Parents What would you do?

[Flippers Mom]

I could sure use your input on a situation that has been developing at Flippers new gym. The Flip trains with the top group of gymnasts. They have been wonderful to her and welcomed her from the beginning. Here's the problem. A couple of the big girls at the gym are having a Christmas party. They invited all the big girls and Flipper - none of the other little girls. I asked her why the other girls weren't invited. "They don't like any of the other girls." Ugh. These are nice girls and have been great role models for Flipper, but I am uncomfortable with her being the only kid at a high school party - and I am uncomfortable with them singling her out as the only one they "like". What would you do? How do you explain why this is wrong to a 10-year-old?

 

[MdGymMom01]

Wow--tough situation. What I would do is politely decline the party invitation. My dd is 10 and I would do the same. This singling out puts your dd in the "middle" of the older girls and the younger kids--not a nice or comfortable place to be in IMHO. To explain it to your dd, just ask her how she would feel if she was the one not invited and one of her friends was invited but not the others. Just let her know that a HS party is no place for a 10 year old--period. Maybe have a get together with the younger kids and bond with them.

 

[bogwoppit]

It is easy to explain to a 10 year old. Just tell her that the other little kids feelings will be hurt and that some parties are best kept for older gilrs. The whole "private" group thing is very ugly and keeping her away from it until she get "the games girls play" is a good thing.

Nice that she has been so welcomed and accepted, I would imagine that she is wise beyond her years and that has helped her fit in with "the big girls".

However that doesn't mean that you want her hanging out with them outside of the gym. Maybe you and Flipper can arrange a party for the young girls to make up for it.

 

[bogwoppit]

Funny how me and MD think alike at exactly the same moment!!!

 

[MdGymMom01]

Funny how me and MD think alike at exactly the same moment!!!

Hahaha!! Great minds think alike!!!

 

[Flippers Mom]

I would imagine that she is wise beyond her years and that has helped her fit in with "the big girls".

I think she also identifies with the older girls well because it was high school team she always worked out with at her old gym.

And you are also both correct about hurting other kids feelings. Flipper has been very careful not to let any of young girls know that she was invited. The only thing that caused me to even consider letting her go was that these are the girls that were welcoming from the beginning of the gym switch. You have pointed out what I knew in my heart - as nice as these girls are, Flipper doesn't belong at their parties outside of the gym (unless, of course, the whole group - including younger girls, are included).

THANKS!

 

[gym monkeys mom]

You are wising in deciding not to let Flipper go her teammates would be hurt she got invited but not them.

This is always a hard situation optionals is always made up of such diverse ages sometimes.

We had a similar situation come up at our gym this year we have 11 optionals. They range in age from 10yrs to 16 yrs and their are 2 sets of sisters. The girls have just come tounderstand some parties are teen girls and or young girls only and some are all girls.

It has become easier as the year progresses they just needed to understand teen girls and tween girls are very different outside the gym sometimes. They each need to be able to be themselves without pressure from the other group.

1 of our coaches is also a mom and she helped greatly explain to team girls how things are sometimes.

I would at 10 not wanted my DD exposed to the kind f things teen girls discuss and do at parties as harmless as it is.

Good choice!

 

[bookworm]

Are the younger girls who were not invited inthis same training group as Flipper? If not, I think it just might be a party of their group and it would be ok for her to go. My daughter was in a similar situation when she was a 9 yo level 9 and the rest of her group was 14+...they would invite her to parties and i always checked with the mom and the girls to see if they really wanted her there and they were always great with her...I have to say , she was with this group for several years as they and she aged up and i never heard a report of any inappropriate discussions in front of my daughter...did they happen? probably, but not in front of my daughter , and she always felt like part of their group, and she was. my daughter still maintained her friends in different levels without any issue.

On the other hand if girls IN the group are being excluded, that's a whole different story and I'd probably be less inclined to allow her to attend.