogwoppit]

THat is just so terribly sad. Loss and violent death are very difficult for adults to understand, let alone children. This person was a role model and a trusted adult, that lost will be huge to many kids. Maybe bringing a grief counsellor in to talk to the gym girls and families would be a very good thing. Also you could help your little one draw a picture and write a good bye letter to the coach to help her go through what she is feeling. Tears are good and normal.

 

[skschlag]

This is so very sad. And such a hard thing for young children to have to deal with. maybe the team can go together to the funeral? I know we did that when one of my basketball teammates died in high school. IT allowed us to support one another during the difficult times. I will be thinking of all involved and sending lots of love.

 

[GymBeeMom]

Blessings to your family and gym family during such a sad time.

 

[Seeker]

I'm so sorry...it is very difficult to lose anyone, but a coach-athlete relationship is so special, this will be especially hard. Go to the funeral, cry, grieve with teammates. It will be hard no matter what, but it is a process that you just have to go through. I'm very sorry.

 

[JMACAZ]

Thoughts and prayers fro his surviving family and your gym family. How very sad and tragic.

 

[kitkat]

So sorry for your loss. Thoughts and prayers are with you all during this time.